Chapter 56 Asher Nash

My Past Mistakes Are Continuing to Haunt Me

Somehow I blink, and the bye week ahead of the playoffs is at an end. We closed on the house, but we haven’t officially moved in yet. Desiree agreed to start ordering furniture and filling the place with everything we’ll need, but it’ll just be a little easier to move in once the season is officially over.

For now, I have practices to attend and film to study to make sure I’m ready for every opponent we’ll face in the coming weeks.

Desiree is busy, too. Between furnishing our home and meeting with different utility providers, finding a date and planning our 5K along with the Wild Aces Charity Ball, she has plenty to keep her busy. She also mentioned something about book club, and she has started going to Victoria’s bookstore every Wednesday. She’s settling in and making a life here, and she’s creating her own identity separate from me even though it’s tied up with me.

And I think that’s part of what creates a successful foundation. We each have our own things, our own passions and our own interests, but we’re putting each other as the top priority.

We plow over the Ravens in the divisional championship, giving us a week to prepare for the conference championship next weekend against the Bills.

If we come out victorious in that matchup, we’ll have a week off before we head to the big game—the one with all the marbles.

It’s the game I’ve never gotten to play, the one we all strive for every season.

My focus is exactly where it needs to be as I spend late nights and early mornings in the locker room rather than going home to face my dad and all the weird shit we’re going through as a family.

I hang out in our meeting rooms to watch projections of game footage on the big screens. Sometimes teammates join me, which just offers another perspective as we study together, take notes, and know what to watch for in the coming game.

I mostly communicate with Des via text message over the next week. She ducks out to San Diego to visit her friends, but she keeps me updated on the planning progress of the first 5K event for my new foundation, which is coming along nicely.

I give my agent a call on Thursday morning before practice.

“Asher Nash. Good to hear from you, man. You all set for the Bills?” Jake answers. He’s been with me for many years, and he also represents my brother, Spencer.

“As prepared as I can be,” I admit.

“What can I do for you? Must be important if you’re calling me this week.”

“It is.” I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Word will get out soon enough anyway, but I’m going to be a dad.”

“Holy shit, man. Congratulations.”

“With that comes more responsibility, and with this being the last year of my contract, I’m worried. I haven’t heard any talk about next season, and in the meantime, I want as many sponsorship opportunities as you can find for me.”

“I get that, man. You know it’s been a tough road since the scandal,” he says apologetically. “But if you can get someone other than your brother on the coaching staff to speak on your behalf, I think you’d have a better chance at drumming up some opportunities. Maybe the OC?”

I clench my jaw. “Yeah, probably not the OC.”

“Why not?” he asks.

“The woman I got pregnant is his daughter.”

“Oh, Jesus, Asher,” he mutters. “What the fuck were you thinking?” Before I can answer, he says, “Doesn’t matter. Damage is done. Have you spoken with your publicist?”

“No. I figured I’d check in with you first.” To be honest, I wasn’t planning to call her yet. She and Desiree have become friendly, and I don’t know what sort of wrench this whole secret might throw into their friendship.

“Have her call me after you two talk, and we’ll get a plan together for you,” Jake says.

“Thanks, man.” I really hadn’t considered the potential consequences of knocking up a coach’s daughter immediately coming off a suspension and rebuilding my reputation in terms of how it could affect opportunities off the field. I only thought about how it would affect me on the field.

Now I’m concerned my plan for packing away extra finances might not work out the way I was hoping.

And it’s not just that.

Another insecurity plows straight into me.

If I can’t handle the finances, how am I going to handle being a father? A partner? Maybe even a husband?

It feels like my past mistakes are continuing to haunt me as they put pressure on the present. I might not be able to get the types of big-money deals that would provide a secure future for my family because I was an idiot nearly two years ago.

Truth be told, I’m getting anxious. I have some money in the bank, but I haven’t been smart about it. I haven’t invested or saved much, and I lost a lot when I was suspended—including all my sponsorships, which is where a lot of players make big money.

And I just took what I did have sitting in the bank and sunk it into the house.

I don’t have any sort of savings for my kid’s future, and I don’t plan to rely on someone else’s family money to pay the way. That’s not me.

It is, however, my father.

As I pass through the kitchen to grab breakfast before I head to the Complex, my luck has run out. My dad sits at the kitchen table with his bowl of cereal, and he drops the spoon on the table with a clatter when he sees me.

“There he is,” he says. “The baby daddy of the billionaire.”

I close my eyes and draw in a breath as I wait for patience. “You really going to start in on me on a day like today when I’m trying to prepare for the Bills?”

He holds both hands up innocently. “Sorry, sorry. It must be nice to know you don’t have to worry about those things.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I just got off the phone with my agent to figure out how to get more sponsorships, but nobody wants me because my dad fucked me over two years ago.”

“Oh, we’re back on that train?” he asks, and he rolls his eyes.

“You’re goddamn right we are,” I hiss. “We never got off it. Look, if I were more like you, I’d be happy to breeze through life and let her handle the finances. But I’m nothing like you, and I thank God for that every day.” I turn to let those be my parting words, but he jabs right back.

“You’re a hell of a lot more like me than you care to admit. You wouldn’t’ve knocked up the billionaire if you weren’t.”

I turn around, my jaw clenched. “Her money has nothing to do with my feelings for her.”

“No? Kind of strange that you never found love until you met her.” He says love with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“I’m not going to stand here and defend myself to someone who wouldn’t know love if it fucked him in the mouth.” I leave that as my parting shot as I walk to the garage.

I call Des on my way to the Complex, and she picks up right away.

“Hey, stranger! How are things at the Complex?” Her voice is bright, and I can tell even over the phone that she’s having a good time with her friends.

“I’m on my way there now. To be honest, your dad is giving me hell physically, and my dad is handling the emotional side.”

“Oh, Asher,” she says, and the sympathy in her tone nearly breaks me. I wish she was here. I wish we were together. I don’t want to wait potentially three more weeks to move in with her even though I don’t want the season to end prematurely. “I’m so sorry. What can I do?”

“Nothing,” I mutter. I don’t want to lay all this on her and bring her down, so I fake my way through it. “It’s just nice to hear your voice.”

“Yours, too,” she says.

“I have a question for you.”

“Hm?” she hums.

“I spoke with my agent this morning, and he thinks I need to tell my publicist about, uh…about us.”

“Your publicist? Isn’t that Ellie?” she asks.

“It is. And that’s why I wanted to run it by you first.” I turn into the parking lot at the Complex and pull into my usual spot, and I sit idly as we talk.

“Oh. That’s really thoughtful of you. I appreciate that. Um…I guess people are going to start finding out, so that’s okay.”

“She won’t tell anyone. I just wanted to make sure you were prepared for me to tell her.” I watch as a black BMW pulls into the parking lot, and her dad steps out of the car. I sink down a little into my seat, not prepared to face him just yet.

He doesn’t even look in my direction.

“Oh, that reminds me. I actually need to call her today to talk about the 5K, so I’ll tell her. And I’ll tell her to get in touch with you, too.”

“You sure?” I ask, though, to be honest, it feels like a weight off me.

“Positive. Go get ‘em at practice, cowboy.”

“You only ever call me that when I’m about to be inside you.” My voice is a little raspy, but she can’t just lay a line like that on me and expect me not to have an instant erection.

She laughs. “Well, I’m coming home tomorrow, so there’s always that possibility. Bye.”

I cut the call and stare at my phone, drawing in a fortifying breath before I get out of the car to face the music at practice today.