66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66

L ayla secured the towel she'd wrapped around her hair. She'd taken as long as she could in the shower to warm up, something she didn't normally do when there was a storm. She ran out of excuses to stay away from him.

She took a deep breath before stepping out of the bedroom. It took her only seconds to realise she was still unprepared to talk to Jax. She felt his presence, but not in the same way. The love of her life filled her living room, taking over it the same way he took over her heart.

He stood with her back to her, dressed in one of her old, comfortable bathrobes while he dried his hair. The worn cotton fabric of the robe sculpted his back, ass and thighs. He was like a work of art, sent by fate to tempt her. He might as well have stood there naked.

Jax turned, and the view improved. He'd only loosely tied the belt so she could see his muscular thighs and the tattoos on his chest.

He knew what he was doing to her. Heat spread through her cold body the same way it always did when she looked at him. Nia was gone, but Jackson was still the same attractive man he'd always been, and her love for him was still the same. Her wolf dying didn't change a single thing about how she felt. She'd have to be dead not to react to him.

"I haven't eaten. Did you stock up on food?" Jax asked.

He stepped closer to her, and the knot on the bathrobe slipped a little. She swallowed to make sure she didn't embarrass herself by drooling. Jax was no longer hers, not in the way that mattered. Jumping back into bed with him would only complicate things in the long run.

"I've never lived in a trailer before, so you'll have to tell me what's safe to do during a bad storm," Jax continued.

His words brought her focus back to the situation. She met his gaze—there wasn't even a hint of a smile in them. He had the serious face he wore to meetings or other pack duties. The face he wore when he was determined to do something.

"You don't live in one now," she stated.

"That's not how it works. You're my mate, so my home is where you are," Jax said.

She turned away from him and leaned against the kitchen counter.

"How can you say that when you know..."

Her words trailed off. She shook her head and walked over to the carton full of water bottles. When she tried to pick it up, it barely budged, reminding her again that things had changed. It rose less than an inch above the floor before she dropped it back and picked out a single bottle instead.

"You've been through a lot, Layla. I only heard a little of it, but I can only imagine the courage it took to make that sacrifice. Only a Queen can think like that," Jax said in a low voice.

The storm was still raging outside; she strained her ears to hear him.

"Look at me, Layla."

His voice sounded closer. She turned back to Jax, her breath hitching when she saw him only inches away. He still looked serious, but there was something else in his eyes.

"Do you remember our last conversation before they took you? You assured me you were not with me because of the bond. I'm not here to force unwanted attention on you; I don't want to be an asshole," he said. "But if that was a lie... If our time together was a lie and I mean nothing to you, then look me in the eye and tell me now."

How could he even ask that of her? He knew this had nothing to do with how she felt about him.

"Say it, Layla. If you don't love me, say it."

She closed her eyes and fought back her tears.

"You have to think of the pack. You have to think of Hope. They'll come for you when they know I am no longer a wolf. The Circle will tear the pack apart. How can I stand by your side like this? No one will be safe," she whispered.

"So you left me because it's what's best for me?"

"You can live your life now. My decisions won't affect your life. You never wanted a mate anyway, and if you're being honest with yourself, you weren't happy with me towards the end—"

Jax grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him.

"Bullshit," he growled. "Tell me the real reason. Your face has probably circulated in all the Hunter bases like Rebecca's. Wolf or not, you're safer in the packhouse. I know you know that. So tell me why you're doing this."

How could she explain things to him when she was still trying to get her head around it? She was the reason Nia was dead. Her stupidity. Her ego—believing she had to be around to help them with the rescue. She was the reason all those wolves were kidnapped. She was the reason the Commander started experimenting.

Everything was her fault. How could she look anyone in the eye again?

Her foolishness cost her things that should have lasted for an eternity. Nia. Her bond with Jax. Her bond with Hope. The pack. She'd lost everything.

And that was the punishment she deserved.

"I can no longer be called your mate. I'm not the Queen. I am nobody's Luna. You'll be better off with another wolf," she whispered.

Jax took a step back as if she'd hit him.

"You're telling me if you saw me with another woman right now, you'd be okay with it?" he growled. "If you saw me kiss her? Touch her?"

It felt like someone nailed hundreds of nails into her heart at the same time. How was anyone supposed to withstand such pain?

She looked away, but Jax stepped back to her, this time closer than he had been before.

"You won't be okay with it, Layla," Jax growled. "Do you know why? Because you're still mine."

The words warmed her up in a way the shower hadn't. But they were still just words.

"The bond—"

"I don't give a fuck about the bond. You still belong to me, and I to you," he hissed.

He closed the last inch of space between them, and his robe fell completely open. He placed his hands on the counter on either side of her, bringing his face only a breath away from hers.

The heart that had been full of nails started to beat again.

"I love you, Layla," he whispered. "Nothing will change that."

He brought his hand under her chin and forced her to face him.

"I know you need time to deal with what happened. I know you need time to heal," Jax whispered. "I'm not a monster; I understand that. But don't throw what we have away. Don't walk away from me."

"You haven't thought this through," she whispered. Tears fell to her cheeks but Jax gently thumbed them away.

"I have. I've done nothing but think today. The only conclusion I came up with was that my life is still not worth living without you next to me."

Jax released her and stepped back, taking the heat of his body with him. Her eyes automatically lowered to his open robe. His body reacted to her gaze as it always did. It was something she'd taken for granted when he couldn't hide his emotions because of their bond. Now she felt like she was going in blind, and that was a little terrifying.

Instead of ripping her clothes off as he would have done, Jax fixed the robe and tightened the belt. She looked up and tried not to feel disappointed, but it was pointless. She could tell he knew.

"I know you won't believe anything I've said, so I'll show you," Jax said. "The next time I have you in my arms, you will have no doubts about where you belong."

His words cleared her head a little. If Jax wanted to try, she wouldn't stop him. But he would start to see the differences, too. He would see her weakness. He would see the mess that her situation would cause. He would get tired of it all.

And when that happened, another wolf would come along and turn his head. A wolf he could mark and make the Queen. He would finally see that they were not fated after all.

That was assuming they survived the Hunters and the Circle.

"I'm still not going back," she whispered.

"Not tonight anyway," Jax said as he walked to the fridge. "The roads were flooding when I ran here, and some trees fell over and blocked the main road. I hope you have enough food."

She watched him look through the surprisingly full fridge. It was strange to see her father spend money on necessities rather than his alcohol and gambling.

The chill in the air seeped through her bones again, forcing her to pull her hoodie tighter.

"Why did you even come out in this?" she sighed and walked over to their emergency box.

It was full of flashlights, extra blankets, and first aid kits. All the things they needed if they had to go without heat or water for days or if they had to leave in a hurry. Next to it was a cooler box and some thermal flasks.

"Because you're out here unprotected," Jax answered. "And I intend to take you back home."

No one would let him do that, especially the wolves who were in the cages with her and called her a traitor.

"You should tell them first," she suggested.

Then he would see for himself. The wolves might have accepted her as a half-blood but they would never accept this. No wolf in their right mind would submit to a human—or, in her case, half-human.

"Okay," Jax said as he shut the fridge.

She took some food from the cooler and pulled a couple of mugs from the cabinet. The cold was getting worse. She was starting to shiver—something else she didn't remember ever doing. Was it that cold? Or had she become too weak?

"Why's your dad here," Jax asked.

"I don't know. I should be asking you that question," she muttered.

The shivering became more apparent as she stirred the drinks. It was rather odd because she felt sweat forming on her forehead. A fever? She had never experienced one herself.

Jax's large hand covered hers, and the spoon stopped knocking against the side of the mug. He turned her to face her and gently put his hand on her forehead.

"You're burning up," Jax said with a frown.

"I'll be fine," she said, pushing his hand away.

"No, Layla. You're really burning up. We need to get you to a hospital."

The second he said that, something slammed hard against the trailer and made her jump. The trailer shook, and then the lights flickered briefly before everything went black. The generator was out.

She saw nothing. Her heartbeat didn't calm down as she looked around in the darkness. Her head became foggy and her breathing harsh. She reached out for Jax, but her fingers swiped across the empty space.

And that was the last thing she remembered as her knees buckled and her eyes closed.