Chapter 18

Sophia

Alex is avoiding me.

I can sense it.

Usually, he's hovering around me all the time, but I've not seen him at all. Granted, I've been training with Marlene, but it's odd not to see him watching me like a hawk, his arms crossed over his chest in that intimidating manner of his. The lack of scrutiny shouldn't bother me, but it worries me anyway.

What makes it worse, is how I am actually enjoying my time with this training. It was Tina who first introduced me to my magical abilities. She did teach me a little, but most of that I know, I learned through the art of trial and error. This is the first time I'm getting proper instruction on how to use magic. It's an incredible experience, even if it is slightly frustrating at times. Marlene doesn't care whether I know something. She'll make me practice it dozens of times till I can do the same spell with my eyes closed.

While it is a little tedious, I'm learning so many new things. It does help tremendously that I learn fast. I was always a fast learner. Even as a child in the orphanage, I was ahead of my class because I simply had to see something done once or twice before I picked it up. It was a point of contention with the woman who ran the orphanage, because Robert wanted me to be held back. As a child, I never understood why I was being punished for being ahead of the class.

It wasn't that I hadn't been able to link my punishment with my success; I just became stubborn, refusing to obey.

Another thing Marlene has taught me is that simply trying to visualize what I want done is not the most efficient way to use my ability. It feels good to learn and grow stronger. Marlene is a good teacher. I only wish I could show Alex all the neat things she's been teaching me. But my mate is nowhere to be found. I remember that I saw him talking to Marlene yesterday.

The same mate who never wants leave my side when we are sleeping, only arrives in our room once I'm knocked out each day, exhausted from a day of training. It's been three days of the same behavior and now my wolf is pining for Alex.

I crouch by the stream, splashing cold water onto my face. The witch has had me learning how to cast balls of fire. I'm not exactly immune to fire as the burned edges of my fingertips testify.

I look at my reflection in the water and wonder whether I should feel guilty about enjoying this time here when I have my mother to worry about. Life in this coven is so peaceful. Even though the other witches are aware of who I am, they laugh with me and treat me like one of them. There is no one eyeing me warily or looking to use me. There's no conflict here.

"Here."

I hear a heavy thud on the ground beside me, and when I look up, I see Logan standing beside me. A second later, a delicious smell reaches me and my mouth waters.

Chicken.

Roasted chicken.

Both in awe and shock, I look up at Logan. "What is this?"

He sits down next to me and opens the paper in which the roasted chicken is sitting, hot and fresh. "I know witches don't eat meat in the Central Alliance. I thought you might be craving some. They wouldn't allow me to hunt meat in the forest, so I bought some chicken at the human village nearby.

"With what money?" I'm taken aback.

Logan shrugs. "I did some odd jobs for the witches, and they were happy to pay me."

Oddly touched, I rip off one of the chicken legs and hold it out to Logan, who shakes his head. "You eat. I know you've been practicing magic. It looked hard."

"Come on." I dangle the chicken in front of him. "There's no fun in eating alone."

He gives me a small, reluctant smile, and accepts the chicken leg. I tear off the other one and bite into it, suppressing my groan of delight at the flavorful meat.

Logan barely touches the meat in his hand, his eyes on me. "We still have four more days here. I will get you some more."

He seems quite pleased that I'm eating the chicken. He kind of reminds me of Drew.

The thought of my neighbor and friend who is now dead and buried, makes my heart ache and the smile disappears with my face.

"What's wrong?"

Suddenly the chicken doesn't taste as good as I gaze at it, my heart heavy.

"Nothing. I was just reminded of someone."

"Who?"

"A neighbor," I say, slowly. "His name was Drew. He and his son used to live on the same floor as me when I lived in Oakrest. He was killed by someone I considered a friend."

"He was important to you?"

I let out a small laugh, remembering the part of my past that seems like a lifetime ago although it's just been a few months. "Drew was family. We chose to become family. He was like an annoying older brother. He lied to me about a lot of things, but he protected me as well. He and his son were family to me. He died protecting me. If it hadn't been for him, I would have never found my mother. Or if I had, it would have been too late."

I now know that Drew's body, or whatever was left of it, was recovered by Dorian Greyhound, the Alpha who had given us shelter in the North. He was buried right where he was found. Maybe one day, I'll dig up his remains and give him a proper burial.

"Why were you reminded of him?" Logan questions.

I look at the stream, wishing I could wash away the hurt in the stream. "Nothing really. You're bringing me food just like that reminded me of Drew. He was always feeding me. Family, huh?"

Logan shrugs, finally biting into his chicken leg. "I wouldn't know. Marlene did offer to get rid of the dark magic which is blocking my memories, but I wouldn't feel right about staying here while you and Alex make the rest of the journey alone."

"Marlene talked to me as well about removing the dark magic." I look at him. "She's going to give you a potion. And I'll do the rest. That is if you're sure about not staying here. I would really encourage you to stay, though. Just a few weeks, and you'll regain your memories."

"No," Logan refuses. "I'd be worried about you. I'll take the potion and you can do the other thing."

I sigh. "Very well. The process will be slower than normal, but it should help. Who knows? You might have a family out there waiting for you to come back."

Logan doesn't look very convinced. "If they're alive and have not been killed by those dark witches."

I pat him on his bent knee. "You are a real ray of sunshine, Logan. You just brighten my day with those cheery thoughts."

He grins at me. "You're welcome."

I look around. "Do you know where Alex is? I haven't seen him."

"Your mate is watching you, hiding in the shadows." Logan points in the distance. "There."

I blink in surprise. "What?"

The older man shrugs. "Maybe he's upset by something you did which is why he's avoiding you. I don't know. Maybe you shouted at him? Or accused him of something he didn't do? Or maybe you were just unreasonably angry and you took it out on him?"

I glare at him. "For someone who barely speaks three sentences in a day, you sure are chatty today."

Logan gets to his feet and puts his hand on my shoulder. "There's a chance you might've hurt his feelings. Your mate is a little fragile."

As he walks away, I scowl. "Alex is not fragile!"

Logan just scoffs. "Finish your chicken. I'll get you more tomorrow."

"He is not fragile!"

Logan doesn't bother replying.

I cup my hands around my mouth and shout out, "Alex!"

There's no response from my mate.

Only this time, I know he's watching me. Now that I know where he is, I can feel his gaze on me.

Knowing my mate, if he doesn't want me to find him, he'll do the dance of avoidance all day.

I pretend to get to my feet, well aware of how to summon my mate to my side in an instant. Turning around, I pretend to twist my ankle and fall to the ground, following the whole act with a howl of pain.

He is at my side in moments, and I quickly latch onto him. "You!"

He gives me a disdainful look. "That was a cheap trick."

I glower at him. "How can I apologize for being an asshole when you avoid me?"

"I wasn't avoiding you," he says unconvincingly.

"You weren't?" I drawl. "So does that mean you were temporarily deaf when I screamed your name a few moments ago?"

He stares at me. "Is this the tone you'll be using to apologize? Doesn't sound very apologetic to me."

I pull him down to the ground beside me. "Here, have a chicken breast."

"No thanks," Alex refuses bluntly.

He's about to get up, when I grab his hand and pull him back down. "Alex, I want to apologize. Why won't you let me?"

"An apology is ‘I am sorry'," he says, calmly. "Not offering me food another man brought you."

"You're right." I get to my feet, facing him. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you three days ago. I shouldn't have done that. I know I can be unreasonable at times and I get mad at you a lot. I'm sorry for that."

"I'm not upset that you lashed out at me, Sophia." Alex pulls a twig from my hair before inspecting my burned fingertips. "I'm not upset at all. What I am is very worried about you. I know you're not going to like what I say, but are you prepared for the possibility that you might not be able to save your mother?"

I drop his hands instantly, my body turning stiff.

"No!" he growls. "This is what I mean. Stop doing this!"

His hands seize me by the shoulders. "Sophia…"

"I can't give up on her!" I push his hands off me, wrapping my arms around myself, my body feeling cold. "You can't…don't ask me to consider that."

"You told Cyrus…"

"Those were just words!" I burst out passionately. "Everybody has given up on her, Alex! Everybody! She waited all those years for somebody to show up and rescue her. Nobody showed up. Nobody protected her. I can't give up on her! And if I fail," my body shudders, "I won't be able to forgive myself. I can't let her down. I'm the only one she can rely on now."

Alex grips me when I stumble back and I look at him, my heart feeling raw. "I know…I know I lashed out at you and I got mad at you. None of this is your fault. I was just hurting and I wanted somebody to feel an ounce of my pain. All my life, whenever things went bad, or I was hitting rock bottom, there was no one I could lean on. I always thought if I let anyone see how hard things were, they would leave. I didn't have anybody who wanted me, so I was just desperate to hold onto the people who had not thrown me away."

I bite my tongue, feeling too vulnerable, a vicious fear sweeping within me. Have I finally managed to drive him away? Was I too careless with him? I knew I shouldn't have…

The darkest thoughts and fears that I have begin to fester somewhere deep inside me. I had begun to trust Alex's heart, but my doubts are now rearing their ugly faces and I feel terrified. "What have I done? I…I became too comfortable. I should never have thought…I should never have believed…"

"Stop!" Alex growls, furiously, giving me a rough shake. "Whatever you're thinking, stop!"

I just look at him, unable to speak, the storm raging inside tearing me to shreds.

What have I done?

I should've been careful.

I shouldn't have shown him how I felt.

These thoughts are slashing my heart to pieces, bit by bit.

That's why he's been avoiding me. He got tired. Who wouldn't?

"Sophia, sweetheart, stop," Alex begs me, but I'm retreating into myself, the darkness consuming me steadily.

Is he going to leave me?

Am I going to be abandoned?

Will I be alone once again?

Alex's fingers press into my upper arms as he drags me close, slamming his mouth down on mine.

The heat of his lips, his tongue as it forces its way inside my mouth, the hunger that follows, is all so familiar. I clutch at him desperately, scared to lose him, frightened of the consequences of my own actions.

My claws dig into his skin, my heart hurting with a vengeance.

As if in response to my own raging emotions, Alex grows more aggressive. His mouth moves against mine, as if he is marking my mouth. He robs me of my breath, his claws piercing past my clothing, drawing blood.

I don't care.

In this moment, I feel so cold, so alone, my entire world crashing around me. My head is a tangled mess and I've lost the ability to connect one thought with the other. Alex's hands are burning into my skin, reminding me of his presence, while my mind is trying to detach.

When he pulls away from me, his eyes are pleading, "Stop icing me out. What're you doing to our bond?"

"I…" I stammer, unable to explain, scared to explain, desperate to watch my words.

"You're mine, Sophia!" he growls just before he parts his lips and his fangs pierce into the side of my neck, right into the mating mark he gave me. The pain is excruciating. It's something I've never experienced before.

It does the job of dragging me out of the deep recesses of my mind where I'm hiding.

When Alex looks at me, my blood is on his lips, but this time I can see the terror in his eyes. "Sophia…"

My knees buckle and he catches me, stopping my descent.

"Sophia, talk to me."

"I-I'm fine," I lie with ease, holding it all in. He can't know how I feel. If I just bury it inside like I used to, it will be fine. I can still be happy.

"You're not fine and you're icing out the bond!"

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you are!" I've never heard him sound so frantic. "Sophia, look at me."

His hands forcibly tilt my head back, "I'm not leaving. It doesn't work like that. And I don't care how much you get angry with me or scream, or be unreasonable. I am going to stand by your side till death."

His words are reaching me, but the thick wall of fear is blocking me from comprehending them.

"I know why you're upset about your mother. I'm not angry or even remotely upset with anything you did." Alex is still talking, as if determined to get through to me. "I am never going to walk away from you. No matter what. You are everything to me, Sophia. Everything. I will always be here for you to lean on and you can't drive me away that easily, so you can just forget about that. You're stuck with me for life now."

My wolf is pacing anxiously within me, uncertain and nervous.

Alex's voice gentles. "I know saving your mother is important to you. It's important to me, too. I still miss my own parents."

He lowers me to the ground, taking me in his arms, my back pressed against his chest, his arms around my waist. His chin is resting on top of my head as he murmurs, "When the dark witches had me in that cave, they'd done something to me. I was dreaming. I felt like a dream, but now I'm not so sure. When I was born, my parents planted a garden in their home. Karina burned it down. But in that dream, I was back there before her touch had tainted the place. And I saw my parents. I talked to them. For the first time in years, I heard my mother's voice, felt her touch. It broke my heart."

His pain is what draws me out of the cocoon I've formed around myself.

"You never…you never said anything." I look up at him, my own fears being pushed aside by the concern I feel for him.

He just holds me tighter, his voice tired. "We both have issues, Sophia. You think I'll abandon you if you push me too hard. And I want to protect you from everything, including my own problems."

"I want to know about your problems, Alex." My heart throbs with the knowledge that he has been holding back.

"I know. Just like I want you to be completely assured that no matter what you throw at me, I can take it," my mate responds steadily. "Things are not always going to be roses and rainbows for us. We'll fight, we'll get angry with each other. But that doesn't mean our bond will break as a result."

My fingers trace along his as I try to calm myself. "I've always been independent. Ever since I met you, it's been a constant struggle to lean on you and to stop leaning on you. I keep waiting for…"

"You keep waiting for me to get tired of you?" Alex asks bluntly.

"Yeah."

"Well, that's not going to happen." He kisses the top of my head. "I've also spent a lifetime being depended upon, Sophia. My feelings, my needs, they all came after the pack's. Things changed with you. You started putting me first, and it was new to me."

"I'm your mate. Of course, I'll put you first."

"I know," Alex chuckles lightly. "I've learned that. You'd fight the world if you could for me. But it was strange to me. I was also cautious about burdening you with my concerns. I never had anyone to share my own fears with, and it's strange to have that now. All I know is how to protect and look after others. It's difficult to unlearn that."

I'm silent.

"I should not have taken my frustration out on you, regardless. You never say anything, even when I'm so unreasonable with you. I don't want to take advantage of your patience."

"You're not," Alex reassures me. "It's not that easy to wear me down."

"Still." I finally summon up the courage to look at him. "I was wrong. You've been doing everything to help her. But asking me to even consider her not surviving feels like the first step in giving up."

Alex looks down at me, and for a few moments, he doesn't respond. When he does, it's with a sigh. "That's all right. But you should know that it is not true that your mother has no one aside from you. She has me as well. After all, I am her son-in-law, aren't I?"

My heart grows lighter at his words, and I play with his fingers, looking at them idly, trying to hold it together. "If the worst ever does happen, you'll be there."

His lips press against my cheek. "I will. It'll be hard, but I will glue you back together. But for now, we will not even think of the possibility of the worst-case scenario. We'll just keep fighting for your mother."

My heart feels at peace. Deep inside, I know there's a chance of things not going the way I want. But Alex will be here.

He will always be here.