Chapter 4

FOUR

When I woke up the next morning, the house was mostly empty. I didn't have any early classes today, thank fuck, so I got to hang for a while before heading out. I bought a breakfast burrito at the hole-in-the-wall place on campus and slunk into my English class late. Luckily both the professor and the TA were cool, so my lateness wouldn't bite me in the ass. I sent a few texts back and forth with my sister, Jamie, my phone held strategically under my desk. Jamie was doing a master's in International Development Policy at Georgetown because she'd always been an overachiever. We joked that one day she'd be a member of the House of Representatives, and I'd be on the Supreme Court. At least, I was only joking. Jamie was probably dead serious.

How's your frat boy pledge bullshit going?

Great! Thanks for asking!

Sarcasm really didn't translate well over text, so I threw in a few middle finger emojis to make sure she got the point. I got some cry-laughing faces in return.

Jamie liked to make fun of me for being in a fraternity—she used the terms "frat boy" and "fuckboy" interchangeably, which was, generally speaking, a very fair assessment—but she also listened when I talked to her about how Alpha Tau was different and about how I was a part of that difference. She had my back where it counted. Like, deep, deep down.

I think I have a crush on one of my pledges. Pledges aren't meant to be pretty!

Is the problem that he's a pledge or he's pretty?

I didn't even have to think about that answer.

That he's a pledge.

Then you could just try waiting until he's not and see how you feel then?

And that right there was why I'd texted her; Jamie was smart as hell. Like, I wasn't having a crisis about my sexuality or anything here. Our mom was proudly bi, and I'd once heard Dad tell her that he was updating his celebrity hall pass list to include Idris Elba. And it was cool. Shit like that didn't matter in my parents' house, but I'd be kidding myself if I said it didn't matter here in the southern part of Virginia, even on a campus as liberal as Lassiter. Because for all my talk of pushing for change at Alpha Tau, there was one thing I'd never done when I'd joined, and that was tell everyone that I wasn't straight. At the time, I'd assured myself it wasn't relevant. I mostly liked girls, after all. But looking back, I wondered how much of it was fear. It was easier to be the loud ally than to announce you had skin in the game, right? It was easier to cheer for Archer and Scout and Trey and Marty from the sidelines than to stand up alongside them.

And after all, if it was purely a numbers game, I did like girls more than guys. Except sexuality wasn't a numbers game and I'd sure done a lot of talking loudly about girls for someone who was supposedly secure with their bisexuality. Their secret bisexuality. Yeah, I wasn't proud of how I'd acted in my sophomore fuckboy phase, brief as it had been, where I'd somehow gotten it in my head that I didn't just need to date lots of girls—I also needed to be seen to be dating them.

I was pretty sure that fear had held me back from coming out. But that had been past me. This year, I was ready to share. And not just because Briar was cute as hell but because the time felt right for me.

After English, I headed for the campus bookstore in the student services mall off the quad. I pulled out my emergency credit card—the one Mom and Dad insisted was only for books, doctors' visits, and if I ever broke down on the side of the highway in the middle of the night—and bought a bi pride flag. When I got back to the fraternity house, I tacked the flag up on my and Marty's bedroom door. Then I went into the common room, fired up the PS5, and waited.

After a while, Scout slunk in like a narrow-eyed stray cat. He sat on the end of the couch and stared at me. "I have an idea for the candy drive."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, my eyes fixed on the screen.

"We should try to beat the Zetas at their own game," he said.

"Like how?"

"Like by getting our pledges to dress up like sorority girls."

I set the controller down. "I mean, that would probably sell a lot of candy. Run it by Trey though. I'm not agreeing to it unless the prez approves. And it's gotta be voluntary." I thought of Charlie and of Briar. "I don't want the guys to think we're trying to humiliate them."

Scout nodded, eyes still narrow. Then he stood up and walked away. He stopped at the door and turned to look at me. "I saw your flag. Nice."

He left the room, and I bit back a smile. That was about as demonstrative as Scout got.

Knox came by a few minutes later, but maybe he hadn't been upstairs yet because he didn't mention the flag. "Hey, did you get notes in today's English class?"

I nodded.

"Can you email them to me?"

"No problem."

"Thanks, bro." And he wandered out again, and I concentrated on killing mind flayers.

A bag of donuts hit me in the chest.

"Bro!" Marty's ass hit the couch beside me. He bounced a couple of times, grabbed the donuts back, and then wrenched the controller out of my hands so he could pause the game. "I got us donuts."

"Yeah," I said, brushing bits of frosting off my shirt. "I see that."

Marty shoved a donut into his mouth. "Do you have any pantyhose?"

"What?"

"Do you have any pantyhose?"

"The fuck would I have pantyhose?"

Marty didn't answer that. "Scout says it's not fair that the Zetas sell more candy than us, just because they're hot girls. So he said we should be hot girls too. I dunno, bro. Maybe he just wants to try out sexy underwear for Trey but he's too afraid to bring it up."

"Firstly, Trey hasn't approved the candy plan yet," I said. "And secondly, it's for the pledges."

Marty scrunched up his nose. "But I can join in if I want, right? This ass would pop in a skirt."

I considered it. Marty was pretty popular on campus, and he'd probably make us a few hundred bucks just through his unrelenting enthusiasm. "I guess? But first the prez has to give it the okay."

"I told you. Prez isn't a thing." Trey dropped to the couch on my other side. "And if this is the candy drive, I'm good with it as long as it's voluntary. We don't need anybody's family coming for us when a picture of their son in a skirt turns up in twenty years' time and saying we forced them into drag."

I gave him a look. "You mean we don't want one of our alumni saying in twenty years' time that they were peer-pressured into depravities in their youth but fortunately God has forgiven them. And, by the way, let's overturn some more human rights in the Supreme Court."

Trey returned the look. "You think we're producing that kind of alumni?"

"Well, we're trying not to," I said, helping myself to a donut, "but we're working against a whole lot of generations of Southern gentlemen here."

Trey's mouth twitched. "And here I thought you were a Southern gentleman yourself."

"I'm a northern Southern gentleman," I said. "You can see DC from my house."

"A fact you bring up whenever you can."

"Because it's an important distinction."

Marty elbowed me. "You're just a snob. Or a reverse snob. I don't know which one. Hey, Trey, is the candy drive only for pledges, or can I wear a skirt too? I'm not gonna cry to God about it in twenty years. I mean, Jesus wore a dress, right?"

"Anyway," Trey said. "Attending the candy drive is mandatory for the new bros, but the dressing up part is their choice. And wear whatever you want, Marty."

"Thanks, prez," Marty said.

"Not happening," Trey said. He stood and stalked out of the room, scooping up Marty's donuts on the way.

"That was harsh," Marty grumbled, chasing a few crumbs on his shirt with his fingertip. "Maybe I won't call him that again." He looked at the screen. "You need to use your Animate Dead spell first."

"I got it."

"Then your Invisible Stalker."

"Marty, I got it."

"Did you buy me a gay flag?" Marty asked. "No, what's the pink-and-purple one?"

"It's bi."

"Oh yeah. Well, I'm probably more gay than bi, but I haven't really settled on it yet. Like, me and the Zetas used to smash, and it was great and all, but I think Dalton's kind of it for me now. Does that mean I'm gay or am I bi?"

"I bought it for me, Marty."

"Cool." He held out a hand for a fist bump. "Are you, like, bi for anyone in particular? I think Charlie's crushing on you."

"No," I said, "and no." It was technically the truth. "I've known for years. Just figured it was time to be open about it, you know?"

"Not really," Marty said. "I kind of went full gay before I even thought about that stuff. Worth it though." He wiped his fingers on his shirt. "Have you seen Squirrel? I gotta walk him."

"Sawyer came by and got him earlier. There's a girl at Zeta Tau he's interested in, and Squirrel's being his wingman."

"Nice. Squirrel's the best for that," Marty said and then flashed me a wicked smile. "Wait until Ethan figures out he's missing out on all the love that comes with walking Squirrel. He's gonna be hella mad."

"Yeah, well. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy," I said. "I'll bet you a twenty he kicks up a ruckus over wearing a skirt for the candy drive."

"Skirts and heels, bro," Marty said, "skirt and heels. You gotta commit. And nah, that's a sucker bet."

Some people thought Marty was stupid, but that right there was proof that they were wrong. He was smart when it mattered, like when I was trying to scam him out of twenty bucks.

I shrugged. "Worth a try."

Marty just laughed and then stood and wandered out of the common room. I picked up my controller and played for a while longer before the alarm on my watch beeped, reminding me that it was my turn to supervise the pledges and make sure they were up to speed with their household chores. I was pretty confident we had a competent bunch this year, but I still had to go through the motions.

I turned the game off and stood, stretching to get the kinks out of my back from hunching over while I'd played. When I turned around, Briar was in the doorway watching me, lips slightly parted. Not that I was looking at his mouth or anything because I wasn't a creeper. He just happened to have a really nice Cupid's bow, and my gaze had landed on it, that was all.

"Hey," I said, shooting him a grin. "You good?"

"Yeah," he said, giving me a shy smile in return.

I tugged down my shirt, which had ridden up as I'd stretched, and ambled over. "You here to take your turn on the roster?"

"Bathroom restock." He wrinkled his nose. "I'm pretty sure I don't need someone to show me how to hang toilet paper and refill soap dispensers."

"But, Briar," I said, wide-eyed, "what if you hang the toilet roll under instead of over? Scout might have a breakdown, and then we'd have to listen to a lecture from Trey. Again."

Briar snorted.

"Bro," I said, "I'm serious. I'm pretty sure he still has a PowerPoint on it somewhere with pictures of the original toilet roll patent to prove he's right. He made it in our freshmen year to win an argument with Marshall."

Briar burst out laughing, and fuck me, even his laugh was pretty.

When we headed up the stairs, he was still smiling, and it was a far cry from the prickly, defensive little shit that had turned up at that first meet and greet. I liked to think I had something to do with his change in attitude, at least a little.

I led him to the store cupboard to show him where everything was kept, and he paused outside my bedroom door, taking in the flag. "Whose is that?"

"Mine," I said.

He cocked his head. "It wasn't there the other day."

"Nope." I did my best to sound confident rather than apologetic. It wasn't like I had anything to apologize for.

Briar looked at the flag and at me and chewed his bottom lip for a second. His cheeks got a faint pink tinge, and he said, "Huh. Cool." Then he shot me a sunny smile like he was proud of me or something, and swear to god, that smile was like a warm hug or some shit. It made my insides kind of melty and squirmy but not in a bad way. More in a "damn he's cute, and I like him, and does he like me back?" kind of way. If I was a Zeta Tau, I would have been twirling the end of my ponytail around my finger right now.

"Anyhow," I said and slapped him a little too hard on the back to overcompensate. "Good luck with the chores."

And now he was looking at me like I was a crazy person, which was probably fair.

"Oh, hey," I said. "Just FYI. The candy drive might be a drag thing now."

His smile faded. "A drag thing?"

"It's just for fun and totally voluntary," I said. "Like, I wanna stress that. Nobody needs to do anything they're not comfortable with. That's not how we roll here."

"Yeah." His smile was back, this time a quick flash before he ducked his head. "I'm starting to get that."

"I'll send out the group text later," I said. "But I wanted to give you a heads-up. And Charlie too."

Briar chewed the inside of his mouth for a moment. "Because we're the obvious gay kids who got swirlies in high school?"

"Oh shit. That's fucking?—"

"I didn't." Briar narrowed his eyes. "But that's the vibe I give off, right?"

"There's no way for me to answer that without you kicking my ass, is there?"

"You think I could kick your ass?"

"Yeah," I said. "Like, I'm bigger than you, but I'm pretty sure you'd have pure rage on your side. You'd be like a fighty little dumpster cat. Tiny but ferocious."

He wrinkled his nose.

"It was a compliment, I promise," I said. "You'd absolutely kick my ass."

He laughed again.

I resisted the urge to stand there making heart eyes and instead left him to his chores.

When I ran Charlie through the Squirrel roster, I gave him the same heads-up about the candy drive as I'd given Briar. He laughed and said he was in, which was a pleasant surprise. If the rest of the new guys were on board, this would be hilarious and a great way for them to bond over the shared ridiculousness. Hell, Marty was doing it, so why not me? It was only supposed to be for the pledges, but what kind of pledge master would I be if I didn't lead by example?

After the chores were done, the new guys stayed for supper. It was always interesting talking to the pledges and watching them come out of their shell a little as they relaxed around us. Charlie, it turned out, had a wicked sense of humor, and Sawyer was hella into Roman history, of all things.

Ethan was intent on reminding everyone that his daddy was a lawyer, which wasn't the hot take he seemed to think it was—not at this table, anyway. And when Scout drawled, "Aw, ain't that cute? My daddy was a lawyer once, back when he started out. He's a judge now," Ethan shut up pretty quick and focused on his potatoes.

I hid a smile. When Scout was done with you, you knew it.

After supper, I headed upstairs. Marty had gone over to Dalton's, and I had the room to myself, which was kinda nice. I sprawled across the bed and was just contemplating jerking off in peace when there was a knock at the door.

"Casey?" Trey's voice was muffled.

So much for that plan.

"Yeah?"

He opened the door and stuck his head inside. "Hey."

"Hey. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just checking in, what with, y'know. Coming out and all."

Hearing him say it like that made it more real, somehow. I sat and swung my legs over the side of the bed, a dumb smile on my face and warmth flooding my chest because he'd thought to check in on me. It was a reminder that I belonged, that I mattered to these guys, and I appreciated the hell out of it. "I'm good, I think. Time felt right, y'know?"

"I might have some idea about that, yeah," Trey said with a wry smile.

Trey and Scout had come out as a couple last year, and it turned out they'd been in a relationship for a while. They'd chosen to keep their private business private, and the rest of us were so oblivious that nobody had noticed they were together—except Marty. And he hadn't thought it was worth mentioning to anyone.

"So, you sure you're good?" Trey asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"I'm good, bro, I swear."

"Cool. If you do need to talk?—"

"I know where you are," I finished for him.

"Actually I was gonna say ‘find someone else, I'm busy running the place,'" he said, flashing me a bright smile.

I laughed and threw a pillow at him.

On Friday morning,the Zeta Taus got the jump on us by sending out a campus-wide email. CANDY DRIVE TONIGHT! HELP ZETA TAU SUPPORT THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. They'd covered all their bases by mentioning sick kids and sending out a flyer where all the Zetas looked sexy as fuck. All they needed to add was a shelter puppy and they'd hit the fucking charity trifecta. Those smart, social media-savvy bitches. Said with respect, obviously.

But still, this was war.

I climbed out of bed, ignoring the way Marty and Dalton were squeezed into Marty's twin bed like sardines, and grabbed my phone. Knowing the pledges would have seen the email, I sent out a series of messages to them:

Shit just got real.

We are not going to lose to Zeta Tau.

We will do whatever it takes.

You need to wear a skirt and heels and sell candy tonight, pledge.

Like, it wasn't Roosevelt's Day of Infamy speech or anything, but I hoped it'd inspire them enough to make a real effort. Then, because I wanted to get out of the room before Marty and Dalton woke up—Marty always woke up horny, but please don't ask me how I knew—I went and grabbed a shower and changed.

When I headed downstairs for breakfast, I checked my phone.

Sawyer's was the first reply.

Do I need to look good though? I ain't shaving these legs.

Caesar would have shaved his legs, Sawyer.

I got a lot of dots in response that told me he was either typing an entire essay, or he was backspacing a lot.

I don't think that's true.

Backspacing it was.

You don't need to shave your legs, bro, it's fine.

My phone continued to vibrate as I ate my cereal, and when I checked it, I had messages from every pledge except Briar. They were all in, with the exception of Ethan.

Big fucking surprise.

There wasn't a lot I could do about it, since we'd said it was voluntary, but fuck that guy, honestly. The joke was on him. He'd look like the odd one out when he was the only pledge who didn't dress up.

Unless Briar said no as well.

My stomach tightened into a knot as I considered that maybe suggesting he dress in a skirt had been a step too far, and that was why he hadn't replied yet. Hell, the kid lived in giant hoodies. And after making a real big deal of telling him that Alpha Tau was a safe space, what was the first thing I'd asked him to do? Open himself up for a whole lot of teasing by getting him to wear a skirt. Way to go, me.

I could only hope he'd see it for the dumb, fun activity that it was and not any kind of personal attack. Maybe I could get a bunch of the brothers to join in—I knew Marty was keen. Yeah, it would be even more hilarious if everyone was involved.

I sent Trey a text:

I want all the brothers working on the candy drive to dress up, not just the pledges.

A moment later, the back door to the kitchen opened, and Trey stepped through. "All of them?"

"Yup," I said, spooning some more cereal into my mouth. "Because we're a team, Trey. Actually, you know what? We're a brotherhood. A family. A?—"

"Fine. Do what you want!"

"Thanks, prez!"

He gave me a death stare as he left the room.

My phone buzzed again and, laughing, I picked it up.

The message was from Briar.

This ok?

And underneath it was a photo of...

My mouth went dry, despite being full of milk and cereal. I had no idea how that was scientifically possible, but it happened. Because Briar—was that really Briar?—had sent a photograph from the waist down, and he was wearing a pink checkered pleated skirt and white-and-pink striped socks that came up to above his knees. And between the top of those socks and the very, very short hem of that skirt, were six inches of slender, naked, smooth-looking thighs.

My jaw dropped.

My dick sat up and took notice.

The buzzing noise in my skull drowned out every other sound.

I sent back:

Holy shit, bro

Probably should have added an exclamation mark or something, but I fumbled with my phone instead and dropped it with a splash into my cereal bowl.

Holy shit.