19. Lydia

19

LYDIA

M y heart raced so insanely fast that I thought I'd pass out. Jake and Hailey didn't know I was by the window listening to them the entire time. Shock couldn't begin to describe the way I felt. They'd kept a gazillion secrets from me. Secrets that undoubtedly would change everything going forward. What was I supposed to do now? Hearing everything Jake said conflicted my heart even more.

When Hailey hopped in Oliver's truck, I rushed back to my bedroom and shut the door quietly. About an hour later, I could hear Jake walking through the house and held my breath, wondering if he would check on me. A few minutes later, Jake's car rumbled to life, and I heard him drive away.

I reached for my phone, but I couldn't call Hailey. Not yet, at least. She was definitely going to get an earful when I did. However, what she'd done to conspire with Jake didn't surprise me.

Quietly, I tiptoed out of my bedroom and peeked around the corner to see out the front windows. I had to make sure Jake's car had gone. I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen counter, so I went over and grabbed it.

Lydia,

I'm going out for a while, but I'll be back soon. Call me if you need anything.

Jake

There was only one person I could talk to about everything going on. Because of her, my world had completely shifted.

I stood in my living room and looked around. "Margaret?" I called out. "Can you hear me?"

The last time I thought of her, she had appeared. I was hoping she'd do the same again.

A few seconds passed and nothing.

"Margaret, please," I pleaded. "I have to talk to you. I don't know what to do about Max and Jake. Jake was never an option but . . ."

But what? I thought to myself. Say it, Lydia .

I went back to my room and picked up the mistletoe from my dresser, holding it in my hand as I carried it into the living room. I sat down on the couch and stared at it. I wanted Jake to be an option. If he was one of my paths, would I choose him over Max?

The mistletoe sent a spark of warmth through my body and the glittery silver ribbon shimmered for a split second.

"Margaret, I really need to talk to you," I said, wishing she'd appear. "I know you can hear me."

I waited and waited, holding my breath every few seconds. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears and the old clock ticking on the fireplace mantle.

Margaret wasn't coming.

Closing my eyes, I held onto the mistletoe and breathed. There was nothing else to do but wait for Jake to come back. He was the one I needed to talk to more than anything.

So, that was what I did.

I sat and I waited.

F our hours passed, and I never once moved from the couch. My head was still a little fuzzy from the nighttime medicine, but I pushed through it. Hearing everything Hailey and Jake talked about sobered me up quickly. But I wanted to hear Jake say it all to my face.

The sound of Jake's car coming down the driveway caught my attention, and I jumped to my feet. My heart pounded so hard I thought it'd burst out my chest. Was I ready to hear what he had to say?

I watched him park and my nerves got the best of me. Quickly, I hurried to my bedroom and set my mistletoe on the dresser. I listened to Jake enter the house and heard his footsteps go upstairs to his room.

About ten minutes later, I could hear him walking down the stairs. It was time.

I took a deep breath then let it out slowly, and opened my bedroom door, tiptoeing down the hallway. Jake hadn't seen me yet, but I watched him set his bag on the floor. He walked over to the refrigerator and looked at the pictures I had hanging under the magnets. The one he was staring at was a selfie of us at the Flat Top Mountain fire tower with a gorgeous view of the mountains behind us.

I walked out into the living room and stood there, waiting for him to turn around.

"That was a good day," he said, pointing at the picture.

He glanced back at me and the sad smile on his face made my heart ache even more. "Yes, it was," I agreed. I looked over at his bag on the floor. "Are you going somewhere?"

Jake picked up his duffle, hanging it on his shoulder, and walked into the living room. "I am. I bought a house today. The papers have been signed."

"What?" I stood in complete shock, wondering how that even happened. "You didn't like any of the houses your realtor sent you."

He nodded. "I know, but I needed to do something. Staying here isn't going to work."

The thought of him leaving left an emptiness inside me. Even though I knew him and Hailey tricked me into letting him stay here, I still wasn't ready for him to go. We had a lot of talking to do. But what upset me was that he bought a house he didn't want.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Which house did you buy, Jake?"

There was no excitement in his eyes. "The one with the stone exterior. It came fully furnished."

It was a gorgeous house, indeed, but not his style.

"I'm sorry you felt you had to do that, Jake. If you wanted to get away from me, you could've easily stayed in your sister's spare bedroom that was never full of store supplies."

Jake's eyes widened and he froze.

"Yeah, I know about the setup, Jake. I heard everything you and Hailey talked about on the front porch."

He closed his eyes and hung his head, his bag dropping to the floor. "Lydia, let me explain."

"There's no need," I said. "I know it was Hailey's idea about the room. But I know you lied about your car not working, so you'd have to third wheel it on mine and Max's date to the festival."

Jake blew out a heavy sigh. "I'm not happy about that, Lydia." The room fell silent, and he lifted his gaze to mine. "I tried to sabotage your time with Max. I didn't want him getting close to you."

His words made my pulse race.

"Why?" I asked, whispering the word.

He shook his head. "If you heard everything Hailey and I said, then you know why."

"I want to hear you say it."

A look of torment passed across his face. "Why? It's not going to change anything. I'm leaving because I don't want to be in your way anymore. Things with Max are probably going to get serious and the last thing you're going to want is me being here, getting in the way of everything." His jaw clenched and he averted his gaze to the floor. "And honestly, I don't want to be here to watch. It hurts to see you with someone else."

My eyes began to burn. The feelings in my heart wanted to burst out and shout to the world that I loved him. It took hearing his words to admit it to myself.

I love him.

I wanted to say it, but I couldn't.

"What are we going to do now?" I asked.

Tears cascaded down my cheeks and Jake stepped forward, wiping them away with the pads of his thumbs. "That depends on you. I'm in love with you, Lydia. If you can say the same to me, we'll figure it out together."

The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't. This was the moment I'd been waiting for my entire life. I was in love with him too, but what would it mean for Max if I admitted it? Would that leave him alone for the rest of his life? I didn't know how the Christmas magic worked, but I knew it was powerful enough to change everyone's lives—just saying and doing things differently on those two Christmas Eves had changed so much. My actions could easily screw up a life and that would haunt me forever.

"I want to," I murmured, "but I can't. Things are a little complicated right now."

His face fell. "What do you mean ‘complicated'?"

I shook my head. "I can't explain. It's not something I can tell you."

Slowly, he stepped back and I felt his warmth leave me. "You used to be able to tell me anything."

"I know," I said. "But I can't with this."

Jake reached down and grabbed his bag. "When you decide you can, you know where to find me."

Without another word, he picked up his bag and walked out the door and I reluctantly watched him go. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had to endure.