Chapter 11

11

Shelby

I've been sipping wine like a lush since Faust left the first time.

I had no idea if he would come back or not. I ended up calling Dani, who always shows up when I need her. Trust me, I feel guilty all the time, wondering when the day would come when Nathan would tell her that I was a pain in the ass.

Which I definitely am.

What did I expect from Faust when I told him about our son?

He showed up, didn't he? He showed up… he was kind, calm, and gentle with our son. Oh, and when my asshole neighbor was annoying, he went right down there and handled the situation. Then he offered to put us into a better apartment.

I place the wine bottle onto the counter and walk to Oakley's room.

The door is open and I creep along the wall, listening.

"So we're reading a scary kids book at bedtime?" Faust asks.

"Yes," Oakley's sweet innocent voice responds.

"Man, you're one brave kid. You don't bug your mother in the middle of the night with nightmares, do you?"

"Not usually. Just sometimes."

"Can I give you a trick?" Faust asks.

"Okay."

"A nightmare is like a story playing in our head. That's what dreams are. So imagine you're watching a show and you want to change it. What do you do?"

"Use the remote?" Oakley asks.

"Exactly, kiddo. Use the remote. So use the remote in your brain. You can dream about anything you want. Did you know that?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'm telling you… you can. If a bad dream starts playing just grab the remote in your head and change it. Tell me a good dream. What's your favorite dream?"

"Um… I don't know. Maybe going to the zoo."

"There you go," Faust says. "Change the channel to the zoo. You and your mom walking around the zoo. Let me guess, your favorite animal is a tiger?"

Oakley starts to laugh.

My heart swells.

I peek around the corner and into the room and I see Faust sitting on the edge of the bed, holding Bongo , making the stuffed animal dance.

It's a moment I've dreamed of for a long time.

"Did you know you can meet people in your dream?" Faust asks Oakley.

"You can?" Oakley asks.

"Oh, yeah, kiddo. You just have to make plans before you fall asleep. So tonight, if you want, you can meet up with your mom at the zoo." Faust turns his head and looks right at me. He knew I was there the entire time… "Right, Shelby?"

"Of course," I say as I step into the room. "Should we invite Faust too?"

"Yeah," Oakley says. "I guess, only if he wants to show up."

Faust messes up Oakley's already messy hair. "I'll always show up, kiddo. Got that?"

Oakley nods.

My ovaries are about to explode. My head screams No! to that.

I feel like I can cry too.

"See you in the morning?" Faust asks Oakley.

"Are you sleeping over here?" Oakley asks.

"Yeah," Faust says.

Oh? I ask myself. That's fucking breaking news to me.

"Want me to read or should we let Mom handle it?" Faust asks.

Mom …?

Addressing me like that…?

Oh, dear, forget about my ovaries. There's a warmth radiating elsewhere now.

I can't tell if Faust is meaning to be this torturous to me or not.

"Mommy?" Oakley asks, looking at me.

"Why don't we skip a book tonight, Oakley? It's getting late and you did not have a good rest today. You're going to be a grump tomorrow."

"Fine," Oakley groans. "I knew you were going to say that."

Faust offers a fist for Oakley to punch. "Goodnight, kiddo. I'll see you tomorrow."

Faust stands up and walks toward me.

He breezes right by me and I'm engulfed in the smell of his soap and cologne.

I close my eyes for a second, telling myself I need to get a grip here and stop being so turned on so easily.

But if you want to know the truth about something. About me. ( Blame this confession on the wine .)

I haven't been with anyone since that night with Faust.

Yeah, the math says that's seven years ago… give or take a week or month…

That's a long time to not have the touch of a man.

A really long time.

But all I've known is motherhood.

I look at my son as he's waiting for me to tuck him in, kiss him and sing to him…

Motherhood is all I've known.

Or maybe I've been secretly waiting for Faust to show up and have his way with me.

I step out of the bedroom, pull the door shut and see Faust standing in the hallway.

The door clicks and Faust moves for me.

His hands slide over my hips with ease and he lifts me up.

I grab at his shoulders, sucking in a breath…

He picks me up, making me eye level with him.

He kisses me.

I swear that this is all a dream right now.

That I drank too much wine and I'm having a wild, drunk dream.

His lips press against mine with force. His tongue runs against my lips, parting them with ease.

I open my mouth and sigh with the heavy scent and taste of merlot on my breath.

Faust doesn't care one bit.

He kisses me deeper. Harder. Faster.

We're totally making out right now outside the bedroom door of our son.

This has always sort of been a fantasy of mine in a way…

You know, after a long day of living and parenting, you put your child to bed. And it's just you and the father of your child and everything just… all those feelings kick up and you just go at each other…

Faust's tongue moves from my mouth to my neck.

He kisses hard there too. I feel his teeth graze my skin. His mouth sucks .

I gasp and have to smack him in the shoulder.

"No marks," I manage to whisper. "Please… no marks…"

"Not there, fine," he growls into my ear and turns and walks me down the hallway toward my bedroom.

Once we're inside my bedroom he throws me onto my bed.

I bounce.

This is it.

I've dreamed of this…

I kick my left leg at him and he swats it away.

"No, Faust," I cry out. "I'm not kidding. The monitor!"

He freezes. "What?"

"The monitor. For Oakley. It's in the kitchen. I'm sorry…"

I feel the lust deflate from the room.

As hot as things kicked up, they cool right back down.

I feel deflated too as Faust backs up and hurries toward the door.

He's gone.

I know he'll be back but a part of me teases inside my head that he's going to leave and leave for good.

The seconds it takes for Faust to return are very long, silent seconds.

He's back in the bedroom. The monitor is turned on.

He places it on the incorrect nightstand. I don't correct him.

He spins it around so we can't see the screen.

Before I can say a word, Faust grabs my ankles and pulls me toward him.

I let out a cry and cover my mouth.

He lowers his body down to mine.

His bulge nestles between my legs.

"Oh… fuck…" I whisper.

"I'm so fucking pissed at you, sweetie," Faust growls.

I nod. Fast. I have nothing to say.

"Yet I'm sure you had your reasons. We can make sense of that later."

He brushes his lips to my forehead.

Then he speaks again.

"Before all that, I need to taste you."