Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

ASHER

I make it until two a.m. before I give in to the desire to text her. Maybe I can shoot off this message and then get some sleep. She’s probably asleep, anyway.

Me: What were you going to say, Holly? “You’re the only …” Then you stopped. You looked scared .

Any chance of sleep becomes a distant thought when her reply appears.

Holly: You shouldn’t ask me questions like that, Asher. It’ll lead to bad places.

Me: Bad because you don’t want it? Or bad because it means we’re betraying someone?

Holly: Betrayal, she replies.

Me: I can’t get how you looked out of my head, I tell her. You were terrified. Then you ran like you didn’t want to be anywhere near me, as if it physically hurt you to be close to me.

Holly: Maybe I didn’t want to be judged.

Me: Judged about what?

Holly: Oh, God, Asher! I was going to say, “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.” Okay?! When I was a kid, I had a crush on you. It was a silly, childish crush. Then you came home, and I realized the crush never went away.

Me: Why would you be ashamed about that? I reply. That’s just silly stuff from childhood. What we have now has no relation to that. Unless you think you’re only interested because you had a crush on me a million years ago?

Holly: No, of course not, she replies. I’m interested (understatement alert) because of everything about you, about us. I thought you might be grossed out if you knew about the crush .

I smirk.

Me: As far as complications go, that’s pretty damn low on the list.

Holly: Fair enough. I need to get some sleep. Please don’t text me again. I keep telling myself I will not reply, but it’s impossible.

I do what she asks, lying in bed and staring restlessly up at the ceiling. Sleep seems just as impossible as her inability to ignore my texts. The date was torture because the woman looked at me like Mia does in the office. The attention of any woman who isn’t my best friend’s sister is painful.

I want Dan to come home so I can stop thinking about leaving my bedroom, sneaking down the hall, busting open Snowflake’s door, and telling her, “We’re alone. You don’t have to worry. Tonight can be our snow globe …”

Then I’ll kiss her perfect lips, down her neck, take her peaks in my mouth as I massage her haven.

A scream shatters my fantasy—Holly.

I leap to my feet and rush down the hallway. Her door is locked.

“Holly?” I yell.

“I’m okay.” She doesn’t sound it. “I just had a bad dream.”

“Fuck. You scared the hell out of me. Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need anything?”

“It’s fine,” she mutters, but it sounds like a lie.

“I’m here if you change your mind, just a text away. If you want a drink, talk, or anything, okay?”

“Thanks, Asher. I mean it.”

I linger by the door momentarily, but I don’t want to push her.

As usual, my resolve doesn’t extend to texting.

Me: Do you want to talk about your nightmare?

Holly: Text about it, you mean?

Me: Okay, Miss Pedantic.

Holly: I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than Miss Goody Two-shoes. Do you mind if I ask how long you knew it was me?

Me: Only if you don’t mind me pointing out that you’re changing the subject.

Holly: Okay, sue me. I still want to know.

Me: It was the story about your dad, I reply. Then, I was in a bind because I wanted to keep texting you. Since this Secret Santa thing, I’ve texted more than I have all year. I felt like an ass, though, because I was lying to you or misleading you, at the very least. You didn’t know it was me.

Holly: I had my suspicions , she replies. There were a few phrases you used and a few hints that gave the game away. I didn’t know if I should be scared or excited. I was worried it would be somebody else. I wanted it to be you.

Me: Why?

Holly: I didn’t want to flirt with anybody who wasn’t you.

Me: I have to admit, Snowflake. I was worried about that, too. I hated the idea of you bantering with anybody else. I knew you had every right to, but it still bothered me.

Holly: Imagine how I felt when I thought it was Derek!

Me: That must’ve been awful. Dan asked me to swipe Derek’s phone if he comes back to the office. He could go to Dan or even contact him and explain that I’m the real Secret Santa. It would involve sneaking into a superior’s office and taking their phone, but I wouldn’t put it past him.

She doesn’t reply for a long time.

Me: I’m sorry, Snowflake. I don’t mean to worry you.

Holly: It’s not that, she replies.

Me: Do you want to talk in person? In the living room? Or I could come to you …

Holly: No, Asher . We both know what will happen if we move this past texting. We might say we can be strong, but we haven’t proven that so far.

There’s another long pause. I resist the urge to pester her.

Holly: You’re right about Derek. He contacted me on the Secret Santa phone. That’s what my nightmare was about. Him. What he’s going to do. If I tell you, you have to promise to stay calm. You have to promise you won’t freak. Believe me, you’ll want to.

Me: I won’t freak, Snowflake.

Holly: You have to PROMISE.

She’s serious. Whatever it is, it’s bad. After misleading her about the Secret Santa thing, I don’t want to lie to her again.

Me: I can’t make that promise. With you, I can’t control how I feel. You’ve melted my cold heart.

Holly: You’re so romantic.

Me: You’re the first person who’s ever told me that.

Holly: That makes it more special. I shouldn’t tell you this.

Me: But you’re going to, I reply. If you’re having nightmares about it, you need to speak with someone. I’m here for you.

Holly: As a friend, she texts. As my brother’s buddy, right?

I grind my teeth. Surely, she knows I’ll never be just her brother’s buddy again, but I need to exercise some discipline.

Me: I’ll do my best to keep it that way. That’s the best I can offer.

Holly: For Dan’s sake , she texts.

Holly: Derek texted me and demanded that I meet him tomorrow, well, technically today. He’s blackmailing me for a naked photo of me. I told him I’d only let him look at a Polaroid because I didn’t trust him with a digital copy. I bought myself some time, but I’m unsure what to do. I need to get my hands on his phone.

I’m on my feet instantly, standing at the window, staring across the city and wishing Derek was here. Or maybe that’d be a bad thing. I don’t want to catch a homicide charge.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

I leave the bedroom and knock on her door.

“Asher …”

“Open up,” I growl.

“We can’t?—”

“Open the door, Snowflake, or I’m kicking it down.”

She opens it a moment later, her hair a wild mess, her eyes red from crying, looking beautiful and heartbroken at the same time. I wrap my arms around her as gently as I can. Even now—always —the instinct to go further grips me. She’s wearing PJ bottoms with holes, showing tempting glimpses of her thighs.

“I’m not going to let him hurt you,” I whisper, kissing the top of her head. “I’m not going to let him blackmail you. I will not let him intimidate you. Tomorrow, I’ll be there.”

She digs her fingernails into my side. “Is that a good idea?”

“If he’s making demands like this, the sick fuck could be capable of anything. You’re not meeting him alone. That’s just not happening. So either we tell Dan, or I’m coming with you.”

“We can’t tell Dan,” she whispers.

“Then it’s settled. Lie down, Snowflake. I’m staying with you.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Don’t worry. I can be civilized,” I mutter.

“ Can you? Because I mean it. We have to be good.”

“You don’t want to be alone.”

“Well … no.”

“Then I can be civilized.”

I lie on her bed, pulling her into my arms. She wriggles against me, putting her cheek against my chest, clinging onto me. My body responds, my dick going solid, my lust testing my willpower. There’s not much I can do about that—she’s undeniably attractive—except hold her tighter, kiss her with more warmth, more sweetness on her forehead.

“This isn’t us being good,” she whispers.

“I’ll just stay until you fall asleep.”

“We’re in the snow globe.” She wriggles deeper into my embrace. “Just the snow globe, right?”

“Our own secret world. Just for a little while longer.”

I told her I’d only stay once she’d fallen asleep, but when I hear her breathing softly and peacefully, I don’t want to go. I don’t let myself sleep. I have to stay awake in case Dan comes home, and I don’t want to rest.

I want to savor every moment with Holly. This might be the last intimacy we ever share.