15. Valmore

15

Valmore

After a long night of going over strategies and our collective knowledge, Garath rolled up the map of the terrain around Caverncall, then looked up at Xavier and me. "You two have been here far too long. Go home to your mates. We'll have plenty of time to talk about this tomorrow."

"Merrit wants to trade for a Gnaio relay dish," Xavier told him. "She says that it will boost our communications array. If we're going to establish relations with the IPA, we'll need a way to communicate with them regularly."

"Who said anything about establishing relations with the IPA?" I demanded. "Just because Hazel requested help from them doesn't mean they'll give it. Even if they did, we should be prepared for the worst-case scenario—which is that they'll back out and leave us hanging. We have to be ready to defend our lives on our own."

Garath laughed and clapped me hard on the shoulder. "Spoken like a true Chirkak. I agree with you. Being able to call on the IPA is a luxury at best. We've always been independent, and we have to continue to be. We still have another week and a half before the IPA ships even arrive, if they do. A lot can happen in that time."

"We can still boost our communications," Xavier pointed out. "A relay dish would put us in touch with a lot of other galactic populations, not just the IPA. It would exponentially expand our possibilities."

"It would also boost our scanner range," Garath replied. "We would be able to detect Ranxi activity farther away. It would act as an early warning system for potential attack. Tell her to contact the Gnaio about it."

"I don't like it," I growled. "More technology will signal the IPA that we don't need help. It will give them an excuse to abandon us again."

Garath rounded on me. "Did you hear what I said? I said get out of here and go home. You both need a break."

"You can't tell him what to do," Xavier retorted. "We're all Clan Kings here. If he wants to exhaust himself planning the next battle, that's his decision."

They both laughed. I felt the blood rising to my cheeks. "I'm not clan king because the Chirkaks didn't have a king. I'm a clan of one, so I'm the highest and the lowest. I'm as entitled to take orders from you two as to dish them out."

That elicited another laugh as Garath gripped my shoulder again. "You're enough of a leader for us. We need you. We just need you to rest. You've been in here with us nonstop for the last three days. Go get yourself something to eat and some attention from that mate of yours. Come back in a few days after you recharge your batteries."

My cheeks burned even hotter, but I didn't say anything. After three days of living in a private house with Hazel, I suffered more than ever from the distance between us. She slept in the one bedroom while I insisted on sleeping on the floor in the main room.

I would never tell these two men that, though. Xavier and Garath really were clan kings. They carried themselves like royalty because they were royalty. They were used to people bowing and obeying. They took great pains to include me in their strategic plans, but I still felt the sting every time that I was inferior to them.

They talked constantly about me and Hazel being mates. Everyone did. I just couldn't bring myself to tell them the truth. I might be bonded to her for life, but she didn't feel the same way about me. She was human. She couldn't possibly understand what mating for life felt like. And we were bonded under false pretenses, something I'd regret for the rest of my life.

Hazel seemed to accept the situation, if not even accept me, but it was still wrong. All wrong.

Did she know what she was risking by being with me? Did she know that the Ranxi wouldn't just hunt me and my people, but anyone who helped us, including her?

I would have given anything to stay in Garath's war room talking defense, but the two men steered me out onto the platform. In a minute, Garath left for his own house, and Xavier waved to me. "See you tomorrow."

He headed off in the opposite direction. I gazed out over the underground city. The Kavians called it a village, but it was really too big to be one. Kavians strode back and forth, carrying on with their lives. No one would ever believe they suffered a near-catastrophic annihilation in recent memory.

My heart overflowed with emotion as I watched them. This was the place where I belonged. I didn't know it, but I'd spent the better part of my life traveling to get here. The only thing missing now was harmony with my mate.

Could I ever achieve that?

I walked through the village, but I almost dreaded going back to the house I shared with Hazel. As much as I craved her company, that gnawing, insatiable need in my gut only got worse that I couldn't be with her—really with her. I would rather die than sleep apart from her for one more night, but could our relationship ever get past how it started?

I stopped on the platform overlooking a massive waterfall. It tumbled into a river, coiling across the cavern floor. Kavians bathed down there beyond the rainbow spray lit up into millions of golden droplets. The noise drowned out some of the turmoil in my head, but only partially.

I didn't hear the footsteps coming down the runway until they slowed to a stop. I turned to leave and came face to face with Hazel.

She started to smile, but stopped herself. "How did the meeting go?"

I shrugged. "It's the same old business. We go around and around in circles. We can't conjure defenses out of nothing. We know what we have and who we have and how many. Talking about it doesn't make it any more hopeful."

She sauntered to the railing and gazed out at the rainbow spray. "I know what you mean. The IPA strike force is still ten days out, and there's nothing I can do to make them use hyperspeed short of an open Ranxi assault. My dad was surprisingly stubborn about that. Limited resources, I guess. If only they knew they almost had to pay ten million credits to get me back."

I didn't want to be reminded of that entire scheme. "Yeah. Still, I appreciate you trying with your parents. I know you didn't want to have to pull that card."

She looked up at me and her eyes softened. When she finally let herself smile, it was a sad smile. "I thought that card would mean more. But I guess you're right; the IPA is only willing to allot so many resources for non-human conflicts."

I nodded. Hazel sighed and continued. "I spoke to my captain this morning. He wants to refer me to the Diplomatic Corps."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'd be acting as the IPA's official diplomatic representative to the last surviving Kavian population. In a way, I already am. I'm communicating your needs to the IPA and vice versa. I'm acting as a mediator between two sovereign political entities."

I nodded, more to myself than to her. If she was getting some sort of promotion, that'd be all the more reason to leave. I returned to staring at the falls, but I couldn't think of anything to say. Being near her sent me spinning off into fresh waves of turmoil. Should I tell her how I felt about her? Or would it drive her even farther away from me?

"It's a dream come true," Hazel said. "It's the fulfillment of all my career plans—and my parents' hopes for me. It puts me on the same level with my parents—which is what they always wanted for me."

I turned around slowly, not even wanting to ask the question. But I had to. "So you're going back? You plan to return to the IPA when this is all over?"

She looked up at the sunset rays coming through the roof. "I really don't know. Like Garath keeps saying, a lot can happen in ten days."

I almost walked away. Not enough could happen in ten days to overcome this gulf holding us apart. If she didn't feel a connection with me by now, she never would.

"Daphne and Merrit always talk about us as mates—you and me, I mean." Hazel's words made me freeze. Was she really willing to broach this subject now? "They said even if I was human, I would feel it."

Was she about to tell me that she didn't feel it? The pain in my chest and stomach hit me worse than ever. If she was going to leave and abandon me to my fate, she better do it quickly .

"I wouldn't mind if we were," she blurted out. "I feel… for you. I really do. I think I do feel it, the fated connection."

I looked up. Did I just hear her right? "You do?"

Her eyes swam with sudden tears and she smiled. She nodded, but her lips twisted so badly she had to clamp them together to hold back her emotions.

I eased closer to her. I didn't know what to do to make her feel better—or to make myself feel better. Without meaning to, I put my arms around her. My heart nearly stopped when she melted into my chest. She felt so right there. I could never let her go.

She trembled all over. Did she really feel the same way I did? I pushed her back just to get another look at her face. When I did, I had to kiss her. I couldn't stand being this close to her without tasting her lips.

"Am I…?" she choked. "Am I crazy or something?"

"Why would you think that? There's nothing wrong with you."

Her watery eyes swiveled to the falls. "I feel like I'm… like I'm losing my mind or something. My whole life revolved around my career. Now I'm not sure I even want it."

"What do you want? "

She shook her head. "This cavern… These people. I feel more at home here than I ever did at Elysium. These people are more a family to me than my own parents. My career doesn't mean anything. It's all so meaningless compared to what's happening here. Am I a horrible person for feeling that way? Am I wrong to want to stay here?"

"You want to stay here?"

"I…" She searched down the river beyond where the spray hid the ground from view. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

I wrapped my arms around her. I didn't know anything anymore, either, except that I needed her, right here, right next to my heart. "It's all right. You aren't wrong. I feel the same way."

"What does it mean?" she choked. "What does it really mean to be mates?"

"I don't know," I whispered into her hair. "I've been on my own my entire life. I don't know enough about it."

"Daphne and Merrit said you would know. They said you would know in your heart."

I shut my eyes. I could never tell her this if I looked at her. I had to tell the falls, the sunlight, and the mountain itself. "My heart tells me that I can't live without you. My heart tells me that you're a part of myself that I need in order to live. If I lost you, I would bleed and keep bleeding until there was nothing left. That's what my heart tells me."

Her back and shoulders heaved. She quaked and then burst into sobs. I must have really ruined it now.

But instead, she whispered between cries, "Me too. I feel that way too."

Those words left me stunned.

When I didn't react, she twisted out of my arms and ran her wrist across her wet cheek. She tried to smile, but her face wouldn't cooperate.

I didn't know what to say, so I took her hand. I wanted to protect her from this pain. I wanted to protect her from everything, but coming together was the only cure for what afflicted both of us.

We wandered up the ladders and walkways to the village. This would be the first time we ever entered it holding hands, but nothing ever felt so right. It felt like coming home after a long, agonizing journey into the unknown.

There was nowhere to go but back to our house. I opened the door. Her cheeks reddened when I held it for her to enter first. She stepped inside and averted her gaze to avoid meeting mine. She had never acted shy like this around me before. Was she still reeling from what she had just admitted?

I shut the door. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I remembered our encounter in the mess hall only distantly. Did it really happen at all? Maybe it happened to someone else in some other lifetime.

I approached her and cupped my hands around her cheeks without any invitation. If we were really going to do this—if we were really going to be mates—then we should both want it equally. I waited for her to match me, and she did. She put a hand to my face, looking deep into my eyes.

Her countenance shined with pure, open acceptance. She held nothing back. It really was all true. She felt it. She wanted it.

She was mine.

And I was hers.

A hidden part of me still hesitated to believe it, but before I could decide what to do next, she rose onto her tiptoes and kissed me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I succumbed to the delirious madness of her.