Chapter Twelve

Raven

The pain. Never in my life had I experienced anything as intense and awful, and that was saying a lot given what I’d been through. There had been times when I’d prayed for the sweet release of death. But I refused to let go. Sutton had been so insistent on the healer not letting me suffer, to the point where he was actively kicking him out when he thought he could save me the torture I’d just lived through. He made it impossible for me to not fight with everything I had to come out of this stronger than ever.

The next time I woke, my head was no longer pounding, and I felt like I’d just had a full night’s sleep. I was better. But also…not really. Like something was different. Not different as in the half-bond was gone, but as in something new was there.

I’d achieved my goal. I had come out of the treatment feeling better than ever before. I’d gotten so used to the half-bond, that I’d forgotten what it was like.

Giving myself a second to adjust to being awake, I slowly sat up and looked around the room. It was just me. Sutton wasn’t here, but his scent was heavy. He’d spent a lot of time here lately.

The door was mostly shut, and the light was on in the next room, slicing through the darkness. I could call him, and the odds were good he was going to be cross that I didn’t, but I needed out of this bed. After I shook the emotions building in me away.

The longer I was awake, the more sorrow I felt. It was pouring into me. I didn’t want to bother Sutton like this. Then it hit me. These emotions? They weren’t mine—they were Sutton’s. Somehow, I was sharing big feelings, and none of them were good ones.

What the fuck?

I jumped out of bed and ran into the other room to find him at the table, his head in his hands. A cup of tea, with the tea bag still in it, sat untouched in front of him, no signs of steam pouring from it.

How long had he been sitting there? How long was I in bed?

“Sutton.” I stepped slowly toward him.

His head snapped up in my direction. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Tears streamed down his face. I raced over to him. What was he apologizing for? He’d given and done everything for me since I’d arrived. There was nothing for him to apologize for.

“What are you sorry about? I don’t understand. I don’t understand.”

“I-I did something. I did something I shouldn’t have.” He buried his face in his hands again.

“I’m sure you did what you knew was right.” I placed my hand on his back. “You are the most amazing person I know.

His sorrow was shifting into anger—not at me, but inward-facing. It was tricking my beast into thinking we might be angry with him.

“You’re wrong. I did the unthinkable.”

“I feel your pain. No one who intentionally does wrong feels this badly about it. No. One.”

He looked up at me, his expression confusing.

“Please hold me,” I whispered.

He got up and wrapped his arms around me, and I sank into his embrace. We both needed this.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he repeated.

“And you keep saying that, but I still don’t know what you did. I don’t know why you’re upset. Why are you sorry?” I wanted to take it away from him…all of it.

His hand trailed down to touch the spot where my neck met my shoulder. It sent desire and comfort and love through me. there was Only one thing I knew of that could do all of that—a mating mark.

“Oh, sweetie, did you mark me?”

“I had to. You weren’t…you weren’t healing right. And he said…he said if I marked you, there was a chance I could fix it. And you weren’t… I’m so sorry.”

His tears fell onto my shoulder, and I held him as tightly as I could.

“You saved me,” I said softly. “I feel like me. I feel normal.”

I left off the part where I could feel his emotions. He was already stressed enough. We’d discuss those later.

“You saved me,” I repeated, pulling back to cup his cheeks in my hands. “Look at me, Sutton. Look at me. Do I look angry?”

“You don’t understand. I’m just like he was. I didn’t give you a choice.”

“You’re nothing like him,” I said firmly. “I couldn’t choose. I wasn’t. I was getting worse and worse. I was scared I’d never wake up again, that I’d never be okay. The pain… It hurt so bad, I kind of wished I wouldn’t wake up.”

“But—”

“But nothing. Now I don’t feel that way, and it’s because of you. You were nothing like him. Nothing. He did it to hurt me. You did it to remove my pain.”

I pressed my forehead to his.

“I wish you saw yourself the way I see you. I wish you understood.”

I pressed my lips to his.

“Alpha,” I murmured against his lips, “I came here for you. Hear it again—I came for you.”

“But I wanted you to have the choice.”

“And fate didn’t.”

Understanding crossed his eyes.

“I could never be mad at you for doing what you did. Never. And you are not allowed to be mad at yourself, either.”

“Yes, boss. Any other commands.”

“Just one. Kiss me, alpha mine. Kiss me.”