5. Vivian

"Good morning, Vivian!" Emma bounced into the room, her usual sunny self. "I brought you some coffee."

"I told you, Emma, you don't have to keep bringing me coffee. It's not your job."

"I saw that you rushed right past the coffee stand today for that early phone conference. Admit it, I'm a lifesaver."

Why is she so good to me?

"You're a lifesaver," Vivian admitted reluctantly, smiling despite herself. She would kill for a cup of coffee right now. Fortunately for her, Emma handed the cup over quickly, smirking as Vivian gulped down a few sips, sighing in bliss. How Emma had figured out her favorite order was beyond her, but she was grateful for it.

"Here is the analysis you requested. Did you want to give me the meeting notes to annotate?"

"Please." The meeting had been long and boring, and Vivian wasn't interested in dwelling on its notes any longer than she had to. "Thanks, Emma."

"Sure thing!" Emma said brightly. She left, throwing a smile over her shoulder.

Why did she have to be so irresistible? It wasn't fair. Vivian hated that she'd hurt Emma. She sometimes saw a shadow of pain surface amidst Emma's usual cheerfulness, a shadow that hadn't been there before Vivian had fucked everything up—literally.

However, it was best this way. She knew that she had nothing to give to someone like Emma. She wasn't fit for a relationship at all. She couldn't commit to giving her all into a relationship, and Emma deserved someone who could love her wholeheartedly, more than their business and career.

Vivian had good reasons to stay away from others emotionally; reasons she was having to remind herself of more and more often lately.

It was better this way. She and Emma would get over this brief infatuation. It wasn't like she'd have to give up Emma entirely—Emma was her assistant, after all, and they would still see each other plenty.

A few minutes later, Emma knocked again, appearing troubled. "Vivian?"

"Yes, Emma?"

"I just got a call from Lily's school. She's got a temperature and they want to send her home. I've already made some calls, but no one seems to be available to babysit for the day."

Vivian would have loved to offer Lily a place at the company daycare, but like Lily's school, they had a strict no-sick-kids policy. It was for everyone's protection. She really needed Emma's help today, what with gearing up for a new big business deal, but of course, Emma's family was more important.

"You're welcome to take the day off, Emma."

"But I can't leave you today! You need me."

Vivian couldn't argue with that. An idea occurred to her, something she wouldn't offer any other employee, but this was Emma.

"Bring her here, then. We'll put her in one of the unused conference rooms so that she doesn't spread whatever she has around the office, and you can check on her throughout the day. We could use the one with the TV in it so that she has something to watch."

"Really? That would be amazing! Are you sure, though?"

"Of course I am. Go get her—I'd love to meet her."

Emma gave Vivian a brilliant smile, the kind of smile that lit up the room around her. "Thanks, Vivian! I'll see you soon."

Vivian's work meant that she lost track of time easily, so it seemed like mere minutes later when Emma was knocking on the door again, followed by a child who looked like her in miniature.

"Lily, say hello to Vivian, my boss."

"Hello," Lily said brightly. She turned to Emma. "You're right, Mom, she is pretty."

Poor Emma went bright red and started stammering apologies, but Vivian just laughed. "Thanks for the compliment—from both of you. It's very nice to meet you, Lily. I've got a room with a TV - we have set up a sofa for you. Do you require anything else."

"Ice cream?" Lily asked hopefully.

"Nice try, girl." Emma patted her on the shoulder. "You get ice cream on the weekend, like usual."

"But I'm sick!" Lily pouted.

"All the more reason to boost your immune system with some nice healthy fruits and vegetables. You get to spend the entire day watching TV; that's your sympathy treat for being sick—no screen time limit."

Lily looked slightly mollified by this and allowed Emma to lead her away.

Vivian kept an eye on Lily as the day went on, passing by the glass walls of the conference room more than strictly necessary. The poor girl looked miserable, even wrapped in a blanket in front of the TV. Vivian didn't have much experience with children, but she wanted to cheer Lily up. Emma came to check in on Lily several times, but she was really busy with work and didn't have much time to spare.

Vivian didn't have much time to spare, either, but she managed to postpone a few tasks for the next day. She knocked on the door and entered.

"Lily, how are you doing?"

"I don't feel good," Lily mumbled.

"I know." Vivian sat down on the couch next to her. "Being sick is really tough. It messes with your brain as well as your body."

Lily nodded, frowning.

Vivian tried to take her mind off how awful she felt. "Do you enjoy school?"

That got a spark of enthusiasm from her. "Yes! I get to be in a class with Miriam and her friends. They're all really nice."

"That's great." Every accommodation Vivian had had to make for Emma to come to work later was worth it, seeing Lily's smile, a perfect image of her mother's. "What about the work? What's your favorite subject?"

"I like math. But not the weird math. Math that makes sense."

Vivian had to laugh at that. "Which parts make sense?"

"The financial math section. Why would you even do any of all the other stuff?"

That also had Vivian chuckling. "So, you'd like to go into that field when you're older?"

Lily nodded. "I'm going to be an accountant!"

"That's a great field to be in. Would you like me to show you some of what our accountants do?"

"Yes, please!"

Vivian didn't know all the intricacies of accounting, but she knew enough to show Lily some of the basics that a child would be able to grasp. Lily seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Would you like to help out in our accounting department? I'm sure James could use the help."

Lily's eyes went wide. "Really?"

"Absolutely. I would pay you, of course."

Her eyes went even wider. "Yes, please!"

Vivian stopped by Emma's desk to check this course of action with her before going down to accounting and bringing James up to meet Lily.

Lily jabbered questions at him while James set her up with a large pile of transactions that needed to be stacked in order of price. Lily took to it with a vengeance, her little brow furrowed in concentration as she worked.

Vivian realized that the day was slipping away from her and forced herself to get back to work, but she kept checking in on Lily every now and then. Lily seemed to have forgotten all about feeling unwell as she worked.

When the day ended, Emma stopped by Vivian's office. "Thanks again for letting Lily stay here for the day. I hope she wasn't too much trouble—I saw she had you and James running back and forth for nearly an hour."

"She wasn't any trouble at all. I'm sure James appreciates not having to sort all those statements by hand."

"She definitely appreciated the distraction. I certainly didn't expect to see her so happy by the end of the day."

"You're welcome to bring her back at any time.'

"Thanks so much, Vivian. I'd better get her home—I want her to have an early night. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, Emma."

Vivian stared absently at the closed door long after Emma left. Meeting Lily had been such a treat. She'd never interacted much with children, but she found that she'd loved spending time with Lily.

It made Vivian wonder how different things might have been for her if she'd decided to have children. Of course, that path was off the table for her. If personal relationships would mess with her career, that was nothing compared to the chaos a child would cause.

Emma seemed to manage it really well, but Vivian couldn't take the risk that everyone in her business would suffer if she made such a life-changing choice.

As glad as she was to have met Lily, the encounter made her heart ache even more than it had been before. Vivian caught a brief glimpse of a future that she knew she could never have; her and Emma taking Lily out for ice cream before coming home and putting her to bed, then making love together in their room.

Vivian forcibly shoved the enticing image out of her mind.

That was not the life she had chosen. It simply wasn't to be.