27. Sylvan

27

SYLVAN

I t was dangerous to be so close to Irving with no one else around to keep us in check, so I was grateful to get out of the apartment and onto the street. The wind had picked up since we first stepped inside, and I could hardly hear his voice over the gusts.

"Should we go to the woods?" I yelled, squinting in the wind. "We'll be more protected from all this."

"Yes, let's," Irving called back.

We jogged into the forest together, and for a second, I almost grabbed his hand. Then I remembered that we were nothing more than friends if even that, and I kept my hand glued to my side.

The trees in the forest were tall and thick enough to block out most of the wind, and once we reached their shelter, we were able to lower our voices.

"I have to tell you something," I confessed to Irving. "I did feel bad about those photos, but I didn't want to make it a big deal since your ex was involved."

Irving dropped his gaze, toeing a fir cone on the forest floor. "I never even asked you how you felt about the situation," he said glumly. "I'm so sorry, Sylvan. I got caught up in the stress of it all and acted rather selfishly."

"I think we all did," I said, attempting to comfort him. "Looking back, there were better ways of handling the situation."

"There certainly were."

"So…what now?"

Irving looked up again, his forehead creased. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we're both miserable, aren't we?" Irving was about to protest, but I ignored him and continued talking. "Admit it, Irving, you miss what we had when we were a pair. It's okay; I miss it too. Those were some of the best weeks of my life, and I still look back on them fondly."

"What about my ex? He'll come crawling out of the woodwork again if he finds out we're back together."

"Are you really going to live your life how your ex wants you to – sad and lonely?"

"No, I suppose not."

"Besides, what does he have left to hang over our heads? The photos are a thing of the past, and I can promise you that I've never done anything truly heinous."

Irving's eyebrows angled up, a wishful haze clouding his eyes. "But we can't simply go back to the way things were, Sylvan. Surely you understand that. I've changed since we last dated and so have you."

I sighed. Irving was right, as much as I hated to admit it. We were not the same people as we were on the day we argued in the library. We weren't even the same people from the fateful day that we broke up. Everything was different now.

"Just getting back together," he continued, "and pretending that nothing happened will never work. I realize now that I desperately want to spend the rest of my days with you. You fill my mind even when you shouldn't. You're all I ever imagine when I think about the future. But we need to be serious about this. We can't run home and have sex together with the promise of seeing each other again tomorrow till the end of time."

For the second time in my life, I was at a loss for words. Irving just kept talking, waffling between wanting me and wanting me to leave so we wouldn't have to endure the pain of being near each other without being with each other any longer.

He paused to take a breath and I realized there was only one thing I could say:

"I love you," I blurted out.

Irving's eyes softened and he reached his arm out to cup my chin in his hand, stepping closer to me. "I love you too." He smiled. "I can say it now."

"Yes, you can," I laughed, grabbing his wrist with my hand, fingers curling around his smooth, cold skin.

"That's all there is to it, then. There's only one thing we can do to make things right." His face brightened again and he pulled his hand away from me.

"Irving, what are you doing?"

He ignored my question and began to furiously search his pockets for something, and when his fingers curled around it, he pulled it out. I couldn't see what it was, but my heart was pounding hard enough to distract me even if he held it out in his palm.

"We want to be together," he said, excitement and nerves making his voice shaky. "Isn't that true?"

"Yes, it is."

"And we'll both be miserable if we make the same mistake I did last time and walk away from the perfect relationship."

"Of course." I clasped my hands together, my heart creeping up into my throat.

"But we need to commit to making this relationship work if we want to rekindle it."

"Absolutely." I was nodding so much, my head began to spin.

"Then let's commit." He got down on one knee on the forest floor, taking my hands in his. "Sylvan Lockwood, will you marry me? I don't have a proper ring yet, but I promise to get you one. All I have now is the twine from my glasses, so if you say yes, I can wrap that around your finger, and –"

"Yes!" I cried. "You don't need to promise me anything but your love. That's enough for me."

He stood up and I flung myself into his arms, letting him lift me off the ground. When he set me back down, he wrapped my dried nettle cordage around my finger and I held it up like it was the most beautiful ring in the world, because to me it was.