Chapter 15

It wassurprising it took Ian so long to text me, but the space was appreciated. I needed some time to collect myself and figure out how I'm going to keep feelings out of my relationship with him. He's a great guy, and at another point in my life, he would be the perfect person to fall for, but the timing is all off.

Even if it was right, I'm not sure if he's on the same page. His caring and sweet side is just a part of him. Even when we were at the resort, he was cuddly and caring after sex. It doesn't mean he likes me more than just a friend, which is why I need to keep my heart locked up or stop what we're doing now. Because eventually, this will come to an end, and I don't need to be a broken mess when it does. The smart move would be ending things now, but I don't want to.

I like being with Ian. And I love the way he fucks me. But it's how he looks at me after rearranging my insides that has butterflies erupting in my stomach. He's sweet and caring once he's done being controlling and dominating. I crave both sides of him, which is beyond scary for many reasons—the main being my deep-seated fear of rejection. That's why I need to keep my walls a mile high. The last thing I want is to be the idiot who suggests a no-strings-attached relationship then goes and gets attached.

Our relationship should be strictly physical, which is why I told him I wouldn't be spending the night. I also should have turned down dinner, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Maybe I'm setting myself up for failure by spending time with him that isn't just sex, but it's too late to change my mind now. I mean, obviously, I could, but I don't want to. We'll have to see how things play out and go from there.

"You look constipated," Rio states, flopping on the couch beside me.

Shit, I guess I've been staring at my phone, lost in thought since I sent the last text to Ian.

"Just thinking," I reply, plastering on a fake smile.

"Abooout?" He drags out the word, singing it, and I chuckle.

"A guy I'm messing around with," I supply, not sure how much I should spill right now.

Rio's brows pull together, and he stares at me like I'm from a foreign planet. "Since when do you spare a second thought about the guys you mess around with?"

I roll my eyes and scoff, acting annoyed, but the corners of my lips turn up. He isn't wrong with his assessment. All the guys I've been with haven't crossed my mind outside of our hookups, but Ian is different, and our dynamic is different from anything I've participated in in the past.

"Are you actually into this person for once?" Rio asks, and I lift my shoulder.

"Maybe," I murmur. "But I'm not supposed to be." Rio seems confused by my answer, so I continue, "Messing around with everyone on campus was getting old, so I asked someone to be friends with benefits. It sounded great in my head. We would fuck each other's brains out without the messiness of feelings." I shiver and push my lips out, scrunching up my nose at the end as if the word ‘feelings' alone makes me nauseous, which it kind of does. I've never caught them, but I already don't like them.

Understanding appears on Rio's face, and he places his hand on my shoulder. "You caught some messy feelings, didn't you?"

I sigh and pout, something I've never done before Ian. Rio's brows shoot up a little, and his eyes widen, clearly caught off guard by it.

"Kind of, but I'm sure I'll have them back under control eventually."

"Why don't you ask him to try dating instead if you already like him?" Rio suggests, schooling his expression.

"I don't date," I reply firmly.

"I know you haven't in the past, but if this guy is different, maybe a real relationship wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"He's a great guy, but eventually, he'll leave me," I whisper. "Everyone always does."

Rio squeezes my shoulder, and even though his touch is comforting, it's not one I crave like Ian's.

"Sounds like you have some stuff to work out," Rio says. "Sometimes our pasts fuck with our heads and cause us to think things that aren't necessarily true. Maybe you should take a minute to contemplate your life since you started at GSU and figure out if the statement you just made is really true anymore. People might have abandoned you in the past, but I'm not going anywhere, and you have other friends who are on the same page."

His words hit deep in my chest, making it almost hard to breathe. He isn't right, is he?

I don't have time to dive deep into that train of thought because there is a knock at the door, and Rio rushes to let whoever it is in.

"You must be Monster," Rio greets my friend, and I clammer off the couch to welcome him.

"That's me," Monster replies with a toothy grin.

"I'm Rio. Our other roommate, Bronny, should be home soon."

"Don't tell me the party is already starting without me," Sasha calls out, appearing behind Monster.

"Of course not," I assure him with a smirk. "Who would do something crazy like that?"

Monster and Rio laugh, but Sasha simply nods like it really would be the most insane thing ever.

"Monster, this is Sasha," Rio introduces. "He's a pain in the ass, but he's fun, I guess."

Sasha gasps, placing his hand on his chest. "Rude." He shoots daggers at Rio, then turns his attention to Monster. "Rio's just jealous because I'm super amazing, and he's boring."

Monster chuckles. "I can tell already that you are the farthest thing from boring that there is."

Sasha's eyes sparkle with mischief. "I love that you understand me so quickly. Maybe we'll have some fun a little later." He winks at Monster, making my friend a little uncomfortable.

"Get your paws off the poor boy," Rio scolds Sasha. "Not everyone is instantly DTF like you are."

Sasha looks at Rio and licks his lips. "What about you? You keep pushing me away, but I'm positive I'll break you down one day. We'd have so much fun together." He practically purrs the words, but Rio rolls his eyes.

"In your dreams," Rio murmurs, shutting the door he's still holding open and walking back into the living room.

Sasha's eyes follow my roommate with a hint of longing. Poor guy. He's the world's biggest flirt and also a notorious player like I was, but I know a secret no one else does. I'm just not sure how long I'm going to have to hold onto it.

"We picked up some snacks if you're hungry. Rio will show you where they are," I tell Monster, who rushes off in search of food. You don't get to be his size without a decent appetite.

"Did I go too far there?" Sasha whispers when Monster is out of earshot.

"If you did, Rio would have said something," I assure Sasha. "But when will you admit that you're crushing on him?"

"And ruin my reputation?" Sasha questions. I lift a brow at him, showing that I'm not amused by his response, and he sighs. "What's the point? He's not into me."

"What makes you say that?" I ask. "Have you actually talked to him about it?"

Sasha huffs out a breath but shakes his head. "If he were interested, I would know."

I chuckle and pat him on the shoulder. "Sometimes, people are really good at hiding their true feelings. Have you ever considered acting a little less flirtatious around him? Hitting on other guys in front of him is probably not going to help either," I advise.

"I know," he whines. "But it's my default mode. I've never had a crush like this."

"How about you try being Rio's friend for a while, dial down the flirting a smidge, and see what happens?"

Sasha purses his lips, thinking it through, and eventually shrugs. "I guess I could try it. I mean, what I'm doing now obviously isn't working."

I'm not sure if Sasha is aware Rio is demisexual or not, and it's not my place to say. But if he stands any chance of getting Rio to like him, he needs to cool it by like a hundred.

"What kind of snacks do you have?" Sasha asks after a beat.

I chuckle, tilting my head. "Let's go find out."

When we arrive in the kitchen, Monster and Rio are deep in conversation.

"I just thought I was broken," Monster murmurs.

Rio shakes his head. "I promise you're not."

I clear my throat, alerting the guys we are here in case they don't want to continue the conversation with Sasha and me present.

"Hey," Monster says with a shy smile. "Rio was just explaining the asexual spectrum."

"Are you ace?" Sasha asks.

Monster tilts his head from side to side."I'm not actually sure what I am. I just thought I was a little messed up in the head."

"So, I was explaining that there isn't anything wrong with him," Rio steps in. "There's the possibility that he's demisexual like I am, asexual, aceflux, or a bunch of different things. The asexual spectrum is broad, but also, he doesn't need a label if he doesn't want one."

A sense of understanding is visible behind Sasha's eyes as he listens to Rio. Maybe now he'll understand why I suggested he change how he acts toward my roommate if he actually likes him.

"I wish more people talked about this stuff," Monster mumbles.

Rio nods, offering him a comforting smile. "More people probably would if they didn't feel exactly how you're feeling right now. No one wants to admit that they aren't like everyone else, especially when we live in a society that tends to be hypersexual and is all about conforming. There are a few informative forums online if you want to talk with others."

"That would be awesome," Monster says.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable by hitting on you," Sasha apologizes, but I'm not sure if he's talking to Monster or Rio.

"It's all good," Monster assures him. "I guess I just wasn't expecting it. Most people assume I'm straight. I have never been hit on by a guy. I'm used to turning girls down, not vibrant guys like yourself."

Sasha laughs. "I am a bit over the top," he admits. "But I'll tone it down a little for you."

Monster waves him off. "Don't change who you are for me. I like that you're sure of yourself and don't give a fuck what others think. At least that's the way I perceived it."

Sasha beams a little at Monster's praise. "I am sure of myself, and I don't give a fuck what others think, but I also respect people. I promise I won't hit on you anymore."

"What about me?" Rio asks with a lifted brow.

"Do you want me to stop flirting with you?" Sasha counters.

Rio doesn't answer but shrugs a shoulder, making Sasha smile.

Hmm, maybe Sasha is growing on Rio already. I'll have to keep an eye on those two. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Bronny shows up around an hour later, and we start our movie marathon.

I'm happy that Rio didn't have a game tonight and could talk with Monster. He's more at ease already, finally figuring out that he isn't the only one who feels the way he does.

Tonight has been so much fun, and for the most part, I've been able to forget about Ian. Of course, that changes once everyone leaves and I'm alone in my room.

When my head hits the pillow and my eyes close, I'm met with the image of piercing blue ones staring back at me.

The man behind those eyes can steal my heart and break it if I'm not careful.