Chapter 20

CHAPTER20

“What are you doing out here in this weather?” Jacob asked wildly.

Seth looked up. He’d thought he was quite alone as he marched across his estate on the outskirts of London. He’d managed to hide here for days now. Each day, he’d left the house and mostly strolled around the grounds, just for the chance of being with his own thoughts.

Sometimes, he took a book with him, but he scarcely ever concentrated on it. Instead, he ended up sitting on parkland walls or leaning against trees, watching the light snow begin to fall before he trudged on through the ice, eventually returning to the house.

“Good day to you too, Jacob,” Seth said to his friend with false cheer and waved at him as Jacob crossed the lawn toward him.

“I’ve been searching for you for days,” Jacob called loudly, his arms outstretched. He reached Seth, who was sitting on an old trunk of a tree that had been cut down long ago. “This is where you’re hiding? Between the trees?”

“As good a place as any other.” Seth shrugged and looked around. “What are you doing here, Jacob?”

“Hmm, I wonder?” Jacob said with sudden fierceness. “I should challenge you to a duel.”

“You going to shoot me, friend?”

“No.” Jacob sighed heavily and sat down on the stump of another cut-down tree. He ran a hand through his hair madly, clearly unable to settle. “Though part of me feels I should for what you did.”

“Ah, she told you.” Seth nodded, knowing it was inevitable. He wouldn’t ever forget the look of pain on Bridget’s face as he had said goodbye. “I’m not surprised.”

“She agreed to court Lord Burnington yesterday.”

Seth felt as if he had been kicked in the gut. He knew it was inevitable. He had known that, but it was still painful to hear it.

“That’s your reaction? Nothing at all but muteness?” Jacob was on his feet again. “Good God, man. Do something. Say something!”

“What do you wish me to say?”

“An explanation would be good.”

Yet, Jacob was not the one who had spoken.

Seth jumped, nearly falling off the stump as Daniel appeared striding through the nearby trees.

“You didn’t mention you’d brought him,” Seth said to Jacob, pointing at Daniel.

“I didn’t know he was here.” Jacob sat down again on the stump. “I imagine, like me, he has come to talk some sense into you.”

“You could say that.” Daniel stood between them. Once more, he took on a grave expression, seeming to have the most authority between the three of them. He folded his arms and stared at Seth. “Explain.”

“Explain what?” Seth asked.

“What is there to explain?” Jacob plainly could not be calmed. “Contrary to all that we warned him of, he couldn’t resist. He had to pursue her, had to take advantage—”

“I never took advantage of her,” Seth said hurriedly, keeping his tone low. “What happened between us… it… it…”

How can I put it into words?

“That’s not the explanation I wish to hear.” Daniel shook his head. “What I wish to hear is why you don’t want to marry her.”

“Pah!” Jacob tipped his head back. “It’s Seth. He’ll never marry.”

“People said that about you once.” Daniel calmly glanced his way. “And, Jacob, though you have been Seth’s friend for longer, I think I may have seen something that you haven’t.” He urged him to scoot over, giving him space to sit down on the stump.

Seth watched them through the falling snow, constantly fidgeting as he rubbed his gloved hands together.

“Your one attempt at marriage ended up in you being spurned, Seth,” Daniel said. “Tell me, what exactly did she say to you?”

Seth felt pinned to the spot, his body somehow icier than before. Did Daniel have the power to read his mind, or some other such nonsense?

Daniel narrowed his eyes, urging him to speak the truth.

“She said I was not the kind of man a woman marries. I wasn’t good enough for that,” Seth explained, unable to keep the snide tone out of his voice. “She made it quite plain what sort of man I am. She laughed at me when I tried to make it something more.”

Jacob had gone quiet now. He blinked at Seth as if seeing him for the first time.

“I see,” Daniel started quietly. “And so what? You think just because one woman decided you weren’t good enough that all women would do?”

“Do not put it like that.”

“Why not?” Daniel retorted. “Because it’s the mad way you are thinking, is it not? For some reason, one woman’s rejection has persuaded you to believe that all women would think the same. Is that why you have gone from one woman to the next so easily?”

“But it’s just the way he is—the way I used to be.” Jacob halted as if struck by his own words.

“You blind fool,” Daniel muttered to Jacob.

Slowly, Jacob nodded as if in agreement.

“I can’t believe this,” Daniel huffed and looked at Seth once more. “Is that what has consumed you all these years? You were convinced no other would have you?”

“I know what I am,” Seth spoke calmly. “She made that plain.”

“And in what way did Bridget ever convince you of the same?” Jacob asked with sudden vehemence.

Seth stared back at Jacob, feeling their mutual misunderstanding of one another as if it practically emanated in the air.

“She agreed to a false courtship, Jacob. What more do you want? She had her heart set on Lord Burnington the whole time. No matter what happened between us, any of it, I would have always been secondary to him.” Seth held his gaze. “I couldn’t take a chance on something more. I went through the pain once. I won’t do it again.”

“Yes, and you look without pain now, don’t you?” Daniel drawled, his wry tone making Seth shift once more.

“I can’t believe I have to point this out, but I’m going to.” Jacob stood and came to sit beside Seth, nudging him to make room for himself on his stump. “First off, why are we talking out in this snow? It’s bloody freezing out here.”

“It stops me from thinking so much.”

“Hmm,” Jacob grunted, unconvincingly. “Secondly, Bridget is not in love with Lord Burnington. I’d say the tears I’ve seen the last few days, her numbness, the way she has retreated from everyone, point to one thing very succinctly. She is in love with you, you fool.”

That’s not possible.

Seth looked up from the light smattering of snow on the ground. “She can’t.”

Jacob held up his hands hopelessly, looking imploringly at Daniel for help.

“She does,” Daniel confirmed, his voice still light. “I don’t know what way to prove it to you other than this. Go and see her.”

“See her?” Seth repeated.

“It’s not so difficult. You should go and see her. See her reaction to you, see how little she likes Lord Burnington.”

“You’re making no sense.” Seth stood and marched away through the snow a short distance, before spinning around and looking back at his friends. “If she, for some mad reason, did care for me as much as I do her, then why on earth would she agree to court Lord Burnington? You just said she had done it. She has made her decision. She has made her choice. It is him.”

Daniel and Jacob looked at one another as if deciding who should answer him.

“She wants to have a family.” Jacob was the one who spoke, in the end. “And if you’re not going to give it to her, she wants to get it another way.”

“I beg your pardon?” Seth felt sick as he stepped forward.

Bridget wanted children? That’s what she longed for so badly that she was prepared to marry a man she didn’t care for in order to have them? That was mad!

“There is no other reason?” He had to be clear. His eyes flitted between his friends, waiting to hear more. “That is it? She wants children and he can give them to her? That’s it!?”

“That’s it.” Jacob nodded firmly.

Seth stumbled back, in danger of slipping in the snow. A horrid picture flashed across his mind. He saw Bridget in bed with Lord Burnington. He saw her making love to the Earl, her legs wrapped around his hips as she bit into a pillow, not moaning in pleasure but merely bearing with it, putting up with it.

“That’s mad!” The words erupted from Seth in a sudden flare of anger.

“At last.” Daniel held his arms out wide as if praising the heavens. “We have a reaction. So, are you going to do something about it, Seth? Are you going to continue to mope around your grounds and dwell in your sadness?”

“He is right, you know,” Jacob added. “You’re becoming a lovesick pup.”

“Hey.” Seth looked darkly at Jacob, who merely smiled in return.

“You deserve it right now. So, are you going to talk to her? Or are you going to let her marry a man she cares naught for?”

Seth was backing up from them. He turned in the snow and started to run back in the direction of the house.

“I think that’s your answer,” Daniel’s words drifted across the grounds, following him as he sprinted.

* * *

Seth pulled the horse up outside of the Earl of Pratt’s house abruptly, tugging on the reins and looking around the house. Darkness was falling now, the last glimmer of sunlight just visible between the trees in the distance, the orange light snaking across parts of the ground, with a single beam falling on the front door.

He was here. It had been a horrible ride, with the snow impeding him every step of the way. The stable master had even judged it too dangerous for the carriage to come out with the snow falling thicker and thicker all the time, so he had had to take his horse and face the risk alone.

“Bridget!” Seth suddenly called to the door. He jumped down from the saddle, landing in the snow that was now growing so thick, it reached his kneecaps.

He waded through that snow as if it were water and reached for the door, knocking loudly. No one came. For a mad minute, he thought the house might be empty, that it was possible Bridget and her father had gone to a country estate, and Daniel and Jacob had neglected to mention this.

He knocked again, restlessly, the cold so deep into his hands now that his fingers struggled to bend.

Within seconds, he heard hurried footsteps on the other side of the door. It was flung open, and a rather harassed-looking butler on the other side stood, breathing heavily.

“My Lord?” He recognized Seth from all his previous visits over the last year or so. “This is a late hour to call. The master is not ready for visitors.”

“I am here to see Lady Bridget.”

“Ah. She is not here.”

“Not here?” Seth stood back, his heels slipping in the snow. He reached out and grabbed the railing around the front of the house, keeping himself steady on his feet. “Then where is she?”

“What’s going on here?” a voice sounded from within the house.

It was the Earl of Pratt. He had a dressing gown on, evidently wearing it to keep warm in the chilliness of the night. He walked forward when he saw Seth, his eyes never blinking, not once.

“Lord Ramsbury? This is a late hour to call.”

“Forgive me.” Seth bowed deeply to him, still holding onto the railing to make sure he didn’t slip again. “I came to speak to your daughter.”

Understanding seemed to flash over the Earl’s face. It was an unusual look, one that Seth could not make much sense of.

“Your butler said she is not here.”

“No. I am concerned about her return. She has been to the theatre tonight with Lord Burnington, but the snow has grown worse whilst she has been out.”

Seth backed up. He hurried down the front porch steps and looked toward the gates of the estate. There was no coach coming. He turned on the spot, struggling in the snow and looking back at the Earl again. Lord Pratt was still standing at the front door. He nodded at the butler, urging him to leave them alone.

“Are you the reason my daughter came back from her excursion with a broken heart?”

Seth looked sharply at him. The summary of it all in such painful words made Seth feel as if he had been stabbed in the heart.

“It was never my intention,” he said, his words soft. “But yes, I fear I am the cause.”

“Then you’d do better not to be here when she returns.” Lord Pratt shook his head. “She’s taking care of herself. She doesn’t need to be confused anymore.”

“I must speak to her,” Seth insisted. “There are things I did not realize—things I did not know.”

He was prevented from saying anything more, as the sound of a coach approached. He whipped around just as the small carriage appeared on the driveway. It came to a rather ungainly stop in the snow, the two horses tipping their noses back to the sky in complaint.

When the door to the coach opened, Seth ran toward it, intent on seeing Bridget. To his alarm, she stepped down from the carriage with a maid behind her as a chaperone. Lord Burnington was not in the carriage with her.

He took her to the theatre yet couldn’t be bothered to escort her back home?

Seth felt even more disgusted than before.

“Bridget?”

She halted as she stepped into the snow, her eyes widening. She was dressed beautifully, her hair curled at the back of her head and pearl-drop earrings hanging down from her ears. Her fur cloak was loose at her shoulders, and on her hands were gloves as white and silky as the snow around them.

“Why are you here?” she asked, her voice calm.

“I need to speak to you. Please, Bridget. I need a minute to speak to you.”

“No.” Bridget turned and thanked the driver, then she walked straight past Seth and headed to the house. “You had your chance to talk, and you made what you felt plain, through silence. I do not need to suffer to hear the words now.”

“Suffer? No, no, that is not what I intend.” Seth hastened to follow her up the front steps. She slipped on the top step, and he reached out, catching her before she could fall.

Seth caught Lord Pratt looking at him as he placed Bridget back on her feet. It was a curious gaze, yet Bridget pushed him away sharply, her response much colder.

“Pray, do not touch me.” She held up a hand, refusing to look him in the eye. “Please, just go. I do not wish to speak to you, and I do not wish to hear what you have to say.”

“But there is something I need to say to you. Something I need you to know.”

Everything had changed for Seth since hearing Jacob’s words—that Bridget did love him.

She didn’t tell me. Why didn’t she tell me?

Seth wondered how different it could have been if she had told him that night they had made love. He could have told her that he loved her too, and they could have made love with vigorous passion, instead of that pained longing mixed with the bittersweet feeling of goodbye.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Seth asked as she stepped up to the doorway and her father took her hand. “Why didn’t you say what you felt?”

“Leave me be, Lord Ramsbury.” Bridget turned sharply to face him, not quite meeting his eyes.

The resort to using his title, rather than his Christian name, broke him. He stood there numbly, staring at her.

“I have no wish to speak, you understand? You were the one who insisted on silence, on not saying anything. Well, you at last have your desire. You will hear nothing from me again. Father, let us go inside.”

Lord Pratt took her arm and steered her inside the house.

“But… Bridget—” Seth stepped forward again, but Lord Pratt stepped in his way. Slowly, he shook his head, then reached for the door and closed it firmly. There wasn’t anger in his expression, nor hatred, but there was an icy warning not to try again, as cold as the snow around them.

Seth’s nose was nearly hit by that wooden door. He stood there, breathing heavily, staring at the wood and straining to listen, in the hope that he would hear something of their conversation. But the wind was growing stronger, the whistling so loud that he could hear nothing above it, not even his own breathing.

He backed up, hurrying down the steps and moving toward his horse. He reached for the reins and pulled himself into the saddle, looking around at the carriage.

Lord Burnington hadn’t escorted her safely home. In this weather, it was the very least he should have done.

“She deserves to be loved. He doesn’t love her,” Seth said firmly to himself.

Had Lord Burnington truly loved her, more than wanting her just as a prize on his arm, then he would have ridden all this way in the snow with her.

I am not giving up now.

Seth turned his horse on the drive and rode away, but he didn’t head home. He steered his horse in the opposite direction.