Chapter 5

five

. . .

ALIL

I felt strange ever since speaking to Addy on that staircase. My stomach was a flutter, and it was hard to think of anything else.

I didn't think anyone noticed that my thoughts were elsewhere though. "Are you enjoying it?" I asked Blaine. We were already sitting, relaxing on blankets, waiting for the show to start.

He smiled widely.

"Oh yeah," he said. "You guys know how to throw a party. I'm starting to really like it here." His gaze caught Latif's. "Then again, I'd like anywhere that Latif is."

Latif beamed and leaned forward to kiss Blaine quickly.

"I'm so glad," he said when he pulled back.

I felt myself stiffen a little at the open affection. I still wasn't used to it from Latif, who had always been hard and fiery and against alphas.

It took me a moment to force myself to relax and pretend it hadn't bothered me. I wasn't entirely sure why a small kiss made me feel so strange. Perhaps I was not used to Latif being bonded yet. Or perhaps I felt a little jealous... Seeing two people kiss so freely only reminded me that I would never be able to kiss anyone without being tied to them for life.

"Perhaps it is time for you to find a mate soon," Om-mother said at my other side, her voice knowing.

Latif gave me a look. He was the only one who I had told about my plans to never mate... and he must have told Blaine in turn, because the silver haired human coughed awkwardly to hide his surprise at the statement.

I looked at my om-mother's expectant face. Al-mother's expression matched, as well as Latif's parents. All of the older generation would love to see another auction, but the idea of being on that stand to be given as a prize filled me with anxiety that I knew I would never be able to overcome.

"Perhaps Addy will fight for you," Om-mother suggested quietly.

My stomach dropped at the thought.

Addy. Sweet, Addy... I would be lying if that prospect didn't tempt me. But what if he didn't win?

I swallowed, searching for an answer, embarrassed that it had been said in front of everyone. As far as I knew, he had no idea how I felt for his brother.

Suddenly, the quilt shifted next to me, and I turned to look just as Addy himself lowered down at my side.

My breath stuck in my lungs as our eyes caught. He had taken a seat very close. Too close. I could feel the brush of his robes against my arm, and I straightened instinctively so that we were not touching. My heart was pounding, and my gaze fell resolutely to my lap because I could not bring myself to look at anyone.

"Hello," Addy said to the group. When I chanced a glance up, I realized that he was turned in such a way that he could ignore Latif and Blaine.

Blaine put his arm around Latif's shoulders and neither of them said anything but I could see the hurt in Latif's eyes even if he was silent.

And as the evening went on, Addy didn't say a word to them.

I wished there was something that I could do. I hated to see my friend in pain. It was hard to believe that Addy was being so cruel to him out of hate though.

I glanced over at him and the moment I did, his bright eyes caught mine. For a second, I couldn't look away.

Had we ever been this close before? Close enough that I could see the pattern in the orange of his irises, a vibrant yellow, like a sunburst.

Beautiful, I thought, and forced myself to look away even though I could feel the heat of his gaze on my face. He was so close to me. Almost close enough to kiss.

The thought should have shocked me, but it didn't. Over the years, I had imagined kissing Addy in an array of situations knowing that not a single one of them would ever happen.

If I kissed him right now, there would be chaos. We would be in such big trouble with everyone. Maybe he wouldn't care though. After all, he'd been awfully rebellious lately.

Would I care?

Unable to stop myself, I glanced at him again.

The light was nearly gone now, but I could still see his serious expression, his boyish features, and the way that he looked at me.

It felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest when his gaze flickered over my face. I couldn't be imagining the way his eyes lingered on my lips.

"Any moment now," my al-mother muttered, reminding me where we were.

I bit my lip and turned my eyes toward the sky as true darkness enveloped the crowd.

All but one night of the year, there was at least one moon shining on us. Seeing the stars, so bright and twinkling was breathtaking.

I had always loved the New Moon festival.

There was something magical about the silence that fell over the nassa, the sense of community and of belonging here in this moment together.

But this time, my awareness went only as far as the alpha at my side. All of my senses were fixed on him. I could feel his every movement, his every breath, on the air.

He seemed nervous.

Perhaps he was feeling the same things that I was. Things that we both knew were not acceptable...

A hand suddenly touched mine in the dark.

I didn't move or react at all as Addy's warm fingers laced with mine.

Oh Goddess... this was so wrong. This was the very reason alphas and omegas were never allowed alone together.

Perhaps it was just pheromones like people said, but I could not deny that I wanted this small touch and countless more.

I shut my eyes just as the band began to play a slow, haunting melody.

As the song began its crescendo, the first of the fireworks burst into the sky, illuminating us and I carefully pulled my hand away, placing it in my lap.

I wouldn't look at Addy, or at anyone else, either. Part of me was annoyed with him—he shouldn't have done that. The rest of me was annoyed with myself because I shouldn't have let him.

He didn't acknowledge me again until halfway through the next song when he shifted closer to me, close enough that our shoulders bumped. Before I could pull away, he turned his lips toward my ear and whispered into it.

"I need to speak to you."

Surprised, I looked at him.

In the burst of red light from the firecracker, I could make out the crease between his brows, a look of worry on his face.

I glanced around, finding all eyes turned up to the lights.

"After," I said, but he shook his head.

"Just us," he whispered.

When I froze, he went on desperately.

"Please Lili, its important."

Hearing the childish nickname from years ago on his lips now made me gasp and pull back.

It had been a long time since Addy had been so familiar with me.

I searched his gaze, wondering what was going on. A million things flew to my mind but what made the most sense was that he had gotten into some sort of trouble and didn't know who to turn to.

He was fighting with Latif. By all accounts, his friends were a bad influence. They had probably got him into a situation he couldn't handle on his own.

He should talk to his parents about whatever had happened. It was doubtful that I could do anything to help him, but despite myself, I was flattered that he wanted to turn to me.

"How?" I asked under my breath.

"When the sky goes dark, meet me in the alley south of here. Behind the market."

I stared.

He was crazy. How was I supposed to go meet him alone? Even if it wasn't dangerous for me, how would I get away from my parents?

Without waiting for my reply, he stood and left.

That drew attention from the others, who glanced at his retreating back curiously, but no one went after him.

My heart was racing. My hands were already shaking. I couldn't concentrate on anything.

When the last song started, I suddenly turned to my om-mother and grabbed her arm.

"I need to use the restroom desperately," I said, surprising myself with the lie.

She glanced at me.

"Can't you hold it until the end of the show?"

I shook my head and she sighed and pushed to her feet.

"Come on, I'll take you."

My stomach was in knots as we worked our way through the crowd. This was a terrible idea, but I couldn't back out now, despite myself.

When we reached the outhouses, I hesitated at the door and looked at my om-mother.

For a moment, guilt overwhelmed me, but I pushed it aside.

"You can watch the show from here," I said. "I will only be a minute."

"Take your time," she told me. "We can avoid getting caught in the crowd if we leave from here, anyway."

I nodded and moved toward the washroom door but I didn't even open it.

When I glanced back, Om-mother had her back to me. Her face was turned up toward the lights in the sky. She trusted me completely.

Swallowing, I glanced around.

We were at the far edges of the crowd now and I didn't see a soul turned in my direction.

No one saw me weave around to the back of the outhouse and dart toward the nearest alley. Still, it wasn't until I was in the shadows that I could breathe.

I went through the alleys, trying my best to avoid being exposed until I was finally at the southernmost point of the market, where Addy had told me to meet him. I could still hear the fireworks and music but they sounded so distant. I wasn't sure that I had ever been alone outside like this and my heart started racing even faster.

The Alley here was dark. Too dark to see for a moment when I stepped into its shadows.

"Addy?" I whispered and someone touched my hand.

Somehow, I knew it was Addy's hand even before he said a word.

"You came," he whispered.

My eyes finally began to adjust, and I saw his form, standing in the shadows.

I placed my hand over his, even though I knew I shouldn't.

"What happened, Addy?" I asked. "Why did you ask me to meet you here?"

For a long moment, he didn't answer.

"Come with me," he finally said. "I'll explain everything once we are there."

I shook my head.

"What do you mean? Explain what?"

I looked back in the direction that I had come from anxiously. Any moment now the fireworks would be over, and my om-mother would realize that I was gone. Perhaps she already had.

Addy tugged.

"Please, Alil," he whispered.

The desperation was clear in his voice and that was the only reason my feet moved.

I followed him grudgingly through the alley and out the other side. He pulled me into another one and then onto a path.

I didn't have time for this. I had to go back.

"Tell me where we're going," I begged.

"I can't," he whispered. "Just trust me Alil. I know what I am doing."

Somehow, I didn't believe that for a second as I was pulled into a small park that was filled with Addy's friends.

The three that he hung around with stood before one of the human machines that rode atop the desert sand with ease. A dune buggy, I believed. Inside of it, there were three prone bodies. I immediately recognized one as the temple priest, Naz, bent over the side as though asleep.

My heart was in my throat as I took in the scene.

"Addy," I whispered, backing up a step. "What have you done?"

He looked at me, his eyes wide as though he was just as shocked as I was.

For a moment, I thought he was going to tell me to run, but he didn't have a chance.

His yellow haired friend leaped toward me.

I had been training in self-defense ever since the human Devin began those classes months ago, but I wasn't as naturally gifted as Latif was. Maybe I didn't have any sort of self-preservation or confidence, because when the other alpha jumped at me, all the training I had received didn't matter. I didn't even think of fighting. I ran.

Addy's voice shouted behind me and suddenly the other alpha was on me, barrelling me to the ground.

I screamed just as the crowd erupted in the distance, drowning out any sounds of struggle and something wet was clamped over my face.

I inhaled the strange scent and promptly everything began to go black.

Where was Addy?

Even though he had brought me here, I couldn't believe he would allow this willingly.

That was the only comfort I had as everything faded away.