Chapter 4

Winnie

T wo days later, it’s the final, final day of our show, the day of our grandest reveal, and I thought or well, I hoped the guys and I would spend every second of it together. Instead I’m in the living room alone, and there’s nary a Hammer to be found. Where are the guys?

Pretending to be content, I karate-chop a pillow with more force than necessary while Jonesey, who has been assigned the thrilling task of filming me, slowly dies of boredom.

Finally I turn around and break the fourth wall.

“Do you know where the guys are?” I ask him.

He shrugs. Since I lost it on him the other day, his interactions with me have been reduced to silent gestures. Shrugging. Nodding. The occasional lackluster thumbs up.

“Hey, Jonesy, about the other day– ”

Before I can apologize, there is a thunderous boom over our heads.

Oh, shit.

The second floor is done. I’ve done the walk-through of every room, making sure everything is flawless, and no one– absolutely no one –is supposed to step foot in any of the areas I’ve inspected until the reveal. I want to make sure everything stays perfect for the family.

I spin and race up the steps, Jonesy on my heels. He can’t risk missing the potential drama of a loose ceiling fan crashing to the floor or a demonic squirrel in the attic.

Please, oh, please, don’t let it be the one-of-a-kind chandelier in the main suite. Please, oh, please don’t let it be another squirrel–

I stop suddenly on the landing and Jonesy almost smashes the camera into the back of my head. I glance back to see him lose his footing, almost losing his camera. Whoops.

“Sorry!” I exclaim but I immediately turn my attention upward.

There’s another boom, but the noise is still above me.

“It’s coming from the attic,” I mutter, starting towards the end of the hallway, but stop short as the hatch to the attic opens and the ladder drops down.

I start to scream, because what if we’ve had a squatter living in the attic this whole time and they’re now deciding to show themselves?

But, no.

It’s… Mason ?

And then I stare, confused and dismayed, as one by one, the Hammers descend from the attic. Almost every one of them bumps their head on the way down.

“What in the fresh hell are you boys doing up there?” I demand when they’re all together in front of me in a long, delicious, maddening line.

“Making sure there are no bats,” Leo answers. Dirty liar.

“What’s that sound I hear?” I cup my hand around my ear. “Oh, I think it’s my BS detector.” I shoot him a look. “It takes all ten of you to check for bats? And what the hell was all that racket? Were you smashing the bats with a sledgehammer?”

Gunnar steps away from the line. He puts his hands on my shoulders, his eyes locking on mine. When he speaks, he uses the sexy and hypnotic voice he always trots out when he wants someone to focus less on the words he’s saying and more on how he’s saying them.

“We were having a secret meeting,” he says.

You are getting very horny, say his eyes. I can’t tear my gaze away from their blue depths and his long, dark-as-sin lashes.

“We needed a place where you wouldn’t find us,” he adds.

You are getting verrrrrrrrry horny. You are–

Wait, what?

I put my hands on my hips. “You were having a secret meeting without me? You were hiding from me?”

Gunnar might as well have punched me. I don’t know whether to be shocked, angry, or deeply hurt.

I go with angry. I glare at him through narrowed eyes .

“We’re supposed to be a team!” I poke him hard, just above his left nipple, really digging my index finger in. In my fantasy about losing my virginity to Gunnar and then to Gavin, we spend an awful lot of time on each others’ nipples. I’m mystified by their nipples – they’re the only set of multiples that I wouldn’t be able to tell apart by looks alone if it wasn’t for Gavin’s array of piercings, which started with the sexy silver barbells in his nipples. And Gunnar, though entirely free of metal, has the best pecs of the bunch.

Trying to veer my attention away from their deceit, Gavin sidesteps my question and says, “This moron,” he gestures at Gunnar with a nod of his head, “sat his dumb ass on some kiddie chair and it broke. When he got up, he knocked over a stack of boxes.”

“We cleaned everything up,” Jack cuts in, ever the peacemaker despite his gruff voice.

Shaking Gunnar’s hands off my shoulders, I side-step away from him.

“I don’t care about any of that,” I tell Jack, though I do. I just happen to care more about their secret meetings. “Cruz, can you make a replica of the chair? We need to replace it, obviously.”

Cruz’s chestnut brown hair flops into his soft brown eyes as he nods.

Ignoring how cute he looks, I return to the more pressing matter. “You guys were having a secret meeting without me?”

I try unsuccessfully to keep the hurt out of my voice. Gav immediately steps up.

“Hey,” he says, reaching up to tuck a particularly boingy curl behind my ear, his thumb brushing my sensitive earlobe as he does. “We will tell you everything as soon as we wrap, okay? It’s all about a surprise, for you, or we would’ve looped you in.”

I’m skeptical. “You swear?”

“We could never keep anything important from you otherwise, Pooh bear. I promise.”

Gavin has a way of instantly making anything better. He could promise me the moon and I’d unquestioningly believe he could deliver.

I relent. “Okay.”

“Now give me one of those smiles I love,” he says and my face obeys without any input from my brain.

“The Taylor family is ten minutes out!” someone calls.

My smile wavers as reality hits.

“This is it, guys. Everybody, bring it in,” Axel says, his voice growing thick.

My eyes begin to mist over as I’m enveloped by all of the brothers.

One last group hug. One last reveal.

It’s been all about lasts, lately, and I haven’t had a spare second alone with Max to talk to him about that very significant first I am still determined to make happen.

To keep myself from dissolving into a puddle of tears at the reality of it all being really and truly over for 1 Girl, 10 Hammers, and this entire chapter of our lives together, I wonder if perhaps the surprise they have for me is the kind where we’ll all be naked .

Mmm… They’ll line up in front of me so that they’re all looking at me, as they’ve always done, and I’ll lose my virginity to them all. Each taking turns thrusting into me, all hands and mouths and hard, hard bodies worshiping mine until I yell “next!” for the Hammer to pass me on and…

“Did you just moan, Win?” Cruz asks.

“I was holding back a sob,” I reply, and my voice is shaky enough to be believable.

There are so many muscular arms around me, I don’t know which one is connected to the hand that grazes my ass. The graze turns into a playful squeeze.

Please, oh, please, let their surprise be of the sexy variety.

While I had allowed my imagination to go buck wild, cooking up a full-blown orgy, what the guys actually had in store for me wasn’t sexy at all.

“No,” I say flatly.

We’re in a hotel together, taking up the penthouse floor. Production wanted to keep us around a few days to film some extra this-is-the-last-show-ever footage. I’m sitting on one of the beds in the room Theo and Leo are sharing, waiting for room service to bring up the feast we’d ordered to share, family-style. I’ve never been claustrophobic before, but in this room, with all ten of the Hammer brothers and their way-too-big idea, I feel like the walls are closing in on me.

“Come on, Win,” Diesel says. “Just hear us out. You usually love our surprises. ”

No, I always love their surprises. But then Jack dropped the bomb. And now he’s got them all defending it!

“ One last renovation - the true ‘best one yet.’ “ I repeat Jack’s words, dully. “You seriously want us to renovate Gram’s house.”

“We do. Before summer ends, before we all go our separate ways.” Jack’s eyes are earnest, eager, even, as my stomach twists with knots. “Our parents will be leaving for that 40th anniversary tour of Europe we set up for them, so it will be just us. Say yes, Win.”

Ten pairs of eyes search mine, and I see in each of them a mix of apprehension and hope. I shake my head, but stop because I’ve grown dizzy.

“The house is a wreck. It’s not worth it.”

Mason gives me an encouraging smile. “It’s an opportunity to do so much more than rebuild that wreck of a house, Win.”

“Really?” I snap. “Like what?”

“We know it’s a lot to take in,” Max begins, his voice gentle. “We know you’ve never wanted to go back, that the bad memories have always haunted you. But–” He tries to put a hand on my shoulder, but I can’t handle being so close to him. Not when emotions are growing into a tempest in my chest and I don’t want to cry.

I pull back. “But?”

“Winnie.” He runs a hand through his blond locks. “You know we’ll be there every step of the way. We’ll help you bury the ghosts.”

“ Burying my ghosts isn’t as simple as redecorating outdated rooms or fixing broken windows,” I hiss. It makes me tremble, the thought of opening those old wounds. The rotten walls of that house will always hold too much ugliness and pain.

A rap at the door and “Room service!” called out in an enthusiastic voice cuts through the tension.

Axel moves for the door first, sliding his thick black glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I got it.”

I’m not hungry anymore. Standing up, I somehow make it to the balcony door on unsteady legs.

“Win–”

It’s Jack, and he sounds stricken for some reason. Well, he can join the club.

“I need some air.”

A cool breeze hits my face as I step out onto the balcony and try not to break down. Until now, I’ve managed to dam up my tears, but the river threatens to burst free.

How could they all throw this at me? How could Jack, who only just held me through a breakdown mere days ago, think I’d want this?

I place a hand on the railing to steady myself as I take in the city lights and sounds below. Jack’s words continue to echo in my mind. They twist up my conflicted heart.

Their plan means more time with my boys. I’m not ready to let them go. But exorcizing the ghosts of my past isn’t a step I’ve ever planned to take. My whole body sags under the weight of the thought.

“Winnie?”

I’m not ready to turn around. By his voice, I know it’s Leo .

And then, “Win?” It’s Theo, as well.

“Come here, baby,” Leo says softly, and I can feel the space between us shortening as he comes up behind me. Large, strong hands circle my waist, gently tugging me back, hoping I’ll let go of the railing, to sink into his rock-hard chest.

Of course, I do, my tight stomach muscles releasing as he gathers me up against him. He kisses my temple, once, twice, and then he rests his cheek against the side of my head.

Theo moves before me, fits himself like a puzzle piece against the front of me, his hands settling higher up my side. He’s nearly skimming my breasts, although I don’t point it out in fear that he’ll move his hands away.

And I don’t want Theo or Leo to move an inch. All the tension leaves my body as I’m surrounded by them, enveloped in them, every one of my senses overtaken by two of my favorite boys.

Leo breaks the silence, whispering into my ear, making me shiver. “Six more weeks of this, of us. That’s something, isn’t it?”

I look up into Theo’s eyes, intense green and filled with hope and uncertainty. I know Leo’s look will match. Their hope tugs at my heart.

“Of course it’s something.”

It would be everything.

“Just think,” Theo adds, his thumb sliding along my ribs. “It could be 1 Girl, 10 Hammers, but this time without any cameras, without any fans trying to sneak on set. Nothing but us. ”

Theo’s touch moves dangerously closer to my boob and an automatic burst of excitement zaps through me. I have had plenty of Losing My Virginity fantasies related to 1 Girl, 10 Hammers that start just like this.

Spending weeks living in the Hammer house with all the brothers certainly has its allure. Still, trepidation, from the idea of walking through Gram’s old house, a place where I never felt a happy moment other than when the boys across the street were calling at my window to take me away, gnaws at me.

Leo slides a hand lower, to the top of my thigh, his fingers splaying. I’m not sure how intentional he’s being when it comes to turning me on, but god, it’s working. I have to hold my breath and stop myself from shimmying my ass into him, like I’m a cat in heat.

Needing to get a hold of myself before I embarrass myself, I pull away from their twin embrace. “Can I think about it while we eat?”

I’m only buying time. Obviously I’m going to say no.

Leo’s fingers begin doing this stroking thing that has me wanting to yell “TAKE ME NOW” for the whole city to hear.

I’m absolutely going to say no.

I have to say no.

Can I say no?