Chapter 6

W hen Lucy opened her eyes, her first thought was of her waltz with Lord Holbrook last night. Despite the fact she'd danced with many men afterward, the details of that waltz with the viscount was the only memory that had taken hold of her imagination.

The way he'd looked, tall and handsome, his eyes filled with friendly warmth. And when she closed her eyes and sank into that moment, she could almost feel the weight of his hand at her waist, his other hand lightly holding hers, guiding her with supreme ease and confidence across the dance floor.

His arm where she'd gripped him had been surprisingly firm. Her husband had been slim and he'd taken great pride in his appearance, but there was a very important difference between the two men. Holbrook had muscles that Mansfield hadn't possessed.

She wondered how his chest would feel…

Her eyes snapped open, and she sat up in bed. What was she doing? Last night she'd told Charlotte she was considering having an affair with Lord Holbrook. But in the clear light of day, removed from the romance of last night's ball, she was starting to have second thoughts about that plan.

She wasn't brave. Things that had seemed possible when she'd felt his eyes following her all evening now seemed foolhardy.

When she'd left Charlotte after their discussion in the library, her friend had assured her she would invite Holbrook to call today. Which meant Lucy would have to face the man very soon.

She rang the bell for her maid, and the young woman slipped into her room minutes later. Her mind was a whirl of indecision as she dressed for the day. As her maid helped her into a pale yellow morning gown and pinned up her hair, Lucy forced herself to try to remember all those other men she'd danced with after leaving Holbrook. She hadn't waltzed with anyone else, so there hadn't been an opportunity to engage in deep conversation with another man. But even if she had, it was clear those men weren't interested in conversing with her.

Mainly they'd talked about themselves. And there'd been no subtlety in the way they dropped lewd promises about their prowess in bed whenever the figures of the sets had brought them together. And did they really think to capture her interest by boasting about how many women would love to be the object of their attention?

Every one of them had reminded her of Mansfield. She couldn't help but imagine her husband spouting similar lines to other women. Luring them into dark corners or sneaking into their homes for a quick tumble. As far as she knew, her husband had never kept a mistress, but she wouldn't have been surprised to learn that he had.

Lucy knew it would be hours yet before Charlotte and Alex rose for the day. While she'd been able to retire just before midnight, they'd had to stay until the ball ended many hours later. Today the servants would be busy putting the house to rights again, cleaning and straightening all the rooms that had been open to guests last night. Lucy didn't like adding to their already increased workload that morning, and so she opted for a simple breakfast tray in her room.

As the morning hours passed, her initial doubts after waking began to shift toward anticipation. But that didn't mean she wasn't second-guessing the crazy plan she'd outlined to Charlotte. One moment she was convinced she would have to speak to the man about how there could be nothing more than friendship between them. Then, a few minutes later, she'd convinced herself to pursue her original course of action and propose they have an affair.

If she allowed him to take the lead, would he propose a discreet liaison? She might have to flirt with him to gain that outcome. Or perhaps it would be better if she was the one to raise the subject.

You have many friends and acquaintances in common. He might not want to risk losing those friendships for a quick tumble with you.

She frowned at that intrusive thought. Her husband wouldn't have cared. In fact, he'd taken delight in the knowledge that the great Duke of Clarington had been powerless to prevent his brother-in-law, who was a mere baron, from doing whatever he wanted.

But Mansfield had been mistaken in thinking Alex had left him alone because he didn't care about Mansfield's behavior. Alex would have moved heaven and earth to secure his sister's happiness. He'd even gone so far as to risk the censure of society when he'd told Lucy that he wanted her to divorce the man.

No, Alex had turned a blind eye to Mansfield's not-so-secret indiscretions because Lucy had asked him to. She hadn't spoken to her brother out of a desire to protect her husband but because she no longer cared what he did. Toward the end of their marriage, they'd lived separately and Lucy had enjoyed the measure of freedom she had in never seeing her husband.

And now that she was well and truly free from her disappointing marriage to a man she'd once thought she loved, she would never again risk her heart.

Which is why you should have an affair with Holbrook. Let him know you're not looking for happily ever after. Take the opportunity to experiment with the physical side of love. Learn for yourself if there is something wrong with you.

She couldn't seem to make up her mind what she wanted to do, and she couldn't find anything with which to distract her from her dilemma. Everyone she knew was already in town, so there was no one to whom she could write a letter. Normally Lucy spent most of her time with Charlotte when they were in town together. When Charlotte wasn't off somewhere with her husband, that is, doing whatever it was that happily married couples of thirteen years did. Lucy tried not to think about what her friend and her brother got up to when they were alone together.

It seemed that Charlotte and Alex were never going to rise that morning. She'd been able to spend half an hour with her nieces and nephews, but then they were whisked away by their governess to attend to their lessons.

Feeling wistful after their boisterous voices disappeared into the schoolroom, she made her way to the gardens. They were just beginning to come to life now that spring had arrived. Charlotte found her several hours later in the rose garden. Only one of the bushes was in bloom, but the sight of the pale pink blossoms made Lucy happy.

Charlotte lowered herself onto the garden bench next to her.

"I think this is my favorite part of the house," Lucy said. "Growing up, I never realized how much of a luxury it was to have a London town house with such a large garden." Mansfield's London home had been nicely appointed, but he was one of the majority of people who didn't have a private garden.

Charlotte wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze. "I trust you slept better than me? I feel as though I'd only just fallen asleep when it was time to wake up again."

Lucy brought her hands up to cover her ears. "How many times have I asked you not to share details about your bedroom activities with my brother!"

Charlotte laughed and Lucy dropped her hands, her own mood lightening. "You're terrible," her sister-in-law said. "We aren't that bad. And certainly not after being awake all night!"

Lucy was silent as she tried to decide how to bring up the subject of Holbrook. Fortunately, Charlotte saved her the trouble.

Her friend leaned against her, their shoulders touching. "Lord Holbrook will be calling soon. For what it's worth, I like him a great deal."

Lucy felt a measure of relief. "You never liked Mansfield."

"I never liked him for you . But no one is to blame about what happened. He didn't have a reputation for being a rake."

"I should have gotten to know him better. Alex also had reservations about him."

"We were young. I was thrilled you'd found someone as well and wanted to believe the two of you could have the same relationship as Alex and me. And so I pushed aside my misgivings."

Lucy remembered the one conversation they'd had on the subject. Charlotte had asked her if she was certain she wanted to marry Mansfield. There had been something in her friend's tone that Lucy knew meant her friend was worried about their betrothal. But Lucy had been young and foolish and had gone on and on about all the nice things he'd done for her and how he'd proclaimed his love with such fervor.

The truth was she'd wanted to believe that she could have what Charlotte had found with Alex. And Mansfield had taken advantage of her naivete.

Lucy turned so she could face her friend. "You don't think I'm being too rash now? I was so certain last night about what I wanted, but now… I'm having second thoughts."

"I think Holbrook is a good man. No one knows what the future holds, but it's normal to be scared. I was, too, when we came up with that crazy scheme to see if we could make Alex fall in love with me."

Lucy laughed, remembering her brother's annoyance when she and Mama had insisted he accompany them to Almack's. And when their mother had urged him to dance with Charlotte, it was a miracle he hadn't slipped out through a window. "He was less than pleased with us, but everything worked out in the end."

"Yes. For what it's worth, I support your decision. I think getting to know Holbrook better will be good for you."

Lucy took a deep breath, preparing to disappoint her friend. "I'm not looking for love."

"No." Charlotte's smile held more than a hint of sadness. "But perhaps you'll find it anyway."

Lucy didn't argue. There was no point, after all. Love wasn't in the cards for her, but that didn't mean she couldn't find a measure of happiness.

A footman approached and stood off to one side. He held out a silver tray upon which rested one item—a white calling card. Charlotte took it, and together they looked at the name.

Viscount Holbrook .

"Thank you," Charlotte said. "We'll join him shortly."

The footman bowed and turned to leave. Lucy waited until he was out of sight before standing.

"Should I go with you to the drawing room? Or perhaps I should go alone." She was filled with indecision again.

Charlotte stood as well and clasped both her hands. "What would be easiest? I can go see him first, and you can join us in a few minutes. Or perhaps I can tell him to join you here in the garden."

Lucy took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes for a moment, weighing the options. An image of Holbrook smiling down at her while they waltzed last night filled her mind. Then one of him standing by the sidelines, his annoyance clear while he watched her dance with another man.

And she realized that the emotion surging through her wasn't fear or anxiety. It was excitement. She couldn't wait to see him again.

"I'll go see him," she said.

Charlotte smiled and gave her a quick hug. Without another word, Lucy made her way into the house.

She was about to proposition a handsome viscount.