Chapter Thirteen

"I'm no good for you, Hutch." Mav's words broke my heart.

Didn't he understand I was the one who was no good for him? He'd said I was perfect just the way I was, and I believed him. I still did. But, in the future, he could easily change his mind. Not being able to have kids in the hypothetical was a far cry from not being able to have kids in reality.

"Bullshit," I spat out. "I was far less safe without you by my side." And I had the scars and weird gait to prove it. "Now that you found me, no one's doing me harm. No. One. For the past far too many years, every day, somebody did harm me, often multiple people, multiple times."

I sucked in a deep breath. I hadn't meant to get so heated, but the thought of being rejected by him for my own good or whatever bullshit case he was working up to… Yeah, that was too much.

"Every. Single. Day. Don't you dare tell me I don't know what it means to be unsafe. I do. This is not it."

He stared at me, his eyes wide, opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish.

"When I'm here with you, I feel invincible, like the strong wolf I once thought I was." When he talked about being a killer, something that I should be scared of, I wasn't. Not now, or when I saw what he'd done. "I know you think I should be scared of your job. Yes, there were and probably will again be casualties, but those deaths make others safer. They protect. That's what you do. You protect."

"You don't know that," he said, evading my eyes.

"I do."

"You can't. I don't know that and I'm the one living it. My job…all of this, it's messed up, and I don't want you getting involved in it."

"Spoiler alert. I already am. And if I couldn't handle it, Fate wouldn't have given me you. Don't pretend otherwise."

He gave a single nod.

"I'm not saying we should mate now, but I don't want to leave your side. Sure, there's a lot of crap I have to process—survivor's guilt, martyr syndrome I didn't even realize was wrong until I debriefed with Gray, and probably fifty other things I haven't thought about yet." I took his hands in mine. "I've got to work on that, but I want this. I want us together. Please tell me you'll wait for me while I figure this shit out."

I hadn't planned the conversation to head in this direction. Then again, I hadn't had a plan. It felt good to get it all out though. It needed to be said.

"Yeah, I'll wait." He reached up and cupped my cheek, pressing his forehead against mine. "I want to be the alpha for you. An alpha worthy of you."

"You are, Mav. You are."

We stood there, foreheads together, peaceful silence surrounding us for a good five minutes.

"I just hate the thought of you being less safe because of me."

"Well, it's a good thing that's not happening. I told you, I'm safer with you than I've ever been anywhere else."

I pushed up on my toes and pressed my lips against his in a soft, sweet kiss, far briefer than I longed for, but perfect.

Deciding it was time to put the things he bought me away, we took the clothing out of the bags, removed the tags, and folded them. Mav had insisted on getting me far more than I needed, far more than I ever remembered having. It made him so happy to pick out "just one more" of whatever item caught his eye.

It was nice being spoiled, and not so much by the items. It was more about the way he doted on me, treated me like I was royalty and not some barren slave no one else wanted.

"Thank you" I said, and he took off the shirt he was wearing and handed it to me. It was a weird gesture but not one I was going to turn down.

"Did you want to wear this?"

"Yes." So much. I pulled it over myself—it was more like a tent than a shirt—and held it close to my body, inhaling deeply. This was exactly what I wanted, and now that I knew his clothing was an option for me, I planned to wear all of his work shirts more often. It was like being wrapped in his hug, even if he wasn't in the room.

"I really should go check on the omegas we brought back." They had been weighing on my mind all day. I understood that they needed time to adjust and everything, but also seeing that they were feeling safe here firsthand would go a long way for me.

"Okay."

He brought me down to where they were being housed and left me there with them, not hesitating or trying to invite himself in, promising me I was only a few doors away.

I talked to quite a few of the omegas. Not all of them were ready to speak with anyone yet. Not about anything substantial anyway. I wasn't going to push. They'd let someone know when they were ready.

Many conversations later, I hadn't learned as much as I wanted to, but I was able to connect some faces with names and had heard some of their stories. That was pretty good for a first visit.

I was worried about my personal trauma, and, yes, it was plenty, but there was so much more in this room collectively than I could begin to comprehend. As bad as I'd had it, most of the omegas here had it so much worse.

Eventually, it was time to let them be and head off to bed. When I got there, Mav was sleeping on the floor again. I wanted to wake him up and beg him to come to bed, but instead, I took off the clothes I was wearing, called my wolf forward, and snuggled in with him. If he didn't want to join me in bed, I was going to join him on the floor.