12. Declan

Chapter 12

Declan

I f Ayla and I hadn’t met yet, today would’ve been the day she would have come over and killed me. The lawn mower was louder than it’s ever been. I’d managed to finish the whole yard before it died on me. Now, there was a cloud of smoke surrounding my house. I sat down on the front porch so the mower could air out before putting it into the garage.

Through the smoke, I could see Linda strolling down my driveway with a plate of something in one hand while the other waved away the plumes of gray.

“Are you trying to make me fat?” I shouted.

Linda squinted through the smoke and beamed when she saw me. “Ah, there you are,” she laughed. She waved her free hand more dramatically in the air. “Couldn’t see you through all of this.”

I stood and met her in the driveway. She held out a plate that was filled with lemon bars and I took them.

“There’s nothing wrong with putting a little meat on your bones,” she said, patting my arm. “My George didn’t have the muscles you have. I tried to fatten him up, but he was always on the go. The man could never sit still.”

Chuckling, I pulled back the plastic wrap and grabbed a lemon bar. It melted in my mouth. “These are amazing, Linda. Thank you for making them for me.”

She reached up and pinched my cheek. “You’re welcome, darling. I haven’t figured out what I’m making you next week. It’s either going to be a coconut cake or triple stuffed brownies.”

My stomach growled just thinking about it. “I love me some coconut cake. My grandmother was hands down the best at making them. I have her recipe in a drawer in my kitchen, but I’m not a baker. My expertise is the grill.”

Linda smiled. “That sounds like my George. I was the baker; he was the grill master.” She turned her focus to the lawn mower, which still had a stream of smoke seeping out of it. Looks like you have no choice but to get that heap fixed.”

With a heavy sigh, I nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m probably just going to buy a new one.”

“That’ll make Ayla happy,” she teased, looking over at Ayla’s house. “How are things with you two?”

I wiped the sweat off my brow with my shirt. “Good,” I answered happily. “We’re going on a date tomorrow. She said she’s making me take her to the fanciest restaurant in town.”

Linda tilted her head back and laughed. “That would be Cynthia’s. I love the crab cakes there. My husband and I would go for our anniversary every year.” She averted her gaze to the ground and a sad smile spread across her face as if she was remembering those times.

“If you ever want to go there, I’d be happy to take you,” I offered.

Her head snapped up, eyes wide. “You would do that?”

“Of course.” I held up the plate of lemon bars. “I need to pay you back for all the goodies you’ve given me. Plus, I like talking to you. We can even invite Ayla if you want.”

Linda snorted. “I don’t think so. If she has her own date nights with you, I’m going to want my own. Feel free to tell her I said that, too.”

We both laughed.

“Don’t worry, I will,” I promised her.

Linda said her goodbyes and continued her walk through the neighborhood while I went back to focusing on my yard. Once the mower was put away in the garage, I went inside and grabbed my phone off the kitchen counter.

There was a missed call from my mother.

I sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen bar and stared at her number. The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow, but what I hated more than anything was the tightness in my chest. My own guilt weighed me down to where I could barely breathe. The shame I felt because of the way I treated my parents would suffocate me completely. The problem was that I couldn’t run away forever.

I needed to face this once and for all.

If I kept running, I’d be miserable for the rest of my life. And from my mother’s last voicemail message, I could tell I was the one causing her even more pain by ignoring her calls.

I took in a deep, calming breath and then let it out slowly. It took a few minutes, but I pressed her number, my heart pounding with each ring .

“Declan, honey.” She sucked in a breath and started crying. “I’m so glad you’re calling me.”

Her words ripped right through me.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for . . . everything.”

She broke down even more. “There is nothing to be sorry for. I know you left because of Elijah. Because it was too hard to be in New York after everything that happened.”

“It was my fault,” I said, hearing the anguish in my voice. I didn’t even sound like me.

“No,” my mother snapped. “It wasn’t your fault. I don’t ever want to hear that come out of your mouth again. You and your brother both knew the risks with your jobs.”

Eyes burning, I hung my head. “I should’ve been faster. Elijah would still be here if I were. I let you and dad down.”

“We don’t blame you, Declan. Is that what you think?”

I didn’t want to answer her. However, my silence did it for me.

The sobs that echoed through the phone were my undoing. Hot tears fell down my cheeks as I listened to her weep.

“Your father and I have never blamed you, son. The thought of you thinking that these past few months breaks my heart. Please, sweetheart, you have to believe me. I don’t want to lose you, too. I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” I promised. “From now on, things will be different. The last thing I want to do is hurt you any more than I already have.”

She blew out a shaky breath and I could almost hear the smile in her voice. “I’m sure we can figure out a way to remedy this.”

“What do you have in mind?” I asked, already knowing what she would say.

“I want to see you. I know you’re over a thousand miles away, but maybe your father and I could come visit soon?”

I was right.

“I’d like that,” I replied in all honesty. It’d been a long time since I’d seen my parents. “In fact, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

My mother gasped with excitement. “Seriously? Tell me about her.”

I could feel the tension in my body leave. “Well, for starters, she’s a dentist.”

She laughed. “Oh wow. I didn’t expect that one.”

“Yeah,” I said, laughing with her. “And she’s feisty as hell. I’ve never met anyone like her.” I had no doubt that she and my father would think that, too.

Ayla: I’ll be ready by five if you want to come pick me up. We’re going to Cynthia’s.

Me: I’ll be there.

Linda was right about Cynthia’s.

I stared at the texts and then over at the microwave clock. Of course, the afternoon had to drag on slowly. Luckily, the time had finally come for our date. I grabbed the keys to my Toyota 4-Runner off the hook on the wall and opened the garage. It’d been a while since I’d driven anywhere since you could practically walk everywhere in Magnolia Grove. However, I had a feeling Ayla wouldn’t want to be covered in sweat during our nice dinner.

The 4-Runner roared to life, and I backed out of the driveway into Ayla’s. Before I could get out, she appeared on the front porch in a strapless pink dress, her chocolate-colored hair in waves down her back. The woman was the epitome of beauty, both inside and out .

I hopped out of the car and she beamed.

“You look very handsome tonight,” she announced, raking her gaze down my body.

I couldn’t help but do the same with her, only my thoughts were probably a lot more sordid than hers. There were so many ways I wanted to touch her, but that was the last thing I needed to be thinking about right now.

“And you look amazing,” I said, trying to reel in my thoughts.

I walked around to the passenger side of the car so I could open her door. She paused and kissed me before getting in, her lips tasting like strawberries. I wanted so much more, but I didn’t want to take things there yet. If she was ready for more, I was going to leave it up to her.

Once in the car, we headed to Cynthia’s, which took only two minutes. The restaurant looked like a white cottage with hanging plants and twinkling lights shining from the inside. It reminded me of a quaint bed and breakfast you’d see on the cover of a magazine.

“What do you think?” Ayla asked as I opened the car door for her. She pointed at Cynthia’s and smiled. “It’s cute, isn’t it?”

“It is,” I agreed. “I’ve never been to a place like this in New York. Then again, I didn’t go on many dates or have a reason to go to fancy restaurants.”

She snorted. “You expect me to believe that a good-looking guy like you didn’t have your fair share of women?”

I shrugged. “I worked all the time. My life was a lot more complicated.”

Ayla stepped in front of me and took my hands. “Well, now you’re in Magnolia Grove. Life doesn’t have to be complicated here.”

I pulled her closer and kissed her, loving how it made her smile. “No, it doesn’t. I think I’m beginning to like a slower-paced life.”

She winked. “It has its perks.”

Ayla took my hand and we walked into Cynthia’s, where we were greeted by a young girl named Bailey, who had to be in her early twenties. Of course, Ayla knew her and they caught up while we were taken to a private table in the sunroom that overlooked the lake.

Bailey went over the specials and handed us menus before leaving to give us time to figure out what we wanted.

“Did you call and reserve our table beforehand?” I asked.

Ayla smiled slyly. “Of course. I wanted the best seat in the house. It only costs a couple hundred extra to be seated here.”

Her gaze averted to the menu, but there was no hiding her smile. I could tell she was joking, but it didn’t matter. I would’ve paid the extra two hundred dollars for her.

“Okay,” I said in all seriousness. “I’m fine with that.”

She dropped her menu. “I’m kidding, Declan. I would never do that to you. How horrible do you think I am?”

Chuckling, I shrugged. “Hey, I just figured it was your way of paying me back for canceling our date.”

I didn’t think that about her at all. I just wanted to get her riled up. She had so much fire in her the day she came over to confront me about all the noise I was making in the yard. It was sexy as hell.

Ayla’s lips pursed, but her eyes sparkled mischievously, indicating that she knew I wasn’t serious. “Do you really think I’d do that?” she asked, glaring at me with mock anger.

My grin widened. “No. You’re not the shallow or vindictive type.”

She scoffed. “Oh, I can be vindictive. You’ll see if you get on my bad side.”

I held up my hands. “I don’t plan on it. ”

Bailey came back and took our drink and food orders. Ayla and I both got the filet mignon with a crab cake on top. However, she chose the parmesan mashed potatoes while I opted for the lobster mac. It was going to be a great dinner.

A few minutes later, Bailey dropped off my gin and tonic and Ayla’s glass of red wine. She took a sip and kept her eyes on me the entire time. It was as if I could see the wheels in her head turning.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked.

She set her wine down and bit her lip. “We have a few minutes before our food comes out. Why don’t we play a game?”

I studied her curiously. “What kind of game?”

“It’s a get-to-know-each-other-better game,” she said, resting her elbows on the table and clasping her hands under her chin.

I couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement at the prospect of getting to know her better. I leaned in, intrigued. “I’m all in. How do we play?”

She flashed a mischievous grin before explaining the rules. “We take turns giving each other two different scenarios, and the other person must pick which one they think is true. It’s a good way to see if the other person is perceptive.” She took another sip of her wine. “Oh, and the choices have to be personal. No silly stuff.”

I nodded, a smile tugging at my lips. “Deal. Let’s see how well you think you know me .”

When it came to reading people, I was pretty damn good at it. I had a lot of training in it when I was with the FBI. However, I was a little nervous about revealing personal things about myself since I’d never had to do it before. My relationships were mostly of a physical nature. There were several guys in the Circle of Justice who were married, and their spouses knew they killed people for a living. I had never found someone I could divulge that information to.

Ayla shimmied in her seat with excitement. “Okay, I’ll go first. Which activity would I like the most? Walking on the beach at night or hiking a hidden trail in the mountains?”

She was a woman and I’d seen on TV how they all loved romantic walks on the beach. I could see Ayla liking romantic things, but she also had an adventurous personality. I decided to go with my gut and make the choice I would’ve given for myself.

“Hiking a hidden trail,” I answered.

She clapped her hands, squealing happily. “You’re right. I fell in love with hiking when I lived in North Carolina. Kat and I used to always drive to the Blue Ridge Mountains and hike.”

“I grew up in upstate New York. Hiking was an every weekend occurrence.”

Her smile saddened. “I bet it’s beautiful up there. Do you miss it?”

“It is beautiful,” I replied, “but do I miss it?” I shrugged. “Sometimes. I look forward more to trying new things and being in different places.”

Ayla’s smile brightened. “I like that. Trying new things is fun. I kind of like change.” She waved a hand for me to continue. “Now it’s time for you to give me two scenarios about yourself.”

I could say so many things, but I’d had something on my mind ever since we started seeing each other.

“What do you think I value most in a relationship? Honesty or trust?” I asked, studying Ayla’s expression carefully.

She paused for a moment; her brow furrowed in thought. “I think you value trust the most,” she finally answered, her gaze unwavering. “You’re the kind of person who puts a lot of importance on loyalty and dependability.”

Her response surprised me. I never thought she’d be able to see through me. A warmth spread through my chest, and I was grateful to be around someone who understood me so well.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” I admitted with a smile. “Trust is everything to me. But I do also value loyalty. To me, loyalty encompasses both honesty and trust. It’s the unwavering commitment to stand by each other’s side no matter what challenges may come our way.”

Ayla reached out and placed her hand over mine. “My thoughts exactly. I trust you and I hope you feel the same way about me.”

All I wanted was to tell her everything, to let my secrets be known so there’d be none between us. It was all on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t tell her now . . . not at dinner. I’d have no choice if our relationship ever proceeded to the next level. I wouldn’t be able to keep her in the dark forever. She needed to know who I really was, what I’d done, and what I was capable of.

When our food finally arrived, we went back and forth, asking each other questions. I answered all of hers correctly, and she did the same with mine. Her favorite color was green, she preferred cheeseburgers over salads, she once stole an eraser when she was five, and she loved dancing in the rain. There was so much more I wanted to know about her, and I hoped I’d get the chance to find out.

After we finished dinner, there were no leftovers to take home. As promised, I took Ayla to get a Butterfinger ice cream milkshake, and I got a Snickers one for myself. We walked around the quiet downtown streets of Magnolia Grove while we ate our ice cream, talking and laughing about anything and everything. Being around her filled me with so much warmth and contentment. However, underneath it all was that gnawing fear in the pit of my stomach. I did all I could to ignore it.

Once we were done walking off our milkshakes, I drove Ayla home and walked her to her front door. Her porch light cast a warm glow as we stood there, lingering in the quiet night. Ayla looked up at me with those big green eyes, filled with a mix of emotions that I couldn’t quite decipher. I wanted to reach out, to pull her close and never let go, but something held me back. I wanted to wait for her to make the first move. I didn’t want to assume she wanted me to stay the night.

“Well, I had a great time tonight,” Ayla said softly, a small smile playing on her lips. “Thank you for dinner and the milkshake. ”

“It was my pleasure,” I replied, dying to touch her.

Ayla stepped closer, the space between us nearly nonexistent. I could feel the tension crackling in the air, a silent question hanging between us. And then, without another word, she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. Time seemed to stand still as we kissed, the world fading away around us. In that moment, there was only Ayla and me, our connection growing stronger by the second.

When we finally pulled away, she looked up at me, her eyes searching mine. “Good night,” she murmured, slowly reaching for the door handle. She opened the door and smiled one last time before disappearing behind it.

As I walked back to my car, I could not deny my feelings for her. I wanted Ayla to be mine more than anything I’d wanted in my entire life. Normally, I was a patient man. But with her . . . I didn’t want to be.