Chapter 14

Iwrinkled my nose when fur tickled against it. A familiar smell enveloped me, and I hovered between dreams and wakefulness. Was I on a date with Dutch? Images flashed through my mind of Tak approaching our table. I had gotten up to speak privately to him, and then…

My eyes snapped open at the terrifying image of a grizzly.

The memory frightened me more than the wolf I currently embraced. His ebony coat had familiar grey patches—Tak's wolf. I recognized his scent. Wolves didn't smell like dogs, nor did they even smell like wild wolves. They carried the same scent as their human counterpart, only stronger.

Tak was large and took up half the bed. Belly up, he snoozed, a deep rumble sounding in his chest with every inhale.

Is he snoring?

I gingerly lifted my arm away from his body and drew back, his pointy fangs precariously close to my face.

I'd always been terrified of wolves who were strangers to me. Yet despite my trepidation, something compelled me to stroke the beast's head. Maybe it was my wolf wanting to thank him for having saved my life, but my impulsive need to touch him shocked me.

When he suddenly sneezed, I froze solid. Tak's dark eyes found mine, and before I could leap off the bed, he licked my arm and then sprang to his feet.

I'd never seen a wolf so big—so formidable. Tak's aura made me want to wrap myself inside it.

The moment he jumped off the bed, he shifted so gracefully—so seamlessly—that it was impossible not to admire.

It was equally hard not to admire his firm, round backside. It drew my attention to the curve in his back that led up to his broad shoulders.

Tak grabbed a pair of pants and put them on, never once making eye contact. "You were asleep a long time," he said. His long hair was unbound. I imagined it normally carried a wave when unbraided, but after a shift, the body usually goes back to its original state.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "What happened?"

Tak strode to a travel bag in the corner and pulled out a bottle of water. "Here," he said, offering it to me.

I cracked open the lid and guzzled down half the liquid. Once I quenched my thirst, I screwed the cap back on and looked around the motel room. "Where's Wheeler? Is he hurt?"

"Wheeler's fine." Tak chuckled quietly, as if hiding an inside joke from me. "He stopped by earlier and made the manager open the door. My wolf wouldn't let him in, but he understood that you're under my protection. After a few cuss words, he finally left. Wheeler cares about you. Was he one of your former packmates?"

"No, but he's practically family." I set the bottle on the table, sat up, and put my feet on the floor.

Tak sat down next to me, his imposing height undiminished. "You want to talk about what happened back there?"

Talk about the most embarrassing moment of my life? Not a chance.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," he continued. "That grizzly had no business shifting in front of a woman after a deserved slap in the face. You had the right to stand your ground, but he had no right to threaten you. Unstable men like that need to be taken into the woods and shot."

Tak's nonjudgmental understanding took me by surprise, and when my lip quivered, I stood up. "I shouldn't be here. I need to go home."

"You've been asleep for hours. Unless you want to walk home in the dark, we wait until morning. You need to rest."

"I can call a cab if you won't drive me. I just feel safer at home."

Tak stood up and erased the distance between us. "When you're with me, you're safe."

I backed up against the door, my hand on the knob.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he promised. "Has that ever happened before? Your episode, I mean."

My episode.How did he know to call it that? Panic attacks weren't common among Shifters, especially since danger often had the reverse effect on wolves. It awakened our animal, and we fed off that power.

I dodged his gaze and weaved around him. "Sometimes it happens when I'm least expecting it, but it's never been that… paralyzing. Not in public where everyone could see me." I sat at the foot of the bed and buried my face in my hands. "Now they're going to know."

"Know what? That you were afraid of a rogue grizzly four times your size?" Tak rocked with laughter. "You and every other man in that bar."

I lowered my arms. "I lack courage."

He folded his arms and leaned against the wall by the door. "You're not weak because you can't take down a grizzly with your purse. How many women your age in this town left their packs and opened up their own store? How many have a contract with a man like Shikoba? He doesn't do business with just anyone, you know. There are prominent tribes in the region he wouldn't close a deal with. Courage comes in many forms."

"People expect more from me. Cowering beneath a bar isn't befitting of a Packmaster's daughter."

He nodded. "I know a little something about that. Maybe we have more in common than I thought."

"I doubt it."

Men like Tak feared nothing. He couldn't possibly understand my shame. I looked down at my bare feet and then noticed my shoes beside the dresser.

"I have a clean shirt if you want to change," he offered. "I always bring extra in case I feel like taking a shift." Tak was holding in a laugh, and I suspected his play on words would have earned him a laugh in the bar.

"I've already taken some of your clothes."

He strode over to his bag. "That's right. Why didn't you offer them to me when I stayed the night?"

"I forgot I had them," I admitted.

He handed me a brown shirt. "You just wanted to see me in a dress. Don't deny it."

I smiled and began to unbutton my blouse, which reeked of beer and cigarette smoke. Tak turned toward the curtain and pretended to be straightening the drapes while I changed.

I pulled his shirt over my head and flipped my hair out from inside the collar. Growing up in a pack, one could hardly be bashful. Aside from that, he'd already seen everything. "Why did you shift?"

"At the bar?"

"No. Here."

Tak remained silent for a few seconds as he stared down at the table beside him. "Who gave you this letter?"

"What letter?"

He turned halfway and glowered. "The one that says: ‘I'm going to cut off your head.'"

A chill ran down my spine when I saw him pointing at a piece of paper on the table. "Where did you get that? Were you going through my things? You had no right."

"You were unconscious. I had every right to look for your phone to get Lakota's number. My apologies for getting distracted by the death threat."

My eyes settled on the torn envelope beside it.

"Well?" he pressed. "Who gave this to you?"

"I don't know. Someone taped it on the window outside our store. We had trouble when we first opened, probably—"

"Kids?" he finished. "No, a boy didn't leave you that note. Were you in the store at the time? Was Melody or anyone else there?"

"It was just me."

"Then it was meant for just you." He turned away and muttered something in his native tongue. Tak must have shifted after reading the threat.

A million things raced through my head, and I stared at the dark television in front of me as the details unfolded like a bad late-night movie. "When we first opened the store, we were prepared for a backlash. There's not much retail real estate left in the Breed district, and most of the owners around here are men. The pranks were juvenile compared to what others had experienced, so we just shrugged them off. There was nothing we could do about a little writing on the windows. They probably thought we'd be embarrassed by it, but it'll take a lot more than name-calling to scare us off." I gazed at the note on the table. "I plan to tell Melody and Lakota when they get back, but I'm not sure there's much we can do about it. I don't have the money to hire a personal bodyguard, and how long can I live my life like that?"

"They broke your window. You're in danger."

"We don't know if it was the same person. A lot of people are jealous of our success." Frustrated, I crawled up the bed and fell to my side, giving him my back. "What should I do?"

"Being a lone wolf makes you an easy target. If you had a Packmaster, this wouldn't be an issue."

"But as it stands, I don't. Nor do I have any desire to join a pack just for protection."

He snorted. "That's what a pack is. Protection."

I dipped my nose inside the collar of my shirt, smelling Tak's scent buried in the threads. "Well, my chances of finding a respectable pack just dwindled after that fiasco back there."

Tak circled the room and sat on the edge of the bed. I had a strange compulsion to reach out and touch his hair, but I admired it instead.

"Do you think that bear left the note?"

I thought about it. "No. I found it before the incident in the shop. I'll talk to Lakota about it when he returns. He'll know what to do."

Maybe I didn't have a bodyguard, but Lakota had spent years as a bounty hunter, and that offered me a small measure of comfort.

Tak peered over his shoulder at me with those warm brown eyes. "What about that man you were with tonight?"

"Dutch? He didn't mention murdering me on our date, but who knows what he might have revealed by the time we ordered dessert," I said, hiding a grin.

"I wouldn't put it past a guy like him. Smooth talkers are the ones you have to watch out for."

My smile withered. Tak was right about that one.

His eyes settled on me for a long time. "Where did you get your scars?"

I instinctively reached up and traced my finger across the ones on my jaw. "When I was a girl, a rogue attacked me."

He jerked his neck back. "A wolf did that to you?"

I nodded.

"What happened to him?"

I tucked my hand underneath the pillow. "Ask Wheeler. He's the one who killed him."

"I owe him a beer." Tak furrowed his brow. "Had the wolf gone mad? Sometimes rogues who wander the woods for years lose all sense of morality."

"It happened just before the war started. Mel and I were walking in the field when he came upon us. At first, we thought he belonged to one of the neighboring packs. I don't know why he singled me out, but he knocked me down and…" My eyes squeezed shut, the memories so vivid that it seemed like only yesterday when it happened. I could still feel his front paws punching the air out of my lungs as he knocked me down. I could hear Mel's bloodcurdling scream when his jaws locked around my head. I could still smell the stench of his hot breath and feel the cut of his sharp canines. Unable to look at Tak, I continued. "I was frozen with fear, afraid that if I moved he would rip off my face. I have little memory after that. Mel somehow scared him off, and someone carried me back. That part's a blur, but the attack is so fresh in my mind that sometimes I think my heart will stop beating."

"A crime that unspeakable should have never happened to a child. It makes little ones fear their own kind or even themselves." Tak's hand smoothed my hair, and he kept petting me that way until I felt calm again. "Is that when your panic attacks began?"

I nodded.

"Have you ever talked to anyone about it?"

"My family understands how it changed me, but they don't know how to help. They've done their best to give me advice, but forgetting doesn't stop the nightmares. It doesn't stop the episodes. And it certainly doesn't stop me from becoming a paralyzed mess when my life is in danger."

"You did nothing to be ashamed of back there," he reiterated. "I don't give a damn what anyone in that bar thinks of your reaction, and neither should you. Staying low kept you from becoming that bear's target. You don't have a Packmaster around to tell you that, so maybe you need to hear it from me. I had an uncle killed by a grizzly. One swipe took off half his head. And what you're dealing with—it's no one's place to judge. They don't know what you've been through."

"Easy for you to say."

Tak withdrew his hand, eyes downcast. "I know about trauma. Everyone deals with it differently."

I noticed the bend in his voice and treaded carefully with my question. "What could traumatize an alpha?"

Tak turned away and rested his forearms on his knees. "Killing his mate."

I sat up, my eyes wide. "Say that again?"

After a long stretch of silence, he finally spoke. "Maybe you should call that cab after all."

His admission made my heart drop. Maybe I should have taken him up on the cab, but I had to know more. "On purpose?"

Tak's knuckles turned white as he squeezed his fingers together, and I watched his sculpted features contort. When he tried to speak, he choked on a sob, his body shaking as he buried his face in his hands. I'd rarely seen that depth of sorrow.

When his emotional break subsided, he wiped his face and heaved a sigh. "I'm an alcoholic. I used to be, anyhow."

My heart sank. If this story involved physical abuse, I wouldn't be able to offer him words of comfort. That was where I drew the line. My heart had no room for any man who would strike a woman.

"We weren't actually mated," he continued. "We didn't hide our relationship, and we were as close as any mated couple, except for the living-together part. Her father knew about my problem and wouldn't agree to the pairing. We could have gone behind his back, but she didn't want it that way. His approval meant something to her, and she thought he'd warm up to me in time. My drinking never affected my behavior toward her. I always treated her with love and respect. It was just something that became bigger than me."

"Why did you drink?"

Tak wiped his face again, his voice changed from the pain. "I don't know. Maybe to cope with living in my father's shadow. I could list a million excuses, but none of them matter. I lost control."

My hand slid away from his back when he grabbed the water off the end table and gulped it down. "What happened?"

He set the bottle on the table and turned to face me, his eyes downcast. "I was drinking at the bar one night, and she showed up to bring me home. I made her laugh. Even when she was mad at me, I could make her laugh. She handed my keys to one of my packmates and insisted on driving me home in her car. It wasn't the first time she'd come to my rescue, but maybe it bruised my ego that particular night. Once outside, I snatched the keys away from her and got in the driver's seat. She tried to stop me, but I'm a stubborn wolf. I distracted her with kisses until she laughed. Then I promised to drive slowly. We lived out in the country, and there isn't any traffic late at night. Why didn't she get out?"

I shook my head.

"I don't remember the drive or anything else until I woke up to the smell of fuel and pine. We'd hit a tree, and it almost split the car in half. She wasn't wearing a seat belt." Tears filled his eyes so quickly that they spilled down his cheeks before he could blink.

Something dark flickered in his expression, and I drew back.

Tak gripped a pillow and hurled it across the room with such ferocity that it made me jump. He sprang to his feet and punched the wall, his fist leaving a crater. "She suffered because of me. She died because of me. Alone, on the hood of a car! I wasn't awake to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her that I was sorry."

I felt a catch in my throat and stood up. "You don't know what could have been done for her. An alpha's magic doesn't always work. Don't torture yourself over something you can't change. The fates are in control of our lives."

He spun around, his nostrils flaring. "The fates didn't take her out of this world; I did. It wasn't her time," he growled. "And I'm the one who had to tell her family. I brought shame to my tribe—to my father. You see an alpha standing before you, but I will never be a Packmaster."

I reached up and touched the dark patterns on his face, tears welling in my eyes. "Is that why they did this? To punish you?"

He shook his head. "I did it after I got sober. Let my sins be a cautionary tale for the younger generations. They need a reminder every single day of the price they'll pay for selfish choices. The symbols show I'm a wolf who strayed from the pack."

I brushed the pad of my thumb across his cheek. "Maybe you were meant to stray for a reason."

He stared at me for a few breathless seconds and then pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was surprisingly gentle at first, and as his arm curved around my back and he pulled me closer, I felt dizzy with the taste of his tears and the scent of him. He claimed me with that kiss, and I stood on my tiptoes, my body melting against his.

When he broke the kiss and backed away, I looked up in confusion.

"It's not right," he said, his voice husky. "I can't take advantage of a virgin."

I blinked at him in surprise before a flurry of laughter escaped. I covered my mouth, unable to process what I'd just heard.

Tak frowned. "I don't understand you city Shifters."

"It's not you," I said, the laughter dying in my throat. "I'm just not sure why you assumed I was a virgin. Are the women in your tribe virgins until they mate? Do you carry them to the bridal suite on a palanquin?"

He twisted his mouth to the side, half amused by my remark but confusion swimming in his eyes. "No, but a woman of your caliber doesn't give it away to just any man."

I spun around and folded my arms. "This one did."

I felt the heat of his body closing in on me.

"I don't believe you."

"Believe it. My ignorant decision almost destroyed my father's pack."

He led me to the mattress to sit and then knelt before me. "There's no sin in bedding a man."

"No, but he was one of my packmates." When Tak grimaced, I wanted to disappear. "People expect more from the Packmaster's daughter. I let an older man seduce me, and part of me wanted to give it away to someone I didn't love."

Tak tilted his head. "Why?"

I'd never shared my reasoning behind it with anyone, and the idea of defending my actions aloud felt freeing. "Because… my father has no sons of his own—no alpha male child to one day align with his pack or even lead it. He loves Lakota, but I'm his only natural child. My dream was to sell jewelry, and his dream for me was to mate with an alpha."

"You didn't want a mate?"

I shrugged. "My father loves me blindly. He never acknowledged my faults—my weaknesses. He just assumed an alpha would find me desirable and I would have my happily-ever-after, but that's not how it works. I wanted to please my father, and I knew he would always worry for me if I never found a strong man to be my life mate. This may sound foolish to you, but I once believed that sex could hold a man—that passion gave you power. Maybe if I had some of that power, it would give me an advantage over other women. What alpha wants an inexperienced virgin? I thought an older wolf could teach me how to be a good lover. It was such a mistake. My mother warned me not to make foolish choices, but did I listen? Lying to my father was one thing, but deceiving a Packmaster is a punishable offense."

"What happened to the man?"

"My father kicked him out of the pack. The confrontation almost ended in bloodshed, but my mother's a skilled mediator and talked sense into him. I don't think the rest of the pack knows what really happened, but I know what I did, and that's enough. My father tried to protect my good name, but I don't think he believes I'll ever find a mate."

"And this spineless coward never came for you? He didn't fight for you?"

"He didn't love me. Why would he have?"

Tak cursed under his breath. "What kind of man would sully a woman's reputation?"

"Lakota fears it'll happen again. That's why I'm staying home alone instead of with my old pack while everyone's out of town. I don't know that I'll ever regain their trust." I stared at the empty bottle of water. "All for nothing. The sex wasn't even nice."

His hand felt heavy on my knee. "It rarely is the first couple of times."

"I can't imagine why so many women enjoy it."

Tak's fingers grazed my inside thigh, sending an unexpected flutter of tingles through my core. "Why do you say that?"

"It was painful and rushed. He made me nervous and self-conscious the whole time."

Tak's hand stroked higher, and when his knuckles brushed against the thin fabric between my legs, I trembled. "Do I make you nervous?"

My blood heated from his touch, and everything about him felt so right.

"You chose the wrong man," he said, easing between my legs.

My skin tingled at the touch of his fingers. They explored beneath my shirt and circled over the fabric of my bra.

Tak's eyes drank me in, and his words devoured me. "Will you let me show you how good it can feel?"

"What about my honor? People expect a woman like me to be courted before bedding a man."

He stroked my cheek, and I leaned into him. "The man you gave yourself to didn't realize what a precious jewel you are. Otherwise he wouldn't have made your first time so terrible that you've given up on your desires. He should have pursued you in every way." Tak kissed the corner of my mouth. "I want to show you what a beautiful, sexual wolf you are. As for courtship, you deserve a better man than me, so maybe this is the only honor I can give you."

I wanted him. Yearned to know the feel of his weight. Tak sparked a fire in me, and in his arms, I felt like a woman.

"I have nothing to give you in return."

Tak cradled my neck in his hands, his eyes piercing my soul. For a moment, our spirit wolves danced in the depths of our gaze. "You've already given me what no other woman has."

"What's that?"

"Compassion."