Chapter Thirty-Two

Willa

" T hanks for inviting me."

I glance over at CeCe. "No, thank you for coming. I hate doing things on my own. I'm so excited for us to be able to spend a day in New York before the game."

"I can't remember the last time I did something like this for myself. During the craziness of the season, I'm typically the parent who gives most of the attention to Jovi, and it can be a lot with the podcast and everything. So thank you again."

"No need to thank me. I hope that Blake and I will be together for a while, and with that, you'll consider me one of your friends, too." This makes me nervous, explaining just how much I need friendship and stability in my life. For some, it wouldn't mean much; for me, it means everything.

"I'd like that. I'm not the most open when it comes to making friends just because so often in this business you get one, and then the team trades them, or your husband gets traded, and then you have to start over." She tucks her blonde hair behind her ear. "I guess it's more of a way to protect myself than anything."

"No, I get it. Maybe not in the same way you experience it, but Ii have to really hesitate before getting close to people. Like I told Blake not long ago though, he's made me change lots of things about my life. Including this." I shrug. "Who's taking care of Jovi?"

"Pam and Brad, he's doing the day, she's doing the night since they don't live together. They love watching her. For a long time I hated asking, but I don't mind now. I always felt weird asking them, but Jovi loves being with them, and it keeps her from having to travel so much. If I can keep her from living in airports and in stadiums all the time, then I'll do it. Plus I do enjoy hanging out with people my own age sometimes. We don't get a lot of that." She pushes her hair back from her face. "And I'm kind of excited to be traveling in a private jet. Believe it or not, we don't get this very often either."

I think back to the teenager I had been when I first started out, taking regular flights and being able to drive myself. I can still remember the excitement I felt when I got on my first private jet. I honestly didn't know at the time I would eventually have to purchase my own plane. "There are days when I still pinch myself to make sure this is my real life. All those nights when I cry because I'm tired and sad that people have taken something I said the wrong way, I have to remember that teenage girl who wanted it so bad." I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth.

"I get it. When Jovi is driving me nuts, or I'm mad at Bret for being gone when he misses something, I have to remind myself that all I wanted when we were in college was to be his wife. I wanted to have a family with him and do life with him. I didn't expect it to be hard, which I know is stupid..."

"It's not." I reach out, grabbing her hand. "I think we all look at everyone around us, and they are showing their highlights reels, and we know how hard we're working. No one else does, but we do, and while we make it look easy to everyone seeing in, it's really fucking difficult." I haven't been this honest with anyone in a while, and it's good to have a person that I can do this with.

"Yeah." She nods. "Thank you. I even hate to put those words out into the universe because I'm so thankful for what I have, but I question if it's enough. I constantly feel as if I'm on this spinning wheel that I continue to run on, but I never get anywhere."

I laugh. "I'm not laughing because what you've said is dumb, but because I fucking feel it with every fiber of my being. The two of us are going to have fun."

"Yeah." She wrinkles her nose up in the same cute way Jovi does. "We definitely are.

We land, hop into the SUV I had waiting for us, and then head straight into the city. "I don't know if you follow how my life is," I warn her. "But there will be people out in front of my apartment building. It could be a few, could be a lot—I never know for sure. It's what I pay security for, but I want you to be aware. I hate when people aren't prepared."

"I have been watching some old footage of you being here because I wanted to know what I was in store for coming here with you. Some of it blows my mind, like how many people watch you all the time. How in the hell do you deal with it?"

I've wondered that a lot. Others always seem to ask me. "I guess because it was gradual. It wasn't like one day I woke up and I wasn't able to go anywhere without security. It was more of a thing that happened over the course of several years."

"I kind of get that, because it's what's happened with Bret and Blake. For a while we were able to all go out without people wanting pictures, or just to talk about how much they loved the game. The season before last, it all changed. All of it. It was like there were more fans, they were pushier, they wanted those pictures and to talk, but they didn't want to wait." She rolls her lips together. "And we know that one of the reasons we're able to have the life we do is because of the fans. The ones who pay the money for the tickets, and buy the merchandise, and listen to the podcast. At the same time, you want to set boundaries that you feel bad for setting."

I completely understand everything she's saying. I struggle with it all the time. "What I finally had to tell myself is that I have to be aware of what I need. If I don't feel well, if I'm tired and I can't handle one more person looking or touching at me, then I'm not good for anyone—including fans. There was a point when I went an entire half a year without being seen because I just couldn't handle it anymore. Now, I know what I need in order to have my best day, but also to be able to give it to the fans. It's important to find what that is for you." I'm worried about what that's going to be now that Blake and I appear to be moving forward with this new relationship. "None of it is easy."

"You're right." CeCe gives me a smile. "It's not like we're playing the Who Has It Worse Olympics. Things are difficult for everyone in many different social classes, and we have to give ourselves a chance to deal. Otherwise, we're no good for anyone."

"Exactly."

This right here is the type of friendship I've wanted outside of Avery and Tara , and I'm so thankful I'm finally getting it.