Chapter 9

nine

. . .

ALIL

"Addy!" I shouted.

He came at once, barrelling through the bushes in an effort to get to me as quickly as possible.

"What is it?" he asked, stopping behind me. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head at him.

"I'm completely fine," I said, trying not to smile. "But look at this."

He came forward, slowing when he saw the packs hidden under a blanket and covered by leaves and branches.

"What is that?" he asked slowly.

"Provisions," I guessed.

"There's no way. Who would leave all this here?"

He bent down and I crouched next to him.

For some time, we went through everything. There was bedding, clothes, tinder to start fires, bottles and pans and pots for cooking and, to my relief, there was food. A lot of it too. An entire box was filled to the brim with canned, jarred and dried goods.

There was enough for a long time.

Once we had gone through it all, I looked at Addy, wondering if he was thinking what I was thinking.

His expression was unreadable, but he was very still, considering the pile of stuff.

"It seems that your friends planned to keep us here for a very long time," I said gently.

Addy did not get angry or loud or argumentative. He only nodded.

"Yes," he said, his voice too quiet.

After a long moment, he took the bedding in his hand and pushed to his feet.

"Can you carry one of the boxes?" he asked.

At my nod, he turned and left me there.

My heart went to him. I just couldn't help feeling sorry for him. It would be embarrassing to be so well played by people you had trusted.

Sighing, I picked up the box filled with the dried goods and carried it out from under its hiding spot, bringing it into the open to set it next to the fire pit that Addy had made for us.

I heard shuffling and turned to see that Addy was setting up my bed in the same little hiding spot he had found for me yesterday.

"I don't need that many blankets," I told him. "Keep some for you."

"I'll be fine."

"Addy, those were clearly meant for a group of people. There's no need?—"

"Alil."

He stood, turning to face me and I fell silent at the turmoil in his eyes.

"I don't deserve any," he said firmly.

I would have argued but my throat closed up. He turned back to his task, arranging a beautiful, comfortable bed for me and I remained silent, watching until I realized he was done talking to me.

Swallowing, I went back to the supplies and continued to unpack them.

By the time I was done carrying the boxes over, it was beginning to look like an actual campsite.

Addy had stacked the wooden boxes on their sides on top of each other so that we could use them as shelves. He had opened up the tarp and tied it between two trees and two long branches that were staked into the ground.

As I brought the last box, the one filled with clothes,Addy was arranging something like seating close to the fire by using a large log as a bench.

"Where did you find that?" I asked as he dragged it close to the fire pit.

"At the southern edge of the oasis," he told me. "This tree must have fallen some time ago."

And he had lifted it here for me to sit on. That much was clear when he draped one of the blankets over it so that I would stay clean.

"What next?" he asked, looking around for more to do.

"That's enough," I said. "Sit with me."

I went to the bench and lowered onto it, patting the spot next to me.

Grudgingly, Addy came to sit next to me.

"There," I said, looking around. "This really isn't so bad, is it? There's even a breeze."

. We were in the shade, next to water, there was a bed and food. I couldn't ask for more considering that we were stranded in the middle of the desert.

When I glanced at Addy, he was watching me openly, his normally bright eyes dim with sadness.

"Stop looking at me like that," I said, glancing away.

When I looked again, his gaze was fixed on his lap.

"Let me cook you something," he said suddenly.

"Addy—"

"Please?"

I shut my eyes and nodded.

"Alright, alright. I am hungry."

He set about making the fire. Just watching him cook under in the heat of the sun was overheating me but I kept my mouth shut until he was done plating whatever he had made me.

It smelled delicious and to my surprise, using two pots, he'd managed to cook some of the grains and top it with a stew.

"This is so good!" I enthused at the first bite.

"There are plenty of spices," he said, shrugging.

"At least they thought of everything."

He nodded, watching me eat until I realized that he wasn't having any.

"You won't do me much good if you starve yourself to death," I informed him. "You should eat with me."

He hesitated.

"Please, Addy."

At that, he gave in, serving a plate for himself.

He ate in silence though, lost in thought, and when I remarked on the weather and then the festival we had been at, and then on his friends, he just shrugged and gave one-word responses.

I had never seen him so dejected. I had seen him angry, but sad was new and it didn't suit him.

When we were done, he took our dishes to the bucket of water next to the pond and washed them, then returned them to their shelf.

"I will go wait for the others," he informed me. "If you need me, that's where I'll be."

I watched him go, unsure what to do or what to make of this whole situation.

I was out here alone, didn't he understand that? We were all each other had at the moment. We couldn't ignore each other.

I knew that wasn't exactlyright. He was doing everything for me, trying to make me comfortable in all the ways he could but it still felt like I was being abandoned somehow and I couldn't stand it.

He needed time to nurse his wounds, I told myself and tried not to let it get to me too much.

But there was nothing else to do.

Sighing, I went to the edge of the pond.

Looking around, Addy was out of sight. So, feeling rebellious, I pulled off my robe and stepped into the cool depths.

The water was deeper than I thought. In the middle I had to wade. It felt so good against my skin, washing away the desert dust and cooling me down.

I sank down, going all the way under and completely resetting by the time I lifted back out.

To keep busy, I swam for a long while, occasionally wondering what I would do if Addy came back and saw me now, completely naked and exposed in the clear water.

I would probably brush it off, pretend it wasn't a big deal for an alpha to see me nude... but even the thought made me start to harden and I knew it would be messier than that.

Sighing, I swam back to the shore, suddenly worried that I would be caught and unable to hide how Addy's presence sometimes made my body react.

I almost pulled my clothes back on, but they looked so dirty now after washing that I hesitated and glanced around.

Convinced I was still alone, I went to the shelf that held all the new clothes we'd found.

The garments were mostly plain, nothing like what I would wear at home. I liked colors and jewellery, but this was more practical for out here.

Pulling on the plain white robes that hung a little too loose over my shoulders still felt good because they were so clean.

I took the gold chain from my original outfit though and used that as the belt.

The day passed exceptionally slowly and Addy never returned, not even when the sky began to darken.

I waited, feeling more and more hopeless as the hours passed. We didn't know when we would be rescued. If this was how it would be while we waited, I couldn't take it.

Still, I didn't go to Addy until the stars were over us and I was shivering in the coolness of the night.

He was sitting exactly where he had posted himself yesterday. His arms were crossed, and his gaze fixed over the starlit dunes.

When I stopped next to him, he looked up at me and froze.

"You changed," he said.

"Mmhm. The pond was nice. You should swim in it with me tomorrow."

I didn't know why I said that. After all, I had swum naked. I couldn't do that with Addy.

My body heated at the thought.

"We shall see," he said.

I sighed heavily drawing his attention again.

"I appreciate that you're punishing yourself," I told him. "But can you please come to sleep now?"

Another silly thing to say. We wouldn't sleep next to each other but it sounded like that was how I meant it.

Then, to top off the list of things I shouldn't say, I added,

"I don't want to be alone."

There was a long silence and then Addy pushed to his feet.

I could hear his joints creaking from having been in the same position for so long.

"Come," he said gently. "I will sit with you."

"Thank you."

We walked back quietly, both lost in thought until we arrived.

Addy held the blanket back for me to get into my makeshift bedroom.

I crawled in and sat down, surprised by how nice he had made it. I hadn't been inside since he'd arranged it for me.

"It's so comfortable!" I said, amazed. "And warm."

I could instantly feel the difference in temperature. The small space was perfectly insulated.

"I'm glad," Addy said simply and let the blanket fall closed.

Sitting in the darkness alone, I knew instantly that this wasn't what I wanted. I hadn't brought Addy here with me so that we could sit with a curtain between us.

My hand trembled when I held it open again, but my voice was steady when I spoke.

"Will you please come in with me?" I asked.

Addy didn't answer for a moment.

"I shouldn't," he finally said.

I bit my lip. He was right but...

"No one will know," I said. "And... I would like you to come in here."

Addy hesitated but then, to my relief, crawled through the opening.

I let the blanket fall and suddenly, the spacious bed felt altogether too small for two.

I could feel how much Addy filled the space. He was a big alpha, and his body heat and energy were all encompassing.

Our knees brushed.

All the air seemed to leave the small space, filling it instead with his masculine alpha scent, and then Addy shifted away and I could breathe again.

This was probably a terrible idea, but I didn't want to send him away now.

Instead, I lay down, careful not to touch him. After a moment, Addy stretched out at my side.

"There's another blanket," he whispered and pulled one over top of me. Even though I wasn't cold, I clung to it.

"Thank you," I whispered.

We were both silent, but I could tell from Addy's breathing that he was still awake.

"I'm not mad at you, you know."

Only once the words were said did I realize that was my true reason for asking him to join me in here.

I wanted to talk to him openly. In the dark seemed like the most comfortable place to do it.

"You're too kind, Lili," he said, his voice chastising. "You should hateme."

I shut my eyes because there was just no way.

"I could never hate you," I found myself whispering. "You're Addy."

I felt a puff of air as he snorted and realized that he was on his side facing me.

Glancing over I realized that I could make him out. Not any details, but his large shoulders and his nearness. I could reach out and touch him so easily. I barely needed to shift.

"Perhaps you've always been a little hard-headed and easily persuaded," I chuckled. "I do recall you being convinced to climb to the top of the fountain in the town square when we were children."

"I had no choice. Latif said I couldn't do it."

I laughed, shaking my head.

"He only said that so that you would do it and get in trouble."

Addy snorted again.

"Well, it worked."

I shut my eyes. It was so nice to talk to him like this. With nothing between us and no one to hear us. It was like reconnecting with an old friend after years... I supposed that was exactly what it was.

"You know..." he began. "I was devastated when I couldn't play with you anymore."

He shifted and suddenly his fingertips touched my arm, a gentle, purposeful brush of claws and skin.

My breath audibly caught in my throat and Addy pulled back.

"Sorry," he muttered.

I didn't say anything. Neither did he, but after a long stretch I knew that neither of us were about to sleep.

"I was sad too," I said, breaking the silence. "You and Latif were everything to me."

"Really?" Addy asked.

"Of course. We had such fun. Didn't we?"

"We did," he agreed.

"Why are you so mad at him now?" I asked. "I know you always butt heads a little, but it always seemed to be in a friendly way to me. Just like all siblings do."

"I don't think I can say," Addy whispered after a moment.

I was surprised. This felt more honest than any conversation I could remember having in a long time. I wanted him to feel as open as I did right now.

"You can tell me anything," I said quietly. "I won't judge you. I will only listen."

Addy took a deep breath and released it slowly, as though preparing himself.

"Alright," he finally said. "You know that day, when Latif and Blaine—in the library…"

"I won't soon forget that," I informed him, chuckling. "I am pretty sure no one will."

Silence met my comment, and I realized that Addy did not take it as lightly as I did.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I am Latif's brother," he said. "I was supposed to keep him safe from things like alphas who would use him?—"

"Be he wanted that," I said. "I don't think he was used?—"

"That is exactly the issue," he said, his voice hard now. "Latif went behind my back and had sex with the human. And he didn't even try to hide it. He made me look like such a fool. And I didn't even?—"

He cut himself off.

"Didn't what?" I asked gently.

He didn't answer and this time I was the one to reach out, even though I knew I shouldn't.

My hand landed on his bicep and I squeezed it.

"You can tell me."

I felt some of the tension leave him.

"I didn't know that about omegas..."

"That our... parts still work without an alpha?" I guessed.

"Yes," he whispered. "I felt betrayed."

It was exactly as I'd suspected.

Most alphas didn't find out until they were mated, and it didn't affect them then because they could partake, so to speak. As far as I had been taught, this was exactly why.

I searched my memory for all the things that had been said to us omegas as we reached maturity.

"It's only kept secret from alphas so that they don't feel resentful," I explained. "So that they don't feel jealous of omegas without understanding our side of the struggle. It is not for some sinister reason."

"What struggle could that be?" Addy asked, as though it was ridiculous. "The struggle of keeping their affairs secret?"

I laughed at that.

"Please!" I scoffed. "I wish."

"Oh, do you?"

I bit my lip, and then because we were being so honest with each other, I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"Yes."

I wanted to sound sure, but this time my voice came out as barely a whisper.

Addy was suddenly silent, so I swallowed and went on.

"It would be so much easier to give in to temptations, but that is not what we are allowed to do... You have no idea how difficult it is to want, Addy, when my body doesn't seem to understand that it is not going to have."

Addy took a trembling breath.

"I remember what it was like when I was going through puberty," he said.

"Yes, well that never stopped," I laughed. "And we're not even supposed to touch ourselves."

My voice dropped low again, but I had no doubt that Addy heard because his breath caught.

"Why do you think we have so many damned activities?" I demanded, suddenly frustrated by it all. "Meditation, exercise, arts, we're supposed to master ourselves but its?—"

"What?" Addy prompted sounding breathless.

"I shouldn't be saying all this," I said, swallowing. "Just know that, I understand where Latif was coming from. He thought he had an opportunity to experience a side of life he would never otherwise feel."

A tense silence filled the air, and I greatly regretted this conversation now because saying it all out loud while trapped with an alpha in a small space was giving exactly the reaction that I had been complaining about trying to repress.

My blood rushed lower as my heart pounded.

I was relieved that it was too dark for Addy to see how hard I was getting, but I knew my pheromones must be flooding the small tent because his breathing grew heavy.

And he had pheromones too, I reminded myself. A strong alpha scent that was making me wet just from lying next to him.

I opened my mouth, about to whisper "Goodnight," but Addy beat me by speaking first.

"Do you get aroused often?"

I swallowed and shut my eyes, biting back a whimper.

This conversation was so very naughty.

But as I said to Addy, no one was here. No one needed to know…

"Not all the time," I whispered. "But... mostly when I'm around you."

I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth. I had been fooling myself thinking I could never be as brash as Latif. If only Addy could make love to me without anyone knowing... Goddess help me, I was next to him right now...

"Lili..." he breathed and pushed by pheromones, or foolishness, or even more foolish desires, I reached out, finding his hand where it laid between us.

He let me take it and did not fight when I pulled it closer, leading his hand over my hip.

His breath caught when he realized what I was doing.

Goddess, he would probably hate me for this. He wanted a good omega. One that wouldn't take an alpha's hand and put it on his hard cock.

But I couldn't stop myself now. Desperation from an entire life of virginity was a driving force unlike any other.

I placed his hand on my length and we both gasped.

Oh Goddess, he was touching me.

"Lili," he breathed again, sounding strangled.

"I'm sorry!" I gasped, releasing him, but he did not remove his hand. To my shock, he pressed down.

The soft pressure of his warm palm nearly made a mess of me. I gasped and bit back a moan, my fingers digging into the blankets under us.

"Is this..."

He trailed off and suddenly his hand moved gently over my length.

"Oh, Goddess, is this okay?" he asked.

I made a noise and tried to say yes, but couldn't because now he was feeling the sides, exploring the girth by squeezing the fabric around my length.

"Addy," I whispered, suddenly clutching his arm. "You should stop or I won't be able to."

"What do you mean?" he asked gently. "Will this make you come, Lili?"

I moaned, biting my lips because he was tracing up and down my length and it felt so good I was going to explode.

I gripped him tighter.

"Addy," I gasped. "I'm serious. You're going to make me come."

He moaned and his head fell onto my shoulder. A moment later, his lips touched my collar and I nearly died from how sweet it felt.

This was so bad. Kisses were for bonded mates. Not for us; two foolish young nasa men who wanted to explore.

"We should stop," I said.

I didn't want to. I had been honest when I'd said I wanted this whenever he was near, or even whenever I thought of him. It was a literal fantasy come true. Me and Addy, alone where no one could stop us and he was touching me, bringing me closer and closer to the edge.

I couldn't stop. He would have to be the one to do it.