Chapter 61

CHAPTER 61

RYLEE

I woke up with heaviness on my heart. It was so hard not to reach for my phone and text Simon. I missed him. I was already thinking about caving in and canceling the space I requested. I hated not talking to him.

But I stayed strong. I had to get my head straight and figure out if I could really be with him. I couldn't let my heart lead the way. I knew that was what a diehard romantic would do, but I wasn't a romantic. I was a realist. I knew what it would mean to commit myself to Simon. In my heart, I felt aching love for him, but my mind nagged at me with doubts.

I also didn't know how he felt about me. It seemed like I was setting myself up for misery if I put myself through the drama only to find out he wasn't serious about me. That would kill me to know I put in the work, put up with the drama, and I was nothing more than a passing fancy. I needed to clear my head. I had to make sure I wasn't thinking with my heart because that damn thing would lead me straight to heartache.

I got up and made myself some coffee, staring blankly out of the kitchen window while I tried to quell the storm of thoughts and feelings stirring within me. As I sipped on the warm, comforting liquid, I heard footsteps behind me.

"Good morning," Karen said. "You're up early."

"Couldn't sleep," I said with a sigh.

"Thinking about Simon?"

"Yes." I nodded. "I miss him."

"I know you do," she said sympathetically. "You need to stay busy. It will help you get your mind off things. Today will be good for that."

I scoffed. "Or it will be a reminder I'm single and might have just pushed away the one man I might marry."

"You didn't push him away," she said. "You are taking a minute to get your head straight. You didn't officially break up, right?"

"No, but what if he decides I'm not what he wants?" I said. "I mean, he and I are pretty different. We aren't exactly on the same level."

"You know levels don't matter," she said. "If it's love, it's love. But if it's just an infatuation, then it's best to move on."

"Maybe," I mumbled, staring into my coffee, swirling it around idly. "But how do you tell the difference between love and an infatuation?"

Karen laughed warmly. "If I knew that, I would be a millionaire by now selling the secret to everyone who's ever fallen in love."

We both chuckled at her joke, but deep down I knew she was right. This wasn't something that could be solved with a simple answer. I had to give it time. Trust the process.

"So, are you ready for today?" I asked Karen.

She sighed. "Always a bridesmaid."

I laughed. "Exactly. I am excited about the winter theme. I think it will be pretty. And I look good in blue."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

We finished our coffee and went to get ready for what was going to be a busy day. Karen and I drove together to the bridal boutique where we were meeting Alli, Jenny, Lauren, and Mary Ellen.

We walked in for the private session and were greeted by a whole squad of eager salespeople. Lauren was already waiting for us. I looked around, the walls were adorned with elegant gowns in every conceivable shade.

We were quickly escorted to a large curtained-off room and served champagne. I put on a happy face. This day was about Lauren, and I was determined to put on a brave face for her.

"Are you guys ready?" Lauren asked, barely able to hide her giddiness.

"Let's do this," Jenny declared.

The salespeople brought in a rack filled with dresses.

"I thought you wanted blue?" I asked Lauren.

"I do. I think. But I thought we might try some different shades and possibly some silver."

"Sounds beautiful," Mary Ellen chimed in, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "The silver will really enhance the winter theme."

Alli nodded, her excitement bubbling over as she began pulling dresses off the rack. The salespeople were at her side instantly, offering advice on what would best suit her figure and the theme. They suggested a combination of different blues—icy, royal, navy—and silvers.

I watched, sipping my champagne and trying to absorb the joy in the room. It was infectious, even to someone whose own personal life was on shaky ground. Lauren was giddy with excitement. This was her day. Her time to shine.

"I'll try this one on," I said, pulling one from the rack.

"That's gorgeous," Lauren said. "I love it."

"Me too." I smiled.

As I slipped into the first dress, a silky dark blue gown that clung to my body in all the right places, I couldn't help but think about Simon. I pictured him standing beside me at the wedding, looking handsome in his suit, his eyes lighting up when he saw me. The thought made my heart ache.

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the changing room. The other girls were already out, each presenting their dresses to Lauren, who was sitting on a blue velvet couch with a glass of champagne in her hand. Alli had chosen a strapless dress while Karen was in a sleek, off-the-shoulder number, Jenny in a flowy A-line, and Mary Ellen in a fun, flirty cocktail dress. Lauren beamed as she considered each dress, pointing out what she liked about them and how they all fit into her winter wedding theme.

"You all look amazing," Lauren said, her eyes shining with happiness. "It's going to be so hard to choose! I love the blue—it's perfect for a Christmas wedding."

"Do you have a particular shade of blue you like best?" Jenny asked.

Lauren wrinkled her nose. "I don't know. I thought I wanted dark blue, but I kind of like that icy blue one too."

I looked at Karen and we both shook our heads. "This is getting to be a familiar dance," I teased, remembering the process we went through with Jenny's wedding.

"I guess you'll just have to try on the other ones I picked." Lauren grinned, pointing to a rack full of dresses. Everyone laughed. I forced myself to join in, but the laughter felt hollow.

As I turned to head back to the changing room, Karen caught my eye. She must have seen something in my expression because she followed me, squeezing into the small space with me and the dresses.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Everything okay in there?" Lauren called out. "You two have really gotten close."

"Very funny," I joked.

"Just helping Rylee with her dress," Karen replied. "It got stuck."

Once the door was closed, Karen turned to me, concern etched on her face. "You seem off."

I sighed, feeling the weight of my emotions pressing down on me. "It's just everything. Simon, the future, the uncertainty. I'm trying to be happy for Lauren, but it's hard."

Karen reached out, squeezing my hand. "I get it. This is temporary, Rylee. You and Simon will figure things out. You just need time. Just take a deep breath. It will work out for the best."

I nodded, blinking back tears. "Thanks, Karen. I just hate feeling like this. I want to be here for Lauren."

"You are here for her," Karen said firmly. "And she knows it. But you also need to take care of yourself. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to need time. I think Lauren would understand if you're feeling a little down."

I took a deep breath, letting her words sink in. "You're right. Thank you."

Karen smiled, giving me a quick hug. "Anytime. Now, let's get you out of this dress and into the next one. We've got a wedding to plan!"

We managed to get me out of the dress without too much trouble. I slipped into the next one—a shimmery silver gown with intricate lace details—I felt a little lighter. Karen's pep talk had helped more than I could have imagined.

Back in the main area, Lauren was examining another dress when she looked up and saw us. "There you are!"

"I think we've got some real contenders here."

Lauren grinned. "Good! I want you all to feel amazing on my big day."

We continued trying on dresses, and gradually, my spirits lifted. I found myself getting caught up in the excitement of the wedding plans. Lauren's happiness was contagious. I wanted to be a part of that joy, even if my own heart was still healing.

As the afternoon wore on, we finally narrowed it down to a few favorites. Lauren was thrilled but still undecided.

"Let's get some lunch," Lauren said. "I need to take a step back and then make a decision. I think it was a mistake to see so many because now I want them all."

We all laughed, moving to put away the dresses. The day had gone better than I expected. Sure, there was still an ache in my heart for Simon, but right now, I was enjoying hanging out with my friends.

We claimed a table near the window for the five of us as Alli had a previous commitment to attend. The afternoon slipped by as we chatted about everything that had to be done in the next few weeks. Lauren was glowing.

Sitting around the table, we chatted and laughed, the tension of the morning easing away. I caught Karen's eye across the table. She gave me a reassuring smile. I knew I wasn't alone in this, that my friends were here for me, no matter what.

"Okay, so we've got the dresses sorted," Lauren said, her eyes twinkling. "Next up is the bachelorette party! Any ideas?"

"Oh, I've got plenty," Jenny said with a mischievous grin. "But you'll have to wait and see."

We all laughed, and for the first time in days, I felt a genuine sense of happiness. Maybe things with Simon were still uncertain, but right now, I was surrounded by love and support. And that was enough. I had to let the rest of it fall into place. Either it did or it didn't, but I would have to be okay with it.

We discussed more wedding details. I found myself getting excited about the upcoming celebration. It was going to be a beautiful wedding. Lauren had made her decision after another lengthy discussion.

We headed back to the boutique and placed the orders.

"Thank you, guys, for spending the day with me," Lauren said, giving us each a hug.

"It was fun," I said. "Although I had no idea how exhausting it could be to try on clothes all day. No wonder models are so skinny."

We all laughed again. Karen and I headed home. I allowed myself to think about Simon again. I missed him. I wanted to tell him about the day, but I didn't have that right. Not after I asked him to give me space. Karen was right—I needed to take care of myself, to give myself the space to heal and figure things out.

When I got home, I found myself pulling out my phone and scrolling through pictures of us together. There were so many happy memories, so many moments of joy. I smiled, feeling a pang of longing, but also a sense of hope. I looked at the pictures of our trip to Europe. A man that flew around the world to get me a passport was definitely a keeper.

I set my phone down and made myself a cup of tea, curling up on the couch with a blanket. The house was quiet. Karen had to leave to run errands. She invited me, but I wasn't up for it. I sipped my tea, letting the warmth seep into me, and allowed myself to relax.

As I sat there, I thought about the future. About the kind of life I wanted, the kind of relationship I wanted with Simon. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I was willing to fight for it. We had come too far to give up now.