15. IMPOSTER?

“T hat is a large decision, Caden,” Valerius told him, “which demands food and rest.”

Caden felt relief welling in his chest. He tried to push that relief aside. That relief, that delay, was just him retreating from what he had to do. He should just call a press conference right now. Announce himself to the world on Valerius’ balcony. That way he couldn’t back out, go hide once more, tell himself that his privacy was worth more than any good he could do in this world.

“I have to do this Valerius. I shouldn’t wait. Perhaps Chione could call a press conference and--”

“Before you tell your parents and sister about what you are going to do? The press would be at their home, your father’s work, your mother’s place of Faith, and your sister’s friends' houses in moments,” Valerius said evenly.

“Oh, yeah, right.” Caden scrubbed a hand through his hair. He had already put his parents through so much. If he ever wanted them to speak to him again, he couldn’t do this without speaking to them.

Dad will want to have a plan. Mom will want to go to the Faith and have them on board.

“And then, of course, there is Wally,” Valerius continued as he stroked Caden’s back. It was so soothing, especially since it was just a slip of silk between them. “The connection between you, him and Landry will be revealed. It will be a circus.”

“He could lose his business,” Caden whispered, horrified.

“If it is not handled appropriately, yes, that could happen,” Valerius agreed.

Caden leaned forward and put his face in his hands. “Is there no right way to do this? Am I just bound to fuck up everyone’s lives?”

Valerius put a hand on his back. “You have fucked up no one’s life. You never could.”

Caden felt tears leaking from his eyes. “I don’t know what to do. There’s too much at stake. Why did Iolaire pick me?”

Love, Iolaire twittered softly.

Caden saw Iolaire lying down. It stretched out its long neck and laid its head down. But Iolaire was not alone. Not exactly. Caden realized he could see Raziel too. The Dragons’ foreheads were nearly touching, facing one another. Caden’s heart clenched at the sight.

Because you love Raziel? Caden asked. You could have chosen anyone to be with Raziel! Someone better suited than me.

But Iolaire was already asleep and did not answer him.

“Caden?” Valerius was frowning.

“I just…”

Caden thought of telling him what he had seen about their Spirits. It was clear that Valerius had not glimpsed that semi-private moment. He opened his mouth to explain that Iolaire simply wanted to be with Raziel so it had picked the one person that day who was going to die right where Raziel was. That was why he was so different from the other Dragon Shifters. He had never truly been meant to be one of them.

He wasn’t special.

He wasn’t worthy.

He was just there at the right time and the right place.

He found himself closing his mouth. Valerius thought he belonged to the highest echelon of Shifters and, in time, the reason why would be revealed. He ignored the fact that Iolaire wasn’t like the other Spirits either. He also ignored the fact that Iolaire stated it had been watching him for some time. Because this--what he was thinking right there and then--made so much more sense than him being fated to become the ninth Dragon Shifter.

But I am. So now I better be really careful. I can’t just trust my own instincts. Because they were not what led me here.

“Earth to Caden,” Valerius laughed softly.

Caden gave him a pained smile that he tried to make normal. “Sorry. Just hungry. Like you said. I shouldn’t make any decisions on an empty stomach.”

Valerius studied his face, searching for what he was really thinking about. But Caden didn’t dare tell him. He wasn’t giving up this closeness to Valerius. Though he realized it would become obvious in time that he wasn’t really one of them and Valerius would turn away.

Though he can’t keep Raziel and Iolaire apart! They need to be together.

Fire and ice were filtering towards one another as the two Spirits snored as they slept.

“All right, if you’re certain that is all?” Valerius made that sound like a question.

Caden’s heart squeezed in his chest as he looked at that beautiful, difficult, but amazing man. He suddenly wrapped his arms around Valerius’ neck so tightly that a normal person would have begged to be allowed to breathe. But Valerius just let out an “oomph” and then hugged him back.

“Thank you,” Caden said, his voice muffled as he had his face pressed against Valerius’ right shoulder.

“I do not know what you are thanking me for,” Valerius chuckled uncertainly.

“For… for everything. For giving this a shot. For protecting me. For trying so hard to let me do something selfish and stupid,” Caden got out.

Now that he knew he wasn’t fated by the Spirits or whatever, he was even more terrified of being in the limelight. He would have to be so careful to even be thought of as one of the Shifters, let alone a Dragon Shifter.

“As I said, this was not selfish or stupid, and I am uncertain if it is wise to have you reveal yourself because of Mei,” Valerius answered, his voice darkening slightly at the other Dragon Shifter’s name.

But Caden now definitely couldn’t allow Valerius to be in Mei’s debt because of him. He was not worth it. Not at all.

“If it isn’t Mei, it’ll be someone else. You knew I couldn’t go home again. I just didn’t want to believe that,” Caden said.

He drew in deep breaths of the Black Dragon King’s scent. He wanted to remember his smell, remember the hard feeling of his body against Caden’s, remember everything about him. The amount of times he’d be allowed to do this were numbered. He just knew it.

“Well, I--ah! The meat is burning!” Valerius cried.

Caden only reluctantly released him as the Black Dragon King leaned forward to tend to their meal. The fat from the beef and chicken sizzled as Valerius turned them from one side to the other. The knob onions and other vegetables were already caramelizing. He had those on a lower part of the fire so that they wouldn’t cook too quickly or burn before softening.

“Do you have those sauces we had the other night? This meat is so good that it doesn’t really need them, but they were tasty,” Caden said, again feeling the need to repeat and have as many experiences with Valerius as he could.

“Refrigerator. I always have some made up fresh and stored there.” Valerius tilted his head to the refrigerator that was disguised as a piece of furniture.

Caden got up and opened the door. He leaned down and heard Valerius let out a choked laugh. The cold air on his bare ass told him what the Black Dragon King was seeing.

“I think I take it back that you are allowed to have clothes here. I enjoy looking at you in mine,” Valerius told him as he turned onions.

Caden’s heart was still heavy in his chest, but Valerius was so happy that he couldn’t help but feel some of it himself even as he felt like an imposter at the same time. But he waggled his butt to get another burst of rare laughter from the Black Dragon King. He stuck his nose into the collar of the shirt and rubbed it against his cheek.

“I admit I like them because they smell like you and silk against skin…” He made an exaggerated shiver of pleasure.

Valerius was silent for a minute then snorted. “You do realize with that comment we are now well into ridiculous Werewolf Shifter mate territory?”

Caden had filled his arms with bowls of sauce--piquant mustard, sweet, umami tomato and creamy, spicy horseradish--when Valerius said this. It had him almost dropping the bowls on the floor, but Shifter reflexes were damned handy and he managed to catch them before they fell without even getting any of the sauce on his shirt!

“Wha-what do you know about Werewolf Shifter mate stuff?” Caden asked as he carefully brought the bowls over to the fireplace.

Valerius actually colored. “Nothing! I mean beyond what one hears generally.”

Caden’s left foot brushed by a pile of books and his eyes narrowed. “Do you read those romance novels with them--”

“WHAT?!” Valerius made a sound like a roar and a squeak with that one. “Don’t be ridiculous! I read histories--which are mostly wrong--and treatises and--”

“Serious books that would in no way let you know anything about Werewolf Shifter mate things,” Caden finished for him as he put the sauces down. “Have you seen some of the movies? Like The Alpha’s Mate or maybe The Last Omega or--”

“No, absolutely not.” Valerius stabbed the meat on the grill with extra emphasis and placed one of the spatchcocked chickens on a plate for him.

“Right. Sure.” Caden grinned so hard that his cheeks hurt from it. The earlier doubt and shame and fear were all still there, but they were fading into the background. Just being with Valerius was fun. “So, assuming you somehow got this knowledge out of the ether, what about what I said made you think we’re like those romances?”

Valerius’ cheeks were still on fire, which was completely hilarious when one compared them to his very stern expression as he speared onions. “The desire to see a mate in one’s clothes and the smell of one’s mate being pleasing, calming and arousing all at the same time.”

“I didn’t say I was aroused!” Caden put his hands on his hips.

Valerius stared pointedly at the point between Caden’s legs where the tails of the shirt just hung past. His cock was semi-hard. It was always that way with Valerius even when he had hated the Black Dragon King. Caden tugged down the tails.

“I can smell your arousal so hiding it does not help,” Valerius said almost sweetly. This was clearly revenge for the discussion of Werewolf romances!

Well, two can play at that game!

Caden took the plate that Valerius offered him. In addition to the chicken, it had a thick steak and sizzling pork belly along with the knob onions, peppers and carrots. The sweet charred scent of the vegetables cut through the fatty, rich smell of the various meats. Caden loaded his plate with sauces too before sitting down on the ground by Valerius’ feet. He then stuffed half the steak in his mouth after slathering it with all the sauces mixed together. When Valerius laughed at him, Caden scowled.

“What?” Caden asked around a mouthful of steak.

“Slow down, my little anaconda. We can get more,” Valerius told him.

Caden swallowed the meat down and looked up at Valerius through his lashes. “Sorry, it’s just with Mom and Dad mad at me, I haven’t really had anything good to eat. Well, except for the picnic basket you left, but that wasn’t enough.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t.” Valerius was cutting his meat into bite-sized pieces while Caden considered how rude it would be exactly to just pick up the whole chicken and start ripping pieces of the juicy meat off of it with his teeth. He sighed and picked up his abandoned fork and knife as Valerius continued, “In general, Shifters need more food than humans, especially protein. You shouldn’t skimp on meals now. Iolaire will not feel well if you do”

“R-right. I’m responsible for Iolaire. I’ve got to be a good steward.” Caden’s head lowered. He was a poor choice. A poor steward. He had to do better.

Valerius put his fingers under Caden’s chin. “I was not criticizing you. I think you are doing a marvelous job with Iolaire. It seems very well adjusted and happy.”

“You think?” Caden’s smile was a little more wobbly than he’d hoped it would be and his voice a little more needy for some kind of proof he wasn’t too terrible at taking care of the precious Dragon Spirit.

Valerius’ forehead furrowed for a moment and he studied Caden’s face again in a way that told Caden he knew something was wrong but didn’t understand what it was. “Of course. But it is not something I think, but that I know. I can see it. These are facts.”

“Oh. Good.”

Valerius released his chin and they both went back to eating silently. Caden attempted to chew. He told himself that if he took smaller bites he would get more of the sauce in his stomach and that was worth everything.

“So…” Caden said after a particularly luscious bite of chicken with mustard sauce. “Do you know anything else about Werewolf mate stuff?”

Valerius was in the process of bringing a piece of beef loaded with horseradish sauce to his mouth when Caden asked that. His hand froze and a drop of sauce almost landed on his pants, but those lightning quick reflexes came in handy again as Caden caught the drop on his fingers and licked them clean. Valerius did not blink while he did this.

“I might. The better question, Caden, is if you know anything,” Valerius pointed out as he finally brought that bite of steak to his mouth.

“Oh, yeah!” Caden nodded vigorously. When Valerius stared at him in bafflement, he explained, “There’s a lot of hot guys who are Werewolves and they are often without shirts. They strut around all angsty and stuff. Even when they do go with girls, it’s still fun, because there’s always some heated bromance that keeps my interest and--what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Valerius started chewing again, which he hadn’t been as Caden had explained his enjoyment of the Werewolf mating movies. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

Caden narrowed his eyes. “Look, Tilly dragged me to the first one. I was like you and thought that they would suck. But they didn’t. Now she doesn’t want to go so I have to go on my own to the theater or wait until it hits a streaming service.”

“I see,” Valerius responded neutrally.

Caden’s eyes narrowed more . “Don’t knock them until you try them!”

Valerius’ shoulders started shaking and then he was snorting and falling over onto his side on the couch, laughing. “I’m sorry, Caden! Really, it’s just I was imagining watching one of those with you while you ogled the Werewolves and--”

“That was before I got to see you up close with your shirt off, okay? But you have to admit that Werewolves are built .” Caden took a huge bite of onion smothered in the tomato sauce. He could have been offended by Valerius’ reaction, but he wasn’t. It was so good to see Valerius laugh. And this time he had really let go. He was actually wiping tears from his eyes as he sat upright again and reached for his plate once more. “So in the movies, the mates always go into heat. But that’s because the couples are mostly opposite genders so…” Caden shrugged. “I guess that’s not going to happen here. Unless there’s something you’re not telling me about Dragon physiognomy.”

Valerius snorted again. “Caden, even if there was, you know we cannot have children. Shifters are incapable of having children no matter what the sexes of the couple are.”

Caden frowned. “Yeah, which is why I never understood about the heat thing because--”

“That is the least part of those films that doesn’t make sense,” Valerius grumbled under his breath.

Caden’s mouth opened and shut before he crowed, “So you have seen them! You have! Oh, you bastard! You were teasing me while all along you’d watched them too!”

“I may have happened to see some part of one or more of them on television, but I--”

“Oh, no, you don’t! I can tell a fan when I hear one!”

Caden jumped up onto the couch, right onto Valerius’ lap, and playfully hit his chest and shoulders. Valerius had thankfully anticipated this movement and put his plate down before he had a lapful of Caden. Valerius caught Caden’s wrists to stop the pummelling. Not that he was hurting the Black Dragon King, but Caden surrendered easily nonetheless. Besides, it was far nicer to straddle Valerius’ leather-clad lap. The leather was soft and slick against his inner bare thighs.

“Did you ever want a mate?” Caden asked, knowing that he sounded a little breathy and that his cock was beginning to tent the front of Valerius’ shirt.

“No,” Valerius said quietly.

“Oh.” Caden’s heart fell.

“Not before…” Valerius stopped speaking.

“Not before?” Caden prompted.

Valerius had been looking past him, not at anything, but clearly trying to gather his thoughts. Or maybe consider what he had said or would say.

His jaw worked and Caden saw how hard this was for him to speak about it so Caden quickly said, “We don’t have to talk about this!”

Valerius fixed him with a very intense stare that had Caden squirming. “Shouldn’t we?”

“I don’t know--”

“Caden, soon all the Dragon Shifters will be here and they will all be vying for your hand. They will offer you the world.” Valerius swallowed again and looked almost angry . “They will not mean it. Not even the ones like Tez who will think he does.”

“Because Dragon Shifters don’t share power?” Caden asked quietly.

Valerius gave a tight nod. “There is so much you do not know about them… or me. The type of people we were and still are.”

“I know you,” Caden found himself saying.

Valerius fixed him with another stare, this one full of disbelief. “Really?”

“Yes. I… I know you think I’m naive and I am.” Caden let out a tinny laugh. He would have fussed with his hair or shirt, but Valerius still had hold of his wrists, so he couldn’t use the nervous movement to buy him time before he went on. “I know you’ve killed people. I know part of you likes that, because if you’re lost in that--in the blood and death--then you don’t have to feel other things.”

Valerius’ expression had changed. There was a trace of shock and hope and then it was unreadable again. “What other things?”

Caden’s smile was wobbly and not a happy one, but a pained one, yet he pressed on, “Grief and loneliness and a sense of despair.”

Valerius’ jolted for a second before he could hide once more that those words had hit home.

Caden continued, swallowing hard because his throat was so tight. “I’ve only been a Dragon Shifter for a short time, and I know you’ve been a leader for a long, long time, but I don’t think it’s become easier for you. I think it’s become harder. Because you know that so much is always at stake, and you can’t save everyone. No matter that you’re the strongest. No matter how vigilant you are. Or smart or… you’re as close to god-like as anyone and yet… yet even you have limitations.”

Valerius just stared at him. The only sound in the room was the crack and pop of the fire. Valerius finally blinked a few times and there might have been some wetness in his eyes, but he hid it again.

“You are not like us, Caden, and--”

“No, and I never will be,” Caden said, feeling sick at being this imposter. But he was the ninth Dragon Shifter now and he so wanted to do some small good thing that he could do. “But I think… I think that I can do something that maybe the others can’t.”

“I’m sure--”

“I can make you feel less alone,” Caden quickly said, warming to this topic. “I can make you smile and laugh.”

A half smile crossed Valerius’ face at that. “You do indeed.”

“I don’t have any great wisdom to offer. I’m not very strong--”

“Caden.” Valerius caught his face, cupping it, his hands trembling a little as he held Caden’s jaw so tenderly. “You are so much more than us, than me.”

Caden tried to shake his head, but Valerius had it in that feather-light hold and then he was bringing Caden’s head down to his and they were kissing. Like in his bedroom, Caden felt like the world came alive when they kissed. He saw lightning behind his eyes. The world seemed to shift. He was warm all over. He felt laid bare yet still safe. When they parted and rested their foreheads against one another’s--almost exactly like their Spirit counterparts at that moment--Caden knew what he wanted at that moment.

“Valerius, I want to stay here tonight. With you. May I?” Caden asked.

Valerius’ eyes closed for a moment before he opened them and they were dark pools that threatened to drown him. “I could not let you go, Caden.”

And that was so like what Raziel had said to Iolaire and what the Werewolf true mates would have said in a movie, but this was so much better because it was real and it was Valerius and nothing else mattered.

Story Continues in Book 5!