13. Logan

13

LOGAN

I woke up alone, the coolness of the sheets suggesting Josh had been gone for a while. I vaguely remembered him rustling around and saying something about practice, but my gut automatically interpreted that as post-nut regret. I groaned. God, I hoped that wasn’t the case, because if so, it would be hell continuing to tutor him and having to look at his sexy grin and adorable-as-fuck dimple. Ugh. I reached for my phone, thumbed the screen to life, and stared at the message notification from him.

Josh: Hey, I don’t know if you remember me leaving. You were pretty drowsy. I had practice early. Do you have time to meet for lunch today and talk?

Damn. Talk? I couldn’t decide if that was better or worse than him not messaging me at all.

I steeled my nerves and replied.

Logan: That’s fine. I can meet at noon. Caf?

Josh: I was thinking more like the Main Street Cafe.

I frowned at my phone, every cell in my body on hyper alert. What if he didn’t want to be seen with me on campus? No, that made no fucking sense. We were at the library together all the time. You’re freaking out because he’s awesome, Logan. Chill, he just had practice .

Still, my stomach felt like it was full of mud as I made the trek to the little 24-hour cafe just off campus.

Josh flashed me a dimple from his booth near the door when I walked inside. Was it just me, or did his cheeks go a little pink as I approached? He started to stand up and then seemed to think the better of it and sat again, fiddling with a straw. “I ordered us both sweet tea. I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s great.” Maybe it would calm the butterflies soaring through my stomach. The hyperawareness came back, leaving me conscious of every single movement of my body, every place his eyes went as I sat.

“Hey,” he said, flashing me another smile that warmed me from the inside out. I’d kissed that smile last night, and that dimple. I’d felt those hands that were fiddling with the straw moving over my body, and it’d been disconcertingly glorious.

“Hey,” I managed, just above a squeak.

He glanced around and leaned in, his expression sobering. “Listen, I want to talk about last night.”

Oh god, it was coming. The “that was a mistake and can never happen again” convo. Or, “thanks but I’ve decided I am no longer bi.”

The waitress interrupted us, setting our tea down as I sat stiffly in the booth, no longer hungry or thirsty.

“Can you give us, like, five?” Josh asked.

“Sure thing, sweetie.” The waitress beamed at him and turned away, and Josh resumed his forward lean.

“Okay, let’s just get it done.”

Josh blew out a breath. “I don’t think you should stop tutoring me just because we…” He held up a hand. “Wait, let me start over. I’m nervous as shit.”

“It’s okay, just spit it out, I can handle it.”

He frowned. “What do you think I’m about to say?”

“That last night was a mistake,” I said glumly.

He shook his head with a chuckle. “All right, maybe for you, but not for me. Last night was fucking awesome and I really, really hope there’s more. I mean, if you want there to be. I’ve spent all morning worrying you might’ve thought it was a mistake because you’re my tutor or because…” he looked down. “Maybe my bedroom skills suck or something, or I’m too new to all of this. Some gay guys don’t like to date bi guys, right?”

“What?” I screeched so loud that a couple of people looked over at us, including a dark-haired guy I thought I remembered from one of my classes who was sitting alone in the booth next to us. His gaze drifted between me and Josh before he gave me a smile that seemed oddly encouraging. I couldn’t muster one in return, though. Leaning closer, I lowered my voice. “Your bedroom skills are definitely on point.” Just thinking about last night sent arrows of heat through my gut. “There’s nothing wrong with your bedroom skills and I don’t have anything at all against dating bi guys. Wait.” I mentally jerked to a stop as something he’d said finally registered. “You said dating . Do you mean you want to date me ?”

Josh shrugged in his usual unflappable manner. “I really like you, so yeah.”

I slumped back in my seat, stunned into silence for a couple of beats. “God, I’m such a dumbass sometimes.”

“Hey now, don’t go stealing my title.” He chuckled. “I prefer to be the resident dumbass.”

“You’re most definitely not a dumbass.”

“Then I guess we’ve both got insecurities to work on.” Josh gave me a pointed look. “I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe I’d be interested in you. Well, I mean aside from the start where you thought I was a dick, and that time I left you with all the work, which I’m still legit sorry and embarrassed about.”

I know he said other things after ‘I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe I’d be interested in you,’ but I hardly heard him. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, then gave up. “Okay.”

Josh’s brows flickered up. “Okay to which part?”

“All of it. I think?” I sat up and fought to reengage my brain. “But I meant the part about dating you. Yes. Oh my god, yes. Absolutely, I want to date you.” He was also absolutely right that I had insecurities to work on.

“I guess we kinda went at this backwards, considering last night.” Josh extended his hand over the table with a sheepish smile, tracing a fingertip briefly over the backs of my knuckles. “Maybe this could be sort of like a first date? Maybe we could get dinner tonight, too, and study together or something? I mean, I don’t want to bombard you or anything, but I’m kind of eager to get started on the whole dating part, because I’ve had a crush on you for a while.”

I shook my head quickly, then nodded. My brain had gone topsy turvy again, my whole body suffused with warmth, relief, and happiness. “Bombard away.” I turned my hand over under his, and when he threaded his fingers through mine I thought my heart might beat out of my chest. This was happening, actually happening . Me and Josh. Josh and me. “I’ve had it bad for you since our first study session when you remembered my burger order.”

“You’ve sure got an amazing poker face. I could never read you.”

“I didn’t think there was a snowball’s chance in hell that you’d like me back.”

“Well, your calculations were definitely off.” He squeezed my hand and kept holding it even when the server came back to take our order. “That’s really all it took to win you over? Me remembering your burger order?” he teased, once the server left.

“The dimple didn’t hurt.” Or his laugh, or the way he joked with me, or how he’d remembered other things I’d told him. It was all of it. It was just him.

“Maybe tonight I can tutor you in how to tell if a guy is into you, since you seem a little dense where that’s concerned."

I couldn’t even deny it. Dense, obstinate, selective insecurity, hyperactive defense mechanisms, whatever. “Fair. The only thing is… I don’t care if any other guys are into me. Just you.”

“Ah. Then I think this session will go well. You sound like you’re already ahead of the curve.” Josh flashed me a wink that made me gooey inside, and after lunch we strolled back toward campus together, his arm loosely around me. I floated on air, my heart buoyed by the guy walking beside me, and I decided that the sleep I’d sacrificed freshman year to finish that project had been totally worth it.