CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 6

Cynthia

I’ve never been to a healer before, and so when I wake up, even in my groggy state, I’m a little surprised to feel the needles stuck in me. I try to tug them out, panicking when someone covers my wrists, stopping me.

It’s a brown-eyed woman with rosy cheeks and cropped hair. She looks to be in her late fifties. Adorning a white nurse doctor’s uniform, her voice is gentle but firm, "We’ll have none of that now. You need the nutrients."

"What?" I stammer, confused. "Who are you?"

"Lydia." The woman gives me a long look. "I’m one of the three pack healers. And I would like to know why you’re not on the patient list? You’ve not had a single check-up since you were born. Care to explain that?"

I meet her gaze, wishing I could just tell her that her Alpha told me I’m not worth any facilities this pack has to offer, including treatment. However, if I do, I know Lydia will talk to the alpha, and the one to pay the price will be me.

"I’ve always been healthy as a horse." I give her a weak smile.

"Have you now?" Lydia says dryly.

I’m about to say yes when I see the look in her eyes, which forces me to clamp my mouth shut.

"You’re lacking basic nutrients. How many times a week are you consuming meat?" she demands, picking up a pad and scribbling something on it.

"Once," when I see her lift her head, her eyes flashing, I hastily amend my answer, "or two times."

"Wrong," she snaps. "You’re supposed to be eating at least one portion daily, considering your weak stature. And when was the last time you shifted?"

I stare at her, feeling oddly vulnerable. "I don’t… Sometimes."

She studies me for a brief minute before setting down her notepad and pulling up the stool to sit beside my bed. Her voice is kinder. "It’s perfectly okay if you’re having problems shifting, Cynthia. Sometimes it takes longer to build a relationship between our human side and our animal side. If you want, I can guide you during your shifts."

"Thank you but I’m fi––"

"There is a huge disconnect between your wolf and yourself, Cynthia," Lydia says worriedly. "If you don’t let your wolf out every once in a while, you’ll end up choking them. That increases your chances of going rogue. I’ve never seen you during any of the pack runs, and I attend nearly every session."

"Look," I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable now, "I can––"

"We can do private sessions if you’re embarrassed," Lydia says. "I won’t tell anyone. Not even the alpha."

I go still at that. "Really? Not even Jonathon."

She blinks. "Well, of course not. We do have patient-doctor confidentiality here as well. You’re no longer a child and in someone’s care." She gets to her feet. “Look, I usually end my shift in the evenings, and I start just around dawn. We can pick any time of the night to ease you through your shift."

"I’ll do it," I say suddenly. "As long as no one finds out."

Lydia gives me a pleasant smile now. "It’s okay to be embarrassed, but we’re a pack. We protect each other. That’s what makes us so different from humans."

My smile is insincere. Perhaps there was a time when pack bonds meant something, but not anymore. In this pack, nobody has ever protected me or shielded me. But it must be nice to live in such an idealistic world.

However, I’ve long since learned that the world I live in is different for each person. It’s a bitter reality that I’ve accepted throughout my life.

"I would still prefer if you keep this between us," I murmur, and the healer gives me a kind look now.

"I thought that you might want support."

"You said there was confidentiality," I press, and she sighs.

"Of course. Just leave your number with me, and I’ll contact you. You just need to be able to shift a couple of times, and then you’re good. In the meantime, I’m concerned about how weak you are. Your diet largely consists of vegetables when you need meat."

"I don’t like meat."

Lydia scoffs, "Try somebody else, honey. This isn’t my first day at the job. I’ve never met a wolf that doesn’t like meat. If you can’t afford meat, then you should apply for the pack reserves. Those exist for a reason."

I press my lips together.

The pack reserves are meant for those pack members who struggle financially. It provides them with food, especially meat, and subsidized housing. It’s something the previous alpha introduced, and despite Jonathon trying to shut down the venture because he wanted the taxpayers’ money going into his own pocket rather than facilitating the entire pack, he had no choice but to let it continue. The pack protested against shutting down the program. However, he did manage to cut out places where most of the pack wouldn’t pay attention. Places like the slums where I was born, which needed this program the most, had to go without.

I did try to use the pack reserves once, but the backlash was swift and painful. I wasn’t allowed, as Jonathon put it. Was I trying to get sympathy from the pack? Did I want to tarnish his name? Each lash had hurt more than the previous one. Since Jonathon knows exactly who has applied for the pack reserves program, I don’t have an option.

"I don’t like meat that much."

"Well," Lydia gives me a stern look, "like it or not, you’re still going to sign up for the program if you can’t afford it. This request is going to go straight to the alpha––"

"I-I’ll buy it!" I try to sit up, alarmed.

"I’ll make sure she gets it," comes a voice from the doorway.

"Adam," Lydia frowns, looking over her shoulder, "I told you to stay outside when I’m seeing my patient."

"Sorry, Lydia." Adam leans down to kiss the older woman’s cheek affectionately.

I stare.

Another thing I’m not allowed to have.

Easy affection. Wolf packs used to be openly affectionate, but as packs have expanded over the years, pack members create bonds with a few others between whom affection is shared, platonic but necessary for the wolf’s survival.

I feel a hint of tired jealousy.

My wolf rolls over, also wanting to be petted and loved.

I push it down, harshly.

It’s not for you. Nobody wants you.

It whimpers inside me, slinking deeper into me.

I catch Adam looking at me, a strange emotion in his eyes, and I look away.

Sometimes, I feel a surge of hatred for everyone around me. Why was I kept alive when I couldn’t even be given the most basic of things or actions? Those are times I want to watch the world burn. A spurt of laughter sneaks out of my mouth.

I would make a great villain if I only had the right resources. I even have the right backstory for it.

"Something amusing?" Adam asks, and I look over to see the healer has left.

"No." I sigh, my amusement fading. "Nothing’s funny."

He stands next to my bed, and I go still when his fingers comb through my hair. "W-What’re you doing?"

"Nothing," he says quietly, his fingers moving gently through my hair.

"Stop that."

But my voice is weak.

"Why?"

My wolf is rumbling in pure bliss, rolling over in excitement at the affection. My eyes are burning. "B-Because. Just stop it."

"Do you hate it?" Adam asks, his touch soothing in this instant, making me panic.

"I don’t like it." I try to keep my voice firm.

"Liar," Adam chuckles.

"You’re a stubborn bastard, do you know that?" I burst out.

He just grins. "Temper, temper. Now, close your eyes. Lydia says you have to rest. I don’t want to get in trouble for getting you all worked up."

"Then stop touching me."

"Can’t do that either."

My hands feel heavy against his touch, and I can’t seem to muster up the strength to push his hand off. My eyes are fluttering, a warmth creeping up on me.

I try to fight the sleep, try to stop my wolf from bathing in this touch and affection, but nothing seems to be going my way. I finally realize I’m fighting a losing battle, and I simply end up giving in.

*** **

The painful pinching sensation in my right arm has me jolting awake, only to see Norman’s face close to mine.

I scramble back. "What the hell are you doing?"

He sneers, "You seem to be having a good time."

His claws dig around where the IV needle is inserted, and I cry out in pain. He slaps his hand over my mouth. "Shut up!"

I chomp down on his hand, and he smacks me, making my head slam against the metal frame of the bed. Dazed, my vision is blurring as he yanks the IV lines out of me.

"You’re not worth any of this, you whore!"

Grabbing me by my hair, he tosses me onto the ground and I cry out, double so when he kicks me in the stomach.

"Y-You bastard!" I wheeze out as he kicks me again.

"I know you’re not allowed to see a healer." Norman lifts his foot to kick me again. "Dad’s going to kill you when he finds out."

I grab his foot and pull, making him fall on his back. Desperate, I crawl to the door, only to have my head slammed into it, over and over again. I’m screaming now. He’s going to kill me! He’s really going to kill me today!

Suddenly, Norman is yanked away from me, someone snarling. Someone is cradling me to their chest as I whimper brokenly, my body shaking wildly.

"It’s okay. You’re okay." Healer Lydia’s voice reaches my ear.

"Let him go," comes another furious voice, and I recognize it as belonging to Jonathon.

I’m being helped onto the bed, and my ears are still ringing, the side of my face covered in blood.

"Let Norman go!" Jonathon roars, using his alpha voice, and through my dim sight, I see Adam toss his younger brother to the ground.

"This is the one you want to make the next alpha instead of me?" Adam snarls. "This abusive piece of shit?"

I see Jonathon raise his hand, and Healer Lydia raises her own voice, "That’s enough! How dare you come into my infirmary and harm one of my patients, Norman? Who do you think you are?"

The healer is terrifying in her anger.

When it comes to a pack’s pecking order, Healers don’t come under the alpha. They’re of equal ranking. Jonathon grinds his teeth. "This must be a misunderstanding. She must have provoked––"

"Are you blind, Jonathon?" Lydia turns on him. "What could she have possibly said to make him rip out her IV lines so ruthlessly, to have hurt her in such a manner? What kind of animal are you raising?"

Jonathon’s face turns white at the insult, and when he looks at me, his eyes filled with a vicious rage, I curl into a ball.

"Don’t look at her," Adam snaps. "Look at me! That girl was this close to getting me to agree to a joint conversation when your useless son had her dragged out of our meeting. He paid one of the workers at the club to tamper with the elevator because he must have known she was scared of the dark, and now he’s here trying to kill her? You think I would ever work with a company with your fucked up values? You’ve lost your mind, Father!"

"Don’t use that tone with me, boy!" Jonathon roars.

"But is he wrong?" Lydia demands. "She was sleeping when he attacked her. And I know because every one of these rooms is being monitored. I watched him attack her during her sleep. You’d better have a good explanation for this, Alpha Moore, because this is beyond unacceptable. I have a traumatized patient who is already badly malnourished, and by your account, someone you’ve been sponsoring, and your own son is abusing her like this? How long has this been going on?"

Jonathon’s gaze once again turns on me as he silently demands I cover for Norman or else.

I open my mouth, but Adam steps in my line of sight, effectively blocking Jonathon’s view of me. "Don’t try to threaten her. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen Norman raise his hand to her. In fact, I’ve got it on my building’s security camera, twice."

Norman snaps, "She had it coming! This has got nothing to do with you, you ass––"

The sound of skin cracking against skin has my eyes widening as I realize Jonathon just slapped his favorite child.

"Shut up," he hisses. "Not one more word from you. Get out."

"Dad!" Norman sounds furious. "Are you going to hit me over that two-bit whore?"

This time, Adam punches him in the stomach, making him stagger back, wheezing.

"Watch your mouth," he says calmly. "Like I said, Father, I will never establish any business link with you if you’ve got an animal like this involved. Now, get him out of here before I kill him. Never before in this pack has anyone lifted a hand on a female. Your own father despised those who hurt the innocent. Good job on becoming the one thing our grandfather wouldn’t even spit upon!"

Norman’s expression twists in rage. "You fuck––"

Jonathon grabs Norman by the neck and tosses him outside the room. "Enough! Go home. I’ll deal with you there."

Lydia has her arm around my shoulders. "You also have a lot to answer for, Alpha Moore. Why isn’t there any record of Cynthia Rose in our books? All pack members have yearly checkups. She has been with you since she was a child. You brought both your sons, but never her. Is there a reason?"

I close my eyes, mentally counting the lashings I’m going to receive for Lydia’s question.

"She was a healthy child," Jonathon says through gritted teeth, "and her parents always claimed to take her for her checkups when they visited her. I didn’t realize they were so negligent."

"She’s severely malnourished and has scarring on her back, scarring no wolf should have," Lydia persists. I can see Jonathon’s rising fury, and I press Lydia’s wrist, trying to silence her.

"I-I’ve had those since I was a child."

"Most of them are recent," Lydia says.

I snap my mouth shut, feeling panicked.

Adam is watching me, and I can’t meet his eyes. I have no reason to feel ashamed, but I do. These scars weren’t my fault, but in front of him, I feel weak and useless, and I hate it.

"She’s a careless girl," Jonathon responds. "And how am I supposed to know how she got those scars? She lives by herself. She could be up to any kind of activity. You know how girls from the slums are. They’ll do anything for a quick buck."

My head shoots up at his words, horrified by what he’s implying, and this time, it’s the healer’s turn to squeeze my hand.

"I see," Lydia murmurs. "Well, from now on, Cynthia, I’ll be personally taking over your checkups, and until your health improves, I expect you to come see me every week. I’ll begin working on removing this scar tissue. If you miss an appointment, I know where to find you."

I can see Jonathon’s hand ball into a fist by his side. He doesn’t like this. But he can’t question a healer. A small part of me feels relieved. If Lydia will be checking my scars, he won’t be stupid enough to continue the lashings. He might find other ways to hurt me, but at least, it won’t be physical.

"I want a word with you, Alpha Moore." Lydia stands up. "Outside, please."

Jonathon follows her outside, but not before casting me a furious look. I lower my gaze, wondering how I’m going to get myself out of this situation.

Adam closes the door behind them and then leans against it, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression grim.

"You shouldn’t have brought me here," I finally say, using my sleeve to wipe the blood from my face.

His whole body looks tense, as if he’s forcing himself to stay still.

"You didn’t seem surprised when I told Father that it was Norman who messed with the elevator."

I wet my lips, wishing I could say something. However, I have to choose my words very carefully around this man.

"I didn’t know."

I don’t want to lie. I want to tell him I knew it was Norman. I want to say vile, vicious things about Norman and even Jonathon, but the fallout is something I fear greatly.

"You’ve made things very difficult for me, Adam," I finally say.

"Have I?" Adam stares at me. "Seems to me that things have been very difficult for you for a while now."

My upper lip curls in disgust. "Don’t pretend to be oblivious, and don’t act like this is all new to you. We lived under the same roof for a couple of years. You knew what was going on."

"Excuse me?" Adam straightens, tilting his head. "What’re you talking about?"

I scoff. "Quit the nice guy act. You’re a Moore. You knew what was what. When I asked you for help, you walked away, remember?"

"Cynthia," Adam’s voice is hard, "what in the world are you talking about?"

I meet his gaze, and when I see the confusion in his eyes, it hits me.

"You forgot," I say softly, and for a moment, I feel numb. My screams, my pain, none of them were important enough for him to remember.

I had screamed myself hoarse calling him. I still remember that day.

And he just forgot it?

The pain is a cold one, piercing deep inside of me.

"Some fated mate you are," I mumble. He’s like everyone else, ready to turn a blind eye when it suits them.

"Cynthia?"

This time when I lift my head, my heart is cold. "I should get going now."

I climb off the bed, and he stops me, stepping in my way, "What did you mean you asked for my help?"

I gaze up at him, dimly wondering why he looks so alarmed. "Does it matter? You forgot. It was a long time ago."

"Remind me," he says fiercely.

My wolf is curling up inside of me, quiet, subdued.

"If it didn’t matter then," I reply, my voice tired, "then why would it matter now? Please get out of my way. I have to go."

The door opens, and Lydia enters. "What’s going on?"

"I’d like to go home now," I murmur, feeling drained.

"Not until I patch you up," she says with a stern edge. "Out with you, Adam."

Adam looks reluctant but leaves. I sink back onto the bed. "I really want to go home."

"I understand. But I have to ask you a few questions."

I meet her gaze. "If it’s about Norman and Jonathon, I can’t answer them. I’m sorry."

The healer gives me a long look before pressing her lips together, displeased. "I can’t force you to tell me anything, Cynthia, but I’m worried about those scars on your back."

"I don’t want to talk about them."

She opens one of the cupboards in the corner and prepares a tray, her back to me, "Sometimes it’s important to talk about these things, Cynthia. That’s why healers are here."

I’m quiet.

A blood debt isn’t something I can talk about so casually. And even if Lydia had an equal standing to the alpha, Jonathon is still her alpha. There’s a lot of harm he can cause her without getting his hands dirty. She’s already gotten on Jonathon’s bad side to quite an extent.

"I’m okay." I smile at her now. It’s a weak smile, but I don’t know what else to do.

She sighs, patching me up. Once she’s done, she pats my cheek, "Alright, sweetie, I’ll believe whatever you want me to, but I still expect you to show up for the checkups, and I’ll call you so that I can help you shift. You just have to try and center your wolf. It’s not hard, but we’ll work on it together."

She opens the door for me, and Adam’s waiting for her.

"Make sure she gets home safe," she orders, and Adam gives her a smile.

"Of course."

"Where’s Jonathon?" I look around.

"He left," Lydia says. "Go on. Go home and rest."

I hesitate before looking at Adam. "You go on ahead. I want to talk to Healer Lydia."

He raises his brow but nods. Once he’s out of earshot, I let out a shaky breath before looking at the woman, who’s shown me more kindness than I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime.

"Please be careful."

When she blinks at me, I muster up my courage and continue, "I always wanted someone to take a stand for me, but right now, I’m terrified of what could happen to you. So, please be careful, and watch your back."

"Cynthia," Lydia’s brows knit into a troubled frown, "what’re you talking about?"

I look down at my feet for a heartbeat before sighing and meeting her gaze, "You’ve pissed off both Jonathon and Norman today. They won’t take kindly to that. So, please. Watch your back. And…" It’s hard to say the next part, but I try, "…don’t bother yourself with someone like me. Thank you for everything, but I won’t be coming again. It’s better for you if we don’t meet again."

"Cynthi––"

"I have to go."

I turn around, hurrying to the other exit I see. I have no plans of letting Adam drive me to my apartment.

I begin walking, my head aching with everything that has happened. It’s dark outside now, and I prefer the darkness. Easier to not be recognized. It’s cold outside since it’s late October, and I wish I hadn’t left my jacket in the car.

I can probably grab the train to the station closest to mine, but the subway station is still a good hour’s walk from here. It would have been so easy to go along with everything the healer was doing for me, but I can’t forget the way Jonathon looked at her. Unlike healers, alphas are more dangerous. Despite her stern nature, Lydia is a gentle soul who probably sees the best in the world. Jonathon can hurt her. And he will if it means he gets to protect his reputation. To the whole pack, he is a generous and kind-hearted benefactor, taking a girl with no prospects for the future into his home to give her a better life. My presence in his home boosted his status in the eyes of others.

I stumble forward, feeling weary. All this time, I kept wishing someone would take a stand for me, that someone would protect me, and when that moment came, it hit me that the protection would come at a cost. My blood debt wouldn’t disappear, but my protector would be placed in the crosshairs of the Moore family. And Lydia, desperate tears burn my eyes as my teeth grind together, doesn’t deserve that.

I don’t know what this means for me. Will I forever be enslaved? I come to a halt as I stare down at the water flowing under the bridge I’m walking on.

What am I going to do?

Is this what my life is always going to be like?

My hands curl on the railing of the bridge as I stare down at the dark water below.

What’s the point then?

If I can’t be happy, if I can’t be free, then what am I doing?

My foot lifts to step on the stone pillar when someone grabs my arm, yanking me back. I come face-to-face with a wide-eyed Adam. For a moment, I think I see fear in his eyes, but then he growls at me, "What the hell were you about to do?"

"W-What?" I stammer, taken aback by his burst of temper.

"I asked what you were planning to do right now?"

I look back at the railing before turning to him. "Nothing. I was just climbing on the pillar to sit on the railing."

He gives me a rough shake. "Do you realize how dangerous that is?"

However, it looks like he doesn’t completely believe me as he drags me away from the sidewalk. "Get in the car."

"I want to walk."

"Get in the damn car or I’ll throw you in," he snarls.

"You wouldn’t." I narrow my eyes at him.

When he starts towards me, I immediately hold up my hands, saying quickly, "I’m getting in!"

He opens the passenger side door for me, and I slide into the soft leather seat.

He slams the door shut and, rounding the car, gets into the driver’s side, looking all kinds of mad. "I told you I’d drive you to your apartment."

"Yeah." I stare out the car, stonily. "You should have tried asking, and I would’ve spared you the effort by politely declining."

"Cynthia––"

"Look, if you want to drop me home, then can we please drive in silence? I don’t want to talk about anything right now. I just want to be alone."

It’s obvious that Adam wants to say something, and I fully expect him to begin talking, but to my surprise, he respects my wishes. He leans forward and turns on the radio, putting on some classical piano. As he drives the car, the sky opens up, and it begins to rain. It’s like it’s mirroring my own misery, weeping when I can’t, howling with each clap of thunder when I can’t scream no matter how much I wish I could.

I lean my head against the window pane and close my eyes, letting the music, the rain, and the thunder soothe me.

I must have fallen asleep because when I open my eyes, we’re parked in front of my building.

Groggy, I look around only to see Adam staring outside, a pensive look on his face, his fist pressed against his mouth. It’s still raining, and the music is still playing.

"W-When did we get here?"

"An hour ago," he says calmly. "I got you some food since we didn’t get to eat dinner."

He reaches into the backseat and brings out a large container.

"I’m not––"

He opens it, and I’m assailed by the smell of roast beef, ham, and jerky, and my mouth waters.

"Maybe I’m a little hungry," I concede, taking a peek inside. His lips twitch, but he says nothing.

"You can just eat here," he says, and I quickly take out a huge sandwich that is stacked and bite into it.

"Now, more than ever," he suddenly says, "you know you need to pick the right side, Cynthia. Norman and Father don’t have your best interests at heart. I’m your fated mate, however. I want you to support me instead of them."

I chew my sandwich in silence, letting the taste of meat marinate on my tongue.

The moment Adam becomes Alpha, the blood debt will transfer to him, and he’ll be the one to control me. I ponder into my sandwich. He’s been nice to me. Maybe he will release me from the blood debt.

It’s wishful thinking at this point, but my heart is wavering.

If Norman becomes the alpha, I don’t know what will happen. Even if Jonathon keeps his word and swears an oath to me to release me, he’s clever with his words. He might create a loophole…

I feel sick to my stomach, and I lift my head, opening my mouth, only to freeze.

Across the street, there is a familiar car parked outside.

Jonathon’s car.

He’s waiting for me.