Chapter 19

-Alison-

I thought I would feel more tense working with him there, but Jared was adept at entertaining himself without making a sound. He simply found ways to pass the time, using my office as a temporary refuge. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. How would I explain a very attractive man coming and going from my office?

Many in the company knew my marriage wasn't exactly... peachy. They would start to suspect something. This had to be a one-time occurrence. He couldn't make this his go-to spot whenever he didn't want to deal with his sex-craving wife. Didn't Astrid have something better to do? Or had she been reduced to this role?

If that were the case, maybe I understood a little better why she demanded Jared's attention all the time. Just as he was using me as an outlet, she was using him, and the whole cycle continued. The wise philosophers weren't wrong when they warned against the revengeful path—it only bred more resentment and anger.

Perhaps I should become a therapist, I mused, considering Jared and my situation. I would certainly bring some experience regarding trauma and exploitation, having been on both sides.

"Is there really nowhere else you could hide?" I questioned him after about an hour of immersing myself in my work and thoughts.

"Possibly, but she would know to look in all those places," Jared replied.

"Okay, that raises two follow-up questions," I said, and he smiled a little. "One: do you think she would hunt you down? And two: wouldn't she try to come looking here?"

"I wouldn't put it past her to send her cousins after me. We aren't exactly... friends," Jared pointed out.

"How's Noah's ear?" I asked.

"Well, no longer attached to his body, I can promise you that," Jared replied, causing me to shake my head, signaling that I didn't want to hear any more about it because it made me feel quite sick.

"All right, so they would probably take the opportunity to treat you like a captive," I speculated.

"Most certainly."

"But why wouldn't she come looking here? She knows what I have been to you."

"But she also knows our contract has ended," Jared explained.

"Hasn't really kept you away," I pointed out, noticing Jared glance to the side. It seemed like there was something he wasn't telling me, a reason as to why he would come here instead of going somewhere else, like driving around on his bike. Couldn't he just keep driving? Sure, he could have his fun with me here, but I failed to see how this place was any safer.

"Jared?" I called, seeking clarification.

"Yes?" he responded, as if he hadn't heard my question.

"Why is this place safer? Why wouldn't she come looking? Or send her cousins? I'm sure they would love to finish what they started."

"And then I would have to cut off their cocks and feed them to them," he snarled.

I stared at him in surprise. While I was glad Jared had no interest in letting Astrid's cousins finish what they had begun with me, I was surprised Jared would defend me. I wasn't shocked back when he had cut off Noah's ear. I was his plaything at the time, and he didn't enjoy others having a taste.

I believed there might also be something about principle in there, considering who they were related to and what they had helped Astrid do to Jared, but I was no longer Jared's, at least not contractually. He still held power, but I wasn't with him every day.

I knew Jared saw the look on my face, his eyes narrowing. "Don't flatter yourself. I just don't like rapists," he pointed out.

"Oh, really?" I mocked, and he looked confused. "Because I just loved everything you did to me."

"Are you claiming I took you without consent? Forgot what the contract said?" he retorted.

"Ever heard of the law and consent given under pressure?"

"Have you ever heard of the law and not bribing, threatening, and embezzling?" he shot back, reminding me of my own moral gray areas. I wasn't a saint. I could have let him destroy my life, but the truth was I was fishing for something from him, even if it was just his hatred. "Yeah, so don't try to claim that shit with me."

"I'm not. I was just…" I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Jared was nothing like Kyle. Every moment I shared with Jared had been charged with desire, even when he asked me to kneel in front of him in my office.

"Just what? Trying to paint me into something I'm not?" he challenged.

"Trying to hurt you," I admitted.

"Nothing new there," he murmured.

"No, but you never realized why I did what I did."

"Oh?"

"I want to hurt you because you won't say what I want to hear."

"And what is that?"

I stared at him in disbelief that he couldn't connect the dots himself, but there was no reason for me to hold back anymore. Jared knew I had desired him since we were kids, so I could be as honest with him as I wanted.

"'Don't flatter yourself'," I echoed, and he looked at me with confusion. "You make me sound insignificant to you. While I am glad you want to rescue women in vulnerable situations regardless of who they are, it's just nice to know I mattered even a little when Finn was about to shove his cock into me while I was bound and unable to fight back, or when Michael almost made me choke on his dick."

I slammed my computer screen shut in anger, turning away from him and fuming a little. Strangely, being so honest with Jared also felt a bit cleansing. I had never been able to be truthful before, and suddenly I could say whatever the hell I wanted.

"Why would you think you ever mattered to me?" he asked.

I let out a sad laugh before focusing on him, noticing how tensely he sat in his chair. "Yes, why would I, right?"

"Exactly. I will always hate you. You made my life absolute hell, and you expect to matter to me?" he snarled.

"Yes, I do, actually."

"That's ridiculous!"

"I know!" I shouted.

"Then why are we having this conversation?"

"Because I still like you!"

He seemed to lean back a little, stunned, as I openly admitted this time not as a weapon, but because I could.

"I want you, and every time you tell me how little I matter to you, it just makes me… feel… lost."

"Lost?" he echoed.

"Yes, lost, because I know that I can never turn your hatred into something else. It's just hatred and a desire to get back at me," I snarled.

"Good, then since you know that, why do we keep talking about it?" he growled, grabbing the magazine and flipping through it again.

"Oh, does it make you uncomfortable to hear how I like you? Isn't that what you wanted?"

He slowly shifted his eyes to me, appearing annoyed. "I wanted your obsession. That's different."

"No, I don't think it is."

"Fine, I wanted to be the one who made you obsessed, and now I learn it was always there, meaning my plan was fucking a waste of time," he growled. "It brings me no satisfaction that the only reason you touch yourself thinking about me is not because of the torture I put you through, but because of your own."

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry, shall I go back to past Alison and have a conversation with her, telling her to save her obsession for when you come back and want revenge on me?"

"That would be nice," he mocked.

"God," I groaned, shaking my head. "So what if I have always thought about you and touched myself to the thought of you even when I was younger? I'm still obsessed. Any therapist would tell me to get some serious help."

"What?" he asked, lowering the magazine.

"What?" I asked, unsure what he was referring to.

"What did you say about being younger and thinking about me?"

I blinked a little, stunned, then remembered what I had said. "What? Is that weird to hear? You knew I liked you even when we were kids, and then puberty came. You don't think I thought about you?"

"I didn't think that much about it, but now I remember one of our games. When you and I played husband and wife," he murmured, and I thought back, realizing what I had said in our game. I had been more truthful then than I had willingly wanted to admit, and my cheeks flushed a little. "You said you thought about me."

"Yeah, that wasn't a lie," I whispered, glancing down.

"You're absolutely insane," he mocked, throwing the magazine back and letting it slide to me.

"I won't deny it, because with you I can't really lie," I admitted, seeing him lean a little to the side, studying me. "It's freeing, I have to say. Who would have thought being blackmailed could liberate you?"

I chuckled nervously, but really, I felt very exposed, so I tried to make it a bit humorous.

"So you're just going to be truthful with me from now on?" he inquired.

"What do I have to lose?" I whispered, sliding my fingers along the edge of the desk, just to have something to do.

"Then tell me, did you think about me even when I left?"

"Yes."

"Even with your boyfriends?"

"Yes."

"Was there a moment when you didn't think about me?" he questioned, sounding almost furious.

"Most likely when my mother punished me. She was very direct about leaving you alone."

"Hold on," he said, holding up his hands. "Your mother was adamant about you leaving me alone?"

"Of course. I was making trouble, and she didn't think you were worth it."

"But that just made you want to go after me even more."

I sighed, leaning my head back for a moment before focusing on Jared, who was now really pissed.

"I thought you said it wasn't a child throwing a tantrum," he retorted.

"It wasn't!" I snarled. "You weren't just a toy that I wanted because people said I couldn't. A child throws a fit and then moves on. With you, it was…"

"What?"

"I just wanted you!" I exclaimed. "I don't know where it came from, but the moment I saw you, you intrigued me because you were so different. You were everything I wasn't and was never allowed to be. You couldn't even kill ants, and you wouldn't look at me. You had no interest at all, so I decided to make sure I would always be in your path, hoping you would see me at some point."

"Oh, you hoped I would fall for the girl who hurt me?"

"It's not like it doesn't happen…" I murmured. "But really, I just didn't want to stop being part of your life, and I knew if I couldn't hurt you, then I had to leave you alone."

"So you tormented me to make yourself happy?" he asked.

"I know how it sounds…"

"No, I don't think you do!"

"I never knew what your father was doing. Trust me, if I had known it would have stopped. God, I would have driven to that house, and I would have taken you out of there!" I shouted.

"You expect me to believe that?"

"I told you I wanted you to stay in my car. I had such… dark thoughts about taking you with me or at least, not letting you get out right away," I admitted. "And when I saw the others had kidnapped you, I grew furious with them."

"Why?"

"Because… Because I know it sounds crazy, but I wanted to protect you from whatever they could come up with, and make sure everything I did to you was thoroughly planned," I explained.

"Protect me? No, you just don't like when others played with your doggy."

"You are correct about that too," I admitted. "There were many reasons. Why do you think I carved my name into your chest, right by your heart!"

I gestured to where my name was, and Jared glanced down, seeming to realize the meaning of the position now. His head shot up as he put two and two together, and stared at me with slightly widened eyes.

"Oh, that's so sick," he whispered.

I groaned, gazing away. "Yeah, that's me…"

"You literally tried to carve yourself into my heart?"

"Yes."

"Alison, I can't stress enough how much you need help," he mocked me.

"I am considering it, but with a family like mine, I am sure I will be working on myself forever."

He shook his head, looking very disappointed in me, as if he couldn't believe I had such horrible tendencies even as a kid, and I was now willingly admitting it all, but I knew what I had done. I wasn't going to hide anymore, at least not with Jared. He had seen behind the fa?ade so it was a waste of time trying to lie.

"Will it help though, that every time I went after you and the school took actions, my mother would hurt me too?" I inquired, trying to put a band-aid on the past wounds.

"Not really. It's only fair," he snarled.

"I know, but maybe it would just be nice to know that she would make sure to punish me too."

"In hopes that it would make you leave me alone?"

"Yeah."

"Didn't seem to really take."

I sighed, shaking my head. "Not really."

I listened to Jared tapping his finger against the armrest before crossing both arms and looking at me.

"Alison, when I entered this office and made you sign your name on that contract, was there a single part of you that felt any fear?" he asked.

"Of course I was afraid! I was fucking terrified. You had the means to destroy everything I had worked on!" I exclaimed.

"But after signing your name what did you feel?"

"Scared."

"Really?"

"I was scared. I can assure you of that, but if you asked me if I hated sucking your cock, not really," I confessed. "I only tried to tell myself I did because I was still playing a certain role. But I didn't exactly feel disgusted."

"Jesus, it truly was all for nothing…" he whispered, shaking his head.

"Then why are you here?" I inquired.

"I told you needed a place to hide."

"Then go somewhere else!" I shouted.

"Kicking me out again?"

"No, but if you don't want to hear how I like what you do to me because I will gladly take your revenge sex if that is what I can have from you, then go. Go!"

I pointed to the door, feeling frustrated with Jared. His mouth said one thing, but he was still sitting in that chair in front of me. Clearly, this conversation wasn't making him happy, so why did he insist on continuing it?

He seemed to consider it, but then he checked the watch on his phone, unsure if he should leave yet.

"Jared, if you think your plan was for nothing, and that you haven't actually destroyed me in the manner you hoped, why do you insist on being here?" I pressed.

"I don't insist on it, but it's a choice between two bad things," he said, holding up his hands and tilting them back and forth like weight bowls. "And you make me feel less disgust than Astrid. Besides, I can't get you pregnant so that's a relief."

"Oh, I see. Still not excited about being a dad?"

"Not really…" he confessed.

"Then don't! Please don't make another Jared and Alison."

"I wouldn't hurt the kid."

"It's not about hurting them intentionally. You and I know very well what it's like being hurt unintentionally and the damage it can cause. My dad never hit me, but you don't really see us having deep conversations, right?"

He turned quiet, but then nodded a little.

"If you don't want to be a dad, then don't!" I exclaimed.

"It's not that easy, and you know that, Alison," he snapped. "I have a responsibility. With these types of people family comes first, and that means also making one."

"So you have heirs and all of that shit. It's not the 1800s," I snarled.

"No, but that doesn't matter, and you know it."

I sighed, shaking my head, but I began noticing something. He was deflecting because he still hadn't fully answered my question. At least not yet.

"Jared, I'm going to ask for a third time now: Why. Are. You. Here?"