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Chapter 11

CHAPTER

ELEVEN

I expected a whole lot of official fallout from my incursion onto Alpha Tau property, but it didn't come. The Alpha Taus didn't complain to Bart or to the fraternity council or to the dean's office or to Coach Larson, but the threat of it was there, lurking. Charlie told me he was taking care of it, but by Thursday afternoon, the sensation of waiting for the other shoe to drop had my gut churning, and I was a mess of nerves.

I texted Charlie.

Has anything else happened? Should I be watching out for campus security?

The dots danced across the screen.

You're good. I told Marty I was giving you emergency study notes. Said it was too late to walk over to the library and obviously I wasn't going anywhere near Kappa. He bought it.

I flopped back against my bed, relief making my limbs weak.

I could kiss you right now.

Not under that maple you can't. Like, ever. Marty made a point of telling me you were still banned after the jello thing. He even printed me a map with the property boundaries marked and walked me along them to make sure there was no confusion. I think he's considering painting an X on the sidewalk for you to stand on in case I ever need to talk to you again. And he's for sure keeping a lookout, so maybe just stay on your side of the street for now?

I took two things away from that.

One, Marty O'Brien was gonna be one hell of a lawyer.

Two, sneaking around like this would be harder than I'd thought now that the Alpha Taus were on the alert.

But hey, if Romeo and Juliet could do it, we could, right? Because, say what you will about how it ended, at least their families only found out after they were dead.

That weekend, Charlie and I had our first official but secret date. We met up at the donut shop, and he changed out of his uniform, and then we drove to a Chinese place in Colonial Heights, which we figured was far enough away from campus that nobody would spot us there. I got chicken, vegetables, and rice and watched Charlie eat his deep fried sweet and sour pork with envy.

"Sorry," he said when he noticed my gaze. "Your diet really sucks."

"Yeah," I said. "I know. I would kill someone for some fried ice cream. Or... no, a donut . But with Christmas coming up, I need to be super strict now so I can at least eat my mom's pie then."

Charlie eyed my meal and my glass of water. "Is this what it's like dating a supermodel?"

I snorted. "With the carbs in rice? No way. Anyhow, I'm not even allowed alcohol, let alone cocaine."

He laughed so hard he choked on his pork, and I laughed right along with him.

"It has to be hard though, right?" he said. "Like, before I met you I never really gave it much thought. Everyone always assumes college athletes get an easy ride because the administration will bend over backward to push you guys through academically, but it's harder than it looks, isn't it?"

"You're on an academic scholarship. That's hard too. Like, you work two jobs."

"But at least nobody tells me I can't eat candy."

I snorted. But I'd known what I was in for when I signed up for a sports program—or at least I'd thought I did, which amounted to the same thing. And I didn't regret it.

Still, it would have been nice if after dinner, I'd been able to eat my fortune cookie. As it was, I shoved it across the table at Charlie. He cracked it open and tugged the little piece of paper out. He ate the cookie pieces and slid the paper back to me.

"It's your fortune. You should read it."

Our fingers brushed as I took the paper. "‘A heart set on love will do no wrong.'"

He opened his and read it. "Huh."

"What?"

He raised his eyebrows. "‘A long dispute will soon be solved.'"

"That's a good one too," I said.

"I don't think they put bad fortunes in cookies. It's probably bad for business."

"I got an empty one when I was a kid. I was about nine and had an existential crisis. I kept checking my mirror for a week to make sure I wasn't a ghost."

Charlie tilted his head. "Isn't it vampires who don't have reflections? "

"I was nine. I wasn't an expert on the supernatural. Or anything, really."

Charlie grinned at me across the table. "So, I have an idea."

"Yeah?"

"I know you can't have cookies, but maybe once we get out of here, you could kiss me and satisfy your sugar craving that way."

"That's genius," I said, signaling for the check. "I keep saying you're the smart one in this relationship."

We spent far too long in the parking lot sharing cookie-flavored kisses, and it didn't matter that we'd had to drive out of town for our date or that I was on a strict diet or that I had to drop Charlie off a block over from Fraternity Row so nobody saw us—because I'd called what we had a relationship, and for once, Charlie hadn't argued.

We were boyfriends, and it was amazing.

Christmas break was exciting, but not in the way you'd think. Colt brought his girlfriend over to meet the family for the first time, and she announced over lunch that she was pregnant. Mom almost dropped her heirloom gravy boat. Then Colt said that they weren't sure if it was his or not, and things got super funny. For me, at least. My parents weren't doing a lot of smiling.

"You know, Tanner," Dad said later that night as we were watching TV together, "I am very, very proud of you. I don't think I say that enough."

I was pretty sure he hadn't said it ever, but eh, it was the season of goodwill and shit. "Thanks, Dad."

"Promise me you won't get a girl pregnant until you've known her more than a month."

"I'm gay, and I have a boyfriend," I said.

Dad stared at me for a long moment and then let out a slow breath. "Oh, thank God."

Which wasn't the reaction I'd expected, but this also wasn't the coming out moment I'd imagined, so it evened out in the end.

When I got back to Lassiter after the break, it was to find that Ethan must have been visited by a series of ghosts over Christmas because the first words he said when he walked in to find me unpacking were, "Hey, sorry if I've been a dick about you being gay."

He sounded pretty sincere.

"We're good," I said. "But thanks."

He clapped me on the shoulder. "Thanks for being cool about it."

I was mostly looking forward to seeing Charlie again, so I didn't hang around the house for long. I went to the library instead, which was our neutral meeting ground, only to feel a swoop of disappointment in my stomach when Charlie sent a text saying he'd had car trouble and wouldn't be back on campus until tomorrow morning.

I missed him. We'd texted over Christmas, and he'd been pleased for me when I told him about coming out to my folks, but texting wasn't the same as seeing his smile or hearing his soft drawl or tasting his lips or?—

Yeah, I really had missed him.

"Oh, man," Ethan said that afternoon, lying on his bed with his hands folded behind his head. "All you do is study and train, bro!"

I snorted from my desk, where I was looking through my history notes. "Yeah, I can't afford to slack off."

"I wish I had half your discipline," Ethan said. "Hey, Marcus said you go to some study group? What's that like?"

"Oh, it's great," I said. "It's really helped." I looked over at him. "Charlie runs it. Charlie from Alpha Tau. "

Ethan winced. "I've been a dick about him too, haven't I?"

"Yeah," I said. "A bit."

"Well, I guess karma's come along and bit me on the ass since I failed Econ last semester and Bart's on my case about needing to maintain an academic standard or some bullshit." His brow wrinkled. "Hey, do you think I could come along to the study group with you?"

My knee-jerk reaction was to say no, but it wasn't my group, so it wasn't my call. Besides, Ethan seemed to be making an effort. The least I could do was the same.

"I guess," I said. "As long as you're cool with everyone."

"Yeah," he said. "I can do that. Thanks, bro."

It felt as though I was finally getting a handle on college. Not just the classes and the brutal training schedule but the people too. Maybe I'd done some growing up in the past few months. Maybe everyone around me had as well.

Not so much a case of "new year, new me," but "new year, new everyone."

And maybe, if I was lucky, part of "new everyone" would be "new Charlie decides he wants to be seen with me after all."

Like, he didn't expect us to keep sneaking around for the next three years, did he? As it was, we'd only been on a couple of proper dates. The rest of the time, we either booked a study room or met in the dugout or made do with sneaking into the woods surrounding campus—which sounded romantic, except it was colder'n hell out there when the wind was up, and even the East Berlin part of the library was cozy in comparison.

What we had was good—it was amazing—but I couldn't shake the feeling that it could have been better . Like, having a bedroom to go to, and not just because I was thinking about sex—although I was thinking about sex, a lot —but because we would have been more comfortable. And because I wanted Charlie to be in all the parts of my life, not just in little stolen moments that I couldn't talk about with anyone else.

Like, when I found out he wasn't getting back until tomorrow, I should have been able to tell Ethan how bummed out I was by hearing that. Well, probably not Ethan. But Nash, who sent me a text to see if I was on campus yet, and asked how my Christmas was. Or Lacey, who I met out on the street later that night when I was going for a jog.

"Looking good, North!" she called out. "With an ass like that, how are you still single?"

I blushed and laughed and almost tripped over my feet. But the point was, she was my friend, and I wished I could let her know I wasn't single. I was with Charlie, and he was incredible.

But Charlie didn't want me telling anyone because of the whole stupid fraternity rivalry thing, and I'd agreed, so it was what it was.

I jogged back to Kappa, my breath coming in fluffy plumes that glowed white in the crisp night air. As always, the run had helped clear my head, and by the time I reached the driveway of Kappa house, my disappointment had faded. At least classes didn't start for another day, so maybe I could spend some time with Charlie tomorrow—and by "spend some time" I definitely meant "kiss him stupid."

I stopped on the porch long enough to pull out my phone and text him.

I can't wait to see you. I missed you.

He didn't reply, so I showered and got ready for bed, pulling on the black and blue tartan winter sleep pants my mom had given me for Christmas. On a whim, I sent Charlie a picture of myself from the waist down, lying on the bed with my ankles crossed.

I can't decide if these fall into the ‘so ugly they're awesome' or ‘just plain ugly' category. Thoughts ?

My phone vibrated as I was plugging it in to charge.

You're giving off some seriously hot lumberjack vibes right now.

Those thighs alone are at least 8/10 on the sexy scale.

And I missed you too.

My mouth curved up in a smile. Sure, what we had wasn't perfect, but it was still pretty great.

I sent one last message.

Parting is such sweet sorrow, something, something, something on the morrow.

The reply came immediately.

Really, Tan? You've forgotten already?

Pleasure curled in my gut at the pet name. I typed quickly.

Are you kidding? That assignment's done. Shakespeare is dead to me now.

I don't know how to break it to you, but he's dead to everyone.

I laughed out loud at that.

What time do you get back tomorrow?

Ugh. Stupid car. Probably not until after lunch.

That sucked, since I'd been hoping to see him before that, but at least he'd be back for study group. And maybe after, we could inspect the stacks up in Nautical Engineering.

I trudged to the library the next night with my head bowed, my hands stuffed in my pockets, and a scarf pulled up over my face to block out the biting wind. Charlie's Christmas present—a new bag for his laptop since his current one was all scuffed to shit—was jammed in the bottom of my backpack. I was early, but I was hoping we could steal some time alone before everyone else arrived.

Despite it being cold as balls, warmth flooded my chest at the thought of seeing him again. His battered old Honda had turned up at Alpha Tau late this afternoon, but I hadn't been dumb enough to try my luck sneaking over there.

Maybe I was getting smarter after all.

I was partway up the steps of the library when headlights swept across the front of the building. A familiar black Jeep pulled across two parking spaces, and three doors slammed.

"Tanner! Wait!"

Ethan's voice rang out across the parking lot as he jogged to catch up to me, along with two of his Kappa buddies, Fisher and Graham. I hadn't had much to do with them, but I knew they hung out with Ethan. Actually, that was probably why I hadn't had much to do with them.

What was that saying? Birds of a feather shit together?

"Hey," I said, hitching my backpack farther onto my shoulder as I climbed the last few steps. "What are you doing here?"

Please be buying weed. Please be buying weed.

Ethan grinned. "Monday's study group, right? I told you I wanna give it a try. You going inside or what? It's cold as fuck."

I pushed open the heavy timber doors and stepped inside. "This might not be the best night to see how it works," I said. " Like, a lot of people aren't coming since classes haven't started. So it's more friends catching up after the break, you know?" I wasn't going to tell Ethan no, but I wasn't going to encourage him either.

He shrugged. "That's cool. We just wanna check out the vibe."

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled, but really, it wasn't like I could stop them. "Follow me."

They followed me into the column era, their laughter echoing off the high ceilings, talked shit through the eastern bloc territory and joked their way through to where we held the group. I was grateful that the place was mostly empty.

We reached the room where we held the group, and as we walked in, Ethan threw one arm around my shoulders. "This it?"

Charlie was bent over a desk with his back to us, but he snapped upright and spun around. His eyes went wide, and all the color drained from his face. "What are you doing here?" His tone was hard.

I hesitated, but Ethan was still moving, so I had no choice except to keep walking forward.

"Oh hey, Charlie. Tanner invited us," Ethan said. "My grades are shit, and I gotta do something about it."

Charlie got a deep crease between his brows that I'd never seen before and didn't like the look of. "I don't think?—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Amity and Lacey came bouncing through the door, each carrying a Tupperware box. They were followed by Awa and Nash.

"Oh," Nash said, brow creasing. "New people?"

"Hey," Ethan said. "I'm Ethan, and these are my bros, Fisher and Graham. Tanner said this group is the shit, so we thought we'd check it out."

And then Ethan grabbed my wrist and tugged it, pulling me over to the table his friends had already claimed. He was wearing a shit-eating grin like he'd won the lottery, and there it was again, that prickling on the back of my neck and the sense that I was missing something.

Lacey opened a container that held rice crackers, carrot sticks, hummus, and roasted pepper dip, and pushed it in my direction.

"Snacks!" Ethan said, his eyes lighting up. He leaned forward and grabbed a handful of crackers.

"Hey!" Charlie said, his tone sharp. "Those are for Tanner!"

"Yeah?" Ethan leaned forward and planted his elbows on the table, running a cracker through the dip in a swirling motion and loading it up before taking a bite and chewing loudly.

What the fuck?

Charlie swallowed, two red spots appearing on his cheeks. "Tanner and Nash can't eat crap, so they get the healthy stuff."

Ethan grinned, his teeth stained red with roasted bell pepper. "Tanner doesn't mind sharing, do you, bro?"

Before I could say anything, Ethan scooped more dip onto a carrot stick and shoved it into my mouth, pushing it past my lips.

I'd always thought the first time I had to decide whether to spit or swallow would be a dick, not a carrot, but here we were.

I really didn't want to eat anything Ethan had touched—the dude did not believe in handwashing—but what the hell else was I meant to do?

I ate the carrot.

There was a clattering sound, and when I looked up, Charlie was standing. His face was as red as his hair, and he looked devastated. His chair was lying behind him on the floor. "Sorry," he said, his voice hitching. "I have to go."

"Are you okay Charlie?" Lacey asked.

He shook his head, scooping up his backpack. "Upset stomach," he said through clenched teeth. He pushed past the table and stormed out the door like his ass was on fire .

I started to get to my feet and go after him, but before I'd even made it out the door, my phone pinged.

I can't do this. I should have known all Kappas are assholes.

I leaned against the door frame and stared at the message, willing it to make sense, but the words stayed the same.

And then my phone pinged again. And while it still didn't make sense, the message was clear.

Don't call me.

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