Epilogue

EPILOGUE

4 YEARS LATER

E llie keeps looking for the little wooden horse, digging through the backpack's pockets with a diligence previously unknown to her. She slides her fingers attentively into every crevice in the fabric, to no avail.

"I really can't find it, Tatiana!" she shouts, hoping that her voice will find its way upstairs.

Shaking her head, she lays the little bag aside. Parenthood has taught her the strangest of lessons, making her see how subjective significance can be. They have been looking for the horse for an hour now, digging through every possible place, every bag, every room, unable to console the cries of their treasured boy. She can hear Elijah cry again, and the shrill sound makes her heart twist. There might be no remedy but to buy a new horse, but neither she nor Tatiana remembered where the thing was from.

She makes her way upstairs, kicking aside some leftover boxes. Even though they moved in over a month ago, unpacking has been dragging on endlessly, overshadowed by the day-to-day affairs of the three. Ever since having Elijah, their already hectic lives went spinning at a speed neither one could have predicted but that both appreciate.

Ellie leans on the doorframe of Elijah's room, looking at Tatiana gently rocking him in her arms, calming down his nerves. Seeing this view never fails to make Ellie feel swelled with love. The little boy's soft head rests against Tatiana's chest, he yawns, tired of crying.

"I think he's more nervous than usual because of the trip," Ellie says, quietly. "He can sense that we're stressed."

She comes closer to where Tatiana is sitting, and carefully begins to stroke Elijah's hair. His little curls feel like a tangle of clouds to her, and as she slowly spreads her fingers into them, the boy smiles sleepily. Tatiana and Ellie look at each other, dark circles surround their love-ridden eyes. They rock on the floor together for a little while, enjoying a moment of quiet on the thick children's carpet.

"I think I know where the horse is," Tatiana says in a whisper, afraid to wake Elijah up.

"Where?"

"Remember when I took him swimming?" She sighs. "I think we must've lost it there."

Ellie nods, content at least to be able to stop searching. They fall back into the bliss of silence, forehead against forehead in a constellation of love. Their boy stirs around some, with the clumsy movements little children make, as if unadjusted yet to the hands they'd been given. Tatiana lays him in his bed, and they tiptoe out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

"You know," Ellie begins, "we should finally unpack all these boxes in the corridor."

They descend the stairs, tired, but still tingling with happiness.

"After Rome," says Tatiana. "We'll take care of it when we're back."

They go to the kitchen and, through the big window in the middle, they can see heavy clouds birth strings of summer rain. The hot ground in touch with the freezing water breathes some steam, causing the scene to look almost apocalyptic. Ellie and Tatiana both tense up, looking at each other, waiting for Elijah to wake up due to the noise. Not hearing anything, they slowly come to relax again. Enveloped in the warmth of their home, they observe the falling rain. Ellie feels ensconced, as if hidden away in a different universe than the cruel, cold outside world. She hopes Tatiana shares the feeling, and as if seeking confirmation, she takes up her hand. Holding her, Ellie knows.

They boil water for some tea, wishing to relax before packing for the long journey that awaits them. Soft silence welcomes them, the steady noise of boiling water rocks their senses gently. Ellie brings Tatiana closer into her arms, feeling the copper hair against her face. They rest in each other's arms, taking in the calm atmosphere the evening unexpectedly graced them with.

Suddenly, the pillow-like silence is cut through by the phone's ringing. They reluctantly pull away from each other, and Tatiana reaches to pick up the call.

"It's Mister Bianchi," she says to Ellie before picking up. "Hi, Mister Bianchi. It's Tatiana Khan speaking, yes."

Ellie listens in to the steady flow of words, words with a distinct Italian rhythm, rustling in between the speaker and Tatiana's ear. She cannot hear what is being said, and is quite content Tatiana chose to speak, for she can feel her own head grow leaden with exhaustion.

"Oh." Tatiana makes circles around the kitchen, the way she always does when talking on the phone. Her legs pick up the pace of the conversation. "Well, that would be very generous of you, of course, of course…"

Ellie sits down, waiting patiently to hear the details. She places her weary head in her hands, free to observe Tatiana's body language, her beloved hands and the little frowning of her face from focus. Since moving in, they have had little time to spend entirely alone, and moments like these allow Ellie to truly let the love for Tatiana spill onto her every thought. The trip to Rome is a tremendous professional opportunity, but she admits to herself that she mainly wants to spend time with Tatiana and their son, for a moment away from the bustling life they lead here, a life for which she nonetheless is grateful every day. Rome awaits them, in all its glorious beauty, and even more so, it awaits to welcome their art to one of its galleries. And once they get to know life in the Italian city, they will move on to savor the land's countryside. They will have all the time in the world, learning to live slowly and in bliss, until finally getting to miss their home, and full of memories, they will make their way back.

Tatiana hangs up, beaming with happiness. Ellie cannot help smiling, seeing her like that.

"Guess what!" she exclaims, then remembering Elijah is sleeping quiets down. "Guess what."

"I won't guess." Ellie shakes her head, knowing she truly would not. "Tell me everything."

"Bianchi is offering to cover all transportation-related costs," she spits out in one breath. "This literally takes away like half of the expenses we were accounting for."

Ellie nods, letting the sentences sink in. The evening seems so dreamy to her that any concrete piece of information takes a long time to appear in her mind as real and tangible.

"That's wonderful," she says, looking at Tatiana.

"Why are you looking at me like this?" Tatiana chuckles, very visibly relieved by the offer.

"I love you," Ellie confesses, simply.

That's all that is left on her mind, in the warm lights of their kitchen, shielded from the storm outside, whispering not to wake their little son up. The unadorned confession is the only thing reverberating around her thoughts, bumping around like a ball being kicked into infinity. Looking into Tatiana's bright eyes, still glimmering even despite the exhaustion, looking at her lips forming a gentle smile, and thinking that this is the person she gets to build a family with—the only thing on her mind is love.

"Oh, you!" Tatiana pulls Ellie up, into her arms. "I love you too, darling."

They share a long and tender kiss, before a clap of thunder erupts and wakes Elijah up.

"I'll get him downstairs to sit with us, what do you think?" Ellie asks.

She climbs the stairs to remedy the sleepy boy's troubles, finding him sitting on the bed and weeping.

"Mommy I'm scared, scared," he keeps mumbling, clutching his blanket in tight fists.

"Oh darling, come here," Ellie takes him up in her arms, feeling the warm forehead rest against her skin. He reaches for the back of her neck, allowing himself to sink into the comfort of his mother's tender arms.

She carries him downstairs, gently stroking his small head, whispering sweet things to make him forget the sudden noise of thunder. Tatiana puts on a calm jazz piece, and the music, akin to a tender lover's lullaby, fills their living room. She comes up to them, and embracing Ellie with Elijah in between, she initiates a slow, loving dance. Moving step by step, rocking a little to the soothing saxophone, they circle the room. They dance his tearfulness away, lulling him to sleep, the music drowns out the simmering sounds of falling rain, and they might keep on dancing so through the entire night.