Chapter 26

CHAPTER26

“Jacob? Jacob!”

Jacob could hear his name being shouted as he scrambled to sit up straight. His ankle was hurting at this unnatural angle, but he struggled to find a comfortable position. Sore and bruised, he pushed himself up against a nearby rock, looking around at his strange position.

When he’d fallen from that sheer drop, with his hands lashing out in front of him, he’d scarcely managed to cling briefly onto a branch that had swung him away from the worst of the drop. Landing in an awkward position on his ankle, he found it was now impossible to walk.

At least I am alive.

He peered past the nearest rock, looking down to the bottom of the drop.

It could have been much worse.

The thought that his death might have happened much sooner than he had ever anticipated had him scrambling away from the drop. He used one of the rocks to lever himself to stand, putting his full weight on his good ankle.

“Jacob!” a voice shouted for him again.

In his effort to turn his head around to find that voice, Jacob lost his footing. He slipped on the wet leaves and tumbled further down the hill again, crying out at the pain of his injured ankle as he fell still against a tree.

“What are you doing?”

“Emily?” Jacob raised his head, pushing away the damp leaves as he registered it was her calling his name. She appeared a few seconds later on a nearby path, looking out at him from her saddle. Her eyes widened and her jaw slackened at the sight of him. “It’s not as bad as it looks—”

“Not bad!?” she spluttered, jumping down from the saddle and leaving the horse behind, hurrying toward him. “What on earth happened to you?”

“The horse was struggling. He tripped and then pushed me toward…” He gestured to the sheer drop nearby as he moved to his knees, eager to try and stand again.

“Goodness.” She took hold of his elbow and helped him to stand. “What is it? Your ankle?”

“Yes.” He attempted to put his weight on it, then abandoned the idea, leaning back against the tree, and dragging Emily with him. They ended up slumped together against the tree.

“Oh, you fool.” She slapped him in the middle of the chest.

“Ow, more pain. Yes, just what I need at this moment.”

“Sit.” She pointed to a rock nearby.

“Emily—”

“Sit.”

He didn’t dare argue with her again. He moved to the rock and stretched out his aching leg.

“How did you avoid that drop?” Emily murmured, gazing downwards then dropping to her knees in front of him.

“With difficulty.” He grimaced and sat forward, resting an elbow on his good leg. “I thought I…” he exhaled sharply, the breath leaving him in a rush.

Emily’s hand came up and rested on his forearm.

“Death is not so near,” she whispered.

“You should have seen it from where I was. It bloody well looked near enough.”

“But you survived to tell the tale.” She bent down, and Jacob did his best not to think of her position kneeling in front of him. Any other time it would have conjured pleasant imaginings, but at this moment, he had other things to think of.

She reached for his injured ankle and raised it.

“What are you doing?” he asked, her fingers on his ankle surprisingly firm.

“Checking for broken bones.” She pushed his boot back and forth, then lowered his foot back down again. “No. Perhaps sprained, but you would have sworn at me or said something ill indeed if it was broken.”

“I believe you.” He sighed heavily and leaned forward once more. He said nothing for a minute, just gathering himself as he realized how near he had come to drop down that sheer cliff.

“Jacob?” Emily’s voice was soft as she raised herself on her knees, moving closer to him still.

“Yes?” He grew distracted, staring at her because of her proximity. Her golden hair was wild about her ears after her ride.

“You had me worried.” She tapped him on the arm in a reprimanding tone once more.

“Turns out, you had a reason to be worried.”

“Jacob! This is not helping. We need to get you to a doctor.”

“I daresay I shall survive this.” A sudden levity overtook him as he looked down at his ankle and he chuckled. There was something in the relief, the knowledge that only his ankle was injured made everything so much easier to think about.

“Good. Because I need you alive long enough so that I can talk to you about something.”

“What is that?” Jacob lifted his chin, staring at Emily as she moved closer to him still, kneeling between his legs. He should have pushed her away, but he had no wish to. He just wanted her to be near her.

If I hadn’t grasped that branch, I might never have had the chance to be near her again.

“Tell me the truth,” she whispered, a surprising firmness in that husky voice of hers. “Why are you avoiding me?”

He lifted his hand and trailed his fingers through the locks that had fallen out of her hair. They were soft to the touch, and he pushed them back from her face, so he could see more of her eyes.

“This isn’t talking so much as touching,” she said after a minute of gazing up at him. He smiled a little, glad that she could reach for that levity too at a time like this.

“Forgive me,” he murmured. “A few minutes ago, I thought I might not have had the chance to touch you again.”

“You didn’t seem to mind such a thing before now.” She frowned deeply. “As if all of this meant nothing to you.” She leaned forward sharply, her lips coming up to meet his.

He was so struck by the touch, that Jacob returned the kiss. His hand buried itself in her hair, angling her to him so he could deepen that kiss. He didn’t care where they were, nor did he care about the pain in his ankle. He just wanted that kiss.

I’m still alive, I’m still here. Emily is still here.

He parted from her and rested his forehead against hers, panting to catch his breath.

“I have thought these last couple of weeks you have despised me, but you cannot despise me when you kiss me like that, surely?”

“I could never hate you,” he whispered, moving his hand in her hair so it trailed down her neck. He toyed with the loose locks there, brushing the back of his neck with her fingers. “I’ve been trying to protect you.”

“Protect me? Oh yes, perfectly logical,” she said, her voice thick with sarcasm, leaning back from him so that his hand fell between them. “What kind of man avoids me at every opportunity if he is going to protect me?”

“Emily?”

“Yes, that’s completely logical, is it not? All your curt comments, all your disappearances. That is protecting me, is it?”

“Emily? Can I get a word in edgeways please?” he said with a smile growing on his lips.

“I wish you would! I’ve been waiting for you to speak for weeks now.” She thrust her hands into his chest, begging him to say more.

There was anger in her, and Jacob supposed he should be angry too, so they’d have another one of their arguments, but he wasn’t. He was too overawed. Slowly, he placed his hands on her shoulders, pleading with her to be calm.

“I was trying to save you from future pain.”

“Future pain? What does that mean?”

“I mean… Emily, if I had fallen down that cliff, what would you have thought?” He jerked his head toward it.

Her eyes snapped between him and the drop repeatedly, her lips parting, then closing once more.

“You are a fool.” She abruptly moved toward him, her head burying itself in his chest. On impulse, he raised his hands, wrapping his arms around her and holding her to him. “This has something to do with your father, does it not?”

He stiffened, his hands going still on her back.

“How did you know that?” he whispered.

Lifting her head enough so he could look at her, she tilted her body back, but he didn’t release her. Now he had his arms around her again, he didn’t want to let go.

“Your mother showed me your father’s portrait in the long gallery this morning. She said he died when he was just thirty-five.”

“Yes, he did.” Jacob looked down between them, feeling a muscle twitching in his jaw.

“What killed him?”

“His heart. They had no idea anything was wrong with him. Then one day, it just… happened.” The image flashed in his mind of his father clutching his chest, but he pushed it away, determined not to be greeted by that memory now. “I am so like him.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I am him. In every way I am like him,” Jacob declared with sudden feeling, shifting on the rock so he could lean further toward Emily. “My mother made it plain from a young age how alike we were. What if it was to happen all over again? What if like him, I was to…” he trailed off, raising a hand over his face and trying to hide from the madness of it all.

“What if, eh? Well, what if you’re not that like him,” she pointed out. The very plain way she said the words urged him to look up from the cover of his hands. “You cannot know what will happen come next sunrise, can you? No one can predict the future. Are you seriously telling me that you are going to live in fear of the fact that in five years’ time, you could follow your father?”

“It is possible that it will happen.”

“What if it does?” she shrugged. “Would you want to have lived your life in fear of that moment? Unhappy, isolated? Good lord, this is why you have pushed me away, is it not?” She stood between his legs, reaching for his shoulders and shaking him a little.

“Trying to shake some sense into me?”

“Yes!” she said with vigor. “You did not want me close, why? Because you feared what I would think when I lost you?”

“Emily, please listen to me.” He rested his hands on her waist, drawing her closer to him so that her body was practically pressed against his, with her head above his. “I saw the grief my mother went through. She had a breakdown, and to this day suffers strange habits because of it. You think I wanted to put you through that?”

“That is why you talked of marrying for convenience.” She grimaced, not looking at him but somewhere further into the trees.

“Exactly. Better my wife did not care for me at all, than for this to exist between us.” He splayed his fingers across her waist, making it plain exactly what he did feel. When her breath stuttered and she looked back at him, he knew she had felt that same rushing sensation. “I didn’t want you hurt as my mother was hurt, Emily.”

“So, you decided to hurt me now? That seems idiotic!”

“Well, I never pretended to be the cleverest of men, but even you must admit that it is wiser to have the smaller pain now than the greater in five years’ time.”

“I shall have to repeatedly call you a fool for saying such things.” She shook his shoulders once more. “Do you not see the truth of this, Jacob? Trying to stop me from forming too great an attachment to you is ridiculous when I am already in love with you.”

Hearing the words made him gasp aloud. His hands tightened around her waist further still. When he said nothing, but just continued to stare up into her eyes, she looked away, her bottom lip trembling briefly before she bit it to stop it.

“I hardly care if you do not have the capacity to feel the same way. It is how I feel, and I need you to know it.”

“Emily, please, look at me—”

“No, I cannot bear it.” She refused staunchly, staring into the woods. “I do not want to hear you deny me now.”

“Good, because that was not what I was going to say.” He pulled on her waist once more, desperate to capture her gaze. When she turned her face toward him but closed her eyes, he reached up toward her, knowing one thing would catch her attention more than any other.

Pressing his lips to hers, he indulged in a kiss. This one was slow, a mere press of chaste lips together, but he maintained it for as long as he could, waiting until he felt Emily soften in his arms. Her hands grew gentle on his shoulders, no longer clinging tight.

“I love you too,” he whispered, pulling back from her just an inch. Her eyes shot open wide in surprise.

“You do?” she muttered; her voice so quiet he had to strain to hear it.

“Why else do you think I am trying to protect you so much.”

“Enough of this.” She shook her head. “Do you not understand, Jacob? The pain of not being with you at all would be far greater than losing you someday. I’m willing to take that risk, that gamble, just to be with you now. So would you please, I beg of you, stop being such a fool and running from me all the time?”

He smiled, finding he couldn’t resist her at that moment. He shifted his hold on her so that his arms wrapped tightly around her.

“As you wish,” he murmured, pulling her down toward him.

“You mean it? You’ll stop withdrawing and hiding away all the time?”

“I promise,” he whispered, angling his head toward her as he longed for another one of those kisses. “I love you, Emily. Do me a favor and tell me you love me too. I wish to hear it again.”

“You’re already arrogant enough,” she said, the trace of a smile appearing on her lips.

“Indulge me,” he pleaded.

“Yes, I love you, you arrogant fool—”

He cut her off before she could say anymore and pressed his lips to hers, wrapping his arms so strongly around her that she couldn’t escape him, but neither did she make a move to pull back. Jacob had no idea how long they sat there together on that rock, with Emily practically curling into his lap, but the moment was perfect.

He had never known such happiness, such release from fear.

He wasn’t sure if he felt free because of that near brush with death and the realization that he didn’t want to waste a day, or if it was just to have Emily in his arms again. Either way, he didn’t intend to squander this opportunity to start things again with Emily.