Chapter 23

Winnie

G avin drives with one hand on the steering wheel and holds my hand with the other, all the way back to Smithville. We go to the Hammer House first, to change into work clothes. The place is quiet so things across the street must already be in full swing. I’m tempted to take a moment to text Goldie I’ve lost it! , just to see if she gets it right away or if she texts back and says Lost what? But I want to keep this to myself for a while.

“I’m headed over,” Gavin calls. It took him like two minutes to change.

“Be there in a few!” I call back. I’m not ready because choosing underwear has gotten way more complicated, now that I know the possibility is very real he could be seeing me in them. Taking them off. I think of the way he looked at me last night, looked at me naked, like he’d just unwrapped the world’s best Christmas present .

Part of me hadn’t wanted to leave the Creepside Inn this morning. To just stay there forever, having sex with Gavin in that heart-shaped bed. I wonder if the owners would be interested in selling. We could buy it and fix it up–except the Honeymoon suite. Wouldn’t change a damn thing about that particular room.

Every time I think about how it felt to have his weight on top of me, his cock inside me, I have to blink away tears. I never thought it was possible to feel that desired. That chosen. That loved.

I make a mental note to go on an online shopping spree that night, to get some sexy underthings and maybe some actual lingerie, but for now, I settle for what what I have, which is more function than fashion, but I do choose a bra and panties that match.

Then I trot downstairs. Gavin and I didn’t stop for breakfast along the way and I’m suddenly ravenous.

Well, we did burn plenty of calories, I think.

I stop in the kitchen to make a couple of smoothies to take over and am surprised to find Max in the kitchen.

“Oh,” I say. “I didn’t know anyone was here.”

“I left my water bottle,” he says.

I can feel him watching me as I move about the room, gathering a couple of bananas, and some peanut butter.

I glance at him. His head is tilted. He’s looking at me thoughtfully. Studying me. “What?”

“Can I ask you something? ”

“Sure,” I reply, heading to the freezer for ice. “Want a smoothie?”

“Did you fuck Gavin last night?”

It’s a good thing I’d put everything I’d been holding down on the island. I would’ve dropped it.

I whip around and blink at Max. “I beg your pardon?”

“I mean… you spent the night with him. So. I was just assuming…”

“You know what they say about assuming, Maxwell,” I say. Maxwell isn’t a cute nickname thing like what I do with Jack. It’s his actual full name, what Max is short for, and I hope my usage of it tells him he’s crossed a line.

“So… you two didn’t…?”

“Max!” I point at the list of rules. “Number four, buddy.”

4. STFU, you filthy braggart. Keep your time with Win private.

“I’m asking you , I’m not asking Gav. You can tell me whatever you want.”

I square my shoulders and stare him down. Then I go over and pick up the dry erase marker and underneath the original list, I write:

Win’s Rules

1. All relationships are separate but equal, until I make a choice.

2. I’m not choosing until the reno is over.

3. I don’t kiss and tell.

I cap the marker and gesture at the board, then tap number three. But the look that boy is giving me. I wonder if he can read my thoughts. All I can think about is the sex with Gavin. And I don’t regret my decision to be with him at all. I won’t regret my decision at all.

I sigh. “Max.”

“I’m just going to point out, that this whole Winnie’s Favorite Hammer thing wouldn’t even be happening if my brothers hadn’t gotten all in their feels and demanded to know what was going on between you and me. I wasn’t allowed to keep our private business private, so it’s a little bit hypocritical that they want that respect themselves now.”

He has a point. Also we both know if Gavin and I hadn’t had sex, I would just tell him Gavin and I hadn’t had sex. If it was any of the other Hammers, I would probably gently reiterate that it’s not any of their business. But this is Max.

Max, who’d been the one who introduced me to both the wonderful words of dry humping and getting eaten out. Max, who I’d actually discussed losing my virginity to. Max, who’d wanted my first time to be special… and with him.

I feel a surge of affection for him. I press my lips together for a second and then say, quietly, “Yeah, Max, Gav and I had sex.”

He gives me a wordless nod. Then after a minute, he says, “Well. Work to do.”

“Max,” I close the distance between us, “are you mad?”

He shakes his head, but his Adam’s apple is working, his jaw is clenched. I move in to hug him and he flinches.

“Max, it’s obvious you’re mad. Just say so. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, but you have to be honest with me about it, okay? I can’t stand you being upset and not telling me. ”

I can’t stand the thought of this coming between me and Max. Or me and any of the guys. Or any of the guys and each other.

Tears prick my eyes and Max looks at me, his gaze going soft.

“Hey,” he reaches out and touches my elbow. “I just always thought it would be you and me, you know? That we were going to take things to the next level. That it was going to be us. But as long as you’re happy, I’ll get over it.”

Impulsively, I say, “Max, if you want me to call the whole thing off, I will.”

WHAT??!

But it’s Max. I say what I say. Do I mean it? I don’t know.

He leans forward and presses his lips to mine, sweetly, almost chaste.

“I don’t,” he says. “It was just a moment of petty jealousy, I swear. I thought I was going to be your first. But I mean, hey, I still might be the last, right?” He gives me a wink and I honestly can’t tell if he’s still bothered or truly shaking it off that quickly. “If I’m the right guy, you’ll choose me in the end, no matter how many other guys are vying for your attention. But your happiness is the most important thing, Win.”

I could tell him that now that I’ve had it, I’m 100% pro-sex and will definitely be wanting more, but… I have a feeling gushing about how great Gav is in bed would not make this situation any better. So instead, I forget the smoothie-making, grab the bananas, and go across the street with Max to ‘round up the fellas and have a little heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to… oh, fuck it.

“Hey,” I call upon entering. “Can I get everybody in the living room for a minute? ”

When everyone is assembled, I say, “Raise your hand if you’re wondering if I had sex with Gavin last night.”

It takes a minute, but all the hands go up except Gavin’s. He looks like he might want to back slowly out of the room.

I nod. Then I look at Gav. “Do you mind if I tell them what did–or didn’t–happen?”

“Can you give me a couple minutes to hide all the sledgehammers first?” he says, half-jokingly. Then he says, “Whatever you want to do, Pooh Bear.”

“Winnie,” Jack begins. “You do not have to–”

“I had sex with Gavin last night,” I tuck some hair behind my ear.

“Well, okay then,” Jack says. “Now that everybody’s aware, can we get back to work?”

Unlike Max, he doesn’t seem bothered. Just… not shocked. Maybe it’s because he’s the oldest and therefore most mature. Or maybe because he’s the natural peacemaker and if he lets on that he’s bothered, the others will follow suit?

“No,” I say. “You may not.” I glance at Max. “You mind if I tell them what spurred me to call this team meeting?”

He shakes his head.

“So… last night was my first time. And Max knew I was a virgin and so…” My voice trails off. I didn’t think this through and all of a sudden, it’s like I’ve had a bucket-full of awkwardness dumped over my head.

“I was jealous as fuck for half a minute because I knew Win was a virgin and that her first time was with Gav and not me and yes, Gunnar, I am a douche and realize that, thanks for not saying it.”

I give him a grateful smile. “So, I’m bringing this up, not because I want you all to do a Winnie’s-open-for-business-now dance of joy, but because I don’t want any bad blood brewing silently. Yes, in order to foster our individual relationships, we need to keep some things private. But at the same time, it is super duper important to me that we air any resentments and concerns when they arise and keep the lines of communication open. Okay?”

I look around at my boys, having another what is my life? moment. This is so fucking surreal.

“Until we figure out how to clone you and each have a Winnie of our own, we’re going to get jealous,” Jack says. “But we’ll get over it. The most important thing is for you to be happy.”

“Even if what makes you happy is having dinner at La Douche Baguette and boning that bonehead,” Gunnar says with a nod at Gavin. Then he stage-whispers. “Even though we all know I’m the better-looking one.”

Gavin rolls his eyes. Except for Gav’s piercings–which I have a whole new appreciation for this morning–and different tats, they’re identical right down to the number of eyelashes they have, I think.

“So everybody’s good?” I ask. I look from face to face. They all nod. “And if at any point you’re not, you’ll tell me?” Again, I look from face to face. Again, they all nod.

And all I can do is trust them. And I can trust them. I don’t doubt that for a second.