Chapter Forty-Two

Willa

I t's been a long but great day, being with family, and realizing that I can have some normalcy even when I've been in one of the most crazy years of my life. I've washed my face, taken my shower, shampooed and conditioned my hair…It's one of those nights.

Blake is sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard, messing around on his phone. I come in, towel-drying my hair. When he glances up, I give him a soft smile. "Today was one of the best days. Thank you so much for helping me have it."

He grins back. "It was one of the best days for me too. Thank you for the gift."

"You're welcome. It's supposed to be super cold in January, and I want you to be warm." I explain as I push my hair back behind my ears. "All the dancers said they were the best for super-cold runs and things of that nature. I hope it helps in your future games." I mention the super high-tech cold-weather garments I got for him to wear under his uniform.

I'd felt stupid asking people what I should get my boyfriend for Christmas. He has everything he could ever think of to buy himself, and I wanted to get something thoughtful.

"I've wanted something like it for a long time, but I just haven't been able to get to it. That you would ask people about what would be helpful for me means more than you know. No one else has ever done that. You're one of the most special people in the world to me." he says softly, patting the bed next to him.

I walk over to where he keeps some of his clothes while he's here and put on one of his shirts.

"There's nothing as sexy as you wearing my clothes." His eyebrows lower as I take a knee on the bed and shuffle over to where he sits.

"I've never been into it with anyone else," I admit, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. "But I love wearing your clothes, knowing that they smell like you, and knowing how much you enjoy it."

He tilts his head back against the headboard, dipping his chin into his chest. "C'mere."

My eyes roam his body up and down, appreciating the built chest, sculpted abs, smattering of hair on his chest, and the ink that tells the story of the portions of his life. His happy trail leads down to the waistband of the shorts he's wearing, and as I move to straddle his waist, I hope to feel the evidence of his desire. It turns me on to know I turn him on.

Once I'm settled back on my knees, I situate myself so that I'm comfortable. He hooks his hands along my thighs, tilting them so that I'm balanced.

"Do you think we'll be here next year?" I question, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I think so." His voice is deep as he runs his hands up and down my sides. "If I have anything to say about it, we will. In fact, I have one more gift to give you. It's not one I wanted to give in front of everyone else. So much of our lives is out there for the public to see, and I wanted there to be something for just the two of us."

My heart is pounding, and I'm unsure as to why. There's no telling what Blake is going to give to me, but there's a heaviness to the way he's staring at me. It's full of passion, and he seems nervous, which causes my stomach to flip. "I have no idea what this could be," I admit. "You've surprised me with so many things, I can't imagine what else you have up your sleeve Blake Whitfield."

He swallows so hard his Adam's apple moves up and down.

My hands go to his chest, and underneath my palm, his heart pounds. "What in the world is going on with you?" I chuckle nervously.

"Just let me do this," he whispers. "When I asked to give you a friendship bracelet, this..." He motions between us. "It never crossed my mind. I didn't think we'd end up here right now. I thought maybe you'd let me take you out on a date, and then we'd slowly date. I didn't realize that once you and I had a taste of one another, we wouldn't be able to let go."

I shake my head. "I haven't been able to let go. You're right."

"So..." He licks his lips. "I've thought a lot about what our future looks like, and where we are. I want my life to have you in it, regardless of whether we're in football stadiums with me playing a game, or you playing a concert. When I'm in the off-season, I want to follow you around and see the world with you. When I'm playing, I want to look up and see you in the family suite. If I'm coming off the field with a win or a loss, I want you to be the person I walk to, your arms around me, celebrating or comforting. I've found out who I really am with you. I can be the person I've always been scared of being." His nostrils flare as he inhales deeply. "I can love you out loud and not be embarrassed about it."

My heart is pounding, my stomach is flipping, and I'm starting to become light-headed. I have no idea where this is going, but I know at the same time that I'm going to love it. "Thank you for loving me out loud and not being embarrassed by me," I whisper.

He comes up off the headboard, his forehead touching mine, his voice low in the quietness of the room. "Willa, I want the rest of my life to look like this with you. I want the easiness of what we have together, even when it might be hard, even when we're stressed. It's still simpler than it's ever been with anyone else. I want you to wear my jersey and have my last name. Please, for the love of God, write a song about me so I can tell everyone." He closes his eyes, takes a breath, and forges on. "Willa, will you marry me? It doesn't have to be in the next couple of months, or even the next year. Whenever it's right. I just want to know we're going to be together. Be my wife?"

I'm blown away. Out of anything he could've asked me, this wasn't on my bingo card. I have my hand on my chest, trying to hold my galloping heart inside. Old Willa would have thought all this through, made a chart and a list of pros and cons. She would've consulted her entire team and not thought about herself first.

This Willa? She's ready to take chances; she's going to do what feels right. This feels right. He knows everything there is to know that matters, but first I have to tell him one thing. "I want to say yes, but I want to make sure there's something you understand first." It's hard to push those words out against the tightness of my throat.

He pushes my hair back. "You can tell me everything and anything. What's on your mind, beautiful?"

Avery knows, but I'm not sure I can say these words to Blake. It takes everything I have to push them out. "I had a miscarriage, and there's a chance I might never have children. You have to know that before you ask me to marry you."

Blake tilts his head to mine. "Tell me about it. I can assure you it's not going to make a difference to me, but if you need to tell me, then do it."

Inhaling deeply, I close my eyes and start to speak.