Chapter 43 Asher Nash

I Love You

She’s quiet all the way back to the apartment, and her roommate is there when we get back. The roommate eyes me carefully.

“You’re Asher,” she says.

I nod.

“I’m Addy.” She sticks her hand out. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

I shake her hand. “And you.”

“You okay, Desi?” she asks.

Des twists her lips and nods, and I stand helplessly as I’m not sure what Addy knows and doesn’t know.

“We went to the doctor. I’m seven weeks,” Desiree says.

Addy rushes over and gives her friend a hug. The friend seems like a good one as she rubs her back and murmurs how everything’s going to be okay. “I’ll, uh, give you two some time,” she says, and she walks down a different hallway, presumably toward her bedroom.

“Do you want to sit outside?” I ask, nodding to her balcony so we can have some privacy. There are a few things I want to say to her.

She nods, and I follow her out. We each take a seat and stare out over the water, and I’m not even sure where to begin.

“I came here today to beg you to take me back,” I say quietly.

“And now?” she asks.

I lift a shoulder. “Now it feels even more like we belong together. Like this happened to draw us back into each other’s lives.”

She presses her lips together. “A baby doesn’t fix things, Asher. If anything, there are even more complications to consider now.”

“I realize that, and I know it won’t be easy. But I would love it if you considered moving to Vegas. I’m stuck there at least until the end of the season, or else I’d move here to be closer to you. And on the plus side, in Vegas, you’ll be closer to your parents.”

Her jaw slackens a little as she looks over at me. “You’d move here? Just like that?”

“I’m struggling here, Des. I want to do what’s right for you, and for us…and for the baby, and if that means San Diego, then it means San Diego.” I leave out the fact that she was planning to move to Vegas anyway.

She hasn’t really said why she didn’t go through with her plan to move there, other than the fact that Erin allowed her to work remotely. I can’t help but get the sense that she didn’t come because she didn’t want to run into me.

And I don’t blame her for that. When I walked away, I stayed in the locker room longer than I needed to after games in order to avoid her, too. I threw myself into workouts and managing relationships with my teammates, and I worked on becoming the leader I wanted to be—the leader her dad believed I could be.

Because I knew how much it would hurt if I didn’t—if I saw her standing outside the locker room and knew I wouldn’t be able to take her to a hotel or go on a date to a lake or find some other way to get a secret meeting with her.

Because I stayed away, I’m finally breaking into the place I wanted to be in when it came to my teammates. The veterans love the mentorship program, and they credit me with bridging the gap between the rookies and the vets. And I have Coach Dixon to thank for that—you know, the man whose daughter I apparently knocked up.

But the leadership and the accolades…none of it means a damn thing if I don’t have this woman to share it with.

“I’ll think about it,” she finally says. “I guess I have a whole lot to think about.”

“Like trying again with me?”

She sighs. “One flight to San Diego because you got a bug up your ass that you miss me, and suddenly I’m supposed to drop everything and come running back to you?”

I shake my head. “No, Des. I didn’t get a bug up my ass. I’ve missed you from the second I last saw you. I didn’t see any other way out, but maybe it’s time for us to be honest with your dad. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.”

She’s quiet as she stares out over the water. “I don’t want to say a word to him until I have a little more faith in you and me.”

“Does that mean you’ll give this a try with me?” There’s way too much hope in my desperate voice, but I can’t help it.

She glances over at me before her eyes return to the water, and I’m trying to be patient, but nerves tackle my spine. “I’m not sure how I stayed away as long as I did,” she admits, and my face breaks out into a grin as I jump to my feet.

My heart feels full as I hold out a hand to lift her up with me, and she settles into my chest before I can kiss her.

“I’m scared, Asher. I’m scared you’re going to leave again after you get me to fall even harder for you. I’m scared I won’t be able to pick up the pieces next time.”

I press a kiss to the top of her head, basking in the coconut smell that feels like home. “I know what it’s like to be with you, and I know what it’s like to be without you. I never want to put myself through that pain again.”

She draws in a deep breath before she pulls back, and I stare down into the face of the woman I love.

I haven’t said the words to her because I wasn’t sure or because I was scared or any one of a million other reasons, but I’m going to say exactly what I feel right now.

“I love you, Desiree Dixon.”

The words feel unfamiliar and scary coming off my tongue. I’ve never said them before to a woman.

She tips her head back to look up at me, and I see the fire back in her eyes. She doesn’t say it back, instead opting to show me by pressing her lips to mine, and my senses kick to life between the scent of her coconut and the feel of her lips back on mine, right where they belong.

This feels good.

It feels right.

And it also feels like something is missing.

I get that she’s skittish after I left, but I can’t help the feeling clawing at me that she didn’t say it back.

I try to chalk it up to her being scared, but I intend to prove to her that she has nothing to fear.

To that end, I make some tea for her, and she settles into bed with a book after I tell her I need to make a call. I head back out to the balcony as a mix of emotions plows into me.

I pull up my dad’s contact and stare at it as I realize that the baby inside her stomach might be standing on a balcony someday pulling up a contact labeled Dad , but that child will be calling me .

It’s a heady realization as I stand out here on the balcony by myself, and it pulses this strange new feeling of protectiveness and possessiveness over the woman inside carrying that child.

I realize too, for maybe the first time in my life, that maybe I need to cut my dad a little slack. He’s done the best he could with us, presumably, and I’m not always very forgiving of him. None of us are.

Little do I know that he’s about to prove once again why that’s the case.