Chapter Nineteen

CHAPTER NINETEEN

HOME SWEET

I woke with a pounding in my head, a throbbing in my joints, and that strange burning sensation on my left hip. I peeked one eye open to see swaths of sheer cloth draped from four posters around me.

Bed, I’m in a bed.

A grand one, at that. Set in a mass of pillows, heavy duvets, and golden silk sheets. A matching sleep shift brushed over my skin. I stretched out my limbs, which seemed to ache with something more than the stiffness of sleeping too long.

I pulled up my shift to reveal faded bruises covering my stomach… as if I’d been beaten, but weeks before.

Strange.

I drew back the bed curtains and examined the room. It extended long rather than wide. Massive velvet fabrics parted from windows that must have been a half dozen yards tall, revealing a stark drop off to the cliffs a hundred feet below them, flush with a roiling sea. I peered out the window, looking at the long drop, remembering what had transpired before everything had gone black.

Cas . My childhood crush, best friend, and my intended husband. He’d stood in front of me a man, so changed from the boy I’d known. The memories had not yet settled in my head—they swirled as if disturbed from a long sleep. But who Cas was to me, who he’d always been, was clear as crystal.

An impressive stone fireplace smoked between the windows, likely lit in the past hour. At the end of the room perched an enormous copper clawfoot tub with a thick water pipe overhanging the rim, and steam curling out from it. I had seen illustrations of those contraptions—that allowed for heated running water. We had nothing like it in Argention, and I vaguely remembered maids filling my tub—before I came to the human realm. It sat nestled in the corner next to two more opposing windows, a matching chamber pot, and a fine dressing station.

I relieved myself. Someone must have been in here recently, given the drawn curtains, crackling fire, and prepared bath. Before I could investigate further, the door opened.

A young Fae servant girl walked in, carrying a breakfast tray. My stomach betrayed my still untrusting mind and gurgled for all the room to hear.

“Oh! Good! Yer up, finally. Me tought ye would sleep tru anoder day!” she exclaimed. “Me brought ye brekkie, jest en case.”

The many unknowns froze me on the spot, and at the top of the list was whether or not I had dreamt Fayzien to still be alive. A sneaking feeling in my gut told me it was not a dream. I should have known the bastard wouldn’t go down just like that.

The servant busied herself with a cheerful attitude, setting up the tray by the seats across from the fire, and putting a kettle on the coals to heat. She had chestnut hair and soft brown eyes and looked no more than fifteen. “Ye know, m’lady, there ain’t much en thes world that isna betta’ than a fresh cuppa tea.” She winked at me.

“What is your name?”

“Olea. Ef ye canna tell, I’m te be yer hand lady, ye see.” She curtsied.

I closed my eyes and exhaled. “I have one question I need you to answer right now, Olea. It’s very, very important. The Manibu, advisor to the Queen Rexi, the one they call Fayzien—was he here when I arrived?”

She giggled to herself. “Oh yes, the blue-eyed one, ye dinna remember? He es easy en me eyes, te be sure, especially after healin’ from hes burns—he was a bet charred fer a day after he arrived. A powerful Wetch, ‘at one. Everyone be talkin’ a’ hem now, cuz when ye soiled yerself weth yer vomet, well, he lost hes stomach, too. The Rexi was fumen’. So much so she sent hem halfway across the room weth her magic and left. She doesna take te weakness, from what I can tell.”

I sank onto the rim of the tub, my knuckles turning white as my hands gripped the edge.

“So it’s true,” I breathed. He must have portaled at the last second, only having faced a small lick of Ezren’s fire. “And the queen, she is my mother?”

“Why yes m’lady, she es. I ain’t never seen her before. I heard thes was the ferst she set foot on Fae ground, though she was married to a Fae before a’ course. But a mother knows no bounds, when et comes te a child, hey?”

My head swam with memories, but none of them were images of the Rexi. Now, I saw almost exclusively Cas. How could I not have remembered who the purple-gold-eyed boy was to me? He’d been my best friend, partner in crime, and confidant growing up. I had always known we would marry. He used to give me small tokens of amethyst or tanzanite, purple gems set in rings or necklaces, or beads on a dress. A promise of our future, he would say, just a boy of eleven when he did such things. My heart swelled at the memories, the fondness and innocence in them. I wondered what kind of male he’d grown to be.

“And my betrothal to Cas? Is that still… expected?”

“Aye, a’ course. Ye two were betrothed a’ berth, or so hath been said. I dinna know the full story, but ye two were supposedly inseparable as Faeries. The whole country knew a’ yer engagement; many even speculated ye’d be Salanti . ”

Salanti . The word held no familiarity, another mystery of this world I’d been ripped from. I rubbed my temples. My mother was not a dead, nameless Witch from Nebbiolo, as Jana had told me. Not only was she very much alive, but she reigned as queen. Which made me a princess. And a betrothed one at that. Every last one of them had lied to me. Ezren. Jana, Dane, Leiya, Leuffen—the lot of them. They made me think I was just some famed warrior’s daughter who could stop a war by showing I lived—not a political piece in some power game between kingdoms. I suddenly knew why Ezren was so hesitant to touch me, why he refused to lay with me again after that first time, why his face turned green when he’d learned what I’d named my ship.

He knew I was engaged to another. And he never told me.

Heat pricked my eyes and my throat ran dry, my pulse quickening. I’d always known Jana was using me and had accepted that. But she’d sworn she did not deceive me, and her words were empty. More gutting than anything, I hadn’t anticipated this feeling of betrayal from Ezren. Perhaps his lies cut the deepest because I never expected them. The smallest voice inside me laughed cynically. Despite my efforts, I had started to trust Ezren.

I should’ve known better.

And on top of all of that, why didn’t I remember the Rexi if she was my mother?

“Olea.” I nearly growled at her, fighting to keep the tears back. “Where stays the green-eyed Fae, the tall warrior called Ezren? I owe him a sharp punch to the gut, or perhaps the groin, depending on how he grovels when I see him.”

Her eyes widened at my question. “Dinna worry, m’lady, he es taken care of. Ye dinna have te worry about hem ever again,” she said hurriedly.

“I’m not worried about him ! In fact, you should be worried about me hurting him!” I snapped.

She looked frightened now. “Mess, I canna even imagine what me’d wanna do te me captors. Ye lekely wanna kell ‘em all. But ye canna do that, ye see, they are the keng’s property now. Take heart, me lady, Hes Majesty well seek justice.” She said the last part so reassuring in tone, laying a comforting hand on my arm.

I looked at her, a slow realization dawning on me. We were having two different conversations.

“Captors?” I wanted to punch Ezren’s teeth in for lying to me, absolutely, but… kidnapping?

“Yes, m’lady. An’ the prince nearly beat the male te hes death, the one ye spoke a’, when he scented hem all oer’ ye. But they’ve all been charged weth treason an’ threatenin’ the crown. Dinna worry, mess. The keng well try ‘em as traitors. They’ll likely lose their heads for et, an’ ye’ll never have te see them folk again.”

A pit formed in my stomach, imagining Cas laying a hand on Ezren. And then frustration flooded my gut. Traitors? I knew they lied to me, but they’d returned me to Viribrum, they’d righted Fayzien’s wrong. How could Cas not know Fayzien’s evil, that he took me away in the first place?

I stilled. Did they lie about that, too?

“Olea,” I breathed. “I still need to see Ezren. Can you take me to him?”

“Naye, I dinna know where he es. And even ef I ded, I’d not take ye to a’ dungeon. They ain’t no place for a princess. But I can take ye te see yer friend.”

“My friend?” I cocked my head in confusion, but then I gasped in understanding. “Gia?” I breathed. “She’s here?”

Olea nodded, excitement opening her face. “Aye, an’ she’s the ferst ‘uman me seen up close!”

Fayzien had not been bluffing about his possession of Gia in the Nameless Valley. And while I knew her presence at the palace could only mean one thing—they would use my dear friend to control me somehow—I refused to see another soul until I laid eyes on the woman and confirmed her well-being.

Olea promised to take me to Gia, on the condition that I ate and bathed first. Those were certainly not my priorities, but my stomach wouldn’t stop grumbling, and Olea said she’d be beaten if I were seen leaving my room looking anything less than a princess. So, I ate by the fire and then let her wash me, let her work through the knots in my hair as my thoughts swirled.

I didn’t know how I felt. I was angry and hurt, confused and with no faith in any truth.

And I worried. What had happened to the Casmerre? Had Fayzien been bluffing when he’d said he’d ‘taken care of’ the ship? I imagined Leuffen and Sanah struggling amongst rolling waves, Leiya flying high above, unable to do anything to save them.

I imagined seeing Ezren’s head rolling away from his body, severed by the executioner’s blade, his green eyes devoid of life.

The images sent tremors of terror through my body. I might not have been able to do anything about the Casmerre and her passengers, but I couldn’t let Ezren die.

When Olea finished, I was sparkling clean, and my incredibly long, sandy hair fell in waves around me. It seemed my new Fae body affected even the rate at which my hair grew.

If she saw the bruises on my abdomen, she said nothing while forcing me into a corset. I realized how unaccustomed I’d become to wearing them, after nearly a month in breeches and a simple brassiere. She bound the strings as tight as bows, and pulled my breasts toward each other in the front so they sat upright and full, close to touching my chin.

Olea painted my face, put ash on my lids, and stained my lips. She let my hair dry around me. For a wilder effect, she said.

I tried to object when she pulled out an extravagant gown, but she only clucked her tongue at me, saying this was appropriate princess daywear. She chose red, she said, because I should seem as ripe as an apple when I saw my betrothed for the first time again. The comment made me grimace.

The dress consisted first of a ‘corset cover,’ red lace that fit snug around my breasts and mid-section, extending down, buttons fastening between my thighs. It covered very little of my rear, matching the lines of my undergarments. Then came the red sheer slip. It was sleeveless but cuffed at the neck with a band of gold, and the hem touched the stone floor. Finally came what I prayed was an actual dress, but it was merely an open, sleeveless robe of layers of red chiffon that she belted at my midsection. When I stepped into the heeled slippers Olea placed in front of me, I had the bizarre feeling that all of this was just to prevent me from running away.

Finally, she adorned my wrists with matching golden cuffs and snapped dangling gold chains onto the lobes of my ears.

I examined her work in the mirror. One could see all the way down to my lace undergarments, and when I walked, the chiffon layer fell to the side, revealing the outlines of my full legs. Only the sheer slip covered my chest, which meant at each rise and fall of my breath, my breasts replicated the movement. My drying hair fell in waves around me, blonde whorls that neared my abdomen. All of this, paired with the dark paint on my eyes and the red stain on my lips, made me an image of sex incarnate.

“Olea, this is absolutely ridiculous. I look like I am soliciting invitations for something I am most certainly not.”

But she responded with some rambling that the prince’s betrothed must look like a goddess, for that is what I had to be: formidable and fertile to warn other courtiers away from him. She pushed me out the door, leading me to Gia. The thought of anyone seeing me so scantily clad was horrifying. In fact, I could have sworn the guards posted outside my door blushed when I passed, but the promise of seeing my friend outweighed my shyness.

Olea led me through winding stone halls, and I did my best to be alert, to let the layout of the palace return to my memory. I made note of small details or abnormalities in the stone and cracks on the floor, marking each turn we made. Finally, when it felt like we had traveled at least a mile of winding passageways, we arrived at another large room. A different wing for guests. They must have housed me either in the wing for dignitaries or family of the crown. Which one they considered me I did not yet know.

Olea curtsied to the posted guards, her eyes batting at one of them for a moment too long. She gave a quick knock, and the door swung open at the hands of another serving maid. And through the door, I saw Gia standing before the fire, looking by all measures… unharmed.

Despite the chiffon floating around me, I ran to her, pulling her into an embrace. She returned the gesture and breathed into me, “Terra, thank the gods.” We released our hug, both examining the other for any harm or injury. Her eyes fell to my wrists, darkening a moment before she blinked, and the shadow from her face cleared. “Your ears!” she exclaimed. “So it is true then, you are … Fae?” She struggled to say it, as if it was a foreign word.

I nodded, tears threatening to streak the ash on my eyelids. “Well, half,” I choked out.

I pressed my hand to her belly, and sure enough, a small but firm bump protruded from her waistline, almost noticeable on her otherwise petite figure. And the distinct swell in her usually light chest hadn’t been there before. I turned to the maids. “Leave us, please.” They curtsied and left.

“How long?” I whispered.

Now it was Gia’s turn to hold back tears. “Four, maybe five months. The midwife here says closer to five.” She shook her head. “At least I still have a small piece of him.”

I exhaled in realization. “ That is why he proposed just months before Spring Day! You knew then, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, a tiny sliver of hurt slipping into my voice.

“I only suspected. My cycles have never been regular, so there was no way to know for sure without visiting a healer, which I couldn’t risk, of course. I told him my suspicions. He was overwhelmed with joy and said that he’d never wanted to wait to ask for my hand, anyway.” She wilted at the memory. “The next day he spoke with both our parents, and they agreed to forgo tradition. I still don’t know how he got them to agree without telling them I might be pregnant. Our wedding would have been just a few weeks from now,” she said, tears defying her now, running down her face.

I felt the familiar pang of guilt and dread.

I hugged her again, not wanting to let her go. “I will get you out of here, Gia. I promise,” I whispered. “I don’t know what Fayzien did to you, but I swear I will find a way to kill him for what he has done.”

Gia pushed me back. “Terra, what are you talking about? Fayzien saved my life.”

I gaped at her. “Fayzien is the one that killed my family, Danson included. He kidnapped you and brought you here.”

“He did not! The band of rebels who took you are the ones who slaughtered your family, Terra. One moment we were sitting in our secret spot, and the next, they were all around us, taking your unconscious body away. I wanted to fight so badly, but one of them put a spell on me that made my legs walk back to my house, and lay down in my bed. I was stuck like that, paralyzed, for days. If Fayzien had never come and freed the spell, well, I would still be frozen there right now!”

My mind tried to explain her words. “But Gia, I saw Fayzien kill Mama. I saw it with my own eyes…” I trailed off.

She swore under her breath. “He said this might happen.”

“What?” I demanded.

“He said they might try to… to confuse your mind. He warned me you might say all these things. And then, when you arrived a few days ago, the Fae prince could scent that male on you, the large Fae with green eyes. Fayzien said he seduced you, manipulated you to trust him, or maybe even took you against your will,” she replied cautiously.

My head was exploding, and I paced her room. “Ezren most certainly did not take me against my will,” I forced out, earning a curious eyebrow raise from Gia. “He did lie to me; they all did—and that I will not forgive. But they did not kill my family. That was Fayzien, I am sure of it.” They’d shown up days after Mama died; no way could it have been them. Or could it?

Gia took my hands. “Did you lay with him, Terra? The green-eyed warrior?”

Her gaze was always so penetrative; my dearest friend could see right through me. I crumpled, nodding, an old shame creeping into my throat.

Gia looked at me with an understanding sadness. “I’m guessing you thought you loved him?”

I released a shaky breath. “I don’t know, maybe,” I whispered, afraid my voice would crack if I spoke at full volume. “All I know is that when I’m around him, I can’t fully breathe, I can’t fully think. It feels like being burned alive from the inside out, no matter if we’re close or apart.”

“In love with a real-life Fae male? Giving her body willingly to a stranger just weeks after meeting him? Well, that isn’t the Terra I know—and anyway, what you described sounds more like a hex than love.”

“I… he…” I sighed, a familiar fleeting feeling of heat washing over me. “It did feel like a spell, in a way. I was drawn to him instantly, like I’ve never been to any other. But it was real. So, so, cripplingly real. Ezren saved my life on multiple occasions—and it was me who pursued him. He did what he could to deny me, but, well, like I said, it was real. I will not forgive his lies—he failed to tell me about Cas and so much more. But I know he’d never hurt me. I think he…” I trailed off, unable to complete my sentence.

What did I really know about Ezren’s feelings? What could I trust from his actions, given so many of them were part of some elaborate scheme to fool me about my identity?

“Terra, look at the facts. Fayzien came to bring you back here, to reunite you with your birth mother. He told me everything. But he came in peace, bidding for your hand at Spring Day, with no violence. There are a hundred witnesses to that. He found me, freed me, and offered to take me with him to find you. He never forced me. But the rebels? Your so-called Ezren? They took you by force. I watched them drag away your unconscious body! And after they did so, how did you wake? Were you a prisoner?”

I looked at the floor. “I was in chains,” I recalled softly.

“Yes, you see? Somehow they tricked you into thinking Fayzien killed your family. They wanted you to believe him the enemy, to trust them instead.”

My mind swam. “Gia, I battled Fayzien, first in the Argen forest and again in the Adimon Mountains. He, he tried to hurt me, he taunted me… he violated me! He even threatened you. I know all of that was real,” I whispered.

Gia’s clear eyes bore into me in earnest, yet an unfamiliar desperation lingered there. “Terra, Fayzien says some Witches can put memories in heads that did not exist before,” she offered in explanation.

I flinched at the word memories, a small inner voice reminding me how my memories had been altered before. And the unanswered question of how I’d not remembered who Cas was lingered in my mind, as well as who my birth mother was, hell, who I was. How had memories of my sire come back flowing freely, but the rest evaded me like eels in a pool? I didn’t know which memories to trust anymore and nearly doubted the reality of my life in Argention. But Gia was here, standing in front of me. Surely, those years were real. They had to be, didn’t they?

I let out a slow breath, attempting to quell the budding nausea swirling in my belly. Realization set in, ringing clear in my mind. I’d have to find the truth on my own. I could trust no one, not even Gia. For her memories, her thoughts—just like mine—could have been altered by Fayzien. Or someone else.

I eyed Gia. “He never touched you? Never harmed you when you traveled with him?”

“Fayzien? No, of course not. He was very gentle, actually. Portaling while pregnant is quite heart-burn inducing,” she replied.

“Did you both portal all the way back here?” I asked.

“Yes, after about two weeks of riding around looking for you. He said one of his scouts had found you, but you were a prisoner of a large group of rebels. I begged to come with him to find you, but he said there could be a battle and that, as a pregnant human, I would be in grave danger. So he took me here and promised he would bring you back safely. He kept to his word, Terra,” Gia said gingerly. “For here you are, safe and unharmed, in front of me, though dressed in a way I thought I would never see.” She giggled at her last words, and I giggled, too.

I softened. “I look ridiculous, don’t I?” I shook my head. “This is what a princess should look like, according to my handmaid.”

Gia chuckled again. “My dear, you’re dressed like you could make other females pregnant just by looking at you. Thank goodness I’m already with child, so I will be in no danger of spontaneous conception,” she said, finishing the joke with a wink.

I laughed once more and squeezed her hand. “Gia, I feel there are things we both have not been told, truths that have been withheld from us. Something isn’t right about these creatures, they deceive. But promise me this; trust in me. I will find the truth about my family’s murder. I will seek justice for them, for Danson.”

At this, she nodded in agreement, but I sensed her holding something back. I gave her hand another squeeze. “All right, time to get to work.”