Chapter 6

Chapter Six

PETER

I t felt like getting family portraits, that moment when the photographer tells you to stand still and smile, and all you can think of is: where do I put my hands? Why am I so aware of my breathing? Does this smile look forced?

That was the only way I could think of to explain the way I felt. The way I'd felt from the moment Ainsley made it home from her date. Sleep didn't make it any better. I tossed and turned all night, waking for the final time two hours before my alarm was set to go off and deciding to get up anyway.

I didn't know what to say around her, how to act, what to do. Multiple times, I caught myself staring at her in a strange, trance-like state with no idea what I was thinking. It was as if I couldn't look away. As if she were a celebrity or a car crash, pulling my eyes to her with every move that she made.

There was such mystery to her now. What had she done? What had she said? What had she told him about our lives? Had she liked him? Had she kissed him? Had she done much, much more? So many questions haunted me, begging to be answered. I couldn't bring myself to move on, but I was not allowed to ask anything.

Was this how she would feel when it was my turn? I didn't want to think about it. I was embarrassed by all of it. Since I'd matched with Gina, we hadn't spoken to each other, passing in the halls without a word. Perhaps she was doing it as a test. Perhaps she matched with me as an accident and my matching back with her made it awkward and confusing, as neither of us seemed to know how to approach the subject. I should've never done anything so stupid. I felt weak and angry with myself for my lack of control. Why couldn't I stop myself from acting so impulsively?

I sat at my desk that afternoon, staring at the screen filled with numbers and words that my eyes continued to glaze over. I read emails and memos over and over, unable to form clear, coherent thoughts. I couldn't seem to focus on anything else. I picked up the paper cup of coffee, sipping it as I wondered how we'd gotten so off course. Why had I ever agreed to this? Why hadn't I told her no when she suggested it?

The door to my office opened, and I looked up, hating the hope and worry that filled my chest all at once when I saw her.

"Gina, hey," I said, standing from my desk like the idiot I was.

She smiled, but it seemed forced. Stiff. "Hey, Peter… Sorry, I was wondering if you'd finalized your portion of the report for the Gregory project yet. They're starting to get impatient."

"Shoot." I put my fingers to my forehead and sank into my chair. "I thought I'd sent it back to you already." I scrolled through my email, cursing under my breath. "Dammit," I said when my eyes landed on the draft in my outbox, sitting unsent for almost a week. "Here it is." I pressed send and groaned. "I'm so sorry. I thought I'd sent it Monday afternoon. I've been distracted, I guess…"

She nodded but didn't say anything right away. She waited to see if I'd say more before going on. "I need to tell you something," she said hesitantly. I watched as her eyes rolled, my throat dry. Was she going to tell me it was all a prank or a joke and she was feeling awkward about it? Was she going to tell me she was quitting because I'd made things too weird between us?

I turned my chair toward her, resting my hands in my lap. "Okay. What's up?"

"I think someone may be using your pictures to catfish people."

I sucked in a breath. Whatever I'd been expecting her to say, that wasn't it. She may as well have been speaking a foreign language. " Catfish someone? What are you talking about? What pictures?"

She rolled her eyes again and sat down in one of the chairs in front of my desk, her cheeks flushed pink. "Okay, well, it's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I do a fair bit of online dating." She paused, as if she thought I might say something or laugh, but I remained quiet and waited. She went on. "And, well, the other day, I saw someone using your pictures under the name Pete Patterson." She pulled out her phone and scrolled through it while I sat, contemplating my next move. I could've gone along with it, pretended that the person wasn't me, or I could've told the truth. I had no idea which one was the best course of action. She held out her phone to me, where I could look over Pete's profile. "We matched because I was planning on calling him out for using the pictures, but then I wondered, well…it's stupid. You're happily married. Of course you aren't on a dating site. I'm planning to report him." Her last few sentences came out at lightning speed as her face grew a deeper shade of scarlet. "I wanted to tell you, so you didn't think… I don't know. I guess I'd want to know if it were me." She sucked her teeth, looking away. "Anyway…" She slapped her legs, moving to stand. "You sent that over to me, you said, right? Yes."

"Gina, wait," I called as she moved toward the door, something deep in my stomach lurching as she grew farther away. "Wait."

She looked over her shoulder then spun further around, one brow raised with an unspoken question.

I had no idea what I was going to say until the words were leaving my mouth. "I'm embarrassed. I don't know what to say. Ainsley and I are…spending some time apart. We agreed on seeing other people. When I saw you on the app, I knew it was stupid to match with you, but…I acted on a whim. I'm sorry if it's made things awkward for you."

Her eyes lit up, her lips separating slightly as she stared at me. "Wait, so you're saying… You are Pete Patterson? It really is you?"

I laughed, nodding my head. "It's embarrassing. The fake names were Ainsley's idea, to keep some privacy in the situation and protect our kids. We don't want them finding out what's going on until things are official…one way or another. "

She was slow to nod, studying me as she moved a half-step forward. There was a glint of fascination in her eyes. "No, no, I understand. Of course. I'm sorry I brought it up. Maybe you'd rather I hadn't?"

"No, not at all. It's not your fault. I'm glad you did. I guess we never thought about seeing someone we knew from real life on the app. The plan was to keep it so anyone we dated couldn't find us. When I saw you there, it took me by surprise."

Her lips widened as she appeared to think, giving way to the perfect, white teeth behind them. "But you matched with me on purpose?"

"Stupidly, maybe, but yes. I'm still new to all of this…" I trailed off, feeling the heat rushing to my face. "And I know it makes things awkward because we work together, so if you think we should pretend it never happened, we can totally do that."

"Is that what you want?" I gulped, embarrassed by the sudden noise, but she didn't flinch. "Because I'm okay with that if you are. I don't want to get in the middle of anything…" She waved her hand in a circular direction, as if she were a witch stirring a cauldron.

"No, you wouldn't. I mean, I don't want or need anything complicated right now. I'm trying out the online dating thing to…"

"To have a little fun?" she asked, her tongue pressed to her teeth as she cocked her head to the side.

"Mhm," I said, barely making an audible noise in the deafening silence. She waited. I cleared my throat and pressed my hands together in front of my chest. "That probably sounds lame."

She laughed. "Now that sounded lame." She said lame as if it were an uncool word, and I realized then the stark age gap between us. "Tell you what, you think about what you want for sure, and when you know… Have Pete Patterson send me a message. Otherwise, I'll see you , Peter , later. Thanks for the report." I nodded, but she didn't see it. Her hand was already on the door handle as she prepared to leave.

"Gina?" I called, half standing from my chair.

She looked over her shoulder, her brows raised. "Yeah?"

"It probably goes without saying, but I wanted to ask for your discretion with all of this. I try to keep my personal life separate from the office as much as possible, and I'd appreciate it if you kept what I've told you between us."

"Of course, Peter. You don't even have to ask. It'll be our little secret." She winked at me and pulled the door open, sauntering out of my office without another word.

My body tingled with the possibilities and adrenaline from the conversation. What the hell just happened?

My phone lay facedown on the desk, taunting me, but I couldn't act yet. I had to think rationally, and the overwhelming excitement I was feeling wasn't rational at all.