Chapter 29

29

Shelby

My hands curl around the covers.

A part of me expects Faust to return.

Maybe he's gone to get a drink. Or to get me a drink.

Maybe he's going to show up with a bottle of wine and we're going to get drunk, laugh, flirt, and fuck some more.

The seconds collect into a minute, then a second one.

He's not coming back.

My face feels hotter than the surface of the sun.

You were getting fucked by Faust and you told him you loved him.

You told a man you love him while in the middle of having sex.

What the hell, Shelby?

What in the actual fuck did you just do…?

I think about the shared wall. If only I could jump through it, I'd be back in my apartment. In the kitchen. Naked, sure, but at least I'd be home. Away from Faust and away from what I just said.

I can't do that.

I get out of the bed and look at my clothes on the floor.

It's easier to just take the top blanket off the bed and wrap it around me.

When I exit the bedroom, I see Faust right away. Across the apartment in the kitchen area, holding a glass.

His eyes meet mine.

My body floods with heat.

"Faust," I say.

He looks down at his glass.

"Fine," I call out. "Fucking fine, Faust. You want to do this…"

Now I feel like an empowered badass woman.

I walk across the apartment, clinging tight to the blanket around me.

I walk right into the kitchen and look beyond Faust.

There's a bottle on the counter. I have no idea what's inside the bottle.

I don't think I care.

I grab the bottle and take a drink from it as though it's water.

My throat burns and my eyes water but I drink like a champ and refuse to show any emotion.

I blink away the moisture from my eyes before I turn around and look at Faust again.

"Go for it," I say to him. "You want to hate me forever? Then hate me forever. You want to be angry forever? Fine. I don't care anymore. Want me to apologize every single day for the rest of my life? I will. I'll do that. For you, Faust. I meant what I said. At least I can talk about things. You just like to-"

Faust's lips are now against mine. His tongue sweeps across my lips, tasting whatever it is I just drank a lot of.

My stomach still burns and I swear I can feel the alcohol moving through my veins, working up to my head.

He grabs my hips over the blanket and picks me up.

He loves to pick me up.

Faust breaks the kiss. "Do you think for a second whatever this is isn't on my mind every second of every single day?"

"I know it is," I say. "We're alone, Faust. We can… talk…"

"I already know what I want," he says. "Why talk about it?"

Faust takes me to the living room.

He sits on the couch.

I stand in front of him.

I'm shaking. I'm buzzing.

His fingers play with the slit in the blanket, opening it enough so he can reach inside and touch me.

I feel his fingertips against my stomach.

My teeth chatter.

"All of it, sweetie," he says. "All of you. I need to see. I need to touch. I need to kiss. I need… to know…"

It really doesn't make sense why this particular thing bothers me.

Here's the reality of it all - I was pregnant. My body grew and housed a life. A beautiful life. My stomach grew. My body did everything it was supposed to do.

So what if there are some marks, right? Why does it matter, right?

My hands keep shaking even as Faust reaches with his other hand.

He wants the blanket off me.

He wants me to drop the blanket.

He wants me to stand in front of him, completely naked, showing off my entire body.

Fuck.

Faust pulls at the blanket and I open my eyes with a whimpering gasp.

The blanket falls. Heat fills my body.

My hands try to cover my stomach but Faust grabs my wrists.

"No," he growls. "Stop it, sweetie. Stop fucking hiding from me."

His voice is so powerful.

I look down at him as he looks at me.

He releases his hold on my wrists. I keep my hands at my sides.

I take a deep breath.

Faust touches my hips.

"Oh, sweetie," he says. "You're perfect. Look at you. How can you not see this?"

He moves forward, closer to me.

Butterflies explode in my stomach.

His nose touches my stomach and he begins to lift and lower his head. Nuzzling his nose against the stretch marks from pregnancy.

Then his lips kiss them.

Over and over…

"You're perfect, Shelby," he growls. "How could you ever hide this from me?"

His hands move to the small of my back and he pulls me against his mouth.

He's kissing my belly with such passion. Groaning and grunting.

He makes me shiver.

Then his mouth begins to kiss down.

From my belly down to my mound.

Down even more, his tongue slithering gently between my legs, licking my still wet folds. I feel his tongue dance against my clit and I finally manage to let out a groaning sound.

He pulls his mouth away and looks up at me.

"I've wanted you from the second I met you, Shelby," he says.

He pulls at me, forcing me to move up and onto the couch, straddling him.

"I fell in love with you the night we met too," he confesses. "That night at the edge of the lake. Before it all got so fucked up. Before I forced myself to try and forget you…"

He pulls me down.

His cock presses between my legs.

"Oh, fuck," I groan.

He's inside me once more.

His left hand touches my stomach.

I shiver… but I trust him.

I have to trust him.

I love him.

"I never meant it," I purr as I feel my hips sinking lower, taking more and more of him. "It was all so fucked up!"

Now I feel drunk.

From booze. From sex.

My adrenaline pumping. My heart racing.

"I know, sweetie," Faust says.

He begins to kiss my chest, moving from one breast to the other.

I put my head back and get lost in the pleasure.

We both know what we did all those years ago.

What was right and what was wrong didn't make sense and didn't matter.

Faust fucks me.

I fuck Faust.

The present is between my legs.

The recent past has stretch marks on my stomach.

But the past where this all started…

It'll always be fresh in my head and my heart.

What we did… years ago…