Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

HOLLY

L ast night was perfect.

There’s no other word for what we shared. It stung a little at first, but it was heaven once I got into it. As the morning sunlight bleeds through the curtains, it’s only now that anything negative touches what we did.

He strokes his hand through my hair. “I wish we could stay here forever.”

“Me too.” I kiss his bare chest. “There’s no putting it off now, is there? The night had to end.”

He sighs. “I guess it had to. Let’s grab some breakfast.”

“The last supper … sort of. It’s fitting.”

“Too damn fitting.”

After showering and changing into the fresh clothes Asher bought us yesterday, we head downstairs. He doesn’t hold my hand. I’m not sure if I’m grateful or resentful of that. Brianna is waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs. She’s clutching her cell phone.

“Have you seen?” she asks.

“Seen what?”

“Have you checked your phones, either of you?”

“No,” I say, confused. “I normally do, but no, not this morning.”

“Me neither,” Asher says with the same surprise. He glances at me with a sad smile as if acknowledging the only reason he ever checks it is for me.

“Remember that speech you gave yesterday?” Brianna says.

Asher rolls his eyes at me.

“I told you it was a speech,” I quip.

“What about it?” he asks.

“Look.”

Brianna shows us her phone screen. It’s an online video titled “Send This To Somebody You Love On Christmas.” I blink, wondering if I’m seeing things—almost a million views already. It shows Asher staring down Derek and his thug friends, intensity blazing from him, his voice raised.

“If I had the chance, I’d tell her I loved her every day …”

I grab Asher’s arm. Love. We haven’t talked about that. It’s hopeless, masochistic even, to speak about the L-word when it has to end.

“One of those teenagers clipped it and uploaded it,” I whisper.

Brianna nods. “It’s all over the place. What’s the word?”

“Viral,” I mutter. “I better check my phone. I bet Dan has seen this!”

“Me too,” Asher mumbles.

We rush upstairs. I grab my phone. “I have got four missed calls from him.”

“I’ve got three,” Asher says, looking up from his phone.

“Who’s going to do the honors?” I say. “He’s my brother. It should be me.”

“I can take the brunt,” he replies, looking away.

“If you call him, you’ll make it all seem your fault and take all the blame.”

“We’ve already discussed this,” he says. “It’s better if he hates me. It’s better if he thinks I took advantage of you.”

“But you didn’t. I won’t lie to him. We’ve done enough of that already.”

Asher sighs. “Call him, then, Snowflake.”

I sit on the bed, press call , and try to stop the nerves from taking hold.

“Hello, Holly,” Dan says formally.

“Hey, Dan. I guess you’ve seen the video?”

“Who hasn’t?” He doesn’t sound as angry as yesterday, but he’s not exactly chipper. “It’s all over the place. Everybody is sending it to each other. You, of all people, know what marketing is like. You can do all the planning you want. Some things are just destined to take off.”

“We didn’t plan this.”

“I know. How could you? You didn’t know that kid was going to upload it.”

“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper. “Dan, I’m so sorry.”

“Are you?” he asks. “Sorry, I mean? Sorry implies you wish you didn’t do it. Is that how you feel? Do you wish you hadn’t been with Asher? Is that how he feels? Wait, let’s not do this over the phone. I want to see both of you.”

I’m shocked, not sure whether to smile or be afraid. “You do?”

“Yeah. I have to. It’s the only way any of this will make sense. Come home.”

He hangs up before I can utter a word.

Asher looks at me impatiently. “What’s the damage?”

“He wants to see us both,” I say. “I’m not sure how he’s feeling. He seems less angry than yesterday. Or maybe he’s just hiding it better.”

“We better go,” Asher says. “We don’t want to keep him waiting, but Holly?—”

I grab Asher’s shirt and pull him in for a kiss. “Don’t tell me you want to take the blame. We’ve already agreed.”

He sighs. “You’re too stubborn for me.”

“That’s why you love me.”

It just slips out—big mistake. He lets me go and turns away.

“I’m so?—”

“No apologies,” he says. “You heard my speech yesterday. You heard what I said. I meant every word. But I can’t say a thing like that—or I shouldn’t have—if we don’t have a future.”

As Asher drives us home, I can’t resist rechecking the video. It’s just hit a million views. The comments are all glowing with women wishing Asher was talking about them, people discussing the romances they began and nurtured during Christmastime, and replies stacked on replies.

I think about what he said. He meant every word. He loves me.

What is this feeling if not love? It makes this more tragic.

Soon, we’re riding the elevator up to the apartment. The atmosphere is like we’re going to a funeral. That might not be too wide off the mark. The funeral is for our relationship.

“At least he didn’t change the locks,” I say, turning the key.

“Yet,” Asher mutters.

Dan is waiting for us in the hallway. He’s wearing his workout clothes, covered in sweat. He must’ve heard us coming in. “I’ll grab a shower. Make me a coffee, would you?”

He walks away. Asher and I exchange a look.

“Did he seem mad or numb?” Asher asks.

“I don’t know. Somewhere in between.”

In the kitchen, I make three coffees. Asher paces up and down, unable to keep his hands still. He’s usually so in control and composed. It’s weird seeing him like this. He fiddles with his phone.

“One million and one hundred thousand,” he says. “This is just rubbing it in. I should see if I can get it taken down. Dan doesn’t need this.”

“We both know when something’s on the internet, getting rid of it is borderline impossible, especially without copyright laws.”

“I wonder how many of these million views is Dan.”

“Try and sit down,” I say. “You’re making me nervous.”

“Sorry, Snow—He sighs. “Sorry.”

Dan walks in, his hair still wet. He looks at the kitchen island and then paces instead. He reminds me of his behavior during important, all-hands-on meetings, dominating the room. With Asher sitting beside me, the scene has the energy of two kids being called into the principal’s office.

We don’t speak, giving Dan the space to think. Finally, he stops pacing. “Asher, did you mean what you said in that video?”

“Dan, I …”

“Just answer the question.”

“I meant it,” Asher says. “I can’t lie about that. But just because I meant it, it doesn’t mean I’m going to put my feelings before you. I’ve been doing that for too long already. When I guessed Holly was my Secret Santa, that should’ve been the end of it. I slipped repeatedly.”

“But you meant it,” Dan says. “That speech you gave, the one currently being shared all over the world, the one that Mom and Dad have seen, the one that couples are sending to each other, the one that’s inspired a mind-boggling number of conversations about Christmas and love?”

“Yes.” Asher swallows audibly. “I meant it.”

“How?” Dan demands.

He’s in fully fledged CEO mode.

“Well,” Dan goes on. “I’m trying to understand how this can be possible. You only came home a couple of weeks ago. Or am I supposed to assume this started before you came home?”

“It started when I moved in here,” Asher says. “Then, when we got each other for the Secret Santa, it got out of hand.”

“Meaning, you regret it?”

“No, Dan. I’m sorry, but I don’t regret it. I can’t regret feeling this way.”

“I always knew you had a crush on him,” Dan mutters, turning to me. “When we were kids, you were terrible at hiding it. It was the most obvious when he was teasing you. I knew Asher. I knew he was just messing around. But you, Holly, it was like your universe was falling down.”

“This isn’t just a crush,” I murmur. “Asher’s right. This is real, but we can be better. We can put you first.”

“If it’s real,” Dan says, sitting on the other side of the breakfast bar. He leans forward, poking the count, just like in a business meeting. “How could you let each other go? If that speech contained the truth, then surely you’re inseparable. That’s how it sounded.”

“We would be inseparable,” Asher says.

“If it weren’t for me?” Dan snaps.

“I don’t mean it like that.”

“But that’s true.”

“Yes,” Asher admits. “If she wasn’t your sister, nothing would stop me, but we can’t live in that world. We’re in this one, and I’m ready to face up to the consequences of my actions.”

Dan steeples his fingers. “Explain.”

“I’m going to resign,” Asher says. “I’m going to move out of the city. It’ll be tough at first, leaving everything.”

“Leaving Holly. You can say it.”

Asher sighs. “Yeah, leaving Holly. It won’t be easy. I’ve never felt like this before. You deserve the truth. No one has ever made me feel anything compared to this. Snowflake—Holly?—”

“Why do you call her that?” Dan questions.

“She’s unique. She’s special. She’s crazy about Christmas. It fits.”

Dan’s lip twitches. Then he wipes the smile away, but I’m sure I saw it. I need to be careful. Hope is a dangerous thing.

“We agree on that,” Dan says. “You’re honestly telling me you’ve never felt like this before, even with your exes?”

“It’s not like there have been many, but no, nothing like this. One date with Holly made me feel more connected, content, and at peace than several months with Mia ever did. I thought my ability to form relationships was ruined before I met her. I’m sorry, Dan, truthfully. None of this is helping. I’ll cut the cord. I’ll disappear.”

“Can’t you stay and just break up?”

“No,” Asher says fiercely. “Seeing her every day, or even once in a while, with another man?—”

“That won’t happen,” I cut in.

They both spin to me.

“What?” I hiss. “It won’t.”

The interrogation turns to me. “You’re saying you’ll be alone for the rest of your life if Asher leaves?” Dan says.

I shrug. “I was alone before he came home. I’ll be alone after. It’s not a big deal.”

“Isn’t it?”

“What do you want me to say?” I wave my hand, my voice breaking. “It’s a huge deal, Dan. You can’t see it on the video, but I was crying when he made that speech. I was crying because it moved me and also because I knew we could never act on it. Him, me, us , it would be a dream come true if it didn’t mean stabbing you in the back. But it did, over and over. I’m so sorry. That doesn’t even come close.”

“You’re sorry, but you kept going,” Dan says.

“For too long,” Asher agrees.

“He wanted to tell you,” I say. “I talked him out of it. I na?vely thought maybe we could pretend it never happened. There’s no pretending about this. But there could be healing. I hope.”

“For me,” Dan murmurs.

“Huh?”

“If Asher leaves, there will be healing for me, right?” Dan says. “Look at the two of you. You’ll be broken.”

“You can’t let that influence your decision,” Asher says. “This isn’t about us. This is about you.”

Dan massages the bridge of his eyebrows. “You’re both adults at the end of the day,” he says. “It was a shock last night. Weirdly, that video is the best thing that could’ve happened. When I watched it, I knew you weren’t thinking, Asher. You were speaking from the heart. No offense, but that’s rare for you. Even when we were kids, you clammed up or made a joke if things got serious.”

“It was probably a defense mechanism,” I mutter.

“It was that or face what was happening at home,” Asher says.

“Hearing you speak like that, you know what I thought? I want this for him. I want it to work out. ”

“But?” Asher says.

“Who said there’s a ‘but’?”

“Come on, Dan. You were furious.”

“That was before the video. That was before I saw you two together.”

“Us together? We haven’t even spoken to each other about it,” Asher mutters.

“You don’t realize you’re doing it, but you look like a couple. It’s difficult to explain. Sometimes, you see two people standing in line together, sitting in the park, or playing a board game or a sport. They’re not touching or looking at each other, but you know there’s a connection. It radiates from them.”

Dan laughs, shaking his head ruefully. “I can hardly believe I’m saying this, but you two have that energy. Couple energy. It’s nuts.”

“What are you saying?” I whisper, trying to stay steady and sane.

I’ll wake up at Brianna’s house, in Asher’s arms, and tell him about the wild dream I had. I’ll tell him that my big brother gave us the go-ahead. His beautiful speech can become a reality in the dream.

“I’m saying I think I’ve lost my mind,” Dan says. “I’m saying I don’t want to lose either of you. I’m saying that seeing you together and that video has changed everything. I’ve always wanted you both to find somebody. I just never expected it’d be each other.”

Another rueful laugh. “I can’t hate either of you. I was angry yesterday. Who wouldn’t be? I don’t want you to leave the city, though, Asher. I don’t want my sister to settle for being alone when she’s got so much to offer. I don’t want to stand in your way.”

He gets choked up, tears welling in his eyes. When I see his eyes glistening, I know he put up his CEO shield to hide his true feelings.

I walk around the kitchen island and wrap my arms around him. “Dan, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snuck around. I shouldn’t have lied. I’m so sorry.”

He clutches onto me. “These aren’t sad tears. I’m happy for you, for both of you.”

“Dan, brother,” Asher whispers, croaking as he gets emotional, too. “I swear, your sister will be the most cared-for, protected, cherished, loved woman who has ever lived. If you can find it in your heart to forgive us, you won’t regret it.”

Dan hugs me tightly. “Asher, all I’ve ever wanted is for my best friend and sister to be happy. Now that you are, I can’t be the one who ruins that.”

“You have the right,” Asher says. “I need to make that clear. Even if you want things to work out for us, you have the right to smash this to pieces, as her brother, my friend, the wronged party.”

I sob, sniffling. I know why Asher says this. He wants Dan to be confident.

“I know,” Dan says. “I’m choosing not to use that right. I’m choosing to make this the happiest Christmas we have ever had.”

“You’re a good person,” Asher says.

“The best.” I cling tightly to my brother. “Dan, you’re just the greatest person, not just good. I never expected this. I thought I was going to lose Asher forever. Or I was going to lose you.”

“Look at you, sis. You’ve got so much love to offer. I’m happy for you.”

“You’re a miracle, Dan,” Asher says in awe.

“Maybe you two should do some more sneaking around. I kind of like all this praise.”

All three of us laugh, the sadness and the pain melting away.