7. Logan

7

LOGAN

W hen I arrived at the library for our next tutoring session, Josh was sitting at our usual table, typing rapidly on his laptop. I frowned as I took him in. Something was off. I eyed Josh’s bowed head, the glossy waves of his hair, then the table. Laptop, check. Navy backpack, check. Pens and pencils littering the table like pick-up sticks, check.

But no bag of burgers.

There were always burgers, and now the fact that there weren’t was disconcerting. Spotting me, Josh tipped me an acknowledging nod and went back to his typing. I slid my backpack on the table as I approached and sat slowly next to him, my unease growing. Weird how you developed a reliance on things, like burgers, and that Josh would usually start off our sessions with a cheerful, " What’s up, Whizkid ?" He didn’t do that today, either, and I immediately missed it.

“No burgers today?” I couldn’t help asking, pulling my laptop and a notebook from my bag.

“Nah.” Josh closed the top of his laptop and shoved it aside. “I wasn’t that hungry, and I realized I’ve never actually asked you if you wanted a burger before. I just brought them. Maybe you’ve been accepting them this whole time when you didn’t really want them, but were too polite to say anything.”

I was definitely missing something. It was like a physics problem I didn’t have all the variables for. What did it mean?

I squinted at him. “Do I strike you as the type to take something I don’t want just for the sake of politeness?”

He squinted back at me. “Not really? But maybe.” He shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess. Sometimes people are as hard to figure out as physics.”

“But you’re doing great with physics, for the record.”

“Well, maybe next I need to take a course in human—” He shook his head. “Never mind. Anyway, I’m trying to prep for the final, and I feel okay about it but there are a few concepts I’m hung up on, so maybe we could look at those?”

“Yeah, sure.” I continued searching his face for a crack in his nonchalance until he pushed a practice test toward me and flipped it open to the third page, clearly wanting to get started.

We worked through a few of the problems together, and then I watched him do a couple of others before I couldn’t stand it anymore. “I liked the burgers.”

“Yeah?” He set his pencil down and quirked a small smile. “Okay, I’ll bring the burgers next time, no biggie. So how was your date?”

Damn, a subject I was hoping we could skip. “It was okay,” I ventured. It had been okay. Chet was both sexy and cool but, like tonight, something was missing. Chemistry, connection, whatever. I hadn’t even kissed him.

He’s not Josh , a voice whispered in my head.

“Okay is okay, I guess?” Josh scrutinized me, and I went to push my glasses up my nose self-consciously before remembering I was wearing my contacts. I diverted to scratching the bridge of my nose awkwardly. Ugh. “You think you’ll go out with him again?”

I shrugged. At least I could tell the truth in this regard. “Probably not. I don’t think he’d want to anyway.”

Josh’s brow’s pinched together. “Why not? Did you burp in his face? Puke on his shoes? Go to push up your glasses and then realize you’re not wearing any?” There came that tiny smile again, but it was enough to make my own lips curve.

“My nose itched!”

“Liar. You do it all the time.” He chuckled.

“Thank you for highlighting my awkward moments. I really appreciate it. Maybe I should start cataloguing yours, Joshua.”

Josh’s grin became full-on bravado. “I’m never awkward. And you can call me Joshua all you like now. I’m immune to it.”

“I know,” I replied dismally. “It’s annoying.”

“Well, I like your awkward moments. They make you… you.”

Some small ember of warmth flared to life in my chest at the tone of his voice. “Thank you. I’ll endeavor not to be hyperaware of just how awkward I am so you can continue to enjoy it.”

“Good,” he said earnestly, then ticked his chin toward one of the library’s soaring windows. “Man, it’s really coming down now.” A winter storm warning had been issued earlier in the afternoon, and what had started as a light dusting of white over the campus had accumulated to at least an inch when I’d walked into the library.

I detached my gaze from Josh long enough to spy the fat flakes of snow as they whirled through the air. “I guess we should wrap this up, yeah?”