36. Lily

36

Lily

Suddenly , Bull didn’t feel like a problem anymore. Each sweet syllable melted into my brain like molasses and I pressed my thighs together. All I wanted to do was to run over there and let him do whatever he wanted to me.

And he was calling me. Men like Bull never called girls. Certainly not when the girl runs out on them and goes silent. So what did that mean?

My heart did a somersault. Immediately, I clamped down on the feelings.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” he told me. “Can’t seem to think of much else.”

I pressed my lips together, hard . But then it slipped out anyway. “I’ve been thinking about you, too.” It felt weird, telling the truth for a change. But this is wrong! I can’t put him at risk!

He started to speak again, but it sounded for a second like he was struggling to find the words. And then I realized what it was—he’d never made this kind of call before. Calling the girl after he’d slept with her was precisely what he didn’t do. “I guess I wanted you to know that, um—“Wait ...is he really getting tongue-tied? “I want to see you again. Today.”

He was reassuring me that it hadn’t been just a one-night stand. I wasn’t ready for the way my heart soared. He was changing. For me.

I looked around the bus. I’d escaped one prison in New York, but had I wound up just making another one for myself?

Maybe I needed to change a little, too.

“Okay,” I said slowly. “Today.” Then I remembered my nightmare. “No, wait. Tomorrow. There’s something I have to do this afternoon.”

“Tomorrow,” he echoed. “Can you stop by the stables, about six? Everyone else will have headed out. We’ll have the place to ourselves.”

“How romantic!”

His voice dropped from a rumble to a low, seductive growl. “You want romantic, now? ‘ Cause last time I saw you, what you wanted was a good, hard—”

“Tomorrow!” I yelped and hung up. A wave of heat was sweeping through me, flushing my cheeks.

As soon as I stopped talking to Bull, the fear came back. What the hell am I doing?

But it was too late. For the first time, the feelings inside me were strong enough to overshadow the fear. I started to rationalize it away. It’s been two years and my uncle hasn’t found me yet. Maybe he’s stopped looking.

I started to wonder if, if I was very careful, I could actually make this work.

Well, if there was even a chance...I was going to give it a damn good try.

That afternoon, I headed to my doctor’s office. She had no problem writing me a prescription for the pill and I popped the first one in the parking lot. I’d only just finished my period so I was—I squirmed inside— good to go.

I hadn’t had that sensation in years: the feeling of planning sex. I’d forgotten how good it felt. My next stop was the nail salon. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it properly.

“Toes, too?” asked the nail technician. “A pedicure?”

Money was the one thing in my life that wasn’t a problem. The work was well paid and my living expenses were virtually zero. Cash just built up in my bank account because I didn’t have anything to spend it on...until now. “Sure,” I told her.

She was like a shark sensing blood. “A leg wax? Bikini wax?”

I went to say no... and then nodded my head, instead. “Go nuts,” I told her. She ran to get help. I stumbled out of the salon over three hours later, my purse much lighter and various parts of me tender.

Finally, I hit the mall and bought a little denim skirt that would show off my—laughably pale—legs and a shirt I could tie beneath my boobs. I had to look at it for a long time in the changing room mirror before I decided and, even then, I wasn’t sure about showing off so much of me. But I’d been wearing blouses and jeans for two years. I needed something appropriate for dating.

I figured that, with enough attention to detail, I could control the relationship and manage its risks just like I did with my business. The pill? That was just a different kind of Taser.

I hadn’t realized that relationships are a hell of a lot more complicated.