Chapter 13

Chapter

Thirteen

O h, oh, oh, it’s magic, ya knoooow!

So here I was, somewhere dark and smelly, Brenda slumped over in a pile of limbs, waiting to be executed.

Gotta tell ya, not a fan of not being the one with the upper hand.

I’m a vampire, for Christ’s sake, and some witch was gonna beat my ass? I’ve been in a showdown with a witch, and even though I hate to admit it, witch magic is a helluva thing. For all my brute strength, it didn’t beat magic.

If I didn’t mention if before, I’m also, by accident, half witch—a useless half I could never seem to get the hang of. This sitch was feeling pretty ironic about now.

As Sonja gloated, and I wanted to eat her face off, she circled us. “Whaddya say we do all three? Maybe a little of each?”

Look, if I was gonna die, it was gonna be with my head held high. I didn’t want my kids to think I’d left this earth a chickenshit or that I hadn’t fought my hardest to stay with them.

“Do your worst,” I growled. “But if the afterlife’s a thing, I’m gonna come back and haunt the fucking shit out of you until you beg for death!”

The second I said those words, I felt a heat like I’ve never felt before. Not when I was a human and Gramma Lou had taken me to the beach in Florida, not even when Marty and Wanda had almost let me fry to death by forgetting I’d fallen asleep in a hammock on our girls’ trip in Acapulco.

The ball of light Sonja created with the flick of her wrists shined down with the heat of a thousand suns, making my skin instantly sizzle, hammering at the open wounds until I writhed like a snake in the grass.

I fought the urge to scream as blisters began to form on my arms and the friction of my skin against my clothes became unbearable.

Clenching my teeth against the agonizing burn, I fought fruitlessly against the restraints and barked, “That the best you got? Work harder, bitch!”

“As you wish,” she called out with devilish glee. With another flick of her wrist, she twirled her fingers like she was turning a dial and ratcheted up the heat.

Brenda screamed, thrashing against the ground as her body began to smoke.

To say we were gonna be toast was an understatement.

Did that shut me and my big mouth up? Nah. “If I ever get my hands on you, I’ll kill you, you sick bitch!”

All I could think about were my kids, Charlie and Carl. My husband Greg, who’d worried about situations just like this ever since we’d started OOPS.

As my skin began to smoke, I thought about Owen’s kids, about Wanda and Marty, Darnell, Arch and Tater Tot, and it enraged me that this lunatic was going to take me away from them.

No one knew where I was. I don’t think I ever even finished the text to Wanda. We were fucked—but that didn’t mean I was going to stop fighting.

My ankle was twisted, hanging off my leg awkwardly, blood left my hands slippery as my skin bubbled, blisters bursting all over every inch of my skin.

And still I fought because of my kids, my husband, my friends. If they ever heard what happened today, I wanted them to know I’d fought to stay with them. Crawling, digging my torso into the ground, I inched toward her while she cackled at my efforts.

“Did you hear me?” I howled, while the light, hot and white, ate at my flesh. “I’m going to find you and kill you, you miserable, weak bitch!”

Out of nowhere, there was a sharp gasp—and the sound of thunderous footsteps.

“Lorelai Bettencourt, stop!” I heard a familiar voice boom. “ Stop now! ”

My eyes had hazed over, my skin peeling, the zip-tie had torn my wrists almost to the bone, my ankle hung off my leg like a Christmas ornament from a tree branch…when suddenly, the scorching heat of the light Sonja had created dimmed.

I fell over onto my back, wincing at the pain. When I looked up, I saw one of my favorite people on the planet. Roberta—Robbie Tisdale—standing in the middle of the suddenly mellow light of the room, feet planted wide, eyes full of fire.

“Make one more move and I’ll turn you into the pile of shit you are, Lorelai!” Robbie hollered.

Um, who the hell was Lorelai Bettencourt? Didn’t anyone have one name anymore?

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Robbie run forward, standing in front of Brenda and me to block Sonja. Then she roared, her arms spread wide. “Stop now, or I’m going to obliterate you!”

“Who the hell are you?” Sonja snarled, throwing up her hands, clearly preparing to cast another spell, but Robbie was quicker.

From where I lay, I was able to see Robbie curl her hands into fists before spreading her fingers wide and flinging her hands at Sonja.

Handcuffs appeared around Sonja’s slender wrists, thick bands of shimmering steel preventing her from moving and rooting her to the spot.

Robbie, her long hair flying around her shoulders, rushed Sonja and grabbed hold of her. “I’m your worst nightmare! Now back the hell off !”

Wanda and Marty rushed in from somewhere I couldn’t see, their floral perfumes a welcome, familiar scent, two faces I was happy AF to see.

“Nina!” Marty yelped, stooping beside me, pulling me close, and rocking me, and I let her. She smelled like home. “Just hold on, vampire. Let the healing begin.”

“Get Brenda,” I whispered hoarsely. “She needs to feed… now . Right now…”

Marty hugged me closer, letting her cheek rest against the top of my scorched hair. “Man, Vampire, this is some pickle you found yourself in, huh?”

I didn’t have the energy to push her away. I felt weak as a newborn. “A whole damn vat of ’em.”

She chuckled, the sound rumbling against my ear as she palmed soothing circles along my spine. “You scared me. Don’t do that again.”

“How quickly you forget this shit was your idea.”

“How was I supposed to know you’d have to go toe to toe with a witch?”

“You’re smushing my face,” I complained, beginning to feel better every second that passed.

Wanda reached out and touched my hand with a gentle pat before she saw to Brenda. Hauling her up, cradling her against her body as she dug into her Mary Poppins purse (yep. She has one, too) for the pint of blood she always carried for me.

Tearing off the corner of the packet, Wanda held it to Brenda’s lips. “Drink, Brenda. Drink it all.”

The ache radiating through my body began to subside, and as it did, my anger grew. When my hands finally pulled apart, so did my feet. Pushing away from Marty, I was on them in two seconds flat. My skin looked like I’d been through a damn shredder, but my anger was bigger than any pain I was feeling.

Feeling so helpless always made me ragey, and I wanted blood. Sonja’s blood . The awesome power of my vampiric healing surged through me as I ran at Sonja, pushing Robbie out of the way and grabbing her by the front of her floaty dress.

I hurled her at the far wall of what I now realized was a completely empty room. Dragging her upward, I shook her hard, so much so, her bones literally rattled—music to my ears. “I’m gonna rip your witchy ass from limb to limb, you whacked bitch!”

Raising my fist high, the plan was to ram it into her face and introduce her nose to her brain, but Robbie stopped me.

Her voice was loud and clear and very unlike the timid woman I’d met just months ago. “Vampire! You’ll do no such thing! Put that fist away and put it away now, or I’ll be forced to rip it off!”

Hands touched my shoulders…gentle, motherly, soothing hands. “Nina,” Wanda whispered in my ear. “Stop. It’s not worth the clan paying us a visit because we killed someone not our own. You’ll start a war. Think of Charlie and Carl. Greg. Think of all of us. You’re no good to us in jail. You’re no good if in the future, there are other children who might need help.”

As mentioned before, Wanda has a way. My anger evaporated on a dime. Instantly, I let my fist fall to my side as Robbie wrapped her free arm around me and gave me a hug. “It’s all okay now, vampire. I’ve got you. I’ll take care of her.”

Wiping at my eyes, I looked at her with a hard expression. “She’ll be punished?”

Robbie nodded. “In ways you can’t even imagine. I promise. Now stop. Rest. Are you all right?”

My smile was wry. I didn’t like admitting it, but this time, it had been really close. “I’m fine. I’ll heal.”

She touched a strand of my hair with a soft gasp. “She set your hair on fire? I thought that was our thing?” she teased.

I relented with a chuckle, letting my anger fade away, giving her a hug back. “How the hell did you find us?”

Wanda, who had Brenda up and moving, smiled at me as we made our way to the door—a door I could now actually see. “Your phone tracker. I know you didn’t think it was a good idea to put them on our phones, but I guess they came in handy?”

Grabbing her hand, I nodded. “Yeah. I was wrong. Okay?”

She chuckled. “Mama knows best. Now, Robbie, come here and give me a kiss. You’re a godsend. I don’t know what we would have done without you.”

She winked, gripping a haggard Sonja/Lorelai hard by the arm as Wanda and Marty gave her a hug. “Always,” she said with a warm smile.

I hugged her again, too. “Thank you,” I whispered in her ear. “You saved my life.”

She tugged a length of my hair with a grin. “I remember you once doing the same thing for me. Now go home and help Brenda rest.” She turned to Sonja. “We have a date with the witch council, don’t we, naughty girl?”

Robbie snapped her fingers, and then she and Sonja were gone.

As I followed Marty and Wanda outside the room, I realized it was Sonja’s apartment. We were in Owen’s apartment complex.

Witch magic is a freaky thing.

Taking the steps one at a time, because my ankle was still mending, I had a question. “Guys…? Who the fuck is Lorelai Bettencourt?”