Chapter Eighteen

Douglas

Wanting to do something amazing with my mates was one thing. Having the funds to do it was another. I had called dibs on date night and, now that the day had arrived, I felt woefully unprepared. Sure, they’d have been fine with a Christmas movie marathon. But I wanted to give them more than that.

Inevitably, I’d find a great activity—like the Christmas musical at the local theater—and then I’d get sticker shock. Of course, they would help pay for it if I asked. It was the three of us against the world and all that. But I wanted to do something that was just from me, and that was proving a little more problematic than I’d realized.

It was Christmastime, and I had it in my head that it should be something thematic. I looked on local websites, checked out social media posts, and even grabbed one of the free papers when I was at the grocery store the other day, thinking they might have something that would be perfect. And there were a ton of activities happening in SD. It was finding the right one that was proving nearly impossible.

The first thing that caught my eye was a tree-lighting ceremony. Who didn’t love Christmas trees? But everything I could find on it indicated it was very child-oriented and extremely crowded. I wasn’t opposed to family-type activities—actually, they sounded fun—but lately, being around crowds hadn’t been working for me.

It was weird. Everything felt tight. My clothes felt tight. My seat belt felt tight. Even my blanket wrapped around me felt tight. It didn’t matter how loose they were, I felt closed in, and that made navigating large groups of people exponentially less fun.

Initially I brushed it off as a side effect of flying. Did it happen right after the flight? No. But that was the only thing that had made any sense to me so I went with it. But as the days progressed, I began to sense that maybe it had nothing to do with that at all. If I was right, it was something better. So much better.

Still, I refused to get too excited about it. Not until I took a test and knew for sure. The letdown of being wrong would hurt if I embraced my instincts. At least, that’s what I told myself. Truth was, being wrong was going to suck either way.

I’d gone to the pharmacy and picked up a test during my lunch break, but the instructions said to use it first thing in the morning. As much as I hated doing it, I stashed it in the bathroom for the morning. That’s when the really hard part came—the wait.

Knowing I might have the best news ever to share with my mates but being unable to do so until tomorrow, sucked. It made me a full-on humbug and not having the best date ever planned yet only exacerbated that feeling.

I kept going through my short list of possible dates, seeing if anything suddenly felt good enough for tonight. I eventually gave up. Dinner at home, it was. It wasn’t fancy or festive, but it would have to do.

I grabbed my keys and headed for the grocery store. The two of them were out for the day, and I’d just finished up work—work that I sadly couldn’t postpone any longer. But I’d finished a little earlier than scheduled, leaving just enough time to procrastinate further with my search and not to go shopping.

One great thing about San Diego was that there were tons of amazing places to buy groceries. One I especially adored had what I was sure was the world’s best bread. I wasn’t a chef, by any means, but I could make a mean lasagna. I opted to go that route—mostly because I really wanted that bread, and it was the perfect side dish.

It was a quick run through the store to grab everything I needed. There were lots of people shopping, but everyone acted as if they, too, were on a mission, which was nice. As I cut through an aisle to get to the checkout, I passed the pregnancy tests.

I don’t know why I stopped. I already had one at home, but I did. One stood out, proudly stating that it gave results three days earlier than the average test. It was also three times the price. I didn’t care. If I could find out tonight, I was going to. Did the “use in the morning” and “three days earlier” cancel each other out? I was about to find out.

My performance through self-checkout had to be gold-medal worthy for speed. Once back home, I dropped the bags on the counter and headed straight into the bathroom.

I second-guessed myself, wondering if maybe I should wait until they came home—let them be part of seeing the results for the first time. But it was Christmastime, and if the test was negative, getting them so excited would feel like the equivalent of getting coal in their stockings. So instead, I took the test, left it on the toilet, set my timer, and put the groceries away as I waited for it to go off.

The timer went off just as Caspian and Sage walked in—early.

“Got something in the oven?” Caspian asked.

“Maybe.” Just not the oven they meant.

I dashed into the bathroom, grabbed the test, and carefully avoided looking at it. I held it up for them. “This test is supposed to be good early, but I don’t know. I was going to make sure it was positive before I told you, so you wouldn’t be disappointed if I wasn’t—”

But both of their gazes were glued to the stick.

“Pregnant,” Sage finished for me and grabbed Caspian’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “What does it say?”

I walked over to them, taking Caspian’s other hand and holding the stick out in front of them. Slowly, I turned it to face forward. “Let’s find out together.”

Two lines, clear as day, were in the window. It wasn’t like the am I pregnant post where people couldn’t tell because one was too faded. Nope. These two lines were loud and proud.

“We’re having a baby.” Sage’s voice cracked. “I never thought—”

“Me neither,” Caspian said, his voice filled with emotion.

Once upon a time, they thought they would be mated, just the two of them. I knew this. I knew it was their agreement. But hearing the joy in their voices now—mixed with the disbelief that it was even possible—I understood what they had been willing to give up for each other. They had decided it would be okay to give up a family to be together. And now, they didn’t need to give up anything at all.

“Just a second.” I kissed both of them on the cheek and ran to throw the test away. I needed to hug them both, but something about doing that with something I’d peed on in my hand felt gross.

When I came back, I threw my arms around them, and they held me close.

“We’re going to be fathers,” Sage whispered.

“Yes, we’re going to be fathers,” I repeated.

We held each other for the longest time, tears dripping down our faces, the joy in the room palpable.

Santa had said he brought me my gift early, but not in the way I thought. The best Christmas gift was being right here, in their arms, knowing the three of us were going to start a family all thanks to Santa being a meddling romantic.