Chapter 20

Sophia Hope

"If it were only the fated mate bond, it would be easy."

Sitting on the floor of the shower, hot water pouring over me, I stare blankly at the tiles. I've lost my mind.

Because to me, that sounded very much like a love confession.

No, I really have lost my mind. I'm reading too much into his words. I let out a shaky breath, running my fingers through my wet hair.

Even if he does have feelings for me now, it doesn't change anything. He has to protect the young of his pack. It's as simple as that. I can't stand in the way of that. I can't demand that he let them die and choose me.

Alex's words keep running through my head. I have to admit to myself that he hasn't been acting like somebody who despises me. I know all of my emotions, actions, and words have been coming from a place of anger and hurt. When I stood on the beach this morning, staring at the ocean, I knew that. I've been like a child throwing a tantrum.

I can still feel Alex, his body moving against mine, the tension in his eyes, that heat and relief. He is the first man I've ever been with. I can still feel the lingering ghost of his touch on every part of my body. The blazing trail his fingers left against my skin, how they felt when they were inside me, the intense need and desperation his touch pushed me to…It's all replaying in my head, over and over again.

My arms come to wrap around my stomach. I can feel my wetness down below, and I swallow. If I go out there and ask him to take me to bed, he won't deny me. I'm certain of it.

I didn't lie to him. As soon as he touched me in the doorway, it felt like I had fallen into a deep, murky lake. I could feel what my body was doing, aggressively seducing him, and I could do nothing but watch. He tried to isolate me in the bedroom. He tried to stay away from me. And then, when he finally did relent, I could see the guilt he felt. It was in his eyes, in his breath.

I could have stopped after that first time. When I was able to snatch back control, I could've stopped him. But I wasn't ready to. I wanted more. I wanted to be greedy. I didn't know that hours could pass simply exploring each other's bodies. I didn't realize his kisses could be so sweet and his touch could be so addicting.

Perhaps I can share a little bit of his misplaced guilt. I'm the one who took advantage of him. My wolf is satisfied, satiated, and incredibly happy. But I can't bring myself to feel any of that. Because now that the layer of anger has finally been stripped away, I just want to weep. The same way I wept when Alex told me in that heartbroken tone that he was helpless against the circumstances.

I don't want to suffer anymore. I want to be free of this. It's not Alex's fault that he can't be with me. Maybe he does care about me to some extent, but I will never ask him to sacrifice his people for me. I haven't reached that level of selfishness quite yet. But he needs to leave. For me to pick up the pieces of the broken person I've become since he stepped foot in this town, I need him gone. The only way I can get him out of here is to find the Silver Wolf for him. He's been searching in the wrong place all this time, and he needs to know that.

I slowly get to my feet and pick up the shampoo bottle. As I lather my hair, I'm deep in thought.

Someone slipped me an aphrodisiac. At least, that's what Alex told me. I already knew what aphrodisiacs were. Who doesn't? But I never thought I would ever ingest one. I also didn't know how severe the effects on shifters could be.

It wasn't Noah. I know for sure it wasn't him. We were in the coffee shop together, and I saw him bring my drink over to me. He didn't tamper with it. I was watching him the whole time.

No. It was Rita.

But why? Why would she drug me? Was it a mistake?

That's the only thing I can think of: that she never intended to give it to me. I'm so confused. I'll have to ask her.

If I hadn't fled Noah's apartment, I might have ended up sleeping with him. My wolf growls at the idea, and I roll my eyes. "Well, you made sure that didn't happen, didn't you?"

The huff of pride I receive in response makes me frown.

Alex is gone when I get out of the shower. Walking into the empty bedroom, I look around and feel a sense of loss. Of course he's gone. I told him to leave.

Dimly, I wonder how my bed got fixed. I remember that it broke yesterday.

My body feels sore and deliciously used. A groan escapes my lips as I pull on a pair of soft leggings and a yellow T-shirt that says "Rainbow Monkey."

First things first. I need to call Rita. I need to ask her why she gave me the aphrodisiac. I pick up the landline, but my fingers linger on the buttons. Is this really a conversation I should be having over the phone? I won't be able to gauge her emotions this way. I hang up the receiver.

No, I need to talk to her face-to-face.

But before I do that, I need to do some research about the Silver Wolf.

I have a late-night shift tonight at the bar, so I still have a couple of hours. Grabbing my things, I head out. We have a library here in Oakrest, and it's time I make use of it.

As I'm locking my door, I hear Drew's voice call out my name.

"Sophia?"

I turn around and vaguely recall running into him on my way back to the apartment. He's coming up the steps, a strange expression on his face.

"Sorry about before," I say sheepishly. "I wasn't—"

"Who was in the apartment with you?" Drew asks abruptly.

I blink. "What?"

He takes a step toward me, and I feel a ball of tension form in the pit of my stomach. "Who was in the apartment with you, Sophia?"

I give him a wary look. "Why are you asking?"

The expression on his face can only be described as anger. "I was knocking on the door for quite a while. You were not alone."

"No, I wasn't," I reply calmly. "And it really isn't your business, is it?"

He flinches at my words, then looks away. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound…I was just worried about you. You were…You looked unwell when I saw you."

He's struggling to find the right words, and I feel a stab of shame as it hits me that he was able smell my arousal. I wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

"I was on a date," I say, flustered. "Or something like it."

"It wasn't Noah, was it?" He seems certain of the fact.

I shake my head.

My friend gives me a concerned look. "What are you doing, Sophia? If you're being courted by someone, you shouldn't be seeing someone else. I know I sound out of line, but—" I don't know what he sees in my expression, but his eyes suddenly widen. "Don't tell me. Was it your fated mate inside your apartment with you?"

Drew already knows about the existence of my mate, although he's never met him. I have no plans to introduce him to Alex, either. So, I simply nod.

"Does Noah know about this?" Drew asks, his face white. "Have you rejected Noah?"

"He…" I shove my hands in my pockets. I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope. "It wasn't like that. He was looking after me because I got sick. He and I…" It's my turn to struggle to come up with the right words. "I didn't mean to call it a date. And Noah doesn't know about him because there's no reason for him to. Nothing has changed."

"So, you haven't rejected Noah, then?"

Is there disappointment I hear in Drew's voice?

I give him a humorless smile. "Noah hasn't mentioned anything about his plans, and my fated mate is already engaged to someone else, so there's no chance of anything happening on that end."

I know now that Julia isn't actually Alex's fiancée, but it's better if I stick to that story.

"But then, you and he…"

I wonder if Drew knows that Alex and I slept together. From his reaction, it seems he suspects it. But he's too polite to actually ask.

"You're worrying too much, Drew," I assure him. "I know what I'm doing."

At least, this time I do.

It feels like I've woken up from a deep sleep. As I walk down the steps and out of my apartment building, I am filled with a grim sense of newfound determination.

I've always been a practical person. It was the only way to survive. And now, I have to keep being practical. Ever since Alex and I met, it's been like some of my brain's wires got crossed. I became more reckless, more emotionally driven. I started doubting myself more. I should never have doubted myself to begin with.

If I'm enough for myself, then that is all I need. I never should have associated my worth with how a man viewed me, no matter who he was.

There is no place for romance and love in my life. Noah is sweet and kind to me. He's understanding. But when I'm with him, it doesn't feel right. He's not right for me. And he deserves somebody who loves him.

So, I'm going to stick to my original plan. Save up my money and escape. I don't want to be the Alpha Successor's mate, if that is what Noah intends. I don't want to be with him. I can't be with him. I don't understand what he sees in me, but if I stay with him, I'm going to cause him nothing but trouble. And I don't want to be a hindrance in his life.

I can't help but recall how gentle and loving he is toward me and how I feel in those moments. But those feelings are fleeting, and I am not physically attracted to him. He's a good person now. He deserves better. And that is something I'll have to tell him. I'm not going to string him along.

As for Alex, he needs to leave Oakrest. And if he has to find the Silver Wolf in order to do so, then I will do everything I can to help him find her.

The library is a small building with an archives room in the basement, which requires special permission to access. The librarian on duty is an older man who is always napping, so I sneak in some sandwiches from the bakery.

However, no matter how much I research, I cannot find anything about the Silver Wolf. The information Alex gave me was very limited, and I got the feeling that even he didn't know all that much. There's no mention of the wolf anywhere I look.

The wolf in my dreams had silvery fur. I suddenly feel a pang of emotion in my chest.

Pushing aside my feelings, I try to think. If the wolf has silver fur, then maybe it's related to the Central Alliance. The color of their fur is white.

I'm just using my gut here.

I first search the digital library and index, but while there are some books about the Central Alliance, there's nothing about any silver wolf in them. I lean back against the chair, feeling the onslaught of a headache.

How mysterious can this Silver Wolf be?

Silver wolves are definitely not a common subspecies. Otherwise, there would be references to them. And Alex did mention their rarity. So, perhaps…

My head swivels toward the back of the library, where the history books are kept. Not many people read them, apparently, as they're quite dusty and hefty, tucked in the bottom corner of a bookshelf. Getting them out is quite a feat in itself because they resist leaving their snug home.

A few yanks, and I fall backward on my ass, a cloud of dust rising in the air. But the books are in my arms. Coughing, I wave my hand to disperse the dust and glance in the direction of Mr. Felton, the librarian, who was awoken by my racket and is now watching me intently.

"You'd better not steal those books, girl," he says in a warning tone.

"The shape you've kept this place in," I retort, getting to my feet and hefting the books, "is abysmal. Who would want to steal anything from here?"

He gives me a scathing look.

Poring over the books is useless. It takes me an hour to find any information at all about the Central Alliance. Mr. Felton must have noticed my annoyance because he comes over to me. "What're you looking for?"

"Information on the Alliances." I shut the third book in irritation. "These are supposed to be history books. Shouldn't they have detailed information about the Central Alliance?"

Mr. Felton picks up the three books and looks at their titles. "These books are tailored to the local packs. The detailed history books are in the archives."

"Can I see them?" I perk up, hoping he'll say yes.

"No." Mr. Felton disappears behind one of the bookshelves.

"Why not?" I follow him and see him putting the books back in their places.

He gives me a disapproving look. "You know why. To access the archive room, the Alpha has to give permission. Get a signed consent form, and you can go down there."

"He'll never know if you let me," I persist.

"I will know," the old man replies severely. "My conscience will know."

I sigh in defeat. There is no arguing with him, and there is absolutely no way Alpha Black is going to give me the necessary permission.

Sitting back down, I tap my fingers on the wooden table, trying to come up with a solution. The library closes at eight. I could always sneak back in here and break into the archives room.

I whistle a soft tune as I gather my things and go.

It's not like I don't know how to pick a lock.

Breaking and entering. Again.

I may as well be a career criminal at this point.

*** **

When I arrive at work this evening, Elsa gives me a strange glance from where she is manning the bar. I approach her, and she says with a scowl, "You should be resting."

"Resting?" I put down my belongings on the stool and stare at her. "Why?"

She gives me a long look, and I remember Alex calling Elsa on the landline in my apartment. I can feel the heat in my face. "Did he tell you?"

At my demanding tone, Elsa raises a brow. "I think you already know the answer to that. I repeat: you should be resting."

She grabs me by the neck and pulls me forward. My eyes widen in shock.

"What are you doing?!"

Elsa ignores me, inspecting my neck for something. Letting out a disappointed sound, she releases me. "Fool. He had the perfect opportunity."

"What is wrong with you?" I pick up my bag and hold it to my chest protectively.

"Nothing," she says, annoyed. "Since you're so perky, go get that case of whiskey from the storage room."

I give her another strange look before walking away, but not before hearing her mutter under her breath, "I'm surrounded by idiots. Flaming buffoons."

My fingers graze the side of my neck, and I wonder if she was hoping that Alex had given me the mating mark. That's the only thing she could be looking for on my neck.

I really don't understand this woman.

As I change from my street clothes into my uniform, I wonder why Alex contacted Elsa when he figured out I'd been slipped the aphrodisiac. Do they know each other? And does Elsa know who Alex really is?

I can't imagine that to be the case. If Elsa knew about Alex's identity, she would have informed the pack security. I close the locker with my belongings inside, wondering if I'm overthinking things.

Perhaps Elsa simply wanted me to be with Alex so I could get away from Noah. She'll be happy to know that I have no intentions of continuing anything with the Alpha Successor. I'm sick of the idea of love. It's nothing but disappointment and regret.

I'm about to stand up from the bench when the door opens and Eve walks inside.

"Hi, Eve," I greet her.

"Hey, Sophia." She gives me a shy smile. "Are you feeling better? Elsa told me you've been a little under the weather lately."

"Much better." Suddenly, I recall that I thought I caught a glimpse of her in the woods when I was with Noah. Watching her put away her things, I ask, "Were you near the beach this morning?"

I see her stiffen, but when she turns around to look at me, she's smiling. "I had breakfast at Ruder's Sub Shop. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." I walk toward the door. As my hand grasps the knob, I pose another question, in a light-hearted tone this time. "Eve, have you ever taken part in any of the pack runs?"

"Not yet," she replies hesitantly. "I'm not very social, you know. That's why I moved to this town. And you know how aggressive pack runs can get."

"Right," I reply slowly. "Okay, well, see you out there."

After closing the door behind me, I lean against it for a moment, thinking.

Eve was lying. She was definitely in the woods this morning. And the sandwich shop she just mentioned has been closed for two weeks.

The fact that she lied about her whereabouts makes me suspicious.

It's also odd that Eve has not taken part in any pack runs. While it is true that they tend to get a little aggressive, pack members who don't enjoy that can be guarded by one or two members of the pack security team. The only reason I can imagine that Eve has not taken part in them is so that nobody can see the color of her wolf.

I know I'm kind of reaching, but from the moment she arrived in this town a couple of months ago, Eve has not tried to make any friends or socialize. That's odd for our kind. Although, Elsa did tell me about Eve's abusive boyfriend and asked me to make sure that everybody gave her space.

But that is all the background of hers that I know. I don't know where she's from or what she does in her spare time. It's odd because when you live in a town this small, everybody knows what everybody else is up to, especially among the shifters. It's different for me because my little side gig happens late at night and I wear a disguise.

Aside from Eve's job here, I don't think she's working anywhere else. As far as I know, she's not taking any classes at the community college, and she's not enrolled in any of the skill shops in town. In fact, I've never seen her outside of the bar. It bothers me. If she is the Silver Wolf and she's trying to hide her identity, this is how she would do it: by not getting involved with anybody.

The bar is full by one in the morning. Since it's Halloween night, a lot of younger people are hanging out. The servers are busy, running back and forth, delivering orders, and trying not to stir up any tempers. While we do have the occasional human visitor in the Dancing Bear, it's mostly wolf shifters—and when drunk, wolf shifters become a rowdy bunch. My feet are aching by the time I'm relieved of my shift. I hand over the remaining orders to the other bartender and decide to grab a bite to eat from the kitchen before heading back to the library.

Coincidentally enough, Eve is also taking a break at that time, and I see her head into the alley. My plan is to go strike up a conversation with her, but when I near the door, I hear her voice. She's speaking to somebody.

"I've been very careful. Nobody knows…Yes, yes. I understand. But as long as I keep a low profile, nobody's going to figure anything out, are they?"

There's a long pause, and I hold my breath, eavesdropping on her phone call.

She sounds a little angry but mostly upset. "What do you want me to do? I'm doing the best I can! Do you think I would stay here if my identity has been revealed?…They won't let us be…I understand…Yes, I'll be more careful."

She must have ended the call because she makes a disgruntled sound, and then I hear something smash against the wall. My body jerks, instinct telling me to go check on her, but I stop myself.

Hearing her footsteps, I hide around the corner and wait for her to leave. She walks past me, her normally sweet expression distorted in rage. She doesn't notice me hiding in the shadows. As soon as she's gone, I make my way into the alley.

At first, I see nothing out of the ordinary, but then my eyes catch something lying beside the wall. On closer inspection, I see the broken pieces of a cell phone. A small, black phone, similar to the one I saw stashed in Rita's bedside drawer. I pick up the pieces and put them in my pocket.

Eve smashed this phone against the wall in a fit of anger. I've never seen her as anything other than meek; it turns out that she has quite a temper. But why does she have the same phone as Rita?

It bothers me. I feel like I'm staring at a puzzle. All the pieces are on the table, but I simply cannot put them together.

However, I can't waste time dwelling on this right now. It is already half past one. I have to get my things and then go break into the archives room.

When I come back inside the building, I see Eve standing at the end of the hallway. She's watching me with a strange expression on her face. I don't want her to get suspicious, so I smile at her. "I just went to get some air."

She doesn't smile back, a troubled look forming on her face. Without a word, she quickly walks away, leaving me staring after her.

I don't know what to make of that.

The changing room is empty when I get there. I grab my bag from the locker and change into my street clothes before leaving for the library. The streets have emptied; the one or two stragglers I do come across ignore me.

Still, I know that there is always somebody around. I slip into one of the alleys and take a shortcut out of sight of the main road.

I'm not dumb enough to pick the lock of the front entrance of the library. Instead, I sneak into the back garden. I pull out a few of the sharp hairpins I wear out of habit and study the lock.

It's a pretty simple one.

I take out my cell phone and turn on the flashlight, balancing it on my bent knee. Hairpins at the ready, I'm peering at the lock to begin working on it when, suddenly, a heavy hand falls on my shoulder.