8. Nikos

8

NIKOS

I can't take my mind off Honey. Even my body refuses to forget him. His touch lingers on my skin, his taste on my tongue. I can see my swollen lips in the reflection of the oval plane window at my side. If I tug at my collar, it will reveal a faint bruise Honey left as he sucked and nipped at my neck.

I fight the urge to lift a finger and touch the tender skin, knowing Selina is watching me with keen interest.

‘Late night?' she asks, finally breaking the silence I was being punished with since she picked me up this morning. I had to pin her my location so the driver could find me. And as I slipped into the leather seat beside her, I could see from the shadows beneath her eyes that she'd not slept a wink.

Neither did I, but my exhaustion is justified. My night had been spent buried deep inside a man I didn't even really know. My little secret - my dirty distraction.

‘So we're talking now?' I ask.

Selina's lip curls and she swears at me in Italian. ‘Vaffanculo, Nikos. Did you expect hugs and kisses this morning, after you've single-handily driven me to the brink of insanity with your little disappearing act last night?'

I've opened the floodgates of her fury. Like dominoes, one falls, and the rest follow. ‘I spent most of last night, not celebrating the film's release, but having my ear chewed off by the production company. Where is our star? Where is Nikos? Four hours I spent putting out fires. Hours, Nikos. I was on the phone with the studio representatives in LA until three AM. Do you understand what kind of trouble you're in?'

‘I can guess,' I reply, knowing now isn't the moment for a retort that would piss Selina off more. The best thing to do, when she gets like this, is let her get it all out. No point apologising until the balloon of her tension has completely deflated.

‘Well.' She snatches a small bottle of gin from the lavishly stocked table of the private jet, flicks off the lid, and practically downs the entire thing in one. ‘You can blame yourself for the extension the studio has arranged. They're not satisfied that you broke one of your contractual obligations. And because of that, we're heading back to London after Paris for more interviews, TV appearances, talk shows… you name it, Nikos Ridge, and you earned it.'

I look towards the vodka and cranberry I'd made on instinct which I'd left untouched. For the first time in a long time, I hardly notice the alcohol before me. I know why I don't want to drink it. If I do, it will wash the sweet taste of Honey from my lips and tongue. I'm not ready to forget him just yet.

‘Could be worse,' I say, leaning back on the leather seat, arms folded.

‘Could be worse?' Selina repeats. ‘Could be worse?!'

Oh, I've really done it now.

‘This is coming from the man who has spent the last three months whining and moaning about going back to New York. Everything you've worked towards, and the moment that is taken away, you say ‘could be worse'?'

‘What do you want me to say?' I ask, pinching my eyes closed as if that will help with the exhausted headache I'm dealing with.

‘It wouldn't hurt for you to apologise to me, Nikos. We could start there.'

I wince. Apologising is never something I'm good at. But Selina is right, and she deserves it. Opening one eye, I offer her what sounds like a weak apology, when in fact it's the best she's getting - and she knows it. ‘I'm sorry for disappearing last night, but needs must.'

‘What needs?'

‘Anxiety,' I offer, which isn't a lie. ‘I had a moment in the bathroom. All the people and the expectations. I couldn't face anyone in that state, so I left. I thought it was better that then the studio punishing me for having a mental breakdown in front of an entire crowd.'

Selina leans forwards and I think she's about to scratch me with her red-painted nails. Then she lays a soft hand on my thigh and sighs. ‘I know this is hard for you.'

‘Do you?' I can't stop myself.

‘I do. When do you think you'll understand that my care for you goes far beyond my percentage in payment?'

I shrug, looking out the window at the rolling white clouds. It's easier to face the world beyond the jet than the hurt and pain in Selina's eyes.

‘Nikos, I'm not going to ask what kind of trouble you got yourself in last night, but we'll need to come up with a solid excuse to tell the people holding your final payment. Sadly, Hollywood doesn't have a heart, so singing a song about your anxiety isn't going to be good enough.'

‘Tell them I met someone at the event, got drunk and ended up having the best sex of my life in a posh townhouse in London.'

Selina chokes back a laugh, but quickly stops herself. ‘Tell me you're joking.'

‘I'm not.'

Selina buries her face into her hands and screams. ‘Fuck me. The risk. What we don't need right now is some trashy UK article about how Nikos Ridge left his own premiere to fuck some random fan. Since when do you do that? I mean, come on, Nikos. Do you really need me to explain the complications and risks of having sex with some random woman? The scandal. I swear you'll kill me before I get the chance to quit.'

I hold my tongue, stopping myself from correcting her. Who said it was a woman? Revealing that I'd fucked a man last night was certainly the straw that would break the camel's back. Even I didn't really understand how it happened, just that Honey had been there, the right person at the right time.

Honey may have been a stranger, but for the first time in a long time, I was a stranger too. I'm confident he didn't recognise me as Nikos Ridge, but then again I'm sure that illusion will break soon.

Will he tell the press? Maybe. It's possible. It would certainly net him a huge payment. Do I care? No, I don't think I do - but I don't want him to, all of a sudden. Not for myself, but for Selina - I couldn't do that to her.

It's my turn to lay a hand on her knee. ‘I'm only joking, S.'

I'm not an award-winning actor for nothing. I feign honesty, letting the emotion shine through my fake wide eyes.

‘Really?'

I nod. ‘I booked myself into a hotel away from the premiere. I knew you'd head back to the other room first, and I wasn't ready to face your disappointment. I got drunk on the mini bar, ordered room service, and was knocked out before the film even finished. I promise, it was a one-time thing. If the studio wants to extend the promotional campaign, then so be it. I deserve it. Nasty, horrible, childish Nikos.'

‘Oh, shut up,' Selina says, huffing out a laugh, relief plastered across her face.

‘Gladly,' I reply. ‘So does this mean we're friends again?'

‘Friends?' Selina laughs. ‘You'd be lucky. And you've got some making up to do.'

‘How many croissants will it take for me to make it up to you?' I ask.

‘Make it five, and I'll think about it. Although our stop in Paris is short. Our plane has been booked back to London tonight. It's a quick turnaround.'

Back to London. A day ago the concept would've irked me. But now, it doesn't. And I know why. Because Honey is in London. This morning, when I'd snuck out of his apartment, leaving him sleeping soundly in the bed on tangled sheets, I was confident I'd never see him again.

Just as I'd tiptoed to his front door, ready to make my great escape, I'd paused in his kitchen when I saw that his fridge was covered in multi-coloured post-it notes. I hadn't needed to read them all to know that each of the post-its had affirmations scrawled on them in messy handwriting. One of them is in my suit pocket now, folded neatly, with Honey's writing on it.

You are enough.

It wasn't meant for me, and yet it had struck home. I feel as though the message - although written by Honey, for Honey - is a message the universe wanted me to read. So now I've brought a little piece of Honey with me as my life goes on.

But I'm not a good thief, so I'd made sure to replace the affirmation with one of my own. I'd taken the pen from the sideboard, and a new post-it, and written a message.

As sweet as Honey, you are certainly enough.

- Adonis

I'd almost written thank you, but that felt like a cheap way to end the night we'd shared. Although the thanks were certainly justified. What Honey had taught me in such a short period of time was a lesson I'd never forget.

How long until I see a photo of that post-it note on the front page of a newspaper, next to my name?

I suppose in time I'll see.

‘Selina?' I start, knowing she is seconds from finally getting some sleep.

She jolts up, as if the plane had just nose-dived. ‘What now?'

‘How long are we in London for? You know, as my punishment?' I ask.

‘A week.' Selina closes her eyes again, crossing her arms and leaning back in the reclining seat. ‘Why?'

I stare out the window again, the alcohol still untouched. I don't know the direction England's in, but I find my eyes drifting out across the sea of clouds, wondering about Honey. I haven't stopped thinking about him. He haunts me, distracting my thoughts from anything else.

I wonder how long his spell will last on me, and if I'll be able to cope with reality once it catches up.

‘No reason,' I say, catching my smile in the reflection. It's calculating as a plan forms in my head.

‘Then let me sleep, damn you,' Selina complains. ‘We land in half an hour.'

‘Have you ever tried mushy peas?'

‘Nikos, I will kill you.'

I laugh to myself as I reach my fingers into my pocket and feel the edge of the post-in note bite into my skin. ‘Please don't do that. I'd like to explore London as much as I can when we return.'

‘Then stop talking.'

Selina doesn't see me do it, but I zip my fingers over my lips.

The rest of the flight passes so quickly. I'm lost to the memory of Honey, while looking forwards to the chance to make a few more before I actually have to return to my normal life.

Maybe it's selfish, but I crave him. His touch, his distraction. Regardless of the risks, I can be careful.

He's worth it, after all.

Because last night, I hadn't thought about the real reason I'd left the premiere from the moment I exited the bathroom with Honey. The second the thought of my father comes back to me, I want to pry open the door on the plane and throw myself out, just in hopes the winds carry me back to Honey.

At least with my little secret, I can pretend to be someone I'm not. No expectations, no past or future.

The present with Honey is safe. I crave him more than alcohol.

You are enough. You are enough. You are enough.

‘Yes,' I whisper to the window, breath fogging over the glass. ‘Yes, you are.'