Chapter 13 - Lila

“There’s something different about you,” Valerie observes with a keenly raised brow.

I shrug diffidently as I throw salt into the pasta water, stirring the pot as Valerie pours the pasta inside. Thanks to my upgrade from Omega to Luna, I don’t have to follow Dorothy’s instructions anymore. I’m allowed to go in and out of the pack center without a schedule.

That’s why I can visit Valerie during her work hours and help her volunteer in the kitchen.

If Dorothy only knew that Alpha Flynn ordered me to stop working here…

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie, doing a quick taste test of the water to ensure that it tastes like the ocean. I haven’t been able to tell my best friend that I finally lost my virginity to the Alpha.

It’s too embarrassing to speak about, anyway. Just as embarrassing as it is to be anywhere near the Alpha who snatched my virginity and simultaneously snatched the rug out from under me.

His little fleeing act that night was heartbreaking. I knew I shouldn’t have given in, but it was almost as if I didn’t have control of my urges and the words that fell off my tongue. It just…happened.

Since that night, I’ve been avidly avoiding him, not wanting to see those horror-stricken eyes again. Even if horror isn’t still evident after that night, those amber eyes will only remind me of how much he regretted our passionate tryst.

“Maybe it’s 'cause you’re Luna now,” Valerie grins from ear to ear, and I playfully slap her arm.

“Let’s not make a big deal of it, okay?” I giggle.

“Is that why you’re here, at the center? ‘Cause it’s not a big deal?” Valerie hums.

“Eloise appreciates that I still want to be a part of pack activities,” I say, leaving out the part where her son, the Alpha, ordered me not to be here. What does it matter, anyway? He can't expect me to be cooped up in his house all day, just awaiting more emotional blows as if I'm his personal punching bag. “I don’t see the need to act as if I’m royalty now,” I add.

“Technically, you are,” Valerie objects with a huff, when suddenly she looks past my shoulder, eyes growing wide. She murmurs through her teeth, “And you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“Oh, look who it is!” Cynthia’s voice sings from behind me.

I throw Valerie a look of apprehension before gulping and turning around.

I'd known the moment would come when I would have to face them—Cynthia in particular, armed with her lackey, Gloria, by her side.

“The Luna of Blood Moon!” Cynthia chimes when I turn to face them, a huge smile plastered on her face. She dips her head, almost like a bow, keeping her eyes on me.

“It’s an honor to be in your presence, Luna Lila,” Gloria adds, her voice laced with sarcasm.

It’s so thick, I can almost taste it in the air. I know I shouldn’t feel unsettled, but I can’t help it after everything I’ve faced at their hands.

I have to remind myself that I am the Luna now—a privilege that means I won’t have to suffer anymore. Perhaps it’s just the post-traumatic stress that has me cowering, but I give little away when I smile at them.

“You don’t have to pretend,” I offer politely. “I do not take my position as an advantage over anyone.” I lift the spoon in front of my face. “That’s why I’m still here.”

Cynthia and Gloria glance briefly at each other. “You’re too sweet, Lila,” Cynthia pouts. “It’s only a shame that you had a very private ceremony. We would have loved to be there.”

“It was a rushed affair,” I explain, glancing at Valerie, who wears a cold look of wariness. “The Alpha needed to complete the ritual to go ahead with pack dealings.”

“I see…” Cynthia nods slowly, her eyes narrowing when they flicker to my neck. “Though he hasn’t completed the ritual, has he?” she presses as she cocks her head to one side.

“What do you mean?” I ask with a frown, prompting her to take a step forward and reach out to my neck. Her fingertips feel like ice shards against my flesh, and I flinch from her touch, pulling away quickly.

“He hasn’t marked you yet,” Cynthia drawls in observation. “Why is that?” She steps back, cocking her head again and frowning, though her lips twitch, toying with a smile.

“It’s…” A hand goes up to my neck instinctively, covering up the scent gland that hasn’t been marked by the Alpha’s canines.

“It’s none of your business, Cynthia,” Valerie interjects, stepping forward protectively. “The Luna doesn’t owe you an explanation.”

From over Valerie’s shoulder, I peep Cynthia and Gloria whispering to each other before quietly leaving the main kitchen.

A sigh of relief bursts out from me as if I’d been holding my breath. “Thanks, Val.”

“Are you sure you still wanna be a volunteer here?” she scoffs. “You’re never gonna get rid of those two,” she points behind her. “You might as well take advantage of your privilege.”

“It’s not much of a privilege if it’s not complete,” I groan.

Valerie frowns. “He hasn’t touched you, has he?”

I purse my lips and shake my head glumly. “It’s worse than that, Val.” I lower my voice and say, “He did touch me. But it didn’t end well.”

Valerie’s eyes widen and she takes a deep breath before grabbing my hand and pulling me out through the back door. Once we’re at a safe distance so that no one hears us, I tell her all about what happened that night after the ceremony.

“Phew….” She blows through puckered lips, shaking her head. “What is it with him? Does he have no morals?”

“Don’t, Val,” I say sternly in warning. “Don’t speak badly of the Alpha.”

Valerie scoffs. “After everything he’s done to you, you’re still gonna defend him?”

I shrug nonchalantly, an unsettling shiver running down my spine. Even I don’t know why I keep going back and forth between how I feel about him. With only a few glimpses into his softer side, it isn’t enough to justify being good to him.

He doesn’t deserve it. Not after taking my virtue and then seemingly condemning me for it.

“He is the Alpha,” I offer as the only explanation. It’s not that his dark, mysterious good looks are enough to compensate for his strange behavior. Perhaps his title is enough to serve as consolation. “It’s pack rules, right? We can’t badmouth our leader.”

Valerie shakes her head, seemingly unconvinced. “So you’ve just been walking on eggshells around him ever since that night?”

“We haven’t been treading the same ground since then,” I admit. The only reason I was able to leave the house today was because Flynn left early for a meeting with Miles. Before that, I’d kept myself locked in the bedroom, only stealing downstairs when I needed to eat.

Valerie raises a brow. “So, you're not planning on running away anymore?”

I shake my head. “I can't,” I gulp. “I mean, it's too late for that. Ugh…” I groan discontentedly. “I don't know what to do.”

“You need some fresh air, Lila,” Valerie suggests, taking my hands in hers with her bottom lip trembling remorsefully. “This place doesn't need you now that you're Luna. Why don't you visit your brother at the cabin?”

I muse over Valerie's suggestion with pursed lips, finally nodding slowly when I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe I just need to go back to the cabin, spend some time with my brother, and clear my head. Maybe I'll gain a new perspective and figure out how to navigate my life as the Alpha's discarded mate.

***

“I don't understand why you're still determined to prove that it was Dorian's fault,” my brother's voice is faint inside the cabin from where I linger on the porch. I press my ear to the door, trying to hear more closely and figure out who's inside with him.

“I can't shake off the feeling that he betrayed my brother,” comes Flynn's voice. I hold my breath, wanting to leave without being heard. Instead, I freeze in place, listening to him speaking.

“Why didn't he stay and fight? Drag Finch back here instead of running away?”

“What if he's telling the truth, Flynn? What if it was your brother who saved him?”

“I…I can't live with that.”

“Why—”

I'm startled when I hear the slam of a palm on the table and the clatter of metal that follows.

“Because I wasn't there to save him! I wasn't there to stop it!” Flynn roars.

A moment of silence follows inside the cabin, giving me time to inhale slowly as I process what I just overheard. It's the first time I've ever heard Flynn speaking about his brother—and so passionately, at that. It's almost as if…he has feelings and demons that haunt him…

“It's not your fault, buddy,” Miles soothes.

Flynn grunts. “It's not my fault, but I've had to shoulder his responsibilities when I'm not fit to be the Alpha.”

“You're a great Alpha, Flynn,” Miles objects.

“I have to be better. I have to ensure that they see me as their leader. If I can bring justice for Finch's death, it will be good enough.”

Another pause stretches out before Miles sighs. “This is about my sister, isn't it?”

My breathing slows down while I listen more intently, wondering what he’s going to say about me. The pressure of my pent-up breath builds and weighs me down, and my heel sinks into a creaking floorboard on the porch.

“I—I don't know what—” Flynn pauses, and his sharp intake of breath is audible. “Someone’s outside.”

The shuffling of movement inside the cabin prompts me to hastily turn toward the wooden stairs. I’m about to rush down, my foot on the first step, when the hinges of the front door squeak and Miles calls out,

“Lila? What are you doing here?”

Turning timidly, I offer my brother a sheepish smile. “I—I just thought I’d stop by after center duties,” I grimace. “But you have company…”

Miles chuckles, waving a hand through the air dismissively. “Pfft! It’s just your mate, Flynn,” he says, stepping aside. “Come on in.”

“Oh, I shouldn’t,” I hesitate. “I should go back and finish my chores at the center.”

“Liles,” Miles patronizes with a skeptical brow. “You’re the Luna of this pack now. You don’t have to answer Dorothy anymore.”

“Right.” I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with oxygen to calm my nerves. As Miles steps aside, I see Flynn seated at the kitchen table with a whiskey glass in one hand. He has his head turned away, his shoulders tensing when I enter.

“H-hi,” I greet awkwardly, unable to stop thinking about what he was about to say to Miles about me.

He glances at me without looking up, rolls a shoulder, and greets back flatly, “Hi. What are you doing out this time of the night?”

When Flynn finally meets my eyes, his are cold enough to lower the room temperature, sending a shiver through me.

“It's only five p.m.,” I murmur, careful not to sound too defensive.

“Hm…” he hums his displeasure, his blank stare so nerve-wracking that I feel like a disobedient child facing the wrath of a disciplinary figure.

“And you haven't stopped working at the center, have you?” His piercing gaze is like daggers targeted at me.

All I can do is timidly shake my head. He probably heard me telling Miles that I should go back to the center.

I've disobeyed him, and I can sense how ripe the air is with his fury.

The heated tension is palpable, my knees quivering as I enter the kitchen and hover behind a chair. Taking a look around, I notice how empty the counters are. It seems that Miles has been sticking to the meals offered in the pack center since I left to stay in the Lycoan house.

“Um…have you had dinner yet?” I ask Miles when he comes in after me, succeeding in avoiding conflict thanks to my brother's presence.

“No,” he perks up with a grin. “Are you offering to make dinner for us?”

“Of course I am,” I giggle. “I’m pretty sure you were missing my cooking.”

“You know me too well,” Miles winks, then flits his eyes to Flynn, who pushes off the chair.

He chugs down the rest of his drink, then sets the glass down with a loud clink. “I should get going,” he says to Miles.

“Why don’t you stay, buddy?” My brother frowns at him. “I bet you already know how great Lila—”

Flynn grunts and shakes his head, pointedly averting his eyes. “I should go speak to my father. He’ll wanna know what happened at today’s meeting.”

“Right…of course,” Miles concedes, walking Flynn to the front door.

What I thought would be relief turned out to be a wave of disappointment that washes over me and leaves me feeling crushed. Flynn has turned cold again, the once sweet scent I sniffed around him becoming empty now, as aloof as his lack of acknowledgment of my presence.

I’m not the only one who’s been avoiding him, it seems. He still can’t stand the sight of me, despising me for what we did that night…

“Are you alright, Liles?” my brother asks, snapping me from my daze.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I assure him with a timid smile.

“Are you sure?” he implores with a skeptical frown. “It looked to me like something was wrong between you two.” Miles proceeds to the table. “If he’s treating you badly, you will tell me, won’t you? Just because he’s my best—”

“Miles…” I reach out and place a reassuring hand on his broad shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong.”

Miles grunts discontentedly. “I know this isn’t exactly a traditional mate bond, lil’ sis. But Flynn said you’re the only one suitable for him, so he knows what he’s doing.”

“Suitable…” I murmur under my breath, scoffing internally as I heat the stove. The only thing I’m suitable for is Flynn’s persecution. He didn’t want a mate. He wanted a personal punching bag to deliver blows to in the form of blatant rejections and humiliations.

“Fool…” a wistful inner voice chimes inside my head, startling me as I hover over the stove. The shudder that passes through me has me dropping the spoon with a loud clink into the empty pot, and Miles rushes over to check up on me.

“Are you hurt? What happened?” he asks urgently, grabbing my arms and pulling me away from the stove to swiftly turn the fire off. When he turns to face me with worry flashing in his eyes, I can’t help but internally melt.

How can I keep up this pretense from the only other person who truly cares about me?

It’s only because I care about him and cannot ruin his friendship with Flynn.

It has me wondering…how much does Flynn have to lose if he were to lose my brother’s friendship? I heard him just now, mentioning his brother. That’s why he’d grown close to Miles when Finch Lycoan was killed.

“I’m fine, Miles. I really am,” I assure him, squeezing his hand as compassion flows through me. It’s almost as if I can sense the energy of loss and grief, and how painful it must have been for both of them.

When we lost our parents, I had Miles to take care of me, to offer me the comfort I desperately needed to overcome my grief. But he didn’t have anyone to turn to, except the friendships in the pack he made along the way.

Then, Flynn lost his brother, and he and Miles became the closest. They found solace in each other and grew a friendship as strong as the bond between brothers.

Yet, it doesn’t sound like Flynn has been able to fully heal from losing his brother. Was I always just in the wrong place at the wrong time, suffering his brutality because I was the easiest target?

Despite how unfair it is, I can’t help but wonder if there is something I could do to ease the pressure off his shoulders. It never occurred to me that he was battling inner demons until I heard him briefly speak about them tonight.

Miles shakes his head sternly, pulling me from my thoughts about Flynn. “You’re not fine, Liles. I sensed the tension between you two. I’m no fool.” He drops his weight on the chair, running a hand over his head, where his blonde hair has grown out more than an inch. “It’s not like you’ve received your wolf yet. He hasn’t touched you, has he?”

A blush creeps on my cheeks as I stare wide-eyed at my brother. “Why does everyone seem to care about that?” I giggle nervously.

Miles blows out a breath. “It’s important ‘cause you’re my sister, okay? I hoped that being mated would allow you to receive your wolf, but that clearly hasn’t happened yet.”

I hang my head shamefully, unable to tell my brother the truth of what happened that night. I haven’t been claimed by Flynn, and I’ve lost all hope of ever receiving that connection to my inner wolf with the ability to shift.

“It’s… complicated,” I admit tentatively, to which Miles sighs.

“It shouldn’t be complicated, Lila. You are now the Luna of this pack. Apart from connecting to your wolf, you’re meant to bear offspring for the Alpha.” Miles frowns, cocking his head to one side. “You do know this, right?”

Another nervous titter escapes my lips while the heat of a blush scorches my cheeks. “Duh! Of course, I know this,” I lie, though I hadn’t thought as far as that. After what happened the other night, all I’ve lamented is Flynn’s sudden departure and the scent of indifference he’d left in his wake.

What happens then? Will I be forced to raise the pup on my own, under the same roof as the male wolf who can’t stand the sight of me?

“ Fool…” I hear that familiar faint voice chide in my mind, as if to stop this pity party I’m dancing in, and realize that Flynn doesn’t need more resistance than what I’ve been putting up. It’s not as if I could have made up that hungry, ravenous look in his eyes when he passionately made love to me. Neither can I deny how I truly feel about him.

Something deep within has me gearing up for the greatest quest of my life, ignoring the red flags of his words and redirecting me to the actions I experienced between the sheets in his bedroom. Paying close attention to the strong pull I’ve always felt, I can’t ignore the parts of me that beg to be released, the parts of me that I’ve buried only because I’ve been too afraid of being authentic.

It’s done me no good so far. I can’t hide this side of me—the one who cares and loves so deeply, even when her love is often misunderstood.

What does it matter if it’s met with resistance? There’s absolutely nothing left to lose now that I am the Alpha’s mate. What’s the worst that he can do?

Kick me out of the pack?

If he wanted to do that, he would have done it a long time ago.

Taking a deep breath, oxygen fills my lungs and strengthens my resolve while I stare at my brother, a smile curling my lips.

“Don’t worry about me, Miles,” I say as if a lightbulb just lit up in my mind. “I promise that everything’s gonna be okay. It won’t always be this way.” Somehow, those words are full of conviction, a declaration to make things right between Flynn and me. I’m not convinced that he’s revolted by my presence.

Why would he pick me as his mate, after all?

I must have been “suitable” enough for a reason. I’m determined to uncover that reason and turn my life around.

I can’t be a victim forever.

My chest swells with pride, as if the inner voice I’ve been hearing calling me a fool suddenly winks at me in appreciation of my efforts. I feel lighter going about making dinner for Miles, intending to do the same for Flynn.