Chapter Seven

Kert

A n hour later, we sat on the blanketed floor amongst the chaos of cushions. Our clothes were churning in the washing machine that probably wouldn’t get the burnt smell out in the first wash, and our hair was still wet from showering.

Separately.

I changed into an oversized t-shirt with back-and-white pictures of four artists: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael, wearing eye masks in blue, purple, red, and orange colors. I’d been snagging all the punny ones from Marin’s closet. Whenever I wore his clothes, he would pretend he didn’t notice but the small smile on his lips and the way his gaze lingered on my bare legs were worth being a bit cold from not wearing any pants around the house.

Besides, he strutted around in sleeveless shirts or bare-chested, wearing only loose sweatpants whenever we lunged on the couch. The cock imprint was mighty.

The same as it was now. Marin sat cross-legged, munching on the gyros he’d made for us. I’d like to think I helped, because making tea while he was preparing food totally counted. The bowl of his tzatziki dip stood on the floor between us, making it feel like we were on a living room picnic. If it were, I was sure Marin would make it equally romantic. I swayed to the gentle music, as Frank Sinatra sang about New York through the speakers Marin had connected to his phone, recalling the days he’d play his oldies playlist for studying.

Biting into my gyros, I moaned. “Are you sure you don’t want to go back and run a restaurant?” I asked with my mouth full. “Cause you’re damn good at food stuff.” I chewed thoroughly, imagining Marin in the kitchen wearing an apron and nothing else. “But you’d waste your talent for painting. Is it hard being so perfect?”

He threw a slice of cucumber at me. “Shut up. I’m a mess.”

I laughed until my eyes teared up. “You’re funny. Talented, sexy, and humble. Well, at least now, you’ll sleep with me.”

“What?” The panic in his expression was not a good sign.

I motioned to the charred spot on the cushion. “The couch is toast and the bed is big enough for the two of us.”

“It’s a bad idea, Kert.” He wrapped his lower tentacles around his waist and crossed the upper ones over his chest.

I took his hand and squeezed it. “Why?”

“Kert, I—” Marin shook his head and pulled away.

I set my food aside, and aimed for a gentle tone. “You know that you’re my best friend and you can tell me anything, right? You don’t have to avoid whatever it is you’re trying not to spit out. You can’t ignore what just happened between us.” I pointed at the sucker marks on my upper thighs, the sight alone heating my cheeks.

Marin massaged his temples with his tentacles and let out a long sigh. “I’m pan.” He cleared his throat. “Pansexual.”

I blinked. My brain whirred like an old hard drive. So he hadn’t been experimenting with that kiss? His tone meant this was no awakening. He had it all figured out.

He shot to his feet and paced the room, his tentacles floating in the air like panicked snakes. “This is why I kept my trap shut. Kert, say something!”

I blinked again. “I’m happy for you.”

“You don’t look it.” He pointed all four tentacles at my face in tandem.

“Why—” I massaged my sternum that hurt as if a horse had kicked me. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t want it to change anything between us.” His tone was calm and it pissed me even more. As if he was certain that keeping it from me had been a good decision.

“What?” I threw my blanket aside and shot to my feet. “I’m gay as the fucking rainbow flag, why would I judge you?”

“I didn’t think you would.” Marin lifted his tentacles in surrender. “We were an ocean apart until now, so it didn’t matter.”

“And now it does because I’m here?” I huffed and pulled to my feet. Did I ever give him a reason not to trust me? “Never mind. I’m sorry I’m reacting like this. It just hurts to know you don’t feel comfortable enough with me to tell me something so important.”

“I do. I wanted to do it in person.” He looked up at me from his perch on the floor. Even sitting cross-legged with tentacles wrapped around him like he was hiding, he looked big and magnificent. Yet the vulnerability in his expression was so clear that my heart broke.

I shook my fists in the air. “I can’t even stay mad at you when you say shit like that.” I kicked his shin, but he didn’t flinch. “Since when did you know?”

“Right before I left Berlin. I didn’t put a label on it then,” he added quickly. “It was confusing.”

His reveal was like the restoration of an old painting. Marin washed off the buildup to unearth his full glory. It was Marin, but now even more so. I’d been there when he’d been confused and hadn’t helped him.

“Four years. Are you out here, in New York? Is that why your friends thought we were dating?” The gallery opening event now made a teeny bit more sense.

Marin nodded. “My family knows too. I was processing it for a while. Years ago, I witnessed Ner having a hard time with his friends accepting that he was gay. Then came the internet bullying on his music videos because he had tentacles. I wasn’t ready for that. You’ve been out before you started uni so it wouldn’t be the same. The last few weeks in Berlin, I wanted to be the same person everyone knew. And not draw attention to myself. But when I came to New York, I just didn’t put myself back into any box and went with what my mind and body wanted.”

“And how did that go?” I sagged back onto the blanketed floor.

Marin pursed his lips. “Lots of experimenting.”

“With hookups?” I was digging my own grave. As if memories of girls draped over Marin weren’t enough.

“And with friends too.” Marin wiggled his tentacle up my thigh then snatched it away, keeping it at his side with his hand.

I loved when he did that. As if his instincts to touch me were stronger than his conscious mind.

“So which friends have you fooled around with?” Did I really want to know? Unfortunately, yes. “DeeDee? That would explain her attitude to me. Somewhere between jealous and protective. Did you?”

“Well, yes and no.” He looked away and sat next to me.

“Oh, the plot thickens.” I rubbed my hands. “What does that mean?”

Marin swallowed. “Impact play during a public scene at a club is not exactly hooking up.”

I sat up, then shuffled to him on my knees. “Impa—What club was that?”

He straightened up and nodded once, making some decision I wasn’t aware of. “A local BDSM one.”

I couldn’t tell if the twirls of my stomach were good or bad yet. “You’ve never told me you were into that.”

“Neither did you.” Marin leveled a pointed glare at me. “We don’t talk about sex. That’s the only thing we’d never discussed. The first year of uni I thought you didn’t do casual sex. Then I figured you didn’t date, but some evenings you returned so relaxed only one thing could have gotten you there. Yet even if I casually asked, you’d give me some lame bullshit story. I got the memo and kept my sex life to myself.”

I crossed my arms. “Oh, so it’s my fault now, huh?”

“Not at all.” Marin’s smirk was a sign that all was well between us.

“Do you remember how busy we were? With school, our art projects, parties. Besides, I didn’t want a relationship. I had a roommate with abs, muscles and tentacles to drool over every day.” I sat back and poked him with my foot. “Looks like we have a lot to catch up on.”

Marin nodded. “I guess so.”

“Now that we’re being honest, I need to get a few things straight.” I snorted at my own joke. “You said you didn’t want anything to change between us. But you do now? Or?”

“That’s a whole other pot of paint.” He frowned. “Is that an expression?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I know what you mean, so explain.” English could be elusive if it was your second language, especially during emotional moments. I knew well where Marin was coming from.

“That was why I didn’t tell you before. I don’t want our friendship to change, but I’d love for the physicality of it to evolve.” He smacked his tentacles together in front of him, then unstuck the suckers with a suction sound.

Was he nervous? Be still my heart! “Spell it out, Marin. I need to hear this.”

“You’re so fucking hot, you scrambled my brain and my cephalopod instincts since you got off that plane. I’ve been fighting between wanting to respect you as a friend and pinning you to the wall with my tentacles.” He wrapped his tentacles around his waist, then held them there with his hands.

My heart raced. Was he fucking serious?

Play it cool, Kert.

“Since you fooled around with friends, I’m putting myself on the menu, just saying.” My tone was as casual as I could muster, but my voice came out comically high. “You can, very respectfully, rail me until I can’t walk.”

He chuckled, his expression relaxing. “It won’t make it weird between us?”

“That ship has sailed, my friend.” I lifted an eyebrow and pointed to the suction marks all over my body. “We fell asleep together before. Shared a room for five years. I think our friendship is solid, and sex can make it better. Right?” Hopefully, we weren’t making a huge mistake.

The soft smile on his face eased my fear of rejection. “Yeah, true. And you’re going back to Germany in January, anyway.”

Way to put an expiry date on it, man.

I could have Marin the way I’d always dreamed of, even if it was only for a short time. “Exactly. Let’s have fun.” I nudged him with my foot and grinned.

Just don’t break my heart .

A few weeks of fucking should help appease my heart eyes for him enough for them to go away. I’d never fallen for any of my fuck buddies, so it must be a good solution to my years-long issue.

I had to tell him I meant business and needed him to fuck my brains out. It was time to get my game on.