Chapter 15

Sophia Hope

My heart sinks at Noah's words. "Did something happen?" I ask. It's hard to keep my tone steady.

"Can I come in?" He looks over my shoulder.

I want to say no, but if I tell him I'm going out to the pharmacy, he's going to have a lot of questions. So, I step aside. "Sure. I was just about to head to bed."

"With your wallet?" He looks pointedly at my purse.

"Oh, no." I laugh nervously. "I owe my neighbor twenty bucks. I was going to slide it under his door. We hardly ever run into each other, and I just wanted to make sure I paid him back. I can do it tomorrow."

I don't know whether Noah buys my explanation or not, but he walks past me into my living room.

He looks around. "This is a nice place."

I give him a small smile and say nothing. He's being polite. This is one of the cheapest apartment complexes in town, and the entire building is one step away from being condemned. It's in terrible condition. I've painted my living room plenty of times, but water still manages to seep into the walls and damage them.

"Did you find the black wolf?" I look at him, pretending to be curious.

He sticks his hands in his pockets. "Well, I did a lot of damage to him, but he escaped. We're going to comb the woods tomorrow. We'll most likely find his body at that point. I managed to gut him. He's lost a lot of blood; there's no way he can survive."

He sounds quite pleased with his actions, but my stomach churns.

"I see. So, what brings you here?"

"I felt bad for abandoning you on our date. I thought you might want to go for a walk, if you're not too tired."

I shake my head. "I appreciate the offer, but I think I'm just going to go to bed. And you didn't have to come all the way over here to make it up to me. I understand why you had to go."

I see the relief on his face. "Are you sure you're not upset?"

"Of course not," I assure him.

I'm getting anxious now. Alex is in the other room; I need to get Noah out of here. It's hard to pretend to be calm when my heart is beating like a drum.

When he steps toward me, I find myself frozen in place. His head lowers, and he brushes his lips against mine.

I feel nothing. That's actually not true, I realize when he pulls away. I feel disgust. It feels wrong. But I can't say that to him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then."

His hand lingers on my cheek before he leaves. I wish him a mumbled good night and close the door behind him. After locking it, I rush to the bathroom and rinse out my mouth before staring at my reflection in the mirror.

This is not going to work. If I'm repulsed by a kiss, I can't be with him. This was our first kiss, and I feel like I've done something horrible. I didn't even kiss him back, and yet…

Using a towel to dry my hands and face, I head to the window and check to see if Noah is gone. Moments later, I see him exiting the building and Orlando coming across the road toward him. They begin to walk away together, in deep discussion. I wait till they're around the corner before I grab my purse and head out. I'm careful not to follow the same path as them, taking a shortcut.

At the pharmacy, only one light is on inside. The pharmacist is asleep in his chair, his feet propped on the counter. I rap the glass edge of the counter, startling him awake. He nearly falls out of his seat.

"What?" He gives me a disgruntled look.

"I want to buy some bandages and disinfectant."

"At this time of night?" He glowers at me. "I was sleeping!"

"This is an all-night pharmacy, isn't it?" I stare at him. "Where else am I supposed to go?"

Grumbling under his breath, he says, "Fine. What kind of bandages do you want?"

It takes me a couple of minutes to complete my purchase. I glance out the door to make sure the street is empty before I leave. I don't waste time walking; I run down the street in the direction of my building. Once again, I use the back entrance, not trusting Noah or Orlando not to show up again.

Alex is still passed out when I enter the bedroom.

I keep remembering Noah's words as I clean Alex's wounds and apply the bandages. If Noah actually managed to gut him, that means Alex probably used his remaining potion to save his life. But in that case, what about the rest of the wounds? Shouldn't the medicine have worked on those as well?

The typical potions I get at the healer's office aren't that strong. The one Alex used on me that day was different. I've never known a healing potion to hurt so much. I remember how painful it was when he used it on my shoulder. If Alex's wound was as life-threatening as Noah suggested, then Alex must have been in agony when he used the potion.

"You're going to be alright," I assure him. "I'm not going to let you die."

Seeing him still like this, his face so deathly pale, makes my heart ache. His breathing is shallow, and it terrifies me. The healing potion I gave him earlier will help fight infection, but I can see that he's burning up.

I don't know the first thing about setting a bone, but I do know that if a bone is not set properly and it heals, it has to be broken again. I wish I could call our local town healer, but I know that will just put Alex in more danger. Instead, I arrange his arm in the sling I bought and pray for the best.

I feel like I should go tell at least one of his friends about the situation. I can't understand why Alex didn't want to go to them. They would've been able to help him more than I can. Maybe Alex does not trust his friends. Maybe I should find his fiancée. They're engaged, after all; he must trust her more than anyone.

But Alex is a black wolf, a Northern wolf, and that means his companions and his fiancée are also from the North Alliance. What if they decide to kill me to keep their secret? I can understand why Alex wouldn't want to kill me, but I doubt his companions would share the same sentiment.

I sit by his bedside, applying cold compresses to his forehead, trying to bring the fever down. The healing potion is doing its own work, but I want to do as much as I can. Alex can't die. I have to make sure he doesn't. My wolf is frantic, and I'm having a hard time keeping myself together. I wipe my eyes, trying not to break down.

My eyelids feel heavy as the night passes. I'm consumed by worry and other intruding thoughts that push away sleep but not fatigue.

The black wolf that comforted me in silence was Alex. Why did he do that? He didn't want me, so why did he follow me and try to calm me down? His actions don't match his words.

I wish I could understand and untangle his motivations. If Julia weren't in the picture, I could have assumed that he rejected me because we are from different Alliances. I would have accepted that. But he has a fiancée, so I assume she is his reason for rejecting me.

At some point, as the sun begins to rise, my head drops to the bed. It's an uncomfortable sleep, but I am beyond exhausted now.

When my eyes open, I'm standing in what looks like a dungeon. Or at least what I believe a dungeon would look like. I'm in the middle of a narrow passageway with cells on either side of me. The place stinks, a heavy dampness lingering in the air, the atmosphere putrid.

The silence of this place makes me uneasy, and my footsteps echo as I walk down the passageway. All the cells are empty except the one at the very end. I try to open the door, but the lock is such that I can't even break it.

A wolf is curled up in a corner of the cell. Its fur appears to be silver, but it's very dirty and unkempt, as if the wolf has not groomed itself in a very long time. It also looks severely malnourished. It has chains on all four of its legs and one around its neck. It's sleeping.

I know wolves from the North Alliance have black fur, and the ones from the South Alliance have brown fur. I thought the wolves from the Central Alliance had white fur. So, which Alliance does this silvery wolf belong to? Why is it in a cell? Why does it look like this?

"Hello?"

It doesn't stir, and I begin to feel a strange restlessness within me.

"Hello? Are you awake?"

I don't know why I'm so desperate for the wolf to look at me, but its silence continues. I try again to break the lock, but whatever it is made of, not even all of my strength is enough to put a dent in it.

"Please wake up!" I bang my hand against the bars, my voice rising in panic. "Wake up!"

The wolf doesn't move.

My eyes feel wet from desperation. "Please wake up! Please look at me!"

Its tail moves slightly, but its eyes remain closed. I sink to my knees, my hands wrapped around the metal bars. I reach through them, but the wolf is too far away to touch.

I can feel my own wolf's agitation.

"Sophia."

I ignore the voice calling for me and try reaching out to the wolf again, even though I know it is pointless.

"Sophia!"

Somebody is shaking me. My eyes open, and suddenly, I am back in my room. Alex is staring at me, fear in his eyes.

I gaze at him, my head feeling hazy. I've never seen that look on his face before.

He presses his fingers against my wrist as if checking to see whether I'm alive or not. His touch drags me back to reality, and I bat his hand away. "What are you doing?"

"What happened to you?" he demands. "You weren't breathing!"

I give him an annoyed look when he tries to check my pulse again. "I'm breathing just fine. What are you talking about?"

That's when I realize that my hands are trembling, as is my heart. I feel a little lightheaded. When I try to get to my feet, I fall forward. Alex reaches out with his right arm to stop my descent, but I grab the edge of the bed to support myself.

"Sit down," he orders, looking terrified. "Your lips were turning blue."

I sit back down on the bed, trying to take slow, deep breaths.

Without thinking, I mumble, "I was dreaming. This silver wolf—"

Alex immediately grabs my wrist. "What did you say?"

I stare at him, confused. "What?"

"You said ‘Silver Wolf.'" His eyes are intense. "What did you see?"

"It was just a dream, Alex! Now, let me go!"

"What did you see, Sophia?" he persists.

"Nothing! I saw a wolf with silver fur in a cell. It was half dead. That's all."

He releases me after a moment but keeps staring at me. "That can't be all."

"It was a dream." I give him an angry look. "What? Now I'm not allowed to have nightmares?"

He looks ashamed as I rub my wrist. His fingers have left marks on my pale skin. Even as injured as he is, he still has his strength.

"How did I get here?"

"I carried you," I tell him. "The pack security team is still looking for you. In fact, I think they believe you're dead."

I see the way he stiffens, his eyes searching mine.

I fold my arms across my chest. "I didn't tell them you're here. You're safe. For now."

"You know, then?" he asks quietly.

"That you're from the North Alliance?"

He just looks at me.

I nod. "Yes."

"Why didn't you report me?"

I let out a sigh, rubbing my hands over my face. "I didn't report you before, when I saw you in the forest. Why would I report you now?"

Alex doesn't meet my gaze. "Given our situation—"

I cut him off. "You don't know me, Alex, because you never bothered to. Just because you rejected me, it doesn't mean I want to torpedo your life or get you killed. You have a fiancée. I understand. I have eyes. She's beautiful and classy, everything I'm not. I can understand why you prefer her."

I see something akin to confusion in his eyes, which then turns into shock.

"Wait…"

I get to my feet, no longer wanting to discuss this with him. Touching his forehead, I announce, "Your fever has broken. Noah mentioned that you lost a lot of blood. I have steaks in the freezer. I'll cook them for you, rare. In the meantime, you should reach out to Julia and let her know you're safe. I tried to take you to the motel last night, but you didn't want to go there. I can call her for you if you want."

Alex stops me, his voice grim. "Don't tell Julia. Whatever you do, you cannot tell her."

I give him a strange look. "She's your fiancée. Don't you want her to look after you?"

He makes a choking sound. "Look after me? Yeah. She'll look after me, all right."

His tone is so odd that it has me blinking. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. Could you just reach out to Patrick and let him know I'm here?"

"I can take you to the motel."

"I don't want to go to the motel just yet. Not till my injuries are healed."

I study him. "Are you planning to live in my apartment while you recover? I'm not running a bed and breakfast, Alex. You can't stay here."

"I won't bother you," he insists.

"It's not that…" I curl my hand into a fist. "Look, it's in both of our best interests to stay as far away from each other as possible. It's bad enough that you come to the bar every day. Now you want to convalesce in my apartment? You're not helping the situation."

"Why?" My ears catch the bitterness in his tone. "Am I getting in the way of your dating life?"

I bare my teeth at him. "Yes. Yes, you are. I'm not even going to ask you what you're doing in South Alliance territory. Whatever it is, I don't want to be dragged into it. And I'm not going to let you mess with my head, either."

"You're acting as if you care about me, and as if my presence bothers you," he taunts me.

I see red.

"You better keep your attitude in check. I'm not threatening you, but you are at my mercy right now. Also, I risked my life for you yesterday. Noah came over after I brought you here. If he had discovered you in my bedroom, it would have been my head on the execution block, as well as yours. And for your information, I don't want you interfering in my dating life. You found your happiness with your fiancée. You can't stop me from finding mine."

He seems to deflate at my words. "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Happy."

I open my mouth to say yes, but nothing comes out. Swallowing, and feeling furious for some reason, I walk out of the room, my voice hard. "I'm going to go take out the steaks, and then I'll tell Patrick you're here."

I close the bedroom door behind me and press the back of my hand against my mouth as my heart beats in a painful rhythm.

Asshole.

Happy? Of course I'm not happy. I'm miserable.

But I don't want to tell him that. I don't want him to know my true feelings. I press the heels of my hands against my eyes and let out a few trembling breaths.

Get a grip , I tell myself. You couldn't leave him out there to die.

I take the steaks out of the freezer so they can thaw. Heading into the living room, I grab my phone.

The motel's owner, Larry, a mild-mannered individual, answers my call. "Oakrest Motel. What can I do for you?"

"Larry, it's me, Sophia. You have a few guests staying with you. I need to talk to one of them. His name's Patrick."

"Patrick," he drawls. "Sounds familiar. Are you talking about one of the six men who're traveling together?"

"Yes."

He makes a sound of understanding. "I'll put you through to his room."

The line shifts into some flute music.

A minute later, another man picks up, and I recognize the voice. "Patrick speaking."

"Patrick, it's Sophia." I'm about to tell him about Alex when a wave of paranoia comes over me. "You left a package at my place the other day. Can you come pick it up?"

There is silence on the other end, and then he asks slowly, "A package?"

"I think it's a very important package," I say tightly. "Thought you might've noticed it missing since last night?"

More silence, and this time when he speaks, his voice is sharp. "Of course. How could I forget? What was your address again?"

By the time I end the call after shooting off my address, my hands feel sweaty. I have to be careful. If anybody so much as suspects that I'm harboring the black wolf, I don't know what will happen to me.

I head back into the kitchen, and resting my hands on the counter, I stare down at the thawing meat.

This situation is dangerous. I am in way over my head. What should I do?

Suddenly, I hear a muffled groan. My heart nearly stops. Grabbing the bandages I put on the kitchen counter last night, I rush toward the bedroom and throw open the door. "What's wrong?"

Alex is trying to get to his feet, one arm in the sling and the other holding his stomach.

"Are you crazy?!" I hurry over and force him to sit back down on the bed. "What are you thinking?"

"Bathroom," Alex grunts.

I press my lips together into a thin line. "You should've called for me. Do you have any idea about how bad your wounds are? You shouldn't be moving around like that!"

"I thought you were about to throw me out," he says, giving me a dark look.

"I wasn't throwing you out." I can feel the guilt begin to settle in. "I was just saying you would be better off with your friends and your fiancée. People you trust. I'm a stranger to you."

"That is not what you were saying." I don't know why he's arguing with me right now. The man is on the verge of death, but he wants to pick a fight over this. "You want to get rid of me. And it's not like I don't trust you."

"We barely know each other, Alex. Let's leave it at that."

His eyes turn hard. "Do you really dislike me that much?"

"Dislike you?" I gape at him. "I am trying to move on from this mess, Alex. You're trying to drag me back into it. I understand that I'm not your type. I understand that you have a fiancée you love and that I don't hold a candle to her. I am simply trying to move on with my life, and I'm trying to keep my distance from you so that this bond between us fades away. I'm doing what you wanted. So, why are you acting as if I'm the one hurting you? Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? How hard it is knowing I'm tied to somebody who doesn't even want me? Or do you think that because everybody else tramples on me, you have the right to, as well? I'm so sick of your attitude toward me. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. I am a person, Alex. I have feelings. Just because I can't shift, it doesn't mean I'm worthless. It doesn't mean you can try to hurt me just to get a kick out of it!"

Tears are burning in my eyes, but they're not tears of sadness. They're tears of anger and hurt.

There's shock in his eyes, along with some other emotion. Alex tries to get to his feet, and I roar, "Sit down!"

He sits back down meekly.

My breathing is harsh. "You are a horrible, horrible person. That is what I think of you, because that is how you've acted toward me. You think I'm not good enough for you? You're the one who's not good enough for me, Alex!"

I want to say more. I want to be cruel. But that's not who I am.

I turn around, ready to exit the room quickly before I say something I regret, but I've just made it to the door when I hear him say, quietly, "You're right. I'm not good enough for you."

I freeze in place, wanting to go but also wanting to hear what he's saying.

"I can't do right by you, Sophia," he says after a moment. There is a hollowness in his voice that reaches to the deepest part of me and pierces it. There's a trace of loneliness in his voice that resonates with me, and I whirl around to face him. His eyes are focused on the window, as if he can't bear to look at me.

I want to ask him what he means, why he sounds like that, but my voice is stuck in my throat.

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Being with me would bring you nothing but misery. If you want to know why I rejected you, it has nothing to do with you being less than Julia. You're wrong about her. Julia's the one who can't hold a candle to you. Not the other way around. This is not easy for me, either, Sophia. You don't know my circumstances."

My mouth is dry. "What are you talking about? What circumstances?"

Alex is silent for a few seconds, still not looking at me. "If I could lay it all out for you, perhaps you would understand. But there are things I cannot tell you. What you should know is that there are lives at stake: the lives of my pack mates. And that is why I can't be with you. And if I did choose you, if I did accept you, you would be in constant danger. I can't do that to you."

My heart tightens painfully in my chest. "What about Julia? When she mates you, won't she be in danger?"

He makes a noise that sounds like a chuckle, but it's darker and almost cruel. "Julia? If I could kill that woman with my bare hands, I would."

His words shock me. "I thought she was your fiancée."

This time, he looks at me, and there's nothing but hatred in his eyes. "She is being forced upon me. She's a very dangerous individual with a lot of backing. Don't ever make the mistake of crossing her."

Anxiety fuels my next question. "If you despise her so much, why are you going to mate her?"

His eyes are cold as he looks at me. "Who says I am? Just because I didn't deny her words doesn't mean they're true."

I study him, not knowing what to think. He doesn't want Julia. He's not engaged to her. But he can't be with me. Does he plan to be alone for the rest of his life?

Finally, I say to him, "I don't know what you're trying to do here. But I do understand that you are rejecting me."

"Not because I want to." I can hear the guilt in his voice. "My intention has never been to hurt you, Sophia. As an Alpha, my pack's survival has to come before my own happiness. And that is what I'm focusing on. Sadly, you've become collateral damage, and I don't know what to do about that."

My lips move, but I turn away, unable speak. Unable to hear any more.

It hurts.

This hurt is different. It's a lonely, tired pain. From his words, it almost seems like Alex does want me—but he won't do anything about it because he has to protect his pack. His pack comes before me. I am not a priority to him.

I feel selfish even thinking that I should be more important to Alex than the lives of all his pack members.

I want to ask him who it is that he fears so much. I want to ask him exactly how accepting me will hurt his pack. I want to beg him not to cast me aside. But my voice is stuck somewhere deep inside me, buried under layers and layers of pain and hurt.

Several loud knocks jerk me out of my thoughts. Without another word, I make my way to the front door and peer through the peephole.

It's Patrick.

I open the door, staring at the ground, my voice dull. "He's in the bedroom." I gesture vaguely behind me.

I can feel Patrick's gaze on me, but I do not look up. I drag myself to the kitchen and close the door, not wanting to overhear their conversation. Sitting at the kitchen table, I rest my head against the wall and contemplate the ceiling. My eyes are dry, but this ache in my chest isn't going anywhere.

Am I supposed to hate Alex now? Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? Or am I supposed to feel sorry for myself?

Numb and mentally exhausted, I just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep. I want to hide from my problems, from this confusion eating at me. I want to hide from the world.

I wish Alex hadn't told me the truth, whatever little he did tell me. Because now I feel worse.

I don't know how long I've been staring at the ceiling when the kitchen door opens and Patrick pokes his head in. "Can I talk to you?"

I shrug.

He enters the kitchen and closes the door behind him. Leaning against it, his hands folded behind his back, he studies me. "Are you alright?"

I open my mouth to say yes, but instead of words, a strangled sob escapes, and I lower my head into my hands.

Patrick crouches next to me, rubbing his hand on my back. "I'm sorry."

So am I.

"I can't take Alex back to the motel with me," Patrick says softly, his voice strained. "I cannot have him near Julia while he's so vulnerable. His wounds are far from healed. He has some major internal injuries that will need a few days to heal completely. Do you mind if he stays here, Sophia? I think this is the safest place for him."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"I am begging you." He sounds distressed.

I lift my head and look at Patrick. "What is it about Julia that you all fear so much?"

Patrick is silent for a moment, and when he meets my gaze, he says, "She will kill Alex if she cannot possess him. She is obsessed with him. And I don't think even he realizes how bad it is."

When I just stare at him, he wets his lips and continues.

"Julia is the one who leaked his location to your pack security team last night."