7. Baylen

Chapter seven

Baylen

I swallow thickly as I wrap my tie around my throat, knotting it and tightening it so it sits perfectly at the base of my throat. I brush the front of my dress shirt, making sure everything is in place.

My head is still spinning from my night with Milo. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. Sleeping with Milo was more than fucking, it meant something special to me. Not just because Milo seems like a really nice guy who apparently understands me in a way a lot of other people don’t but because he was able to somehow silence the constant buzzing inside my head.

I’ve never played around with a power dynamic before. I wasn’t even sure it would be something I’m interested in but as soon as Milo took charge, it felt right to let him take over. It was so easy to let go, to let him tell me exactly what he wanted me to do. I could just be me without any worry, without needing to know my next move.

At work, I need to be on top of quite literally everything. I need to know the numbers, I need to know our clients, I need to know the ins and outs of our factory and our schedule. It’s so much, yet I take it all onto my shoulders without complaint. With Milo, I was allowed to be free.

Plus, he made me come so hard I pretty much blacked out.

When I was a teenager, I kept wondering what all the fuss was when all the boys my age were getting crushes on the girls in our class. I just could not wrap my head around what they were going on about. Then I had my first dream about kissing one of my friends who was a boy. I felt like I was finally understanding a part of myself.

That’s the same feeling I’m getting when I think about being at Milo’s beck and mercy. It’s like a part of me is being unlocked under his gentle care.

So why the hell did I run away that morning leaving nothing more than a note?

I lean down and splash some cool water onto my face, doing my best to clear my thoughts. It won’t do any good to head into work with all of this hanging over me like a dark cloud. I need to put on a professional face and do the best I can to focus on my job.

Jesus, Milo could very well go to HR and report everything that’s happened between us. He could have me fired for harassment. As much as that night meant to me, it’s not worth losing my job over. The company needs me which means a lot of people rely on me. I can’t let them down.

The rest of my morning drifts by like a dream. Mentally I’m miles away.

I stare out the window in my office, watching as snow slowly falls down. My hand goes to my chest, absently rubbing at the center of it, like that will somehow make the ache I’m feeling go away. My stomach is a mess lately and I feel like my heart is breaking every time I leave the office without talking to Milo about the night we spent together.

The more time that passes, the bigger the gap between us forms.

It’s been almost two months and I still can’t stop thinking about it. The way he held me as we fell asleep together. The way he took control. The way he made sure throughout everything, I was okay and comfortable.

I’ve never experienced feelings like this before. If this is what love is, then I’m even further from understanding romance novels than I thought I was, because this is awful. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

I’ve spoken to my mother about everything and she tells me this isn’t love, this is pining . She says this is what happens when my heart wants something but my brain won’t get on board. Can’t my heart realize we have to wait a little longer before we act on our feelings? It’s not like this will be forever! It’s just until Martha comes back and Milo can stop being my personal assistant.

Maybe I should go to HR and talk about everything with them. Maybe there’s some forms I can sign to make the company not liable for me pursuing Milo officially. But the idea of having them know about my feelings and our relationship feels gross. These feelings are for us and us alone. I can’t do that.

Why are feelings so complicated? Things were so much easier before.

I turn away from the window and head out of my office. Maybe a quick splash of water on my face will help clear some of the dread welling up inside of me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was a storm cloud following me around above my head, leaving me wet and miserable in its wake.

I pause on my way through, hearing Milo’s laugh ring through the office. The sound leaves me breathless and I find myself smiling despite myself. I love it when he laughs. I love it when I’m the reason for that laugh. As much as I’m hurting, I’m thankful that Milo has been making things easier by not changing the way he interacts with me. He’s still amazing at his job. He makes sure I have everything I need. On top of all that, he hasn’t brought up what happened. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if he asked me to talk about everything. I would fold so quickly and we’d be putting both of our jobs on the line.

I want him, but people at this company rely on me. I won’t do anything that puts that in jeopardy.

“Yeah,” Milo is saying to someone on the phone. “Oh, that sounds so lovely, Cassie!”

Wait, Cassie? Is that my mother on the phone with Milo? Oh gods, what if she’s spilling all of my feelings to him behind my back? No, she wouldn’t do that. Would she?

“You’re gonna have to tell me all about it after Christmas.”

Okay, that sounds like she’s telling him about the trip she has planned over Christmas break. That’s not so bad. Also, why does the fact that Milo gets along with my mother make me want to simultaneously cry and cheer? Maybe I should schedule a doctor’s appointment soon just to double check that everything is okay.

Milo looks up and smiles when he sees me, his dark eyes lighting up. My stomach floods with butterflies. I keep reminding myself that this distance between us won’t last forever. As long as Milo is willing to wait, once his employment is over, I will do everything in my power to win him back. I just need a little more time.

“Speak of the devil,” Milo says, giving me a wink. The phrase makes my mind jump back to our night together. Specifically when Milo called me sweetheart. I don’t really like nicknames, but hearing him call me sweetheart in that breathy tone had undone something inside of me. It was like I had a loose string on my very soul and he snagged it, unraveling parts of me I didn’t even know were there. “Yeah, Baylen is right here. Did you want me to transfer you over?”

I swallow around the lump in my throat as Milo says goodbye to my mom and puts her on the line for me. Impulsively, I reach over and squeeze Milo’s shoulder. He sucks in a sharp breath, his dark eyes snapping up to my face. “Umm, thank you,” I say and then immediately curse myself. What was I thinking? I can’t touch him while at work? Fuck, I’m such an idiot.

“You’re very welcome, Baylen,” Milo says, patting my hand. “Just doing my job.”

“Right,” I say, taking my hand away and shoving it into my pocket. “I’m just going to umm, yeah.” I take a step back. As I turn around, I internally wince at how awkward that was.

I hate this. I hate how off centered this entire thing has made me. I hate feeling like I don’t have the situation under control. I just want Milo to take charge again so I can finally feel my head clear for once.

It’s not often all the noise and stress falls away but giving up control to Milo did just that. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I submitted, completely to him. I didn’t have to think, I didn’t have to calculate. All I had to do was be his good boy and do exactly as he asked me. How did this all get so messed up?

I pick up my phone and greet my mother.

“Hi, baby! I just wanted to touch base. You have that big dinner coming up, right?”

“Yeah, mom. The grand opening is the 23rd. I’m glad you made plans so I won’t have to feel bad about missing Christmas with you.”

My mom chuckles warmly and some of the weight on my shoulders falls away. Talking to her always makes me feel better about life.

“I’m going to be on a beach with a cocktail. You don’t have to worry about me, Baylen.”

“That’s good to hear, mom.” I take out my walking pad, needing to do something while I talk. I have so much nervous energy that I never used to have to deal with. Maybe there really is something wrong with me.

“You don’t have to worry about me, but I am worried about you, dear.”

I startle slightly. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”

My mom hums. “I don’t believe you. You don’t sound like yourself.” There’s a long pause before she adds, “I’ve been thinking about what you told me.”

My cheeks heat without my permission. I shouldn’t have told her anything, but after I left Milo’s house leaving only a note, I was so upset that I needed to talk things through with someone .

“The things you’re describing sound a lot like someone meeting their mate.”

“My mate? I’m not a shifter like you mom.”

“I know that but neither was your father. He always talked about these instincts and this draw towards me. I knew the moment I met him that he would be the one for me but it took him a bit longer despite the instincts. You humans are always pushing against them for some reason,” she says and I swear I can hear the way she’s wrinkling her nose by the tone of her voice. “Your father was so analytical, wanting to think through everything logically but sometimes love isn’t logical. Sometimes your heart has to beat freely. You have to trust that gut feeling.”

“It very well may be that I’ve already lost my chance.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. I haven’t gotten to properly meet Milo yet, but from what I’ve learned about him over the phone, he sounds like someone who knows what he wants and is willing to put in the work to get it.”

“If you say so,” I say, just barely keeping myself from pouting. I’m an adult! I’m the CEO of a company! I can’t be pouting .

As my mother and I talk, I can’t help but look through my office doors at Milo. I can only see the back of his head but that’s enough to have my heart surging with warmth. I want to be around him all the time. I can’t stop thinking about the night we spent together and how much I want to do it again and again and again. I feel drawn to him, like I might actually die if I’m not in his presence.

My body feels weird and tingly when I’m around him in a way that’s downright addicting. I keep getting these weird hot flashes from time to time as well. Maybe I really do need to schedule a doctor’s appointment.

“I have a bit of an outlandish idea,” my mother says, bringing me back to the present. I groan and my mother chuckles. “I’m serious!”

“Fine,” I say with a sigh. “What is your idea?”

“You’re going to that grand opening, right? Why don’t you ask Milo to be your plus one since I won’t be around to attend with you?” It’s usually tradition that I bring my mother along to these types of things. With her gone, it does open my plus one. The idea of having Milo with me leaves me breathless with excitement. But that’s crossing the line I placed in the sand between us, isn’t it?

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

My mother grumbles. “Stop thinking with your brain and start feeling with your heart, Baylen. What does your heart tell you?”

I swallow thickly, doing my best to actually think with my heart for once. “I would love to have him by my side for that event.”

“Take a chance. The worst that he can say is no.”

“The worst he can say is ‘I quit’ or ‘I’m reporting you to HR’.”

My mother chuckles again and I let myself pout this time. How dare she laugh at his legitimate worries! “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about either of those things, dear. Just talk to him. You’re both consenting adults. Plus, you’re not going to fire him if he says no, are you?”

I gasp. “Of course not! He’s a wonderful personal assistant and I would never hold something like that over someone’s employment. You can see why I’m worried though, right? I technically have power over him as his employer. It’s not right.”

“Technically, but think about how steamy that is, Baylen. ‘The boss would like to see you in his office’,” she says in a deeper voice.

“Oh my god, please stop. Never say anything like that again or I’ll disown you as my mother.”

My mother’s giggles make me shake my head. I was always more like my father than her. The two of us couldn’t be more different and part of me always wondered if that was because I was a human and she was a shifter. Now I realize it’s because we’re just different people, and that’s okay.

We talk for a little longer before I have to hang up and get back to work. I have a mountain of emails to go through before I can leave for the night. I do my best to stay focused but time and time again, I find my eyes wandering to where Milo is working. I swear, even from this far away, his homey, warm scent fills my nose. It must be a phantom scent or something.

Milo stands up from his desk, stretches and then starts his end of the day routine, including wiping his desk down. I admire his attention to detail, especially as it’s cold and flu season. My eyes snap back to my computer screen, not wanting to be caught staring at him. The last thing I need is to make him feel uncomfortable while he’s here at work.

“Hey, Baylen, I’m getting ready to head out for the night,” Milo calls out to me, standing in my doorway.

“Okay,” I say. My mother’s words play over and over in my head. I don’t know exactly what comes over me but I find myself blurting out. “Can I run something by you, Milo?”

“Of course. What can I do for you?” He steps into my office fully, sitting down across from me.

I take a moment to compose my thoughts which is becoming harder and harder the longer Milo is in my office. His scent is heady and I get lost in it. I want to tuck my face against his throat and breathe him in so deeply that I’ll never experience another scent other than his again.

Fuck, what’s gotten into me?

Everything inside of me is screaming at me to make things right, to fix this gap that I put between us. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t breathe when I think about Milo. I want us to be okay. I want to be with him.

Just a little longer , I remind myself. This wait will be over soon. I can hold out.

“You know that restaurant opening I’m attending?”

“Of course I do,” Milo says with a little smile. “I’m the one who planned everything for you, Baylen.”

“Right.” I let out a long breath. “I usually bring my mother to these things but this time she’ll be on vacation. This means I have an open plus one I’m not using.”

“Okay,” Milo says slowly. I look into his eyes, hoping to convey some of the things I’m feeling. Is that even possible? Can I show him what he means to me without having to actually say the words? Probably not.

“Would you like to come with me as my plus one?”

Milo looks down at his lap, letting out a long breath. He puts his glasses onto the top of his head and rubs at his eyes. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Baylen,” he says slowly. “I don’t want to keep making you uncomfortable.”

“You wouldn’t be,” I say right away. “I would actually really like it if you came.”

“Really?” Milo puts his glasses back into place, raising his brow. The long pause demands an honest answer so that’s exactly what I give him.

“Yes. I want you to come with me. I want you to be my date. I want -” I cut myself off before I say too much. I have to wait. I have to wait until Martha is back, then I can say everything on my mind. Why is it so hard to keep my feelings in check when I’m around him? Why does my head feel like it’s swimming in a pool of endorphins around Milo?

Is this what my mother means when she told me stories about mates?

Milo looks at me for a long moment before finally he’s nodding his head. “Okay, I’ll come along.”

“Thank you, Milo.”

“You’re welcome,” he says as he stands up. I can’t help but think that he’s holding me at arm’s length. Not that I blame him, but it still hurts. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night.”

“Night.”

I sit back in my chair, watching as Milo packs up his things for the night. Part of me aches as he goes. Being far away from him makes my chest physically hurt. The other part of me is filled with a tentative excitement. He’s going to be my date. I have a few weeks before that and I have a few things to start planning.

I’m going to make sure this experience is one like nothing before. I might not be the most romantic person alive, but I’m capable of a romantic gesture. I can do my best to win Milo’s heart.

The wait just might be over sooner than I thought and that brings a smile to my face.