Chapter Three

I flush, my body aware of everything that Clíodhna's words promise.

So many people have promised me pleasure, but this? This potential for pain? This is what drew me to the Golden Apple in the first place.

I long to lose myself in the sensations that impact play might bring. My brain rarely slows, and the only times it does, I'm usually doing something physical, demanding, over and over in a pattern that allows my brain to switch off and rest.

I can't be sure that the hurt Clíodhna speaks of will bring me that peace, but I'm hoping it will.

As for the realisation that I'm speaking to one of the Tuatha Dé Dannan? I find that I'm not as surprised by the discovery as I might be.

"Should I be worried?"

"About what?" she asks.

"About the fact that you're some ancient being—probably immortal—and that I've signed a non-disclosure agreement to be here?"

She laughs again, that deep chuckle that makes me want to rub my thighs together. "I haven't been back for as long as all that. We were… gone." Clíodhna goes quiet then, her eyes distant. "Behind the Veil there are no sensations, no anything. All we want for now is to live with the abandon that you mortals embrace so eagerly. For myself? I take everything one day at a time, and for today, I want to show you around the Golden Apple."

My kneejerk reaction would be to beg her to do so, to pledge myself to her for all days, but I get a hold of myself and take a deep breath instead. "I would like that."

"You filled our questionnaire in the application stage."

"I did." My cheeks heat at the memory of it, deep searching questions about desires and fears and limits.

"Usually we would take that as your agreement, but for tonight, your first evening in the club, we prefer an opt in policy."

"Opt in?" I know what she means, in theory, but the realisation that I'm going to have to say, explicitly, what I'm up for this evening seems almost too overwhelming.

Clíodhna smiles reassuringly in the face of my panic. "Don't worry, we just ask you to refill out the form for this evening only. If you'd prefer just to watch, that would be absolutely fine."

She magics a form from somewhere—I try not to think too hard about how—and hands it too me. "Would you like me to talk you through each section?"

"No!" I squeak, and then clear my throat and repeat, more carefully. "No, thank you."

I scan the form. It's much the same as the form before and I quickly tick through my limits, but then it comes to the things I want to do.

I want to try everything, experience everything, but in this first night there's a limit to what I can do, and a limit to what I probably should try for the first time.

Concentrating on not blushing too hard, I tick down a list of sexual activities, kissing, groping, fingering, cunnilingus, pause over fisting, and leave it for tonight. Orgasm control? Yes. Edging? Yes. Forced orgasms? Yes. Orgasm denial? No, I've spent too many years not reaching the heights of pleasure that I've only dreamed of.

And then the impact play list. I run my eyes over it, and speak up timidly. "Um, Clíodhna?"

"Yes, Janet?"

"About impact play?" There's a heat in her eyes as I speak the words, and I stumble over the next few as a result. "I haven't, I mean I have, but also I—"

Her hand reaches out to hold mine. It is anchoring.

I stop, breathe, and try again.

"I haven't really done much of this before, and I know I'd like to try, but I have next to no knowledge about implements. What would you recommend?"

Clíodhna looks over the form, her finger running down the list. "I have all of these, but if you're new, then perhaps we start with floggers?" From the way she's talking, she's making it sound like she's going to be the one flogging me. I'm okay with that.

I'm more than okay with that.

"I'm okay with hands, as well."

"Good to know." She smiles at me, a wicked smile that makes me shiver internally, and I try not to show it too much on the outside. I want to at least attempt to hold it together. "And where would you like such activities to take place?"

"Where?"

She points to a section on the form where a list of kink furniture lies. My eyes catch on the words ‘St Andrews' Cross' and I can't look away. She follows my gaze and chuckles. "Shall I tick that for you?"

I nod silently.

"And the aftercare section?"

I don't know what I want for that, what I'll need to process such new experiences. "Do I need it?"

Clíodhna's face is suddenly serious. "Do you—yes you'll need aftercare!" She takes the list from me and ticks almost every box on it and shows me. Anything on there you don't like?"

I scan what she's ticked, and hide a smile. Cuddles, blankets, snacks, water, praise… These all seem like things that I would enjoy, with or without impact play. "That all looks great."

"Good." She takes the list and reads over everything else I've marked. "You haven't said whether or not you'd like a private room or to play in a public space."

"I don't mind." She looks doubtful, so I explain further. "I've never done public play, so I don't know whether it will add an extra layer of frisson for me, but the idea of it doesn't freak me out. I just don't know whether it'll heighten whatever's happening."

"I'm sure I can help with that." Her words threaten an experience I've never undergone before, and all of a sudden I'm so excited I can barely contain it. My fingers tip-tap across my lap, and when she glances down at them, I find myself explaining.

"I have ADHD, so I fidget a lot."

"ADHD?"

How to explain ADHD to someone who's immortal. I ponder the conundrum, before saying, "My brain works differently to most people. It's difficult for me to pause and slow down either my thoughts or my actions, so I fidget a lot, and take on too much at work, and sometimes don't realise that I need a break when I really really do."

"I see. And so you think that this might bring you some relief?"

Nodding, I venture, "I don't know that it will, exactly, but from what I've read, and what I've hoped…"

Clíodhna looks determined. "We shall bring you some relief tonight," she states, her husky tone warming me, and I believe her.

I truly believe her.