Chapter 9

NINE

Trying to pin down Briar Pendelton was like trying to nail jello to the wall. I didn't even see him for two days after he sneaked into my bedroom, and then, when he finally showed up at the house on Friday afternoon to meet with Archer, he hardly said a word to me when he passed me in the hall. He was hot and cold, first with Alpha Tau in general and now with me specifically, and I didn't like it. It felt like only one of them could be the real deal, and I had no idea which. Was he into me, or not? And, if he wasn't, then what the hell was he doing? Like, if he just wanted to hook up every now and then, why not just tell me that? I couldn't get a read on him, and it sucked, because I hoped that he was as into me as I was into him, but if that was true, then why the hell did he keep running away like a scalded cat?

So, fuck my pride, or whatever.

I leaned against the wall outside Archer's room while Archer and Briar talked big brother/little brother stuff, so Briar couldn't avoid me when he was leaving. Not unless he climbed out the window. Which I wouldn't put past him if he knew I was waiting, honestly. So lucky he didn't know.

One of the Jameses gave me a strange look as he passed, but he was still too new to ask me what the fuck I was doing just standing there leaning on the wall beside Archer's closed door.

When the door opened, I straightened and pretended to be checking my phone.

"Casey?" Archer asked, stepping out into the hallway. "What's up, bro?"

"Oh, hey, man," I said, like I was surprised to see him there. "Not much. Not much." Briar sidled out into the hallway, shooting me a suspicious glare. "Briar, you got a minute? I need to go to Walmart and grab a couple more coolers since Knox managed to break one last night. You can come with."

"Shouldn't Knox be replacing it then?" Briar asked, raising his eyebrows like he could see right through me. Probably because I was transparent as fuck.

"Come on," I said. "Who doesn't like a trip to Walmart?"

"Scout," Briar and Archer said at the same time.

I ignored them. "Part of being pledge master is assigning tasks, and?—"

"I thought I wasn't a pledge anymore," Briar said.

I ignored that too. "And I'm assigning you the job of Walmart, buddy."

"Buddy? Seriously?" He folded his arms over his chest. "Fine!"

Archer gave us a look. "Do you guys need a?—"

"Nope," I said. "We're all good. Let's go, Briar."

He rolled his eyes and followed me down the stairs.

The Hopewell Walmart wasn't exactly the kind of place you'd pick to take a guy you wanted to impress, or anyone you even respected the tiniest bit, but it wasn't as though Briar had left me a choice. So, when we got there, I grabbed a cart with a wobbly wheel, tugged my list out of the pocket of my Alpha Tau hoodie, and headed for the sporting goods and camping section to check out coolers.

Briar followed along, dragging his feet and glaring at the footballs like they'd personally offended him.

I grabbed one. "Want to catch a pass?"

He raised his eyebrows and shoved his hands in his pockets. "If you throw that, I'll never speak to you again. We are indoors."

I put the football back. "You really don't like football, do you?"

"We are indoors," he repeated and grabbed the cart. "Go and grab a cooler."

"Yes, sir."

He rolled his eyes, but his mouth twitched.

And that was Briar all over, wasn't it? It was as though he was trying his hardest not to like me, or Alpha Tau, or anything about Lassiter, and I didn't understand that about him. He was a puzzle I couldn't figure out, and I didn't get why he was so difficult to know. Why he made himself that way. Why he bolted from every conversation and hookup we had. It wasn't like I was chasing after him with my grandmother's heirloom engagement ring and a book of swatches for the wedding color theme or anything. If he wanted casual, that was cool. That didn't mean we couldn't at least talk though, right? Just hang and shoot the shit like friends. But we could only do that if he was actually speaking to me. I squared my shoulders and mustered all my "having awkward conversations with pledges" skills.

At least this would be less cringeworthy than that time one of the newbies had accidentally cast his porn to the communal lounge TV—which had been a hell of a shock for those of us who were set to watch Fight Club.

"So," I said casually, walking alongside Briar, "you wanna tell me why you've been avoiding me? Like, have I offended you or something?"

Briar focused all his attention on the old clearance sticker on the cart handle. "I haven't been avoiding you."

I hoped Briar wasn't planning to be a defense lawyer because he was a terrible liar.

"So we're cool?" I pressed.

"Super cool. Cooler than these coolers we're buying," he said with a slight smile, and okay, that was more convincing. I'd never hooked up with a guy before, so maybe this was normal behavior, and I was just overthinking it.

I decided that instead of overthinking this, I was going to take Briar at his word. "Then do you want to hang out tonight?"

Briar gave me a sideways look. "Like, hook up?"

"Uh," I said. "Maybe, I guess? But also, if you just wanted to hang, that would be cool too."

He let out a long breath. "Is that really a good idea?"

Said the guy who'd sneaked into my bedroom before dawn the other morning and exchanged hand jobs? Briar and I felt like we were in orbit, both of us circling around some central point, and sometimes he was almost close enough that I could feel his gravitational pull. And other times he was light-years away, on some outer curve of an ellipsis I could never reach.

Either Briar inspired these weird poetic thoughts in me, or it was because I was staring at a brand label on a cooler that had the sun on it.

Probably the second thing.

"I..." Shit, this wasn't going how I'd hoped it would. "Actually, forget that part about hanging out and hooking up."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Briar." I turned away from the coolers and faced him. "Would you go on a date with me?"

"A date?" He stepped back, nose wrinkling, like I'd suggested hunting humans for sport.

"Yeah," I said. "Like dinner and a movie, you know."

He didn't say anything. He just blinked.

It had been a while since I'd felt humiliated. I'd forgotten the way it came over you cold and then hot, like a faulty shower. I forced a smile. "Okay. No problem. We're cool."

An expression I couldn't read filtered across Briar's face, but it seemed like the sort of awkward, pitying look you'd get when you were wondering how to extricate yourself from the world's most awkward situation. His dark eyes swam with desperation. He opened his mouth. "Casey, I?—"

"Brian?" A guy in an orange Hoos shirt and faded jeans strode down the aisle, a folding camp chair tucked under each arm. He was a big guy, mostly muscle, and he clapped Briar on the back hard enough to send him a few steps toward me. "Shit, I thought it was you! How you doin', man?"

Brian? Who the fuck was Brian?

Briar fixed what appeared to be a tense smile on his face. "Hey, Darryl. How's it going?"

"It's great, man," Darryl said. "It's great." And then he looked over to me.

"Oh," Briar said. "This is Casey. He's in my fraternity."

I don't know why that hit so hard. It wasn't like he was going to say, "This is Casey. He fucked me between the thighs so hard in the basement one time that he almost saw Jesus."

Darryl looked me up and down. Then he readjusted his camp chairs, shoving them both under his left arm, and stuck his right one out so that we could shake hands. He had a grip like iron.

"Sup," he said to me and then looked to Briar again. "Uncle Luke said you was away at college, but he never said where. So you're living in Hopewell now?"

"I'm at Lassiter." Briar was still smiling that grimace of a smile, and his voice was clipped.

Darryl didn't seem to notice the tension in him, even though Briar looked like he was vibrating as fast as a guitar string in an eighties rock ballad. "What was it you was studying? Was it?—"

"Prelaw," Briar said.

"Huh." Darryl readjusted his chairs again. "Really? I didn't know you wanted to be a lawyer."

"It's prelaw," Briar said, his shoulders stiffening like he was shaping up to fight the guy or something. I hoped he wasn't, because it was pretty clear that Darryl could wipe the floor with both of us without even raising a sweat.

"Huh." Darryl shrugged the way people had when they didn't really care, and Briar's posture relaxed a fraction. "Anyways, me and Trisha are living over in Petersburg now. You should come by sometime."

"Okay," Briar said. "Sure."

Darryl gave him a slightly puzzled look, as though he was realizing for the first time that Briar wasn't comfortable. He shuffled his feet. "Well, it was nice seein' you, Brian. Good to meet you, Casey."

"Good to meet you too," I said, and Darryl hefted his camp chairs more securely up into his armpits and ambled away down the aisle. "So, that was?—"

But Briar was already moving, in the opposite direction of Darryl. By the time I caught up with him with the cart, he was in the next aisle, looking as though he was seriously considering climbing inside a display tent to hide.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

He hunched his shoulders and stared fixedly at the tent. "That was my cousin."

"Oh."

"You can't be called Briar, that's a goddamn girl's name." His voice was gruff, like he was imitating someone else. "My dad said that, not Darryl. But you were wondering, right? Why he didn't call me Briar? It's because nobody in my family calls me Briar."

I felt hot and cold again, but this time it wasn't humiliation—this time it was dread—and it wasn't for me. "I don't think Briar is a girl's name."

Briar snorted.

"Well, it's your name," I said. "And you're not a girl. So it has to be a guy's name too, right? Living proof, right here."

He snorted again, and the sound came out a little wetter than he probably intended.

"I don't trust people, Casey," he said. He still wasn't looking at me, but I didn't need to meet his gaze to know the words were coming right from his heart. "I was supposed to go to college and leave all of them behind, you know? Be me for once."

"And then Harvey happened," I said. He'd never said exactly what had occurred at his last college, but it didn't take a genius to realize it had been bad.

He hunched over more. "Yeah."

Fuck it.

I stepped up behind him and put my arms around him. He stiffened in my awkward embrace for a second, and I thought for sure he'd push me away, but then he turned around and dropped his head on my shoulder. His arms snaked around me, and he sniffled.

"It's not like that with us," I said, thinking of my brothers at Alpha Tau. I rubbed a hand up and down his back. "With me."

"They're not bad people," Briar said into my shoulder. "My family. They're not."

I didn't know which one of us he was trying to convince. "Okay."

"They just..." He shuddered and then straightened up. Scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "They don't get the whole makeup and clothes thing."

"So, what, you don't see them at all?" I couldn't imagine choosing not to talk to my family—but then again, I also couldn't imagine my family not accepting me.

"It's just… easier," Briar said. He lifted his head and jutted his chin out, and I saw a flash of his normal prickly attitude. "Hell, if they can't cope with me changing my name from Brian, they're sure as shit not equipped to handle a pretty boy in eyeliner. But I've always hated Brian since I was little. It doesn't fit."

"Okay, so Brian's a terrible name, and I see why you ditched it," I said. "I mean, come on. Who wants to be named after the dog in Family Guy?"

Briar let out a snort, and the corners of his mouth tilted upward. "Right?"

"Right," I said.

An old guy huffed impatiently, so I had to let Briar go to move the cart so he could get around us. I thought that was the end of our closeness, but as soon as the old guy passed by, Briar stepped close again. He tilted his head back and looked at me like he was considering something.

"So," he said, "about the date thing."

Right. Somehow, in the space of five minutes, I'd managed to forget that Briar wasn't interested, and now he felt the need to spell it out for me. Those hot and cold waves of humiliation were back, and wow, they never got any better, did they?

"It's fine. You already said no," I said roughly, eyeing the display tent. I wondered if Walmart leased space by the month and if I could hide out in the Bear Mountain Two Man Outdoor Deluxe until I got over making a fool of myself—which should take no longer than three to seven years, at a guess.

Briar put a hand on my forearm. "Wow," he said. "Just, wow." When I glanced over at him, he was smiling, a teasing little thing. "For someone who talks a whole heap about not making snap judgements, you're pretty quick to jump to conclusions. I never said no."

I blinked at him. "You never said yes either."

He rolled his eyes. "We're in Walmart, Casey. For coolers. Excuse me if you caught me by surprise."

"What?"

"Would I go out with you on a date?" he asked. "Yes. Would I go out with you on a date if you asked me in Walmart? Hell, no! Do better, Casey!"

Bubbles burst in my bloodstream, and I fought the urge not to break out in hysterical laughter. "Oh, shit. Okay. Um, I can ask you again in the parking lot. Would that count?"

"Hmm." Briar chewed his bottom lip for a moment. "Only if you buy me some of those pink frosted sugar cookies on the way out."

"Deal," I said and began to push our cart toward the bakery section at breakneck speed with Briar rolling his eyes and following.

Saturday was movingin day for our newest brothers, the former pledges. It was the chaos of our first day back at campus, on a slightly smaller scale. Marty drove his Jeep back and forth between the dormitories and Fraternity Row, a circuitous route that would have been much quicker to walk, except for all the luggage and boxes that had to get loaded up. You wouldn't think ten guys could have that much stuff, but it added up.

Charlie was first to arrive—Scout had insisted on collecting him—and despite the fact that it was barely past eight, he was full of energy and just so fucking happy to be moving into the house that I couldn't even hold his good mood against him, and I was not a morning person.

He unloaded his stuff from Scout's Jeep while Scout watched on, unsmiling.

"Hey, Scout," I said.

"It's too fucking early for this," he said, leaning against the driver's door with his arms folded. I wasn't fooled. Dollars to donuts Scout had picked Charlie up early so he could take him out for breakfast.

I gave him a nod of agreement and grabbed some boxes. As we walked up the porch steps I said, "You eat yet?"

Charlie gave me an uncertain smile. "Um, yeah. Scout took me to that fancy place on Main. He said he refused to face the day without decent coffee and French toast. And then he said I should eat as well since we were there." He bit his lip. "Casey, he paid for me, and when I offered to give him half, he just looked at me as if I'd suggested drowning a kitten or something." He lowered his voice. "Do I, like, owe him breakfast now?"

I grinned. "Nah, bro, you're cool. With Scout, if he wants to buy you shit, it's best to just go with it, or he gets hella cranky." I'd let Scout keep his reputation as a grumpy asshole a little longer.

Charlie gave a relieved smile, and he didn't even bitch when he had to climb all the way up to the third floor with his boxes. He was bouncier than Marty on a sugar high. I guessed it helped that many hands made light work—Connor kicked everyone out of bed to lift and carry.

When we got to his room, there was a delay while Charlie got caught up second-guessing himself about whether Briar would mind if he took the bed under the window. After he changed his mind for the fifth time, I pulled out my phone, and I texted Briar.

Yo, you want the bed by the window or the wall? Charlie's having a conniption trying to choose.

Wall. So you can pin me against it.

My cheeks heated, and something like a whine escaped me. I had no idea what to say, but I sure as hell wasn't letting that go unanswered in case Briar took my silence the wrong way. In the end, I fired back:

Holy shit, Briar.

I followed it with three chili emojis to make sure he knew I was on board.

Charlie raised his eyebrows and took a step toward me. "You okay?"

I stuffed my phone hastily into my pocket before he could see. "Briar says you can have the window," I said, trying to ignore the images dancing in my brain of a half-naked Briar with his arms around my neck and his legs wrapped around my waist, panting and gasping as I railed him hard. I cleared my throat. "You good?"

"Oh, yeah! This place is so awesome! Like, before Trey told me about the accommodation grant, I really thought I was gonna be stuck at Carmichael, and it's kind of nasty over there. Did you know they had an infestation of rats last year?"

"Oh, the rats?" Marty's voice sailed into the room two seconds before the man himself. "Yeah, it was insane. Have you ever seen a rat king?" he asked with a gleam in his eye.

"No?"

"It's disgusting and awesome all at once," Marty said. "Lemme show you." He pulled his phone out.

"No!" I wasn't letting Marty traumatize my baby pledges—at least, not this early in the year. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around so he was facing the door before giving him a shove. "You need to go collect Luis, remember?"

"Oh right!" He bounded back down the stairs. I turned to Charlie and said, "Trust me. Whatever you do, don't google rat king. Or anything else Marty tells you to."

Charlie nodded, eyes wide, and I followed Marty down the stairs.

It took until noon to get everyone moved in. I didn't feel like lifting, so under the excuse of "fostering independence," I made the pledges carry their own shit upstairs while Marty and I watched from the couch. Squirrel ran back and forth whimpering and making excited noises at all the new people, and I could see he was getting hyped, so I stood and headed for the front door, grabbing his lead. "I'm gonna take him for a walk until he settles."

As I was walking down the path, the front door flew open. "Casey! Wait!" I turned to see Briar waving at me. We'd exchanged nods when he'd arrived but hadn't had a chance to talk yet, so I waited as he hurried to catch up. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were flushed, and there was a streak of dust smeared on his hoodie, and I still wanted to hold him against the wall and kiss him until we were both breathless.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. "Hey."

Squirrel whined impatiently and pulled on his lead, closing the distance between us.

Briar leaned down and pet him and then straightened up again. He flashed me a wicked grin, which I loved, but I thought I saw some uncertainty in his gaze. I loved that a little bit too. For all his prickly edges, maybe that meant Briar got a matching swooping feeling in his belly when he saw me, the same as I did for him. The same sort you got on the Drop Tower at Kings Dominion right before it let you go.

"So," he said, tilting his head. Sunlight gave his ink-black hair a blueish sheen. "When are you taking me on this epic date of ours?"

"Epic?" I asked. Squirrel tugged at his lead again, impatient to start his walk, and Briar fell into step beside me as I headed for the sidewalk.

"Yup," Briar said. "I've decided."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I've decided that I'm ready for you to impress me. So, where are we going?"

"Cafe Meow?" Shit, I hoped that was impressive enough.

He nodded. "Sounds good." We paused so Squirrel could investigate one of the red maples that lined Fraternity Row, and Briar tilted his head and bit his lip before saying, "And what should I wear?"

What sort of a question was that? "Smart casual, I guess?"

"So, if I turned up in stockings and a skirt and heels?" His chin jutted out in an unspoken challenge, and suddenly I got it. Briar didn't care about the restaurant dress code. He wanted to know if I was willing to be seen with him in all his pretty femboy glory—which, fuck yes.

Just the thought of it had my dick perking up. I stepped closer, leaned down, and murmured in his ear, "If you turn up in a skirt and heels, I hope you don't expect me to talk a lick of sense over dinner because I'll spend the entire meal imagining what I'm gonna do to you after."

"Oh?" Briar smirked. "And what are you gonna do to me?"

"Well, if you're agreeable, I'm gonna take you back to my room, peel every stitch off of you, and?—"

"Yes," Briar said. "Yes to everything."

"You don't know what I was going to say next."

Briar gave me another one of those wicked smiles, more certain this time. "Casey, I don't think you get it. For whatever reason, you push all my buttons." He stepped forward, put his hand on my chest, pushed me so my back was pressed against the tree, and kissed me.

It took me a second to catch up, but then I was kissing him back, cupping one hand behind his head and opening my mouth eagerly when his tongue teased the seam of my lips, searching for entry. My eyes drifted closed, and I savored the taste and feel of his plush mouth against mine, sparks racing through me.

My hand in his hair tightened as the kiss grew more heated, and he let out a low moan. Want surged through me, and I didn't even care that we were making out against a tree in the middle of Fraternity Row because Briar kissing me had driven every other thought out of my head.

When Briar broke the kiss and pulled away, the loss of him was sudden and shocking. I didn't whimper, not exactly, but I sure as hell made some kind of sound.

Briar let out a breathless laugh, then grinned up at me and said, "Whatever we do after dinner tomorrow, I promise I'm gonna blow your everloving mind." And with that, he turned and sauntered ahead of me, adding an extra swing to his hips. I stood there, weak-kneed and turned on beyond belief, and tried to pull myself together.

Holy shit.

Tomorrow night couldn't come soon enough.