CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 13

Cynthia

I tell myself it’s Adam’s kindness to me that makes my heart beat so wildly around him. It’s how gently he treats me as compared to the rest of the world that makes me want to put my head on his chest and just close my eyes. He makes me feel safe and protected, and I want to cling onto that feeling.

But I can’t forget he viciously attacked his own brother for me, something that is going to get Jonathon to realize that Adam went after his brother to defend me. The first time can be a fluke. The second time means feelings. He’s going to figure out Adam cares about me, and he’ll exploit that.

I stare at my laptop, unseeing.

Adam didn’t remember that incident. Even gripped in the throes of the drug, I could see his confusion and then shock when I reminded him. Unlike Norman, who seems to know everything, Adam is in the dark. Either it was a deliberate choice on his father’s part or perhaps he really did not remember. A part of me hurts at that thought. Was I so insignificant to him? Was my suffering so nominal that it wasn’t worth remembering?

However, what’s done is done. I can’t hold the past against him. What would be the point?

I can’t ever be with Adam. Not in the way he wants me to be. As long as I am tied to the Moore family with this blood debt, Adam cannot even think of giving me the mating mark. It’s the one thing that will be his downfall. I already know he will never concede his company to his father and brother, and neither will he give up his Alpha heir position, and I cannot ask him to do it either. When I sat on his balcony three nights ago, a part of me wanted to go to him and ask him to give up everything to be with me so I could finally be happy.

But my feet wouldn’t move.

What if he didn’t do it? What if he looked at me and laughed at how ridiculous my idea was?

And truth be told, I didn’t want him to.

He’s worked hard, and he’s going to make an excellent Alpha.

My hatred for this pack has begun to ebb away. People like Lydia and Maya still exist. They deserve a good Alpha. And even thinking of asking Adam to give it all up for me is beginning to sound more and more ludicrous. How could I even expect that he would do so for someone like me? Especially when I know I might never get my freedom.

My laptop screen is beginning to dim. I realized when I woke up in Adam’s arms that this life was never going to be mine. This was the life of a woman who was free to love and trust. If I get my freedom, it will be at Adam’s cost, and I will hurt the one man who has shown me what it’s like to be cherished. And without betraying Adam, I can never taste freedom.

As I stare out at the brilliant city lights, it occurs to me that, for the first time in my life, I was slightly happy while I was in Adam’s arms. Maybe this was all the happiness I was allowed to achieve in this life. My purpose in life has been to obey Jonathon like a good slave, to be beaten when he raises his whip, to do what he wanted, when he wanted. There has never been any room for what I wanted, for what I desired.

I want Adam to be successful.

I want him to be happy.

If I help him achieve that, then I could get my freedom in a different way. Because Jonathon will not let Adam have me once he becomes Alpha. He’d sooner kill me.

Adam deserves a mate who can stand by his side, tall and proud, confident and perfect. He deserves someone who will be able to love him and trust him. I’m broken. I’ve been that way for years. My decision is for the best.

A knock on the door has me looking up.

A woman walks in, and I recognize her.

Tina Tremblay.

I’ve heard of her. She’s the only heir to the Tremblay fortune. A beautiful woman who’s also known for her business prowess. She’s studied at one of the top universities in Switzerland, owns two art galleries up in New York, and is known for her social work within the pack.

I’m surprised to see her here and get to my feet. "Miss Tremblay."

She blinks. "Have we met?"

"No, but I know about you. Do you have an appointment with Mr. Moore?"

"Is Adam in?" Her eyes light up, and the affection I see in her eyes makes my stomach twist.

"Do you have an appointment?" I repeat.

She grins. "I don’t need an appointment. Just let him know I’m here."

My smile not meeting my eyes, I press the intercom before setting the phone against my ear. "Miss Tina Tremblay is here to see you."

There’s a slight pause, and then Adam’s voice sounds, "Tina’s here? Send her in!"

He sounds excited. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Adam sound excited. My wolf shuffles around inside of me unhappily.

"You may go in." I nod at the woman.

She heads inside, and as the door slowly swings shut behind her, I hear Adam say, "God, I’ve missed you!"

My heart tightens in my chest.

Not five minutes later, another face turns up.

This time, it’s Tina’s father.

“Miss Tremblay is inside with him,” I answer when he walks toward the door.

Watson’s lips curve in a smile as he looks at me. “They make a lovely pair, don’t they? Future Alpha and businessman and the accomplished heir to one of the biggest fortunes in our pack.”

His eyes are sharp as they watch me, and I realize what he’s trying to tell me. My smile is weary. “They do. They suit each other.”

He looks satisfied at my admission.

“Next year,” Watson beams, “there could be a grand ceremony for them. Tina has always wanted to be a bride.”

“She’ll make a lovely one,” I agree, my wolf growling at the idea.

He’s not ours so shut up, I press it down.

Minutes later, Tina comes out, Adam right behind her.

"Watson," he blinks, "what’re you doing here?"

Watson gives them a warm smile. "Your assistant and I were discussing how good of a pair you two make. It’s been close to a year since you two last met. When are you going to make an honest woman out of my daughter, Adam?"

"Dad!" Tina’s face turns red, and Adam shakes his head, looking exasperated.

I’m glad I’m sitting down because my legs feel weak.

He didn’t deny this relationship.

Suddenly, Maya’s words come back to me.

"There have been cases where some males have mated their fated mate but have married someone else."

Is that what Adam was planning to do?I muse, feeling like knives are being raked over my heart. I’m used to pain, so I know how to smile through it. I watch Watson say something to the couple, and a blank smile stays frozen on my lips. I finally turn my eyes to my laptop.

I’m inexperienced when it comes to love or relationships, so I don’t know what Adam’s goal is. However, it’s obvious that a wedding is in the works, and Adam never mentioned that to me. Suddenly, all his loving words seem hollow. But as I stare blankly at my mailbox on the screen, I wonder if it’s the worst thing. I wanted him to be with someone with whom he would be happy, and Tina clearly makes him happy.

I don’t want to assume or discover Adam’s true intentions with me. Even if it was fake, it was the first piece of happiness that was mine. I want to hold the memories I have shared with him, close to my heart.

"…do you say, Miss Rose?"

I look up to see all eyes on me.

"Sorry?" I blink rapidly. "I was answering an email and not paying attention. Did you ask me something?"

"I was asking if these two should go to the Pack Gala on Saturday together?" Watson repeats. "Adam has always gone without a plus one. This year, now that Tina is here, they should go together. Don’t you agree?"

I can feel Adam’s eyes on me, and a small bitter part of me wonders if he finds this amusing, whether he’s laughing at how humiliated I feel.

"Absolutely." I force myself to smile at Tina. "Besides, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the Pack Gala. It’s a wonderful place to network."

"That is true," Tina murmurs, watching me, her expression thoughtful.

"You should go."

"It’s decided, then!" Watson declares. "You two will go together. Miss Rose, book a restaurant for these two lovebirds for tonight. They have a lot to catch up on."

"Of course." I begin looking up local restaurants, each movement stiff.

It’s like the agony is physical at this point. I want to throw up.

My wolf has gone quiet inside me. I can feel its hurt, which is worse than the betrayal it feels. I try to soothe it, but it doesn’t work.

This is for the best.

It is.

"Cynthia, can I see you in my office afterward?" Adam suddenly asks.

"I’ll join you." Tina wraps her arm around his and leans her cheek on his shoulder.

"It’s about a project," Adam tries to say. "You’ll be bored."

"Oh, please." She waves off his half-hearted attempt at an excuse. "I studied business, Adam. I’m not some airhead you need to worry about boring."

"I’ve made reservations at the Blue Lounge for you and Miss Tremblay." I look up, meeting Adam’s eyes, evenly. "If you need any information on one of the projects, I’ll email them to you."

Adam looks frustrated, and his eyes narrow as I get to my feet. "Where are you going?"

"Home," I reply woodenly. "It’s six."

"You’re coming to the gala as well, right Cynthia?" Tina asks, doing everything but crawling into Adam’s lap.

"There’s nothing for me there."

"Nonsense," Watson interjects. "Adam’s assistants always go. Your invite must be with Gerald. Tell him to give it to you. It’s a fancy event, so make sure you wear a dress and not a business suit."

I give him a wondering look. Is he trying to rub his daughter and Adam’s relationship in my face?

He has been casting me smug looks, so perhaps.

"Alright." I keep my voice, steady. "Excuse me. Good night."

I don’t know how I manage to hold onto my belongings or walk all the way to the staircase. I stumble down the steps, and when I exit the building, the car is waiting for me. With trembling legs, I get into the car and then close my eyes.

Leaning my head against the seat, I feel the tears come, and nothing I do seems to stop them. There is so much anguish in my heart that I can’t seem to find a plug for it.

"Cynthia," Tony begins, his voice distressed.

I wave my hand at him, pressing my other fist against my mouth to keep in the sobs. But they come out louder and more painful than the previous ones. I’ve always tried never to cry in front of anyone, but this time, the pain is different. It’s like I’m shattering into pieces and I can’t seem to gather the pieces.

Tony finally has enough, and he pulls the car to a stop in an empty parking lot and gets into the backseat. I try to push him away, but he just holds me tighter. I give up after a few seconds, letting him gather me in his arms. Instead, I wail like a broken child. Tony just lets me cry.

This isn’t the first time he’s comforted me. When I was young and I thought I could trust him, I often used to go crying to him. His hugs were always warm and soothing. It’s no different now.

At some point, the sobs turn into sniffles, and then a bone-deep numbness.

"You want to get some food?" he asks kindly.

He’s been treating me differently ever since Maya came into his life. Or perhaps he’s always been kind to me and I simply didn’t trust him. He’s looking at me, expectantly.

“Why are you pretending to care?” I wipe my eyes, and he sighs.

“I’ve known you since you barely reached my knee, Cynthia.” Tony strokes my hair, making my lips tremble and my eyes burn. “I know you think I’m your enemy, but I’m not. I’ve only ever tried to protect you. Now, answer my question. Do you want some food?”

"No," I mumble hoarsely.

He sighs once again, but instead of driving me home, he drives us to a Thai place and gets me takeout. He also picks up some ice cream for me, but not once does he ask what happened. And I’m glad. I wouldn’t know where to begin.

When we get to my apartment, he walks me to my door, and once I’m inside, he says, "Next time he makes you cry, tell me there and then. I’ll fuck him up." Patting me on the head, he adds, "You’re a strong girl, you hear me? And you’re a good girl. He doesn’t have the right to make you cry. I’ll twist his balls off."

My eyes water, but I just sniffle and nod.

He pauses for a minute before looking me in the eye. “If you need anything, let me know. If you need Maya, I’ll ask her and bring her to you.”

“I’m okay.” I wipe my eyes.

Once he leaves, I take a few breaths.

"You can do this," I whisper to myself, wishing each breath wasn’t so painful. But when I head to the bathroom and stare at my reflection, I wonder why Adam deceived me. Even if I was his fated mate, he could have told me the truth. He was in love with another woman, a better woman. I wouldn’t have said anything. This world has long since taught me my place in it. I know not to aim for things I can never have.

But even under this hurt is understanding.

Of course, he would want Tina. She was a perfect fit for him.

The relief in his voice when he said ’God, I’ve missed you!’ still echoes in my ears.

But I can’t hate him. I can’t be angry with him. I wish I could knee him in the crotch like Tony offered to. My eyes burn, and I splash water on my face. All those touches, those soft words, the protectiveness, couldn’t have all been lies. Could it?

I don’t know, but I do know he deceived me, and that means he’s not trustworthy. However, he’s still a lesser evil than the rest of the family, so I’ll give him that.

"Alright," I smack my cheeks, giving myself the sternest look I can muster right now, "you’re not going to cry anymore. You’ll stick to your plan. Help him become Alpha and then…"

My voice catches, and my eyes harden in response to the way my heart trembles. "Then you free yourself. You deserve a rest after everything."

As I leave the bathroom, I get my phone and call Maya. She picks up on the second ring, and I say, "I need some help with a dress."

*****

The days until the Gala are tense for me.

Tina shows up every day, and Adam and her go for lunch and dinner. She’s in the office before me and leaves with Adam. Probably to his apartment. I hate how nice she is to me. She makes it really hard to hate her. Adam, on the other hand, seems both happy and distressed. I wonder if he’s worried about me saying something to Tina. I’m not stupid.

I do have to set up reservations for him. Watson shows up during my lunchtime, telling me to book this restaurant and that for the happy couple, along with sending flowers to his daughter. Adam doesn’t stop him, and each time he just smiles and nods a little piece of me dies.

As Maya sews the hem of my dress a few hours before the Gala, she complains, "Tony said he’d buy you a dress. Why didn’t you take him up on it? He and I saw this beautiful midnight blue thing––"

"I can make do with this dress." I smile at her.

It’s the dress I first met Adam in. I’m not wearing it to jog his memory. I simply don’t have anything else to wear.

"But this looks patchy no matter what I do to it," Maya complains. "This is so annoying. You wear the dress as it is, you look like a hooker. A sexy hooker, but a hooker. But if you add a train, it looks like someone sewed it on at the last minute, which is exactly what’s happening."

I stuff another spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. "I’m not going there to look pretty. I just have to go there to mark my attendance."

The front door opens, and Maya immediately looks up. "Tony, did you bring the fried chicken?"

Tony walks in with two large containers of food in one hand and a large rectangular box in the other.

"This was lying outside your door." He places the box on the coffee table.

Maya abandons the black train she’s stitching and hurries over to the box. "This looks fancy, Cynthia."

I get up and open the box.

It’s a dress.

A ruby red dress with silver highlights and intricate embroidery. It’s both simple and elegant.

"There are shoes here as well. And jewelry." Maya gasps.

Tony’s expression is hard, but he doesn’t say anything. "Do you want to wear this?"

I know this dress. I saw it in one of the shops I visited with Adam.

And I know it was him who sent it.

My lips press together into a thin line.

"No."