Chapter 12: Aria

Chapter 12: Aria

I couldn’t even remember what happened after I left Oswald’s office. My soul was destroyed, and my hopes and dreams burned into nonexistence. I wandered the courtyard like a ghost, wishing that I really had died instead of the punishment Oswald condemned me to.

The next time I went into the Omegas’ living quarters, I found what few precious belongings I had were thrown off my bed, scattered, or stolen. Even the bed I was sleeping in had been claimed by someone else. I picked up the pieces of clothing still intact, shoved them in my bag, and left that building. Even once my punishment was over, I was never going back.

My days became empty, hollow echoes of what they used to be. I woke up every morning before sunrise, except instead of waking up in my room in my family’s suite, I woke up in a dirt-filled hole under a tree. Instead of eating breakfast at the café, I spent the morning hunting. Sometimes I didn’t catch anything, but I was getting better, good enough to catch a rabbit or squirrel and stow it away in my cache. Then I trained my body, but instead of training with Mr. Ross, I ran through the obstacle course of the forest, leaping over fallen logs and swerving around rocks and bushes, trying to keep myself fit. Or I ran a patrol around the territory, keeping to the furthest borders so I didn’t risk running into anyone. In the evenings, I would hunt again. It was all I was allowed to do. There was no point in me returning to the villa if everyone was going to treat me like I was cursed or infected with some deadly virus. I was better off being on my own. That didn’t make it any easier to handle, though.

Every night, I ended the day by curling up by myself and crying. My heart was so raw and wounded I could no longer see the light at the end of all this. I couldn’t feel any relief, thinking about going back to the pack when this month was over because I knew it wouldn’t change how they felt about me. They would all still hate me. I couldn’t feel any satisfaction from a successful hunt, nor could I even remember what happiness felt like. All there was within me was grey numbness. After a few days, I stopped crying, too. I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything at all.

Late one night, I returned from a failed hunt to find the scents of my packmates crossing over my hideaway, including my sisters Emma and Cassie. They had kicked dirt and clumps of grass and mud into my little burrow. I stood outside of it with sickening despair and rejection, imagining that my own packmates had come here to send a message, to insult me. With a pang of worry, I padded to the nearby tree where I stored my food and found that they had destroyed that, too. They’d dug up my cache, where I had two rabbits that were supposed to feed me tonight and tomorrow morning if my hunts had gone south. Instead, my cache was a mess of dirt, and the carcasses were torn apart and strewn through the trees and not even eaten—just wasted.

My packmates wanted me to know that they hated me. They didn’t want me here. Emma and Cassie went out of their way to sabotage my attempts at survival.

How could I go on living like this? Knowing that everyone in my life thought that I was worthless? I was so utterly alone, and it felt pointless to be alive. Why would I keep fighting to survive in a pack that treated me like this? And yet… what was the alternative? I couldn’t leave. This was the only home I had. There were dangers in the wilderness that a female wolf shifter like me wouldn’t survive, and even though they rejected me, I still loved my family.

I just wished they loved me back.

Hunger and desolation tormented me throughout the night. The fear of my packmates coming back kept me awake. What if they decided to take their anger out on me directly? I didn’t want to be a sitting duck, especially now that they knew where I was staying.

With the moon hanging high above in a cloudless sky, I wandered the forest, doing the only thing I was able to do anymore. I searched the wind for a promising scent, but my determination had already whittled away into nothing. Hopelessness made me slow and unfocused. I dragged my paws through the night, shivering in the cold breeze, barely even caring when a warm smell tickled my nose.

Until I realized it wasn’t the scent of prey but wolves.

Oh no. Had my packmates tracked me down as I feared?

I raised my head, searching. Dark shadows moved through the trees. In the distance, I heard them rumbling, communicating to each other in visceral growls and grunts. The fur on my shoulders bristled as I turned around, trying to get a better idea of how many there were. It had to be at least five, but they didn’t smell like the Grey Creek Pack.

They were Rogues.

All too quickly, they closed in on me. The air suddenly ignited with the sounds of their violent snarls. I lifted my tail and bared my teeth in warning, but that didn’t stop them. Just like last time, it seemed the only thing they were interested in was causing as much damage as possible; even if I wanted to reason with them, they wouldn’t have given me time to speak. As soon as they were within reach, they lunged at me, attacking me from all sides.

It was a nightmare coming to life. Their teeth raked through my fur, ripping away chunks of me and spilling my blood into the ground. My legs and ears were torn as I tried to run, but I couldn’t make it far enough away. They grabbed everything they could get a hold of, throwing me to the ground and pulling at me like I was a piece of prey.

“Stop! Please stop!” I cried in pain.

They didn’t hear me through their thrashing. The only thing they cared about was tearing me apart. I was completely helpless underneath them. They outnumbered me so heavily that I knew there was no chance I could escape.

Did I even want to…? The sweet embrace of death was calling to me. There was no point in living anymore if my pack hated me.

The five Rogues took turns slashing through my flanks, biting hard on my paws to ensure I wouldn’t be able to run away. Flashes of pain blinded me, terrifying me, and even though I was surrounded, I felt more alone now than I did when Oswald sentenced me to be touch-starved because, at that moment, I knew that nobody was going to help me. There would be no recovery from this final blow. My life was done, and nobody would come looking for me, mourn for me, or even care what had happened. They would probably be relieved. They wanted this to happen. The heartache was even worse than the agony of my fresh wounds.

I was ready to give up and let them kill me.

Only a miracle could have saved me, and it arrived in the form of silver fur, enraged amber eyes, and an intimidating snarl. A newcomer to the fight leaped out of the darkness and into the fray, crashing into one of the rogues and knocking them off of me.

The other four Rogues pulled back, startled by the sight of the massive wolf fighting one of their own. Laying on the ground, I watched in shock before he looked over his shoulder at me. “Run!” he shouted.

This must have been a hallucination. I was seconds from death, and the only way my mind could accept what was happening was to imagine the relief. I didn’t think it was real, but all the same, I stumbled to my feet while the other rogues were distracted and ran.

Pain throbbed through my body. I tried not to whimper as I fled, but the anguish was so overwhelming that it choked me. Without even knowing what direction I was running, I soared as fast as my paws could take me. The sounds of the fight faded into the forest, and seconds later, the realization hit me about what had happened. My savior had taken all the attention off of me and onto himself. I’d left him to face the five Rogues alone.

My heart slammed in my chest as I skidded to a halt. Against all my instincts screaming to run, I stopped and turned, ready to go back and help him—I had no reason to live, but I couldn’t let him die for me! —only for the wolf pursuing me to nearly crash into me.

His body slammed into mine, his teeth on my neck—not to hurt me, but to urge me to keep running. “Hurry, Aria! We’re dead if they catch us!” warned Lucas.

Ears ringing, I did exactly as he told me. I kept running alongside Lucas, following him as he carved a path through the forest. The Rogues behind us howled in anger, shrieking their bloodlust, taunting us. They threatened to rip us to shreds if we were too slow. I thought death had already ensnared me, but knowing now that I had a second chance, I wasn’t going to let death get the better of me. I realized that I did still want to live.

Lucas gave me that second chance.

We ran until, finally, the baying faded into silence. Even then, we didn’t slow down until we passed over a scent marker. I recognized it as belonging to the Silent Shadows Pack, which meant we must have run for miles—it certainly felt like it. By the time we finally stopped, my muscles were aching, begging for rest, and I wasn’t strong enough to hold myself up anymore. I collapsed on the ground, panting and stunned with pain, moonlight illuminating my blood-soaked fur. Closing my eyes, I focused on surviving a little longer, fighting my way through the haze of exhaustion.

Paws stepped around my head. I opened my eyes and peered up at Lucas, who had crouched down in front of me, sniffing cautiously at the wounds on my body.

“I know for a fact that if I were to ask if you’re okay, anything other answer than no is a lie,” he remarked calmly.

My back rose and fell in desperate breaths before I slowly gathered my composure and sat up. It hurt just to move. “I… I thought I was going to die,” I muttered in wolf tongue.

“I feared you were already dead,” said Lucas. “I’m glad you aren’t. The world would have lost a brilliant spirit.”

He was glad that I was alive? I blinked skeptically at him. Nothing I had done made me deserve such kind words from him.

Lucas circled around me, examining my wounds before coming to a stop in front of me. “What were you doing out there? Especially with the recent Rogue attacks, you know how dangerous it is.”

Shame rushed through me like fire. I pinned my ears back and drooped my head. “I was hunting for my pack.”

He shook his head. “Don’t lie to me, Aria.”

The accusation of lies made me flinch. But he didn’t say it in the same way Oswald would have. There was an undertone of caring in his voice that implored me to admit the truth. “I really was hunting,” I said. “Just… I had to hunt for myself. My cache was tampered with.”

“Your cache? Why aren’t you eating with the rest of your pack?”

“I’m not allowed to.” A frown tugged at my lips. “They don’t want me around them. I…” Even though I wanted to tell him the truth, it burned my throat. I averted my eyes as bitterness took over me. “I’m being touch-starved. It’s my punishment for trying to work in the Lodge after I was banished and interfering with pack relations.”

“Touch-starved?” Lucas repeated, appalled. “I know Oswald can be harsh, but I would never have imagined he’d sink that low. How could you possibly deserve being touch-starved by your pack?”

I shrugged limply. “I’ve been a terrible packmate… I lied, I made Mara upset, and I took my position as Oswald’s fated mate for granted. I shouldn’t even be alive,” I croaked. Even though I wanted desperately to rediscover my purpose, weeks of extreme neglect by Oswald, my family, and my entire pack had started to convince me that what I said was true. I’d never felt so low… there was no way to salvage the terrible wreck of my life.

“No, Aria,” growled Lucas. “If that’s what Oswald made you believe, then he’s wrong. I don’t know exactly what happened between you and him, but based on what I’ve seen from you so far, I don’t think you’re as offensive as he claims you are. You had such promise as Alpha Female in training. He might not see that, but I do.”

Doubt filled my mind for precisely the reason Lucas said. He didn’t know me that well. He didn’t know everything that had happened. I was starting to lose my grasp on what was real and what wasn’t, but even I knew I had behaved poorly enough to warrant Oswald’s punishment. “You’re wasting your breath on me,” I sighed. “I’m not worth anything. You should’ve just let me get ripped apart.”

“Enough!” Lucas snapped his teeth. “I won’t stand to hear you talk that way about yourself. You have value, Aria. I’ve seen it. Oswald may be content to throw you aside, but I know that doing so would be discarding a perfectly good wolf shifter capable of so much more.” He stepped closer, looming over me. His shadow engulfed me and made me feel smaller than I already was. “If Oswald isn’t going to use you to your full potential, then I will. I want you to come back with me to the Silent Shadows Pack.”

My eyes widened. “What?” Of course, I heard him, but I didn’t believe him. “But I’m… I’m just going to cause trouble.”

“No, you won’t,” asserted Lucas. “Not if you know what’s good for you.”

I thought I knew what was good for me, but I was wrong. And if I was wrong again, I couldn’t bear to let myself sabotage this second chance. Yet, it wouldn’t be a proper second chance if I didn’t accept the offer. That was what I wanted. A second chance; an opportunity to prove my worth. It was the only thing I wanted since I was rejected.

While I gawked and stammered over my answer, Lucas walked beside me, urging me to stand up. “Come on. I know you’re injured, so I’ll help you walk.”

The moment he offered me his shoulder, I stiffened. It had been days since anybody dared to make contact with me. That simple touch lit a fire inside me, spreading warmth where once my body was icy and empty. I stared back at Lucas, surprised that he offered his touch so willingly. He didn’t seem bothered. Maybe he didn’t even realize how much it meant to me.

Slowly, I stood up and allowed myself to lean against him. He took careful strides, watching me through every step, making sure I didn’t lose my balance. He was committed to helping me get back to the safety of his pack, and I couldn’t understand why.

I was worthless.

But Lucas refused to believe that.

I wanted so badly to accept his help, to transcend the judgment that Oswald, Mara, and my family and pack had cast upon me, but, all I could feel was that I would disappoint him, just like I had disappointed everyone else.

Fear of disappointing him kept my eyes on the ground until I mustered the courage to look up at him.

He caught my eyes and smiled.